Anxiety about job

Recliner

I'm going to keep this as brief as I can. I'm suffering very badly from anxiety at the minute. It's being compounded by my working situation where TBH I feel as if I'm being bullied. I'm older than the people that I work with and over the past few months it's like 2 of them in particular have made it their mission to belittle me to the point where I'm becoming physically sick at the thought of going to work. I came home from work on Friday and cried for a solid 30 mins.
One of the people involved suffers also from anxiety and depression so I can't understand why they've targeted me.
If the group are having a conversation and I try to join in I'm mocked for what I've said. They'll make comments about my working ability in front of superiors but with a jokey vibe so it seems like they're not serious but it's always me,never anyone else.
Another example would be saying that we've been told to do a certain thing to try to get me to do it and then if I do, they laugh and say they only wanted to fool me.
I'm absolutely in a knot at the thought of going to work tomorrow,so badly that I'm considering going to my doctor and getting a cert.
I've tried to speak to them before but they just brush me off by saying I'm too sensitive. Which I am, but if I know someone is a sensitive person I wouldn't do anything to deliberately upset them.
I don't even know what I'm looking for here. Reading it back it doesn't seem like much but I don't want to be too specific. I just needed to put it down somewhere.
For the first year that I worked with them it was the happiest I'd been at work but since one of the 2 people joined the group it's becoming unbearable for me.
I feel broken..I feel like they set out to bring me down and they've won..

zoobizoo

That sounds awful.

That type of behaviour would upset and annoy most people.

And people who say "you're too sensitive" are those exact people who twist the screws.

Don't agree to do what they ask you to do... just say "nah lads, not after last time" (I am assuming that they're male)

Is there a manager you can confide in or a HR dept?

Recliner

zoobizoo wrote: »

That sounds awful.

That type of behaviour would upset and annoy most people.

And people who say "you're too sensitive" are those exact people who twist the screws.

Don't agree to do what they ask you to do... just say "nah lads, not after last time" (I am assuming that they're male)

Is there a manager you can confide in or a HR dept?

The 2 people in particular are male. But the instance where they tried to fool me into doing something was instigated by a female who TBH knows how I feel because I've confided in her. I thought I could trust her and now I feel I can't. My manager is a lovely person but doesn't like to hear of any issues.
There is a HR dept but if I went to them, I don't have any proof. And they would all back up each other. That's happened before when they would side with each other over me even when they knew I was in the right.
Honestly it feels like they despise me, and they've no reason to. I'm a nice decent person, I work hard. I'll help anyone who needs it. I even help them because I feel in some pathetic way that that might make them accept me and be a bit kinder.
I've cried so much this weekend because it just feels like I'm at breaking point.

Turtle_

Recliner wrote: »

My manager is a lovely person but doesn't like to hear of any issues.

Tough. Your manager has issues to deal with. Go sick. Get a cert for a week. And tell your manager exactly why you've gone sick. Their job is to manage people. If they're a nice person, then him them the opportunity to do their job.

zoobizoo

Recliner wrote: »

I even help them because I feel in some pathetic way that that might make them accept me and be a bit kinder.

Well stop doing that for a start... never seems to work with people like that and will be seen as a sign of weakness.


As for the manager, they obviously don't like conflict so you may have to try to resolve it yourself.

Is there a way to ignore them?

Recliner

Turtle_ wrote: »

Tough. Your manager has issues to deal with. Go sick. Get a cert for a week. And tell your manager exactly why you've gone sick. Their job is to manage people. If they're a nice person, then him them the opportunity to do their job.

I agree with what your saying and it's exactly the advice I'd give someone in my situation.
But I'm so sick with worry over it that if I say anything to him and it's escalated then as I've said they'll back each other up and I may as well have signed my death warrant.
And I'm aware that that sounds very dramatic but anyone reading who has dealt with anxiety will know what I mean.
I hadn't told my husband any of this until Friday evening when I broke down. He's livid needless to say. He works in a totally different environment where he would just tell the persons involved to f**k off and that would be that.
Honestly I know all the right things to do, but I'm so afraid of even going into work that I can't even sleep.
Like I said I just wanted to write things down because other than my husband is don't have anyone else to talk to..I'm not a very confident person and I don't have friends.

Thanks for your reply..

bee06

Get the very from the doctor and start looking for a new job immediately. Life's too short to be so completely miserable somewhere you spend so much of your life.

Recliner

zoobizoo wrote: »

Well stop doing that for a start... never seems to work with people like that and will be seen as a sign of weakness.


As for the manager, they obviously don't like conflict so you may have to try to resolve it yourself.

Is there a way to ignore them?

Unfortunately I can't ignore them. I've tried to before but they started saying I was rude and ignorant.
Sometimes when I've been upset over something I would start crying and even that wouldn't stop them.
I don't know if this is how most young people are these days. I know they're a lot more confident than I was at their age but I've never experienced this before.

My manager runs a mile from conflict. He's very supportive is lots of ways but I can't imagine he'd be much use here.

