Morning Horrors

sootie

Hi yiz

almost 7 months off the dreaded drink now. So despite all the good things like waking up hangover free Ive developed this annoying thing recently.

In the mornings I'm having awful thoughts. like I remember all the bad things in life. Its like when I'm asleep my brain switches off and when I wake up they flood in, I'm thinking of who ever said what to me. What is my life, who owes me a tenner, why I don't like her boyfriend.... all negative stuff. It winds me up really, like I'm in the shower getting angrier and angrier about whatever thought crosses my mind. In about 10- 20 minutes Ive basically lost my temper ....all in my own head. I'm having rows with people in my head.

Ive tried thinking of other things, music, thinking nice things lol but this is making having a hangover seem attractive !!

me_irl

Well done... you're human. :pac:

But seriously though, these sound like normal "shower thoughts" (winning imaginary fights, worrying about past embarrassments, etc).

The best thing to realise is that these are events and things that are completely out of your control so there's no point in worrying about them.

This is going to sound a bit "new agey", but sometimes breathing exercises work. Instead of focusing on the thoughts you start focusing on the feeling of the breath and just let the thoughts "pass like clouds" so not to give them weight.

It might be a good idea to go about Pavlovian conditioning. Make a new morning routine that you enjoy doing and therefore look forward to waking up. Exercise, audiobook, making breakfast, reading another chapter of that book.

sootie

Thanks hahah. I like your morning suggestion... at the minute I'm falling out of bed, fighting with everyone in my head, realise I'm a nutter, go to work lol

I'm hating on everyone recently. It might just be 'part of it' but I feel everyone is such a disappointment ! maybe I'm on my high horse or something but I'm like, you're not even drinking and you're a d*ckhead. Like, why cant people be on time, would they not just reply to my message ?

maybe I was just so hard on myself for drinking all the time I forgot other people are a**holes too.

aabarnes1

sootie wrote: »

Hi yiz

almost 7 months off the dreaded drink now. So despite all the good things like waking up hangover free Ive developed this annoying thing recently.

In the mornings I'm having awful thoughts. like I remember all the bad things in life. Its like when I'm asleep my brain switches off and when I wake up they flood in, I'm thinking of who ever said what to me. What is my life, who owes me a tenner, why I don't like her boyfriend.... all negative stuff. It winds me up really, like I'm in the shower getting angrier and angrier about whatever thought crosses my mind. In about 10- 20 minutes Ive basically lost my temper ....all in my own head. I'm having rows with people in my head.

Ive tried thinking of other things, music, thinking nice things lol but this is making having a hangover seem attractive !!

I know exactly where you are coming from.

I went through this process myself, a couple of times. A councillor friend of mine got me to write stuff out in a list.
First column was all the people/places/things I had a resentment against, or disliked or hated for whatever reason, going back as far as I could remember.
Second column was the cause, like why am I angry, why do I dislike them etc etc.
Third column was what part of me or myself was affected by this, was it my pride, my self esteem, was it financial, was it a sexual failing etc
The fourth column was what part did I play in the situation, was I to blame in any way, did I encourage the person to behave in a certain way towards me by my actions.

If you do this for a few days and do it honestly, you will find that most of these annoying things will disappear before your eyes and most others will dissipate very shortly afterwards. If you find that a couple of the 'issues' keep showing up all the time, then you have to look at the common denominator- YOU, and have a look at your own thinking around the situation. If you are still struggling, try asking God as you understand Him, for help. As far as I am aware, I never heard of him refusing anyone.
I also found meditation for about 6 or 7 minutes helped too.

sootie

Thanks. I'll try anything. its such a negative way to start the day

aabarnes1

sootie wrote: »

Thanks. I'll try anything. its such a negative way to start the day

Good man.

Just stopping drinking was not enough for me, I had to change my way of thinking and my general attitude towards everything and every one. Like you I was angry at every c8nt. I had 10 rows before I opened the front door.

Hope it works out for you

sootie

Thanks. Maybe I'm trying so hard that Ive lost all patience with everyone. Like I'm going through THIS, so if you could just bring in your effin wheelie bin out of the way of my driveway, I might be able to get along with my life.

I think my fear is the negative thoughts are happening TO me... the second I wake up, every wrong turn comes flooding into my brain. I obviously control them then and breath, tell myself this and that but Id like to be able to stop them overwhelming me all at once, first thing in the morning.... its too much lol

Amazingfun

aabarnes, a "councillor" told you ?

Strange, since I found the exact same process located in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, published in 1939!
It's called Step 4, indicating there are 3 steps to take before one embarks upon this one.....

http://silkworth.net/bb/howitworks.html

Therefore, we started upon a personal inventory. This was Step Four.
A business which takes no regular inventory usually goes broke.

