My Girlfriend is Pregnant but she seems very distant

Snnipper123

Hi All,

Not to long ago, I found out I was going to become a father for the first time with the girl I want to spend the rest of my life with. We have been seeing each other since September and everything has been great up and when I found out that she was pregnant with my child, it was the happiest day in my life. We couldn't keep our hands off each other, always had fun, travelling, concerts, parties and constantly laughing.When we found out we were very happy, she told her parents and family and they took it very well and my brothers are over the moon also but, recently she seems so distant and I'm afraid that she hates me. She seems very snappy and everything I try to do for her, she says I'm doing it wrong and sometimes shouts. I love the girl with every ounce of me and I'm just afraid that I might lose her. I have a good job and I'm in the process of trying to get a mortgage for our family. I'm doing everything I possibly can but I'm just terrified that she might hate me.

If anyone could give me some advice of has gone through the same, I'd greatly appreciate.

Big Lar

Ah the hormones do be all over the place with the pregancy, weather the storm lad.

elbyrneo

Hormones most likely. Plus you are only seeing her 8 months (?) So after the initial shock and the excitement there is probably a gradual realisation that is truly life changing and something ye probably didn't really expect and were prepared for?

You seem to be really supportive and committed. Find a nice time to chat to her and reassure.

Wardling

Big Lar wrote:

Ah the hormones do be all over the place with the pregancy, weather the storm lad.

I'll second this...it's a rough ride but hang in there.

angeldelight

She's probably exhausted - first trimester tiredness is cruel! Have you spoken to her? She's the only person can tell you what's going on in her head

justwhatithink

As said above have you spoken to her? You're no doubt doing a great job on the practicalities of looking after her but she may need emotional support more than anything - she needs her partner, the person she loves, not just a house keeper/banker/chef etc.

Her moodiness may well be her way of communicating she needs some help or support but she's not able to say the words or ask.

Sit down and ask her how she's feeling emotionally and what she's thinking about things...ask how shes feeling about the pregnancy and the baby, is she scared & why, is she sad & why, is she feeling resentful about having to go through this (it's really tough!!!) ... ask specific open questions about thoughts and feelings that she can't respond Yes/No/Fine to and that might draw out some conversation - just maybe don't ask all those questions at once!

comongethappy

Snnipper123 wrote: »

We have been seeing each other since September and everything has been great up and when I found out that she was pregnant with my child, it was the happiest day in my life. We couldn't keep our hands off each other, always had fun, travelling, concerts, parties and constantly laughing.

I agree that pregnancy fills you with hormones that can make you very moody, and that could be a reason for her mood change. But could it also be her fear of above changing after only 8 months? Kids are expensive and time consuming, and travel, parties, and concerts tend to take a back seat and maybe she is worried about the change ahead?

Again, worth asking her what's going on.

andreac

I would say the poor lady is all over the place so just bear with her.

Im pregnant with my first, currently 11 weeks gone and i have to say im all over the shop.

Im not particularly enjoying the experience, at the moment. Im absolutely exhausted, appetite all over the place, eating stuff i rarely eat, feeling icky and not in the humour of doing anything, whereas im usually very active and rarely tired.

So it's a complete shock to the system.

volchitsa

First off, congratulations, I hope! Early pregnancy is rotten, seriously. So you can't expect her to feel great anyway. It could be hormones and general terror at pregnancy, rather than doubts about you as a couple.

Second, though, and maybe not so good to hear, while it's terrific that you're so supportive of her, an delighted about the pregnancy, are you sure that she is?
(I'm assuming that the pregnancy was unplanned, if not then my apologies and that might well change things somewhat)

But you haven't been together for long, so while you think you want to spend your life with her, are you sure it's all equally clear in her mind?

You need to let her talk about things. Freely, and without taking it for granted that the only reason she might have for being unsure about the pregnancy is because of fear that you wouldn't stick around.

To be harsh about it: asking someone to marry you is no guarantee they'll feel the same. Becoming a parent with someone is just as complex. The woman is as entitled to have doubts about all of that as the future father is.

tracey turnblad

I'd say it's pregnancy hormones and she is probably tired and nervous. Just to reassure you I fell pregnant after 7 months with my now husband. That baby is twenty in October and we got married and two more along the way..added to that I was only 18 as well at the time. Just be there for her and talk to her ask her how you can help and maybe have a little more patience than normal... her favourite bar or packet of crisps also may help... I'm a divil for Diet Coke and my husband will always bring me one home when I'm having a bad day. Best of luck for the future!

andreac

volchitsa wrote: »

First off, congratulations, I hope! Early pregnancy is rotten, seriously.

Totally agree with this. I hope to god it passes as i really don't want to feel like this for another 6 months

bazza1

Welcome to the real world!


and congrats both of you!

Sam Kade

andreac wrote: »

Totally agree with this. I hope to god it passes as i really don't want to feel like this for another 6 months

So much for opening a new account to keep yourself anonymous

andreac

Sam Kade wrote: »

So much for opening a new account to keep yourself anonymous

Huh? My account is not new? I don't understand?

The op is nothing to do with me. Im married nearly a year, and with my husband nearly 4 years, so sorry for you, that person is not me.

Sam Kade

andreac wrote: »

Huh? My account is not new? I don't understand?

The op is nothing to do with me. Im married nearly a year, and with my husband nearly 4 years, so sorry for you, that person is not me.

It was banter with the way you worded your comment

laserlad2010

Regardless of hormones it's completely inappropriate to treat you partner badly.

Sit her down, sympathise with her and then ask her what's wrong. She should be apologising for treating you like that.

Support her every step of the way but don't sacrifice your own wellbeing as well.

draiochtanois

This post has been deleted.

Neyite

Could it be you are more attentive /fussing over her now she's pregnant and that's irritating her a bit (along with hormones and other stuff)

I didn't get much of it but it was irritating when I so much as washed a cup and got told off for overdoing it. I was being careful and not overdoing anything so it was a pain to be talked to as if I was a Vessel rather than a person.

LegacyUser

Thank you very much for all of your advice. To answer a few, yes we have only been together for 8 months however, we have been on an off for well over a year. We both planned to have a child and for the two months previous, tests have come back negative and was just the recent one was positive. I think because it's all new to me I'm just worried and finding it abit hard however, I would never leave her as she's 1. everything ive ever wanted in someone an 2. She is carrying my child and I'm soley invested in spending the rest of my life with her. Thanks alot everyone

dove2011

Hi OP

Congrats

Its complete hormones!

I am 23 weeks pregnant and the Easter bank holiday Monday I basically got such in a moody my partner tippy toed around me. I ended up crying the whole evening for just been helpless with how my body was changing... how my life was changing. I eventually told my partners my woes...
It does pass..

hcass

Hormones can cause moodiness but I wouldn't be so quick to just blame it on that - yes, hormones might make you react in a more extreme way but your partner could be feeling worried, having second thoughts, questioning if this is what she really wants and just generally being frightened out of her life that everything is going to change and her life will never be the same.

Talk to her, be honest and try and get some answers. This is a HUGE change and if you're not both on the same page and she keeps pushing you away this could get worse instead of just blowing over when hormones calm down.