Mortgage Paid, Partner Wants Rent

LegacyUser

I've been seeing a guy for about 18months now.

He recently asked me to move in.

He lives alone and has his own house.

I agreed as it would help me save some money and we were at that stage where it felt right.

I guessed he still had a mortgage so said I would help out and he said I could throw him €400 a month. We agreed splitting bills too.

I've found out this week that he has no mortgage. It's all paid off. This didn't come from him but someone close to him.

Is this normal? I'm not looking for a free ride but should I be paying him what will feel like rent?

I'm happy where I am now and not paying a whole lot more but this would be next stage in our relationship and feels right in every other way.

I don't want to bring it up as I guess I found out from snooping a little.

Just your opinions please..

Sarn

It does seem a bit odd to me. I would expect someone to contribute to the upkeep of the place and to cover bills, which is what you are doing. But not rent where this no mortgage. I wouldn't expect to make a profit off my partner.

He might be under the misconception that if you pay rent then you will not accrue rights to his property through cohabiting. I forget the period of time after which this occurs.

Emme

Don't say anything to him about it and don't tell other people your plans. You say it's the next stage in you relationship and it feels right. Do you see yourself having children with this man in the future and possibly getting engaged or married?

He would have worked hard to pay off the mortgage on his house. It wouldn't be fair to expect not to contribute even if he has it paid off. Even if he has the mortgage paid off a house costs money to maintain. He may also wish to save for an engagement ring for you or save the money for expenses like a family.

If you don't plan going the distance with him don't move in. If you do then make a fair contribution and don't say anything to him about him owning the house outright unless he tells you.

batmanrobin

It's a bit odd that he'd have you paying what essentially amounts to rent. Usually people would only pay money like that if there was a mortgage or actual rent to be paid. If I were in your shoes, I would raise it with him. I'd just find it too bizarre!! You're splitting the bills which would also include any upkeep of the property, so him asking for €400 seems strange.

It's bothering you enough to post about it online, so maybe just have a chat with him.

Hannibal_Smith

If you see a future with this guy, I would definitely talk to him about it. This is something that will.niggle.away at you and has the danger of being blurted out in a row.

Tell him exactly who told you what and talk to him about what you both expect from each other.

njs030

It's common to sit down and discuss bills before moving in together so that's the perfect time to ask him how much the mortgage is, if he lies about it you'll have to decide how you feel about his honesty in taking money from you for his own pocket.

When you say snooping what did you do or what was said? Is there any possibility someone has paid off the mortgage for him to avoid interest and he's repaying them? Unlikely but it's a thought!

Ubbquittious

He could be one of those proper stingy guys. Watch out for the tell-tale signs

• Grades restaurants by the size of the serving relative to price
• Uses elaborate tricks to get freebies and upgrades from utility companies
• Goes through some length to avoid drinking in pubs or tries to skip his round
• Talks a lot about miles per gallon of cars, hybrids and electric cars
• Complains regularly to shops and tradesmen in order to get freebies
• Picks up coppers off the ground (I am guilty of this one myself:))
• Doesn't want to go on many trips away (they cost money)
• Regularly refers to things as "a money racket" (I'm guilty of this too)
• Makes a song and a dance about leaving the lights / heating on unnecessarily

Mention a car to him that isnt mad expensive second-hand but also not particularly efficient - Land Rover Defender, Mazda RX-8, Subaru Forester, or anything really with a 2.0 litre petrol engine or bigger and see what he thinks of it. Find one on donedeal and threaten to buy it

This won't work if he's a petrol head, in that case you'll have to suggest spending a weekend in an expensive hotel for at least 200 a night. Make sure it's senselessly expensive as in there's a hostel and a BnB across the road for 1/10 the price and gauge the reaction

K_P

I'm sorry OP but that's setting off major alarm bells for me. He's making money off you. Fine if you're a lodger, not if you're supposed to be partners. He's had his house bought for him or mortgage paid off by, I assume, parents. So he's in an incredibly lucky and privileged place and rather than have his partner enjoy and be part of his good fortune, he's attempting to profit even further from the situation. It's mean, grasping, horrible behaviour.

What would happen if your relationship progresses and you get married? Would you still be contributing to this fake mortgage?

