Do men bother approaching women anymore?

SGSM

I'm into fitness and would love to chat to some of the women I see in the gym but I've read a lot where the women can't stand being approached by fellas while working out. It makes sense cos I'd be upsetting their routine but very hard to find a chance to chat to them otherwise.

jk23

My apologies I should have put context to what I was saying. I mean if it's clear you are there for one thing or being sleazy. I think if you meet someone at an athletic club or any club it's great. A lot of relationships can blossom from clubs. I agree with you and making friends with the opposite sex is another good thing that can come from it as you mentioned.

Mr.Plough wrote: »

Incorrect. Why is it creep central? It's creepy if you're very direct and are just flat out asking women out left right and centre, given the setting. Why not just have conversations with them? If they're interested, they'll let you know. If not, maybe you'll make a new friend, who has other friends.

Roger Hassenforder

SGSM wrote: »

I'm into fitness and would love to chat to some of the women I see in the gym but I've read a lot where the women can't stand being approached by fellas while working out. It makes sense cos I'd be upsetting their routine but very hard to find a chance to chat to them otherwise.

Or they might be alarmed at your raging election?
Sweat and yoga pants (on a lady) are a heady mixture...

Hombre Lobo

Tell me how wrote: »

As a single man who goes out to plays/cinema/pubs quite a lot on my own, thanks for the boost to the self esteem.

I do have friends but they are married and in some cases have quite different interests.

I'd be the same as this. I go to pubs, gigs, cinema, restaurants and travel on my own and it never crossed my mind that other Irish women would see me as having no friends for doing so, which is a bit worrying
Most my close friends are spread over the country/world or married with kids and can't be out all the time.

jk23

I can't speak for all women but I think generally most of them wouldn't judge you or even be aware if you were on your own. In a cinema I think most people are concentrating on watching the film and eating junk food. In a pub it's easy enough most of the time to blend in somewhere. Eating out is only tricky if you go to a very fancy restaurant with a romantic ambiance late at night

Hombre Lobo wrote: »

I'd be the same as this. I go to pubs, gigs, cinema, restaurants and travel on my own and it never crossed my mind that other Irish women would see me as having no friends for doing so, which is a bit worrying
Most my close friends are spread over the country/world or married with kids and can't be out all the time.

bnt

Widdershins wrote: »

Those are horror stories. How often do they happen? Someone you know was really accused of harassment and had the police called on them for asking someone out?

The police weren't called in the end, but she screamed and threatened to, yes. She was with a friend who managed to talk her down.

Of course these are horror stories, and thankfully rare, but that doesn't detract from the point I was making.

Mister Vain

Roger Hassenforder wrote: »

It's easier (rightly or wrongly) for men though to walk into a bar solo, and pull up a stool and start chatting.
I couldn't go to a nightclub on my own though, there's a whiff of van parked outside with a mattress and chloroform about it.

I dunno, I think its the opposite. It's much easier to blend in when you're in a club as most people are standing or moving around. Plus people tend to be more drunk at this stage, so less likely to notice if you're alone. I wouldn't be as comfortable going into a pub on my own, well not in Ireland anyway.

I've done it plenty of times abroad alright. I don't really care then because nobody will know me and I find its a lot easier to get talking to strangers in other European countries. I would agree with the previous poster about the Irish being very cliquey. At least from my experience in the Irish towns I've drank in, that would certainly be the case. Even at Christmas parties, everyone seems to stick with people from their own company. Or if they do mingle with other people, its only later in the night when they're pissed.

Pac1Man

jk23 wrote: »

Eating out is only tricky if you go to a very fancy restaurant with a romantic ambiance late at night

Not if you're in Japan. They put one of these in front of you:


https://www.google.ie/amp/gizmodo.com/this-restaurant-in-japan-gives-solo-diners-stuffed-anim-1572346186/amp

pilly

Conversation on Newstalk now about how hard it is for women in their 30's to find men because they can't go out on their own so don't feel too sorry for yourselves lads.

It's a lot less acceptable for a woman to be on her own.

Burial.

I didn't realise women in their 30s were imprisoned in their homes and not allowed go outside unless they're with someone...

If you do what you've always done you'll get what you've always gotten.

Mister Vain

wakka12 wrote: »

Thats really interesting. I always thought that whole americans are the only ones who approach strangers thing was a bit exaggerated. I have two female friends in college who are over form america and they always comment on how 'shy' irish men are, and how people are all really polite but you never really meet people unless you're in an environment where you're supposed to meet people, college or mutual friends or a club meeting etc

Interestingly enough, most of the MGTOW and TFL stem from America. There are countless online forums with American men complaining about the dating culture in the U.S and how unapproachable the women are there. The whole dating scene can often feel like a job interview. Both people focus too much on asking questions to determine compatibility instead of just having a good time.

