Do men bother approaching women anymore?

Widdershins

pangbang wrote: »

As a man you'll know you are yourself, and comfortable with yourself, when you can go out on your own, confidence without arrogance. No need for the hunting pack mentality.

It has to be seriously off-putting to a woman to see a stray wander from the pack over to them, then run away again with the tail between the legs back to the pack.

That's stage one, very difficult to get over.

After that, the god-like stage is to do that, and actually be content to go home without even at least a good chat.

That self-confidence (again, not arrogance) is infectious, and will travel the world with you. A universal attraction.

My tuppence.

Your powers of description are wonderful

pangbang

Widdershins wrote: »

Your powers of description are wonderful

Well I'm here all night

SGSM

Widdershins wrote:

Someone I like very much 'approached' me today and asked me out, and I told him ''I thought you'd never ask''

Good on you. Best of luck with it. That must have felt awesome. Can safely say, I've never had someone I like show interest in me.

Wibbs

Electric Sheep wrote: »

I have lived on the East Coast of the US for many years,

life partner

Yep, I believe you ES. kidding

SGSM wrote:

Can safely say, I've never had someone I like show interest in me.

That you knew about. I'd bet the farm that you have and missed it entirely. That goes quadruple for women.

neonsofa

Wibbs wrote: »

That you knew about. I'd bet the farm that you have and missed it entirely. That goes quadruple for women.

I agree.

Was just about to say, someone is more than likely thinking the very same and wishing it was you that would notice her!

worded

SGSM wrote: »

Good on you. Best of luck with it. That must have felt awesome. Can safely say, I've never had someone I like show interest in me.

When you die and go to heaven or hell, the first thing they read is a list of people who were interested in you but you never realised ....

SGSM

Wibbs wrote:

That you knew about. I'd bet the farm that you have and missed it entirely. That goes quadruple for women.

neonsofa wrote:

Was just about to say, someone is more than likely thinking the very same and wishing it was you that would notice her!

True, it doesn't help that I am horrible at reading women.

RabbleRouser2k

Wibbs wrote: »

Yep, I believe you ES. kidding

That you knew about. I'd bet the farm that you have and missed it entirely. That goes quadruple for women.

I'd say the opposite-quadruple for men, less so for women. I know myself that there was one incident where I discovered a girl liked me- I accidentally found out-which ultimately led to the 'sudden realisation that that girl you liked, years ago, more than likely liked you too...you idiot'. I sat there like 'Oh mannnnn...' when I realised it...felt like such an idiot-and then I remembered there was more than one girl. And it was the same 'Oh mannnn' all over again a week later. (The girl who liked me I didn't like her-not in that way. Nice person, she just was someone who managed her life to a tee, while I'm a tad more go with the flow. I Never allowed it advance beyond friends). The reason for the sudden realisation was because there was a lot of similar incidents, like certain incidents, looks, language etc. I always try to joke around with people when I meet em-I'm a big guy, bout 6 ft 3-so some folks can be nervous around me, and my attempts at humour are a tried and trusted way of breaking the ice. Have a friend who told me she does the exact same thing-but with 'icy' people. As in, she annoys them so they'll like her. It works remarkably well, at least from what I've seen her do.

Someone asked, one time, how Eric in the Little Mermaid didn't notice Ariel was deeply in love with him-like, she was hardly subtle. Nor did he notice the singing fish, the 'You wanna kiss the Girl' musical number...
I just literally sat there and thought 'cos he's a guy...we don't see what's right in front of us'.

pilly

pangbang wrote: »

As a man you'll know you are yourself, and comfortable with yourself, when you can go out on your own, confidence without arrogance. No need for the hunting pack mentality.

It has to be seriously off-putting to a woman to see a stray wander from the pack over to them, then run away again with the tail between the legs back to the pack.

That's stage one, very difficult to get over.

After that, the god-like stage is to do that, and actually be content to go home without even at least a good chat.

That self-confidence (again, not arrogance) is infectious, and will travel the world with you. A universal attraction.

My tuppence.

God I don't know about going out on your own. I'm always suspect of a man in a bar on his own because I wonder why he's no friends?

Maybe that's not fair but lets face it how would guys judge a girl in a bar on her own?

pilly

pilly wrote: »

God I don't know about going out on your own. I'm always suspect of a man in a bar on his own because I wonder why he's no friends?

Maybe that's not fair but lets face it how would guys judge a girl in a bar on her own?