We do have an occupational health section but I don't know if I go to them can it be left unofficial or if they will need to report possible cases of bullying.
And that's the thing, I don't even know if I am being bullied. Maybe my anxiety is clouding everything for me.

Recliner

bee06 wrote: »

Get the very from the doctor and start looking for a new job immediately. Life's too short to be so completely miserable somewhere you spend so much of your life.

I'm reluctant to go sick, I won't get paid for sick leave and what I'd get from DSP wouldn't be enough. My husband is in a low paying job and we need both our wages to survive. It would definitely be a last resort.
I'd hate to have to start job hunting again. That alone fills me with dread. But I have a feeling that the next few days will settle things one way or another.

bee06

Recliner wrote: »

I'm reluctant to go sick, I won't get paid for sick leave and what I'd get from DSP wouldn't be enough. My husband is in a low paying job and we need both our wages to survive. It would definitely be a last resort.
I'd hate to have to start job hunting again. That alone fills me with dread. But I have a feeling that the next few days will settle things one way or another.

You have to do something. If you aren't going to try and get a new job, if you aren't going to push management in it then you need to stand up for yourself.

zoobizoo

Do you work for a big company? What type of environment - office based, retail?

What ages are they?

I would advise having a quiet word with your manager - as in not an official complaint but to make them aware that the lads are making the working environment uncomfortable for you due to comments and behaviours. It will make him aware of it. Or is he already aware of that?

Another day

I could have written your opening post. It is truly soul destroying. I am on a contract and notified them that I was actively seeking other work as in the final 2 months. The put downs have escalated. I cannot afford to just leave. It is killing me to go in there tomorrow. I have no back up at home, a widow, and have to suck it up til something else comes along.

I wish I had advice for you. All I can say is I feel your pain....

Recliner

zoobizoo wrote: »

Do you work for a big company? What type of environment - office based, retail?

What ages are they?

I would advise having a quiet word with your manager - as in not an official complaint but to make them aware that the lads are making the working environment uncomfortable for you due to comments and behaviours. It will make him aware of it. Or is he already aware of that?

I don't want to say too much about the working environment for fear of recognition. There's over 20 yrs between me and some of them and less with others.
My manager is definitely not aware, in fact he would consider one of the main 2 to be something of a golden boy.
My husband wants me to speak to my manager first thing tomorrow and tell him everything and make him deal with it,but it's a lot easier for someone else to say that, even when you know it's the right thing to do.

Recliner

Another day wrote: »

I could have written your opening post. It is truly soul destroying. I am on a contract and notified them that I was actively seeking other work as in the final 2 months. The put downs have escalated. I cannot afford to just leave. It is killing me to go in there tomorrow. I have no back up at home, a widow, and have to suck it up til something else comes along.

I wish I had advice for you. All I can say is I feel your pain....

Thank you, and I hope things work out for you.

zoobizoo

Recliner wrote: »

I don't want to say too much about the working environment for fear of recognition. There's over 20 yrs between me and some of them and less with others.
My manager is definitely not aware, in fact he would consider one of the main 2 to be something of a golden boy.
My husband wants me to speak to my manager first thing tomorrow and tell him everything and make him deal with it,but it's a lot easier for someone else to say that, even when you know it's the right thing to do.

I would agree with your husband.

First person to speak to is your manager.

At least make them aware. It needs to be dealt with.

If the two lads are made aware of the upset their actions are causing another staff member, it should put a swift end to it.

Most businesses have procedures in place to deal with this type of thing.

Calypso Realm

Recliner-What your 'colleagues' are doing is appalling. What you describe IS actually bullying. Just Google Workplace Bullying and you'll see what I mean. You simply can't go on like this. I would keep a log of all these incidents. In fact it would be best to write all down to date under the headings Date, Incident, How it Made you Feel, Any Witnesses etc To an outsider reading this it will be obvious what's going on. If you're a member of a union, I'd contact them immediately.

You do need to record the effect this is having on your mental wellbeing so, as others have stated, you do need to visit the doctor and get signed off with work-related stress. If necessary the doctor can write to your employer, explaining the situation. Employers have a duty of care towards their employees and are duty bound to investigate these situations and prevent these situations from escalating to a point where an employee's mental health is being affected ie causing actual harm. Providing evidence ie a medical certificate should spur them into action as otherwise risk of you having/ taking a case against them, as the 'harm' is forseeable ie they were made aware of it.

You simply can't go on like this. The longer you suffer in silence the worse it will get.

Recliner

Just a short update. This week seemed to be quite bearable. I confided in someone and I think they may have had a quiet word as things seemed to be different. I don't have the same dread going in tomorrow as I did last week.

I also spoke to someone who would know one of the main 2 quite well and they gave me some interesting insights into this individuals personality.

I'm not fully convinced that everything has changed but it's definitely a different atmosphere.

I'm going to take it day by day and see how things go.

Thanks for all the comments and advice..

pilly

I wish you the best of luck Recliner and hope things are still improving.

From what you say about your anxiety and crying though, have you considered talking to your doctor also?

If you're suffering from clinical depression it may be making things worse and more difficult to deal with.