Heckler

I was always fairly shy but did have plenty of girlfriends growing up. When I got married though and had a ring on a finger I found myself talking to women I wouldn't have approached before, just in a social setting meeting strangers.

And not in a sleazy way mind, I wasn't trying to chat them up. I just mean that because I had no ulterior motive I was more relaxed and wasn't worried that they thought I was hitting on them.

Now I'm separated and have to go through all that again....Nah.

burnsey1987

Mr.Plough wrote: »

Example:-

I was waiting for a train home on Tuesday and had an hour to kill. It was sunny so found a little bar on the quays with some tables and chairs outside. Had a couple of pints in the sun thinking about life. Got chatting to this woman who was in her 60s or 70s. Psychologist about to travel to South America. Very interesting person who I never would have met if I only went to bars with friends.

I had a similar experience about a year ago. I was in Dublin waiting for a ferry that was delayed so I strolled over to the south city and decided to pop in to the Porterhouse for a pint. I went out the back to sit down for a bit and have a smoke. There was nobody else there apart from a much older girl who was sitting by herself. Normally I would never walk up to someone in a pub because it just feels plain wrong, but she smiled at me and I decided I would go talk to her for a bit. We got along like a house on fire. When I was leaving to get back to Dublin Port she gave me one of the best and longest hugs I have ever had in my life so far. I often think about her and that experience since then. It was just so nice...

ChunkyLover54

burnsey1987 wrote: »

When I was leaving to get back to Dublin Port she gave me one of the best and longest hugs I have ever had in my life so far.

"...Incidentally when I got to the port I noticed that my wallet had been stolen from my hip pocket".

burnsey1987

ChunkyLover54 wrote: »

"...Incidentally when I got to the port I noticed that my wallet had been stolen from my hip pocket".

I know you're joking but the grand of sterling was still there. It was actually one of the best memories I have so far. Thinking back, I actually miss her, I wonder what she's doing now and if we will meet again...

RabbleRouser2k

Widdershins wrote: »

I think you're right. Of the men who've liked me, no matter how attractive and appealing they must be to others, I just wasn't feeling it. Reading threads like this on AH makes me feel bad about it at times, like there's something wrong with me and I'm ungrateful. And it's really annoying that I can't like some of them. When I realised I had the hots for this one, I was worried it would be a role reversal where I'd be the one doing the liking and he wouldn't feel it. It's a bloody good thing he is because I was starting to worry about my elevated blood pressure around him

And I missed all the openings he gave me as well, 'cause I'm an idiot and at times I did wonder but told myself it couldn't be that.

Was that the guy you talked about before-I think you mentioned him on a post before, here on boards-not the guy you usually go for, ie Bald with a beard, but you seemed to have a thing for him.

I've done the 'missed the signals' thing too- some of the forehead slapping moments were things like 'oh, you're going away....awwww' usually if I was going way for a weekend...or even if I was just heading home for the evening. Even the dumb 'hey check out my nails, just got em done'...and I thought it was a case of 'dang, I'm in the friendzone'...and apparently it's far from it, like a friend told me it's something like 'she want's to hold your hand'.
Also the cliche 'bites on nail on her finger' while looking at me, while I was talking to her.
Needless to say, in the months that followed, I had a bruised forehead from all the forehead slapping. :o:o

Sudance

Candie wrote: »

All the time.

I've never gone out for the night and not been approached, even when I'm with someone I'd still get approached on the way to the bathroom.

It's not that I'm a supermodel either, I'm attractive enough but nothing spectacular.

The clue's in the direction you're going.. :pac:

FatherTed

I still do but the wife doesn't like it so much...

RabbleRouser2k

pilly wrote: »

Conversation on Newstalk now about how hard it is for women in their 30's to find men because they can't go out on their own so don't feel too sorry for yourselves lads.

It's a lot less acceptable for a woman to be on her own.

It's more based on society, ie what she's been told by people-be they her friends and family etc.
Guys get off easier, yes, but we have to contend with women . (Well, the hetero guys anyways).

Tbh, seems like these ladies are doing a whole lot of nothing but don't know what they're doing wrong.

Sudance

bnt wrote: »

Thing is, "no" is not the worst thing that can happen. If asked out in a public place, a girl could start screaming for the police and accusing you of harassment. Mutual friend? Your name dragged though the mud and your friends get told you're a creep. If it's someone you work with, you can be accused of inappropriate conduct and risk losing your job.

I have seen all the above happen, though thankfully not to me. So no, these days the word "no" is not the worst thing that can happen to a guy who approaches a girl. If guys seem overly cautious, and miss the kinds of hints described on this page, it's for good reason.