You need to get this out in the open now. If you discovered this through snooping I get why it might be hard to broach. But you have to, or else it'll eat away at you.

Turtle_

Just say you want a proper talk about finances before moving in. Suggest opening a joint "household" bank account. Ask how much mortgage, electric, gas, internet, tv, bins and everything else usually are so that you can figure out how much each of you should pay into the account per month, and then pay the expenses from that.

amtc

I think you need a discussion as to whether it is still going to be 'his house'. If so it really doesn't matter what his financial arrangements are, if not and it is an 'our house' situation then it does.

You need to have a chat. It doesn't matter how you found out.

mikeecho

Until such time that you are engaged, I think you should pay something.

He has to protect his interests.

No-one is forcing you to stay in the house., if you're not happy, move back out and pay rent a landlord

bp

He may have got a second loan to do stuff to his house or your source could be talking through their ar*e. I would fudge my finances to friends all the time!

I don't see the problem with paying rent personally. He may have been considering a lodger who would pay rent or other debts. Also I am not sure where you are based but houses in Dublin are renting for over 2k a month so €400 isn't bad.

Living together can make or break relationships so maybe the rent thing is a way of protecting himself that if you break up he feels that you are being kicked out of your home but rented accommodation.

Another consideration is his family/ friend/ financial adviser encouraged him to charge rent.

I would agree with whomever said discuss his mortgage repayments. You cannot honestly know if he has no mortgage without see statements

Lady is a tramp

Did he lead you to believe that he had a mortgage? That would be my issue, rather than the fact that you're paying him X amount to stay there.

My view would be that moving in together makes you a "household" rather than two people living in a houseshare. And therefore, really, you should both be open and honest with each other about your financial circumstances. Not being open with you about whether or not he has a mortgage is a fairly major omission.

I'd be curious about where that €400 a month is going. And I do think you've a right to know - he's your partner, not your landlord. Is he saving it for some future wedding, or is it going to pay off gambling debts?!

In your position, my approach would be to suggest sitting down together and making out a joint budget for all income and expenses. If he outright lies that he has a mortgage that costs whatever amount per month ... major alarm bells. If he doesn't, then in my opinion, any excess you're paying him (above bills and upkeep of the house) should go into a joint savings account, with the understanding (and written agreement) that you both pay the same amount into this account, and it's split evenly if you ever break up.

It's not right that he's profiting from having the woman he loves living with him. It shouldn't be costing him financially either, it's more than right that you pay your way, but I'd be totally uncomfortable with the way things are right now.

Tell me how

Why would anyone leave money on the ground.

I know it's "only" a copper but it's what Euro's are made of.

P.S. Expecting them to contribute is fine but hopefully the OP is not being seen as a source of income.

Big Bag of Chips

Yeah, I think talking to him is your best option. Chinese whispers isn't the way to go. If you're not comfortable as a couple discussing this type of thing then maybe moving in together isn't a great idea, at this stage.

Supercell

Sounds like he is afraid that if you live rent free with him and subsequently breakup then you might try to claim ownership of half the houses value, by paying rent he can claim it was a strictly business relationship. Until you two decide to tie the knot it seems like a reasonable thing to do , if thats the reason.

seamus

Look, some people are just insanely tight with money. Family friend of mine moved his girlfriend in and had her pay rent, provided a rentbook and receipts and everything up until they got engaged.

Nice guy, just thirty as all hell, will spend six solid hours scouring various booking sites to save himself twenty quid on a flight.

Likewise here I wouldn't see the payment as a problem. Houses require upkeep, mortgage or not, it's only right that someone living there would contribute.

The only issue is whether you were led to believe this was assistance with a non-existent mortgage.

notsoyoungwan

K_P wrote: »

I'm sorry OP but that's setting off major alarm bells for me. He's making money off you. Fine if you're a lodger, not if you're supposed to be partners. He's had his house bought for him or mortgage paid off by, I assume, parents. So he's in an incredibly lucky and privileged place and rather than have his partner enjoy and be part of his good fortune, he's attempting to profit even further from the situation. It's mean, grasping, horrible behaviour.