It depends on the bar. I wouldn't go to a nightclub or late bar kind of place that's hopping on my own. I would go to a regular pub of an evening and have a drink with just my book for company. Lots of men would do the same.

pilly

Deleted User wrote: »

It depends on the bar. I wouldn't go to a nightclub or late bar kind of place that's hopping on my own. I would go to a regular pub of an evening and have a drink with just my book for company. Lots of men would do the same.

True enough but those type of places are not usually the type that you would approach a woman in anyway.

Roger Hassenforder

Widdershins wrote: »

Someone I like very much 'approached' me today and asked me out, and I told him ''I thought you'd never ask''

Sweet baby Jesus, I've hope for the future!

Widdershins

Roger Hassenforder wrote: »

Sweet baby Jesus, I've hope for the future!

Well, thanks!

Arevaci

pilly wrote: »

God I don't know about going out on your own. I'm always suspect of a man in a bar on his own because I wonder why he's no friends?

And single women are suspect of a man who is also single because they wonder why he doesn't have a girlfriend?

pilly

Arevaci wrote: »

And single women are suspect of a man who is also single because they wonder why he doesn't have a girlfriend?

No, I wouldn't be anyway.

Burial.

I've been to clubs on my own quite a few times. More often than not its because friends are wifed in for the night but sometimes I just get the urge to let loose and get something out of my system. I've no problem approaching people and would flirt with the sink so I crave it in a way. I've had some great times and met some really cool people. I love meeting strangers too, something I think Irish people aren't keen on usually, we're very clicky and fond predictability I think. We're seen as a friendly and chatty bunch, but I think that applies more to older generations than the younger generations of present. I'd like to think I'm a cut above the rest by being very sociable and down for whatever.

It's true men probably approach women less, due to online dating. However I think the modern man is lacking in social skills and social awareness compared to years gone by. Sign of the times I guess with everyone being face first into their phone or tablet and not striking up real life interactions. Women too are becoming more powerful in their own right, and naturally they appear more intimidating to men.

I've no problem approaching women, I get such a buzz from it and if a lasher of an oul doll doesn't get your heart going and doesn't give you a need to go talk to her and see what she's about you must be a little broken. I think any man who does embrace the fear or whatever you want to call it and just follows his d*ck and just goes and talks to a woman who gets him going he'll get a lot more out of it in every sense.

pilly

pilly wrote: »

True enough but those type of places are not usually the type that you would approach a woman in anyway.

Well it worked out for me

pilly

Deleted User wrote: »

Well it worked out for me

Well done you, you obviously have the cahones. :D

Roger Hassenforder

Widdershins wrote: »

Well, thanks!

It's dotey when someone you're weak for is weak for you. At least there's one chap out there with a pair, how functional,you might keep us in the loop!

Roger Hassenforder

Burial. wrote: »

I've been to clubs on my own quite a few times. More often than not its because friends are wifed in for the night but sometimes I just get the urge to let loose and get something out of my system. I've no problem approaching people and would flirt with the sink so I crave it in a way. I've had some great times and met some really cool people. I love meeting strangers too, something I think Irish people aren't keen on usually, we're very clicky and fond predictability I think. We're seen as a friendly and chatty bunch, but I think that applies more to older generations than the younger generations of present. I'd like to think I'm a cut above the rest by being very sociable and down for whatever.

It's true men probably approach women less, due to online dating. However I think the modern man is lacking in social skills and social awareness compared to years gone by. Sign of the times I guess with everyone being face first into their phone or tablet and not striking up real life interactions. Women too are becoming more powerful in their own right, and naturally they appear more intimidating to men.

I've no problem approaching women, I get such a buzz from it and if a lasher of an oul doll doesn't get your heart going and doesn't give you a need to go talk to her and see what she's about you must be a little broken. I think any man who does embrace the fear or whatever you want to call it and just follows his d*ck and just goes and talks to a woman who gets him going he'll get a lot more out of it in every sense.

Now I'm out to pasture, with my better days behind me, It's the stalking and the hunt I miss most. enjoying catching and releasing easy prey, or the sensation of what might have been when a prize specimen eludes you or is grouded by a competitor.
Not the kill or 'mounting' your trophy

Ahem.

Tinder etc has ruined an essential skill males needed. It's not giving people a chance. She/he mightn't be great looking, but you could have the night of your life with them. Swiping left (right?) just dismisses people purely on the most shallow level.

Tell me how

pilly wrote: »

God I don't know about going out on your own. I'm always suspect of a man in a bar on his own because I wonder why he's no friends?

Maybe that's not fair but lets face it how would guys judge a girl in a bar on her own?

As a single man who goes out to plays/cinema/pubs quite a lot on my own, thanks for the boost to the self esteem.