Taking commercial inventory is a fact-finding and a fact-facing process.
It is an effort to discover the truth about the stock-in-trade.
One object is to disclose damaged or unsalable goods, to get rid of them promptly and without regret. If the owner of the business is to be successful, he cannot fool himself about values.

We did exactly the same thing with our lives. We took stock honestly.
First, we searched out the flaws in our make-up which caused our failure. Being convinced that self, manifested in various ways, was what had defeated us, we considered its common manifestations.

Resentment is the “number one” offender. It destroys more alcoholics than anything else. From it stem all forms of spiritual disease, for we have been not only mentally and physically ill, we have been spiritually sick.

When the spiritual malady is overcome, we straighten out mentally and physically. In dealing with resentments, we set them on paper. We listed people, institutions or principle with who we were angry.
We asked ourselves why we were angry. In most cases it was found that our self-esteem, our pocketbooks, our ambitions, our personal relationships
(including sex) were hurt or threatened. So we were sore. We were “burned up.”

On our grudge list we set opposite each name our injuries. Was it our self-esteem, our security, our ambitions, our personal, or sex relations, which had been interfered with?

We were usually as definite as this example:

I'm resentful at:
The Cause:
Affects my:

Hope anyone interested in the 12 steps gives some thought to starting with the first one

Plenty of help online, or at AA meetings. This one is one example:

Best of luck Sootie, I engaged in this process over 15 years ago now, and I am still sober and free :-)

A.

aabarnes1

Amazingfun wrote: »

aabarnes, a "councillor" told you ?

Strange, since I found the exact same process located in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, published in 1939!
It's called Step 4, indicating there are 3 steps to take before one embarks upon this one.....

http://silkworth.net/bb/howitworks.html




Hope anyone interested in the 12 steps gives some thought to starting with the first one

Plenty of help online, or at AA meetings. This one is one example:

Best of luck Sootie, I engaged in this process over 15 years ago now, and I am still sober and free :-)

A.

So you have him diagnosed as an alcoholic then?

I worded my response accordingly, mindful not to imply that he either is or isn't an alcoholic, or needs the big book.

It is not for you to say whether he is or isn't or whether he needs the steps of AA to recover. That is his choice.
My post reported on my experience, not yours.
If you have an issue with the content of my post, then PM me, don't confuse a potential newcomer.

The full program and fellowship of AA maybe misunderstood by this poor person if it is viewed on you tube.
I don't know any AA's who have recovered using you tube.
Be careful how you respond, 15 years might bee good quantity, but it clearly lacks quality.

sootie

oh no doubt about the alcoholic fact. no issue there. trying to deal with it but everything is getting on my nerves that's all. Ive been trying to order a new bank card to my new address for over a month now and they cant seem to be able to issue it without putting me through to 10 different departments and now its lost. my health insurance needs paying and even if I walk in at this stage with a bag of money to them it will take 7 days to hit my policy pushing me over the deadline .... my last words to the bank call centre was to go F themselves and they rightly hung up. I don't remember anything being this hard when I was drunk ! ive been on to two call centres all afternoon and id usually go home and sink into a gin and tonic. lads.....THIS IS HARD !

sootie

its like everything is hard now. before I was just a drunk. and that was my problem. now everything I do and say and think and feel is getting me in trouble ! my father used to drink and I remember my ma saying at least when he was drinking there was a bit of peace as he was a demon off it. that's it... I'm a demon off the drink ! ive turned into my father ...I can add that to my list of things argggghhhhhhhhhhhhhh :eek:

sootie

aabarnes1 wrote: »

Good man.

Just stopping drinking was not enough for me, I had to change my way of thinking and my general attitude towards everything and every one. Like you I was angry at every c8nt. I had 10 rows before I opened the front door.

Hope it works out for you

what did you do, how did you change? I want to kill everyone :eek:

sootie

sootie wrote: »

what did you do, how did you change? I want to kill everyone :eek:

the girl who makes my sambo at work wipes the knife in her apron..... one of these days...:D:D:D:D

Amazingfun

sootie wrote: »

what did you do, how did you change? I want to kill everyone :eek:

not uncommon for many alkies I know.

Ever hear the line "restless, irritable, discontent" ?
That's how most of us feel........ sober, and is why many keep trying the ole drinking game again. It's a vicious circle.

I encourage you to give the AA talks online a listen, you might be surprised at how informative and even hilarious some can be. Unlike barnes, I know plenty who recovered this way, myself included.
Thank God for the Internet!