Eh? You've no idea how he got to be mortgage-free. It could be from his parents, as you suggest, but equally it could be down to hard work, financial caution and sacrifice on his part. Why should he then give a free ride to someone he's only known for 18 months. And given the OPs post, I think he'd be right to be cautious, as saving money is the first reason she gave for agreeing to move in with him, followed by it getting to that stage anyway. Not "I was delighted he asked me as I am madly in love with him and see my future with him, plus it'd save me some money" .

And it's funny how the op can openly say she wants to save money by moving in with him but the fact that he wants to have a financial gain from the arrangement is seen as reprehensible by some.

mikeybrennan

Hannibal_Smith wrote: »

If you see a future with this guy, I would definitely talk to him about it. This is something that will.niggle.away at you and has the danger of being blurted out in a row.

Tell him exactly who told you what and talk to him about what you both expect from each other.

I wouldn't say who said it

Never a good idea

CeilingFly

How do you know he's mortgage free? People will say all sorts and in many cases its all false.

In any case, its a fair payment. You may have said "to help with mortgage" he probably just accepted that as the easiest reason and also maybe didn't want you to base the relationship on free loading or the fact that he's reasonably well off.

SimpleDimples

There appears to be a lot of communication & trust issues in your relationship.

You didn't discuss the situation fully at the outset.
You assume he had no mortgage.
You discovered he doesn't by snooping.
You appear have been happy to benefit financially from your living arrangements.
Yet you have any issue with him going the same.
You are basing a lot of your concerns on assumptions and have not botheted to fine out the facts.

You both need to discuss the situation to understand both of your positions. It's not a good sign if you guys can't have an open and honest discussion about this.

K_P

notsoyoungwan wrote: »

Eh? You've no idea how he got to be mortgage-free. It could be from his parents, as you suggest, but equally it could be down to hard work, financial caution and sacrifice on his part.

I think we took different meanings from this quote from the OP:

Mug82 wrote: »

I've found out this week that he has no mortgage. It's all paid off. This didn't come from him but someone close to him.

I read "this didn't come from him" as the money to be mortgage free didn't come from him. But I agree it's more likely to be that the information came from someone close to him.

I still feel that if he wants to financially gain from his position then he should take in a lodger. His gf isn't looking for "a free ride" and is willing to contribute to the house and to bills but to lie to her and make out there's a mortgage when there isn't is, yes, reprehensible.

OP, when you said you got the information from snooping I assumed you saw his bank statements or something and it'd be hard to own up to looking through such personal things. If you found out because someone told you then it's easier to raise this with him in my opinion. And you have to talk to him about it. It sets things up on a very bad footing for you going forward as this new phase of your relationship will be built on a lie.

Halfprice

Im a male and i cant believe some of the answers i see. Why should u have to pay rent? Because your not married? I think he's taken the biscuit here. So if u get married what will he do cut your rent in half. Fair enough paying bills, up keep of house etc... but rent. Seriously.

sReq | uTeK

Halfprice wrote: »

Im a male and i cant believe some of the answers i see. Why should u have to pay rent? Because your not married? I think he's taken the biscuit here. So if u get married what will he do cut your rent in half. Fair enough paying bills, up keep of house etc... but rent. Seriously.

I'm a male and I can't believe some of the naive posts on here.

Let's look at Scenario A: he may well own a house with a significant sum of money in today's world.

His girlfriend's initial reason for moving in was to SAVE money not to spend the rest of the life and marry this man.

You realise that after a period of rent this women who he has known for 18 months could well be entitled to half of the house that this man could have worked every second to pay off. WHY would he even put himself in that position.

It doesn't seem the op is calling him cheap, to be honest it seems like a very smart thing to do in my opinion

Buffman

From the homeowners point of view, it's a case of damned if they do and damned if they don't here. If they request 'rent', they're called 'stingy', and if they offered free accommodation they'd be accused of being 'controlling' and wanting a 'kept woman/man'.

Mug82 wrote: »

I don't want to bring it up as I guess I found out from snooping a little.

Just your opinions please..

Ye, it's completely unacceptable that one partner is snooping on the others finances without even asking them about it. It would be a major 'gold digger' red flag for me and would raise serious concerns about the relationship.