I do have friends but they are married and in some cases have quite different interests.

pilly

Tell me how wrote: »

As a single man who goes out to plays/cinema/pubs quite a lot on my own, thanks for the boost to the self esteem.

I do have friends but they are married and in some cases have quite different interests.

Sorry, I didn't mean it to have that effect. I'm a single woman myself and find it very difficult, I do go to the cinema or for a meal but I wouldn't go to a pub on my own and there are very few women who would, that's why we don't understand it.

I kind of meant in a nightclub though, we all know the type who hangs out at the bar in a nightclub basically just eyeing up their prey.

Actually whilst I'm on the subject I actually don't get the concept of even going to a bar on your own, what's entertaining about drinking on your own?

I understand the theatre, cinema, having a meal etc. Just not the drinking.

Roger Hassenforder

Tell me how wrote: »

As a single man who goes out to plays/cinema/pubs quite a lot on my own, thanks for the boost to the self esteem.

I do have friends but they are married and in some cases have quite different interests.

I'm a married man and would have no problems going to cinema on my own or into a pub on my own now or when I was single. There's nothing wrong or weird about it IMO.

It's easier (rightly or wrongly) for men though to walk into a bar solo, and pull up a stool and start chatting.
I couldn't go to a nightclub on my own though, there's a whiff of van parked outside with a mattress and chloroform about it.

SGSM

Roger Hassenforder wrote:

It's dotey when someone you're weak for is weak for you. At least there's one chap out there with a pair, how functional,you might keep us in the loop!

Relatively rare tbh. Ya don't see many that really fancy each other. I know a lot of guys that have fancied girls and they didn't like them back and vice versa. The norm seems to be meeting someone ya don't know that well and just hitting it off.

Widdershins

SGSM wrote: »

Relatively rare tbh. Ya don't see many that really fancy each other. I know a lot of guys that have fancied girls and they didn't like them back and vice versa. The norm seems to be meeting someone ya don't know that well and just hitting it off.

I think you're right. Of the men who've liked me, no matter how attractive and appealing they must be to others, I just wasn't feeling it. Reading threads like this on AH makes me feel bad about it at times, like there's something wrong with me and I'm ungrateful. And it's really annoying that I can't like some of them. When I realised I had the hots for this one, I was worried it would be a role reversal where I'd be the one doing the liking and he wouldn't feel it. It's a bloody good thing he is because I was starting to worry about my elevated blood pressure around him

And I missed all the openings he gave me as well, 'cause I'm an idiot and at times I did wonder but told myself it couldn't be that.

jk23

Nothing better than clicking with someone organically but that's not to diss online dating which works for a lot of people

SGSM

Widdershins wrote:

I think you're right. Of the men who've liked me, no matter how attractive and appealing they must be to others, I just wasn't feeling it. Reading threads like this on AH makes me feel bad about it at times, like there's something wrong with me and I'm ungrateful. And it's really annoying that I can't like some of them. When I realised I had the hots for this one, I was worried it would be a role reversal where I'd be the one doing the liking and he wouldn't feel it. It's a bloody good thing he is because I was starting to worry about my elevated blood pressure around him

Na it's not ur fault, I'm just going off my experience. I've liked some women and even asked them out but got no's but I know a lot of women have liked me and a few even asked me out and I didn't fancy them at all so to hear someone getting asked out by someone they really liked is completely alien to me. It's a fecking minefield out here lol

Roger Hassenforder

SGSM wrote: »

Na it's not ur fault, I'm just going off my experience. I've liked some women and even asked them out but got no's but I know a lot of women have liked me and a few even asked me out and I didn't fancy them at all so to hear someone getting asked out by someone they really liked is completely alien to me. It's a fecking minefield out here lol

One of the wife's BFFs was asked about by a bloke, and she turned him down, because she wasn't weak for him. He looked presentable enough, had a job , house, teeth, hair. I was surprised when the rest of the group killed her for not at least giving it one date and see how it goes from there.
Sometimes you have invest in a relationship, it's rarely love at first sight.

pangbang

Roger Hassenforder wrote: »

One of the wife's BFFs was asked about by a bloke, and she turned him down, because she wasn't weak for him. He looked presentable enough, had a job , house, teeth, hair. I was surprised when the rest of the group killed her for not at least giving it one date and see how it goes from there.
Sometimes you have invest in a relationship, it's rarely love at first sight.

I do love me some hair and teeth! And that skin stuff, all over, more the better!

