Advice on social isolation

LegacyUser

Need a bit of advice.

Going through a bit of a rough patch. Lost a friend and not coping very well with the death. I have been seeing my counsellor. My anxiety is ridiculously high at the moment though - really bad physical symptoms of it - palpitations, dizzy spells, vision difficulties, headaches, can't sleep... Appetite gone. I went to my GP for help/advice and she said to just keep talking to the counsellor and that what I was feeling/experiencing was normal with grief. It took a lot of effort to go and tell her that I was struggling with anxiety and I felt like I was being fobbed off.

But I don't want to see the counsellor. I don't want to talk to people. I don't even want to see people. I barely want to get out of bed. I do get up, and I do come to work and I do pass myself socially, but I am withdrawing from everything and everyone.

I tried to reach out to my friends to talk, but nobody really listened. I haven't contacted them in a few weeks and they haven't checked to see if I'm okay either. I know I could just pick up the phone, but I don't want to.

I'm due to see the counsellor next week but I want to cancel. I just don't have anything to say! I'm not in a dark place - my mood is okay-ish (I'm not a risk to my safety or the safety of others). I just don't want to see anyone or talk to anyone.

I reached out to a friend last week and he was amazing. He really was. But I felt suffocated and told him that I feel better, so he stopped asking me how I am. It feels like I can't reach out to him again because he won't trust me to tell the truth if he discovers I lied to him.

So I'm stuck. I can't talk to friends/family. I don't want to talk to counsellor. GP said it's normal to feel this way. I just don't know where to turn! I emailed the Samaritans but I didn't get any real benefit from it.

Would appreciate any advice on what I could do next, bar upping my life and moving to the outback.

zoobizoo

Go see your counsellor and bring a print out of your post.

Whispered

Tell your counsellor how you're feeling firstly. I know you say your mood is fine but isolating yourselve to the extent you want isn't a good idea.

Now, in saying that I think it's important to give yourself what you need right now. If that's isolation then so be it. But manage it. Don't just withdraw and expect to feel better. I'd suggest listing things you like to do alone and make an effort to do them, but outside of those activities be social.

I can get very overwhelmed when I need some time alone. I get irritated, easily upset and anxious. Proper time alone for me involves getting away from my phone, tv and getting out of the house. It really helps me to reset and I go back to my life happily afterwards.

I think you should tell your friend what you said here too. They're obviously a good friend and care for you so accept that and make the most of it.

LegacyUser

Whispered wrote: »

Tell your counsellor how you're feeling firstly. I know you say your mood is fine but isolating yourselve to the extent you want isn't a good idea.

Now, in saying that I think it's important to give yourself what you need right now. If that's isolation then so be it. But manage it. Don't just withdraw and expect to feel better. I'd suggest listing things you like to do alone and make an effort to do them, but outside of those activities be social.

I can get very overwhelmed when I need some time alone. I get irritated, easily upset and anxious. Proper time alone for me involves getting away from my phone, tv and getting out of the house. It really helps me to reset and I go back to my life happily afterwards.

I think you should tell your friend what you said here too. They're obviously a good friend and care for you so accept that and make the most of it.

I told my counsellor yesterday that I'm isolating myself and she said not to. So she knows how crappy I feel. I have cancelled our appointment for next week but she just wants to reschedule. But I can't face it.

I just don't want to see anyone!

Wesser

I think you need to give yourself some credit here.
You are managing tok go to work...right?
So your interacting with people at work... right?
I think it's ok sometimes to want to talk to no one.
Especially if you've been interacting all day!!!!
Sometimes I want to talk to no one all evening when I get home.
My advice to you is...
Set aside some days when you are going to talk to no one when you get home. Say Mon Tues wed you can be all alone.
But then decide Thurs Fri Sat I'm going to much myself out. Even if it's just to bring the dig for a walk or go
to the cinema . Just push yourself slightly......

LegacyUser

Wesser wrote: »

I think you need to give yourself some credit here.
You are managing tok go to work...right?
So your interacting with people at work... right?
I think it's ok sometimes to want to talk to no one.
Especially if you've been interacting all day!!!!
Sometimes I want to talk to no one all evening when I get home.
My advice to you is...
Set aside some days when you are going to talk to no one when you get home. Say Mon Tues wed you can be all alone.
But then decide Thurs Fri Sat I'm going to much myself out. Even if it's just to bring the dig for a walk or go
to the cinema . Just push yourself slightly......