K_P

Buffman wrote: »

From the homeowners point of view, it's a case of damned if they do and damned if they don't here. If they request 'rent', they're called 'stingy', and if they offered free accommodation they'd be accused of being 'controlling' and wanting a 'kept woman/man'.

Literally no one has said the boyfriend would be controlling by not charging rent.

Lots of people are saying that he's doing this so the OP can't claim half the house if they break up down the line. That's a valid concern but the way to address that is by communicating like adults, being honest and agreeing the financial parameters of the relationship, not lying to your girlfriend and treating her like a lodger.

dori_dormer

I honestly think you have to protect yourself in these situations. Even if its true and the mortgage is paid off, i think you should be paying rent and splitting bills 50/50. Would 400 seem like half the rent of a similar property in the area? Is he giving you a goods deal? On the flip side I would not expect you to be contributing to anything like paint ot new oven etc. It's to keep you financially separate so you don't have a claim on the property he likely put a lot of money into.
Myself and my now husband did the same when he moved into my place. It's just prudent. After we got married everything was half his anyway so things changed but it's got nothing to do with love etc. Sounds like you just want a free ride

Yourself isit

sReq | uTeK wrote: »

I'm a male and I can't believe some of the naive posts on here.

Let's look at Scenario A: he may well own a house with a significant sum of money in today's world.

His girlfriend's initial reason for moving in was to SAVE money not to spend the rest of the life and marry this man.

You realise that after a period of rent this women who he has known for 18 months could well be entitled to half of the house that this man could have worked every second to pay off. WHY would he even put himself in that position.

It doesn't seem the op is calling him cheap, to be honest it seems like a very smart thing to do in my opinion

He asked her to move in. And it takes 5 years in the absence of children to get a claim. (I doubt if paying rent matters).

As for whether he inherited or paid it off, in general I'd assume the poster in a relationship thread was between 20-40 and that's not much time to pay off a mortgage without help.

Depends where you are in the country I suppose .

Buffman

K_P wrote: »

Literally no one has said the boyfriend would be controlling by not charging rent.

Literally not in this thread. It was a generalisation. A perusal of other similar threads would indicate that this would be the view of some people.

Big Bag of Chips

Yourself isit wrote: »

it takes 5 years in the absence of children to get a claim. (I doubt if paying rent matters).

Of course it matters! Paying rent is classed as a business arrangement rather than a personal contribution to the household. If you pay rent you have no entitlement to any claim to the house. Ever. If so wouldn't a huge portion of renters be applying to court for their stake in the houses they've been renting for a period?

OP, all you can do is talk to him. It's not really clear whether the word 'mortgage' was even mentioned. You said you "assumed" he had a mortgage and you offered to contribute to the house.

What do you think should be happening? Should you be living rent free? Should you only pay half of the bills? If you didn't move in with him how much rent would you be paying elsewhere? Why not speak to him, the person you are considering living with?!

woodchuck

OP firstly you don't know if this information you obtained about his mortgage being paid off is even correct. You need to have a frank conversation about finances before you move in. Ask him directly how much the monthly expenses for the house currently are; bills, mortgage, the lot. This is perfectly reasonable information to get as you need to get your own finances sorted before the move.

If he tells you his mortgage is x amount per month, then you need to closely considering who is lying to you - him or the third party.

For what it's worth, if his mortgage is paid off, I don't think he should charge you rent (and you should just split bills etc). If he's living alone currently, it seems absolutely money grabbing that he would charge you rent. It might be different if he would otherwise be renting out a room if you weren't moving in though (i.e. he's "down" money by asking you to move in) but it doesn't sound like the case here.

Dial Hard

Big Bag of Chips wrote:

Of course it matters! Paying rent is classed as a business arrangement rather than a personal contribution to the household. If you pay rent you have no entitlement to any claim to the house. Ever. If so wouldn't a huge portion of renters be applying to court for their stake in the houses they've been renting for a period?

I'm pretty sure that's incorrect. There's a huge difference between a tenant-landlord relationship and a cohabiting couple, regardless of whether or not "rent" is paid. If, in five years time, the OP and her boyfriend break up, the fact that she paid him "rent" would have absolutely no bearing on any of her rights under the Cohabitation Bill.

However...