Mr.Plough

pilly wrote: »

I kind of meant in a nightclub though, we all know the type who hangs out at the bar in a nightclub basically just eyeing up their prey.

Actually whilst I'm on the subject I actually don't get the concept of even going to a bar on your own, what's entertaining about drinking on your own?

I understand the theatre, cinema, having a meal etc. Just not the drinking.

Example:-

I was waiting for a train home on Tuesday and had an hour to kill. It was sunny so found a little bar on the quays with some tables and chairs outside. Had a couple of pints in the sun thinking about life. Got chatting to this woman who was in her 60s or 70s. Psychologist about to travel to South America. Very interesting person who I never would have met if I only went to bars with friends.

pilly

SGSM wrote: »

Na it's not ur fault, I'm just going off my experience. I've liked some women and even asked them out but got no's but I know a lot of women have liked me and a few even asked me out and I didn't fancy them at all so to hear someone getting asked out by someone they really liked is completely alien to me. It's a fecking minefield out here lol

Have you never gone on a date with someone you didn't fancy though?

I have, sometimes it's a disaster but once it was fantastic and we had an amazing time for 2 years.

I'm not a believer in instant attraction since then.

pilly

Mr.Plough wrote: »

Example:-

I was waiting for a train home on Tuesday and had an hour to kill. It was sunny so found a little bar on the quays with some tables and chairs outside. Had a couple of pints in the sun thinking about life. Got chatting to this woman who was in her 60s or 70s. Psychologist about to travel to South America. Very interesting person who I never would have met if I only went to bars with friends.

Yeah but did you get her into bed? :D

wakka12

Bambi985 wrote: »

UK is similar to Ireland except injected with a little more confidence and lack of "jaysus can't believe you just asked a randomer out, morto for ya" that we have in Ireland. Their dating scene in very pub-based but men will check you out more on the street, clock eyes and smile kinda thing which I've never noticed in Ireland where we ignore each other until we're all locked in the pub. British men are very chivalrous and in the online world, less shy about blowing their own trumpet and telling you how awesome they are. And rightly so. Ambling through tinder is almost like perusing LinkedIn over here (at least in London)

America is like tinder in real-life and on crack, much like every other part of their culture. Men will approach you in the subway, on the street, in a cafe, in the gym, in the big cities the level of attention you'll get is almost staggering. Weird lack of the same social norms elsewhere, I had a work client ask me out over there. Absolutely no level of self-consciousness in cold-approaches and women will respond in kind because that's just what you do when you're over there, you engage with anyone and everyone. However, that also comes with its own set of headfcuks, multi-dating is a real-thing and you can be seeing five different guys at once and never manage to scratch beyond the surface with any of them. Also, the US divorce rate. LOL.

Canada is like a watered down version of America. People will approach but in that oh-so-Canadian polite and charming and under the radar sort of way. Not quite as cheesy or confident as their American brothers and with a bit more social awareness.

Thats really interesting. I always thought that whole americans are the only ones who approach strangers thing was a bit exaggerated. I have two female friends in college who are over form america and they always comment on how 'shy' irish men are, and how people are all really polite but you never really meet people unless you're in an environment where you're supposed to meet people, college or mutual friends or a club meeting etc

Mr.Plough

pilly wrote: »

Yeah but did you get her into bed? :D

Women who go to pubs on their own don't do it for me unfortunately.

bnt

Widdershins wrote: »

If you want to ask someone out, just do it, the worst they can do is say no,and you will get over that.

Thing is, "no" is not the worst thing that can happen. If asked out in a public place, a girl could start screaming for the police and accusing you of harassment. Mutual friend? Your name dragged though the mud and your friends get told you're a creep. If it's someone you work with, you can be accused of inappropriate conduct and risk losing your job.

I have seen all the above happen, though thankfully not to me. So no, these days the word "no" is not the worst thing that can happen to a guy who approaches a girl. If guys seem overly cautious, and miss the kinds of hints described on this page, it's for good reason.

pilly

pilly wrote: »

Sorry, I didn't mean it to have that effect. I'm a single woman myself and find it very difficult, I do go to the cinema or for a meal but I wouldn't go to a pub on my own and there are very few women who would, that's why we don't understand it.

I kind of meant in a nightclub though, we all know the type who hangs out at the bar in a nightclub basically just eyeing up their prey.

Actually whilst I'm on the subject I actually don't get the concept of even going to a bar on your own, what's entertaining about drinking on your own?

I understand the theatre, cinema, having a meal etc. Just not the drinking.