Also, depending on where you live, there are AA meetings every day pretty much.: http://www.alcoholicsanonymous.ie/Information-on-AA/Find-a-Meeting

Here's one many of us like a lot, you can see what you think anyhow, lots more around as well. Keep an Open Mind, keep searching, and enjoy the journey :-)

lufties

sootie wrote: »

Hi yiz

almost 7 months off the dreaded drink now. So despite all the good things like waking up hangover free Ive developed this annoying thing recently.

In the mornings I'm having awful thoughts. like I remember all the bad things in life. Its like when I'm asleep my brain switches off and when I wake up they flood in, I'm thinking of who ever said what to me. What is my life, who owes me a tenner, why I don't like her boyfriend.... all negative stuff. It winds me up really, like I'm in the shower getting angrier and angrier about whatever thought crosses my mind. In about 10- 20 minutes Ive basically lost my temper ....all in my own head. I'm having rows with people in my head.

Ive tried thinking of other things, music, thinking nice things lol but this is making having a hangover seem attractive !!

i've been getting the exact same thing, I'd feel fine at night, but wake up with a morning fear or worry..its a **** way to start the day, its really only developed since i stopped drinking a few months ago.

Amazingfun

Again, this isn't uncommon. Every sober alkie I know has this, we even have a name for it : "the committee" lol.

One AA I like asked "do you ever have those mornings where it seems your head has got up before you have and the committee is already in session"?

This is why most of us eventually embrace a spiritual path of some sort. Upon awakening, we do a bit of meditation, maybe some readings of whatever, before we start our day. ( Step 11).

You aren't alone lufties and sootie, loads of others have the same challenges, and have found a way of life that really works in dealing with them.

Food for thought anyhow.....because ANYTHING is better than risking climbing back into a damn bottle, that's for sure.

tinpib

I rarely visit the other threads on this forum, so just spotted this now, but this is [or certainly was] me. Bloody hell, I kinda thought it was just me too.

However in the last week overall I've been in great form. But if they return, which I'm sure they will, I'll revisit this and try it out.

aabarnes1

sootie wrote: »

what did you do, how did you change? I want to kill everyone :eek:

I can only tell you about my own experience and the wonderful honest help I was given in AA.
I had stopped drinking for the 54teenth time!
I was going to regular meeting and listening to people ****e on about their daily problems, all very boring constant and repetitive. I wasn't practising the steps or doing any of the action talked about in the big book. I knew the drill, soon enough I would drink again, and it would be worse that the last time. In more trouble, in more debt, physically suffering, feeling guilty, depressed and sick, but worst of all I was spiritually bankrupt in the end. I fought with every one and against every thing, it was all me me me. The world owed me a living and had better shape up to my way of thinking!

I had had enough and I asked an elder member to bring me through the big book and the program of AA. He agreed, and started to bring me to Big Book meetings, which are a world apart from your average ' dump your baggage and go' meetings. They talk about what happened, what it's like now and of course the solution. After all 'there is a solution' to this problem. It's not on line though. It's called the fellowship and program of AA.
Slowly but surely as I went through the steps, I got relief from the bondage of obsession and of anger. Not overnight!. I believe that today I am recovered from that hopeless state of mind and body that I once endured.
However, I am never cured of alcoholism, just have a daily reprieve contingent on me maintaining a fit spiritual condition. Emphasise spiritual, not religious.
So in a nutshell, when I was finally and fully beaten, and conceded as much to my innermost self, I was ready to take certain steps. By sharing my experience, strength and hope with that of another alcoholic, face to face, 1 on 1 and sharing in a general way in the meetings, the path to recovery was shown to me.
That same recovery is available to you my friend, the only requirement is willingness.

aabarnes1

sootie wrote: »

the girl who makes my sambo at work wipes the knife in her apron..... one of these days...:D:D:D:D

Point it out, quietly why this upsets you and I bet she wont repeat it.
If she does, stab her. ( only kiddn).

sootie

aabarnes1 wrote: »

Point it out, quietly why this upsets you and I bet she wont repeat it.
If she does, stab her. ( only kiddn).

you're right.... I'm practicing saying early what annoys me rather than being polite and then exploding hahahah have you seen me, myself and Irene when jim carey is the nice guy and bit by bit he swallows his temper then one day....BAM !

worded

Interesting thread

How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb ?

1

But the bulb has got to want to change

sootie

worded wrote: »

Interesting thread

How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb ?

1

But the bulb has got to want to change

the bulb could get sick of lighting and just blow.

Turquoise Hexagon Sun

Practice mindfulness. When your mind wanders and goes down a path that you consider negative you can claim the moment and decide for yourself, it's not what you want.

the_syco

sootie wrote: »

I'm hating on everyone recently.

Feel the hate. Let it engross you. And then pump iron. You'd be surprised how better you'll feel afterwards. Getting into the routine of the exercise before work will help you goto work with a better outlook.