That's a separate issue to what's *actually* at play here, imo. They need to have a very frank and honest conversation about finances in general and about the house specifically before they even think any further about moving in together.

Sarn

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

Of course it matters! Paying rent is classed as a business arrangement rather than a personal contribution to the household. If you pay rent you have no entitlement to any claim to the house. Ever. If so wouldn't a huge portion of renters be applying to court for their stake in the houses they've been renting for a period?

Paying rent does not prevent a claim to the house unless both sides have received legal advice and have a contract waiving rights to the cohabitation scheme. For example, if she ended up pregnant by him while living together, the fact that they would have a child together would indicate a relationship and simply paying rent would not remove rights under the scheme.

I don't think any renter would consider that they would have a stake in a house when they are not in a committed relationship with their LL.

Big Bag of Chips

Dial Hard wrote: »

If, in five years time, the OP and her boyfriend break up, the fact that she paid him "rent" would have absolutely no bearing on any of her rights under the Cohabitation Bill.

Rights to the house isn't automatic though. And if she looked for a claim to the house she would have to prove that she contributed to the mortgage or the purchase price of the house. Or to the maintenance and upkeep of the house with a view to having a claim to a portion of the house, and not as a gift to the owner.

All that aside, they really need to sit down and talk to each other about where they see the relationship going and what the plans are for future finances.

amtc

Like I stated before it depends if it's seen as his house or their house. Personally it sounds as if it's convenient rather than moving towards permanent. In that case he's well entitled to ask for rent. If it's as a prelude to marriage not so. I have a neighbour whose mortgage was paid off due to both his parents unfortunately passing away, but his girlfriend paid rent until they got engaged.

threetrees

I'd be far more concerned that after 18 months he hasn't been open enough to tell you he owns his house and that he didn't correct you when you said you'd contribute to the mortgage. A person who seeks rent in a settled longish term relationship on a house that is mortgage free? Alarm bells not wedding bells are ringing.

K_P

K_P wrote: »

He's had his house bought for him or mortgage paid off by, I assume, parents.

There is no age mentioned in the OP - they could both be pensioners for all we know.

Hannibal_Smith

mikeybrennan wrote: »

I wouldn't say who said it

Never a good idea

I'm going on the premise of an open and Frank conversation. I hear you have no mortgage repayments, are you being honest with me? But I can't tell you who told me that. Is a bit double standard.

Lu Tze

For those saying she shouldn't be paying rent if there is no mortgage, if a large repair become apparent 2 months down the line (roof works etc.) And she isn't paying rent, should she be contributing half the repair cost as her contribution towards upkeep?

Mug82

Mug82 wrote: »

I guessed he still had a mortgage so said I would help out and he said I could throw him €400 a month. We agreed splitting bills too. I've found out this week that he has no mortgage.

threetrees wrote: »

I'd be far more concerned that after 18 months he hasn't been open enough to tell you he owns his house and that he didn't correct you when you said you'd contribute to the mortgage. A person who seeks rent in a settled longish term relationship on a house that is mortgage free?

The word rent never came into their conversation according to the OP, he didn't seek anything, the OP offered "to contribute" and he said she could "throw in" €400 a month. Maybe she's contributing to a sinking fund for the house or maybe he's just assuming she would be more comfortable contributing!

And MAYBE the information the OP got from "snooping" is incorrect.

Mug82 wrote: »

I'm happy where I am now and not paying a whole lot more but this would be next stage in our relationship and feels right in every other way.

OP, just talk to him. I do understand that that conversation about finances can be difficult but people should not move in together without having it. If you truly believe that your partner is the kind of person to try to make money off you then, presumably, you wouldn't be moving in with him.

skallywag

I don't think that this is as clear cut as some are making out, best illustrated by way of a real life example.

I have a friend (just turned 40) who recently cleared his mortgage, he had quite a wedge of savings and also came into a lump of money through redundancy, but was lucky enough to move to a new job immediately. Imagine a hypothetical case that he now moves his partner into the house within the near future. On the one hand it could be argued that his partner should not pay a 'rent' etc as there is no outstanding mortgage on the property. On the other hand, if he had not decided to pay it off, and had kept what amounted ca 200K in his savings account, then it could then be equally argued that he would be fully entitled to ask his partner to contribute to the mortgage.