It probably depends on how you enjoy to drink. I'm not interested in going out with groups of people and couldn't tell you the last time I was in a club. My time alone is very important to me. I've always done most things by myself. In recent years I got in to craft beers and really like trying different ones. So for me sitting in a pub with my pint and book/journal is a really nice thing to do.

Widdershins

bnt wrote: »

Thing is, "no" is not the worst thing that can happen. If asked out in a public place, a girl could start screaming for the police and accusing you of harassment. Mutual friend? Your name dragged though the mud and your friends get told you're a creep. If it's someone you work with, you can be accused of inappropriate conduct and risk losing your job.

I have seen all the above happen, though thankfully not to me. So no, these days the word "no" is not the worst thing that can happen to a guy who approaches a girl. If guys seem overly cautious, and miss the kinds of hints described on this page, it's for good reason.

Those are horror stories. How often do they happen? Someone you know was really accused of harassment and had the police called on them for asking someone out?

Surreptitious

Mr.Plough wrote: »

Women who go to pubs on their own don't do it for me unfortunately.

That's a ridiculous statement.

pilly

Widdershins wrote: »

Those are horror stories. How often do they happen? Someone you know was really accused of harassment and had the police called on them for asking someone out?

I think there would have to be more to that story now. :P

pilly

Surreptitious wrote: »

That's a ridiculous statement.

He was getting back at me for saying I'm wary of men in a pub on their own.

I took it in the spirit it was intended.

Surreptitious

pilly wrote: »

He was getting back at me for saying I'm wary of men in a pub on their own.

I took it in the spirit it was intended.

Oh right, sorry. I didn't go back that far to read

Galwayguy35

Widdershins wrote: »

Those are horror stories. How often do they happen? Someone you know was really accused of harassment and had the police called on them for asking someone out?

Not too often but it's not that uncommon for a hapless fella to approach a woman and get told to fook off because she doesn't want to be chatted up or is a bad mood for whatever reason.

Happened to me years ago and it can put men off approaching women again even though the woman has probably forgotten about what happened 5 minutes later.

Just to clarify I'm not talking about a guy who is being a leech or a drunk asshole here, those fellas deserve to be told what for.

Galwayguy35

Mister Vain wrote: »

An American girl actually approached me in Temple bar recently. We got chatting and she asked for my number. I was fairly taken aback by that.

Well don't just tell half a story man!

Did ye go on a date?

pilly

Galwayguy35 wrote: »

Not too often but it's not that uncommon for a hapless fella to approach a woman and get told to fook off because she doesn't want to be chatted up or is a bad mood for whatever reason.

Happened to me years ago and it can put men off approaching women again even though the woman has probably forgotten about what happened 5 minutes later.

Just to clarify I'm not talking about a guy who is being a leech or a drunk asshole here, those fellas deserve to be told what for.

Ah now, being told to fook off is different to your original story of someone calling for the police?

Tbh I wouldn't be in the slightest bit bothered about anyone who told me to fook off if I was being polite and friendly. I'd write them off as assholes and move on.

Galwayguy35

pilly wrote: »

Ah now, being told to fook off is different to your original story of someone calling for the police?

Tbh I wouldn't be in the slightest bit bothered about anyone who told me to fook off if I was being polite and friendly. I'd write them off as assholes and move on.

Maybe scroll up a few posts and you will find it was another poster who was talking about the police, not me.

pilly

Galwayguy35 wrote:

Maybe scroll up a few posts and you will find it was another poster who was talking about the police, not me.

Apologies. So it was.

jk23

I would love to meet a sporty lady or one that enjoys running/road races!! Unfortunately it's very hard to meet someone in a club/pub and approaching a woman at a sports club or athletic club is creep central!! So online dating is probably the best option? What do you guys think?...

Mr.Plough

pilly wrote: »

He was getting back at me for saying I'm wary of men in a pub on their own.

I took it in the spirit it was intended.

This seat taken?

pilly

jk23 wrote: »

I would love to meet a sporty lady or one that enjoys running/road races!! Unfortunately it's very hard to meet someone in a club/pub and approaching a woman at a sports club or athletic club is creep central!! So online dating is probably the best option? What do you guys think?...

Yep, online dating can be great as you know someones' interests before you even meet up with them.

Mr.Plough

jk23 wrote: »

Unfortunately it's very hard to meet someone in a club/pub and approaching a woman at a sports club or athletic club is creep central!!

Incorrect. Why is it creep central? It's creepy if you're very direct and are just flat out asking women out left right and centre, given the setting. Why not just have conversations with them? If they're interested, they'll let you know. If not, maybe you'll make a new friend, who has other friends.