It's more than not wanting to talk to people in the evening. It's not wanting to talk to people in general. I have been going to work, but only because I have to. I usually get tea/lunch with colleagues but I have sat at my desk for the past two weeks, not engaging with anyone beyond the absolute bare minimum.

Usually I am the life and soul of things. I'm the organiser in my group of friends. But I can't even bear to think about catching up with anyone.

I love exercising. It gives me headspace. But I can't even enjoy that. My head won't let me.

I have been walking to work so that I don't have to talk to anyone on the bus on the off chance that someone I know is on the bus.

I'm not capable of "life" without being absolutely overwhelmed at the simplest of things.

It's not even being in people's company that I want to avoid. It's everything to do with people. My friends are usually the first port of call when I feel like crap and need a distraction or just a friend, yet I have absolutely nothing to say to them.

I haven't been for a coffee in weeks because I don't want to engage with the barista.

I just want the whole world to pause for a while so that I can catch up with my thoughts and process everything. I'm seriously struggling with anxiety. I had such a bad wave of anxiety in work earlier that I think I passed out for a while. I got the fuzzy ear woolly head sensation.

Yet when I tried to get help from my doctor she said it was normal and that I should just talk to my counsellor. Even when I said that I couldn't talk because I couldn't face anyone.

I haven't slept properly in what feels like weeks. I had to change my pyjamas in the middle of the night because I soaked the bed in sweat. From pure anxiety at having to do life.

zoobizoo

Did your GP suggest or mention any type of medication?

LegacyUser

zoobizoo wrote: »

Did your GP suggest or mention any type of medication?

I'm already medicated for anxiety/mood. She said that it would be okay for me to take a sleeping tablet for a few nights, and some xanax if I thought it would take the edge off the anxiety, but my concern with that is the whole drug driving thing - if I need a xanax at 3 in the afternoon, can I drive home from work? Rhetorical question, not sure anyone can really answer that.

So I'm medicated. I'm therapied out of it. I could quote books on mindfulness and on different coping techniques. I could probably write a biography of Marsha Linehan from memory. I could teach lists of skills on dealing with stressful situations and regulating emotions. I'm doing all of these things, but no matter how hard I try, nothing is stemming this anxiety.

The only thing that is helping is hiding from the world and my counsellor said that that's the wrong thing to do.

So I'm a little... stuck.

amtc

Do you have family to talk to? Or people who were also friends with your friend whom you lost? Sometimes it can be good to share memories and sometimes in the most inappropriate ways these can be fun and laughter (although bittersweet).

There's a reason why the phrase of licking your wounds was coined. My mother uses the phrase that every cripple has their own way of walking. When feeling down I watch Would I Lie to You. Only programme that makes me laugh out loud. Sometimes you just need to hide. You just have to know it will get better. And it will. I promise you.

December2012

Would you take some time off from work?

Grief is horrible, absolutely devastating. Maybe you need time to do nothing for a bit.

LegacyUser

Family aren't an option unfortunately.

I have tried talking to others who knew the deceased, but they're either over it or not wanting to discuss it, because I'm being shut down when I try to talk.

I'm not really able to take time off work either - we have a big deadline looming and my manager isn't the most supportive (there was an issue with me getting time off for the funeral...)

I'll be okay. I think I'm just having a little rant.

koumi

Are there underlying reasons why you've shut down? I went through something similar a couple of years ago and can relate to your situation, however I'm not worried about the isolation aspect. (maybe others are but I'm not) I know for me there was a lot of anger because of the nature of those events and which I still can't put into words. Similarly I've read all the books and done all the recommended leg work and so far the only thing that has worked for me is listening to someone reading scripture, which I understand is not going to be for everyone. It has definitely helped put things into perspective for me and given some sense of balance to my mind. (maybe even peace) It might just be that it is a distraction and I'm not sure it's something I would recommend for anybody else other than to say I hope you find the thing which works best for you and things get better soon.