Dixie Chick

18 months is a long time to be with someone and not know if they have a mortgage on their house or not isnt it? I mean, would these things not come up in conversation?


OP, whatever the case may be, do not get into a living situation with someone where you do not know all the facts etc. He indeed has every right to protect his asset but if that is his MO with the rental situation and ye are a strong couple then he should tell you this.

I think ti would be strange for him to make money from the situation, if that is his aim then I would be running.

LegacyUser

skallywag wrote: »

I don't think that this is as clear cut as some are making out, best illustrated by way of a real life example.

I have a friend (just turned 40) who recently cleared his mortgage, he had quite a wedge of savings and also came into a lump of money through redundancy, but was lucky enough to move to a new job immediately. Imagine a hypothetical case that he now moves his partner into the house within the near future. On the one hand it could be argued that his partner should not pay a 'rent' etc as there is no outstanding mortgage on the property. On the other hand, if he had not decided to pay it off, and had kept what amounted ca 200K in his savings account, then it could then be equally argued that he would be fully entitled to ask his partner to contribute to the mortgage.

I think this is a very good point, if the bf cleared the mortgage from his savings for example or from a gift or inheritance then the op is benefiting from his savings/gift/inheritance while saving far more herself due to paying nothing. If he left the money in an account there would be no question of paying rent but if the savings are tied up in the property people appear to think it should be rent free. Rent is the wrong term anyway, a contribution to upkeep etc would be a better term.

Another way of looking at it is if a 5k repair bill was to arise would the op be happy to pay half or would they say it's "not my house" so why should I pay half. If its the latter they should certainly be contributing monthly.

notsoyoungwan

Dixie Chick wrote: »

I think ti would be strange for him to make money from the situation, if that is his aim then I would be running.

Do you think he should be running because the op wants to make money from the situation? That's the very first reason she gave for agreeing to move in with him.

jimmycrackcorm

batmanrobin wrote:

You're splitting the bills which would also include any upkeep of the property, so him asking for €400 seems strange.

As another poster pointed out, should there be a significant repair, would the op shell out half?

Ubbquittious wrote:

He could be one of those proper stingy guys. Watch out for the tell-tale signs Grades

I think it's pretty stingy for the op to question that they should not pay for accommodation and expect to get it free.

Dixie Chick wrote:

18 months is a long time to be with someone and not know if they have a mortgage on their house or not isnt it? I mean, would these things not come up in conversation?

They could break up tomorrow so I don't know if they should be so privy to everything.

SarahMollie

This subject is something I've looked into extensively, as myslef and my OH live in a property that I own (although with a mortgage).

There are a lot of misconceptions being thrown around on this thread.

1. Without children, you have to live together for 5 years before a party can make a claim against their (ex) partners property.
2. Being able to make a claim, doesn't mean that said claim is automatically granted.
3. Where this notion that a claim is automatically 50% comes from, I have no idea. It would be based on the contributions made by the various parties during the time spent living together. Contributions don't have to be rent, it can spend on any aspect of a couples lifestyle. If the person who doesnt own the property doesnt pay rent, but instead pays for all holidays, that is a contribution to a lifestyle that both parties have enjoyed and can be seen as a contribution. Arguement being that the owner of the house, even if they paid the mortgage etc, was enjoying a better lifestyle due to having two incomes in the house.
4. Charging rent and then declaring it a business relationship, does not shield the person who owns the property.
5. What the parties brought into the relationship at the beginning is relevant.
6. Case law in this area is limited, as the legislation has only been on the books for a few years, so nothing is really certain, specific scenarios are yet to be teased out.
7. A court would also look at both parties assets, so if the person who didnt own the home had accrued significant savings because they hadnt been paying rent/paying a lower rent than they would have on their own, then the home owner has a counter claim against that amount of money.

FWIW OP, this is how myself and himself worked it out.

- My mortgage payments x12
- Management fees
- Various Insurance premiums

I totaled this amount and divided it by 2. Thats what he pays me every month, and then I pay all of the above. I was really transparent with him about how I arrived at that number. He was happy as it was a good bit less than he'd previously been paying in rent, and it meant we both got to keep a similar amount in disposable income. We also both contribute to upkeep etc.

Obviously I've invested more into it than him, deposit etc but I wouldn't feel right about charging him more to recoup money that I'd already decided to spend myself. I'm happy that our day to day expenses are basically even.

Dee01

Living with someone is very different from just going out with them. There are a large number of relationships that don't survive the moving in part.

While you're seeing if this is going to work out by moving to the next step, why should the b/f who has worked hard to buy and pay off a mortgage let the op move in rent free after a short 18 months.

The house is his and any expense that comes with it is his i.e. home insurance, property tax, broken heating, washing machine, new paint, kitchen repair..... the list goes on. Splitting utilities and shopping is standard and op would still be paying more rent if she was anywhere else. IMO it's win win - b/f has money should something go wrong with the house and Op can save.

If engagements/marriage/kids etc. come down the line, things will be different and it's all the same money at that stage so no matter what is "paid in" it becomes joint i.e. marriage costs/kid costs/schools/new windows/moving etc.

Should you break up, op has paid small rent for a period of time which will hopefully mean they have stash themselves.If it was a randomor he'd charge a lot more (depending on where it is). For now, this is the only right thing to do as far as I'm concerned.

SarahMollie

Dee01 wrote: »

Living with someone is very different from just going out with them. There are a large number of relationships that don't survive the moving in part.

While you're seeing if this is going to work out by moving to the next step, why should the b/f who has worked hard to buy and pay off a mortgage let the op move in rent free after a short 18 months.

The house is his and any expense that comes with it is his i.e. home insurance, property tax, broken heating, washing machine, new paint, kitchen repair..... the list goes on. Splitting utilities and shopping is standard and op would still be paying more rent if she was anywhere else. IMO it's win win - b/f has money should something go wrong with the house and Op can save.

If engagements/marriage/kids etc. come down the line, things will be different and it's all the same money at that stage so no matter what is "paid in" it becomes joint i.e. marriage costs/kid costs/schools/new windows/moving etc.

Should you break up, op has paid small rent for a period of time which will hopefully mean they have stash themselves.If it was a randomor he'd charge a lot more (depending on where it is). For now, this is the only right thing to do as far as I'm concerned.

I totally agree that she should absolutely contribute but there seems to be a lack of transparency in the OP's scenario.

Perhaps a suggestion would be that her "rent" is ring-fenced to pay for something for both of them or an improvement to the house down the line if it all works out.

If they break up, then she's essentially paid (a favorable) rent and if it goes the distance, then the money could be put to some joint purpose.

DavyD_83

It sounds like it is very possible that he has other loans or expenses that this money may be going towards.
I think in reality, most people have a certain amount of on-going debts and costs to cover. If (he needs to confirm) he has paid off his mortgage, he may have done so by limiting his other costs or having car or other loans.

It does seem a little unfair, that the OP should slot into this life with no accommodation costs, when he may still be compensating for his previous spends etc.
How this is managed, and what is reasonable/fair; is purely up to an individual couple to decide.

One thing I have learned from these type of threads on Boards, is that loads of people have completely different views on money, and money in couples, marriages and families than I do.
For those saying, after 18 months, surely you'd know his mortgage details; there are married couples of many years out there who would not know these things .
I've heard of people who would still not know what their spouse earns. Only that they both contribute an agreed amount to the household and the rest is their own (however big or small that may be on each side).

Dixie Chick

notsoyoungwan wrote: »

Do you think he should be running because the op wants to make money from the situation? That's the very first reason she gave for agreeing to move in with him.

I did not look at it that way. I looked at it in that there were two people in a couple paying a rent/mortgage who could have both saved by moving in together. Then later the fact that there was no mortgage came to be known.

Lots of couples move in for financial reasons. It isn't exactly romantic but when people are together a decent bit of time, I think it makes sense from a financial point of view as well as a relationship progression one to move in.

I don't think the OP was trying to make money, more save money by moving in.

Lux23

I think I would have easier time with this story if when the OP offered €400 he said no, I think €200 would be enough. But the fact he accepted that amount straight off seems strange. You could pay all the utilities/taxes with that so he is essentially getting the OP to pay all his bills.