God seriously? is this truly what's going on? That's awful, some people have zero sense of perspective if that's how they react..Mind you, do you really want to go out with someone who'd over react like that though..

I dunno what's wrong with some girls these days. I would blush like mad if I was on my own but if I was with my friends we used to love when we'd get whistled at and all that craic..sometimes we'd even stop and chat away to them..banter etc and it would make our (and probably their) day. We had a running banter going with a couple of bus drivers any time we'd be on their bus, barmen, taxi drivers, workmen on the street..you name it we'd have the craic with them. I've noticed actually that there dont seem to be too many happy faces in town these days...maybe that's what's missing, the blatent flirting

Widdershins

RabbleRouser2k wrote: »

Was that the guy you talked about before-I think you mentioned him on a post before, here on boards-not the guy you usually go for, ie Bald with a beard, but you seemed to have a thing for him.

I've done the 'missed the signals' thing too- some of the forehead slapping moments were things like 'oh, you're going away....awwww' usually if I was going way for a weekend...or even if I was just heading home for the evening. Even the dumb 'hey check out my nails, just got em done'...and I thought it was a case of 'dang, I'm in the friendzone'...and apparently it's far from it, like a friend told me it's something like 'she want's to hold your hand'.
Also the cliche 'bites on nail on her finger' while looking at me, while I was talking to her.
Needless to say, in the months that followed, I had a bruised forehead from all the forehead slapping. :o:o

No, er, different man I stomped on that particular flame, not likely to ever happen.

I'm just as clueless tbh, it's taken years for me to realise that a friend is more fond of me than I knew. I was just chiding myself back further in this thread for my inability to reciprocate no matter how great they are. As with the one just mentioned, I have to make life difficult for myself by fancying unlikely people!

AndrewJRenko

Hombre Lobo wrote: »

I'd be the same as this. I go to pubs, gigs, cinema, restaurants and travel on my own and it never crossed my mind that other Irish women would see me as having no friends for doing so, which is a bit worrying
Most my close friends are spread over the country/world or married with kids and can't be out all the time.

The vast majority of people who travel on business will be alone travelling, eating out, maybe even going for a pint afterwards. It's not unusual at all. I don't think anyone would bat an eyelid at a person eating out alone.

Mister Vain

pgj2015 wrote: »

That is really cringy to me, I think any guy who tells a woman how beautiful she is after just meeting them is the wrong way to go, it says im shallow, creepy and inferior to you.

I think Irish people in general don't respond well to compliments. Telling an Irish woman she is beautiful or has lovely eyes sounds cheesy as fook. I've said those things to Polish and Lithuanian women and they loved it.

This goes back to what I was saying earlier about trying to express an interest in someone without coming across too forward. I've always found that to be extremely difficult here in Ireland. Although I suppose with foreign women there can be a slight language barrier which forces you to be more direct with each other, not to mention the novelty factor.

Pac1Man

Mister Vain wrote: »

This goes back to what I was saying earlier about trying to express an interest in someone without coming across too forward. I've always found that to be extremely difficult here in Ireland. Although I suppose with foreign women there can be a slight language barrier which forces you to be more direct with each other, not to mention the novelty factor.

This is where the ancient Egyptians had it sorted with their hieroglyphics; straight to the point.

Look at this filth.

stateofflux

Roger Hassenforder wrote: »

I'm a married man and would have no problems going to cinema on my own or into a pub on my own now or when I was single. There's nothing wrong or weird about it IMO.

It's easier (rightly or wrongly) for men though to walk into a bar solo, and pull up a stool and start chatting.
I couldn't go to a nightclub on my own though, there's a whiff of van parked outside with a mattress and chloroform about it.

Solo is the way. going out with 'the lads' lowers your chances big time i think. there is often one of your mates that will mess things up for you when they are drunk. On top of that i think people respect that you don't give a stuff about going out solo when most guys need that comfort zone of a group.

Fathom

Mister Vain wrote: »

Do men bother approaching women anymore?

Not "bother." Depends. If cute. OK!

SGSM

My problem is when I speak to a woman or if she speaks to me, I start to smile a lot and just be quite jolly as it's just who I am and it isn't the most sexy trait. I once thought to myself 'okay next woman who speaks to you try and play it cool and suave'. Of course the next woman came and spoke to me and who shows up but Mr Jolly again lol when she left I was like 'Feck it, I done it again didn't I'. I'll get it right someday lol

koumi

SGSM wrote: »

My problem is when I speak to a woman or if she speaks to me, I start to smile a lot and just be quite jolly as it's just who I am and it isn't the most sexy trait. I once thought to myself 'okay next woman who speaks to you try and play it cool and suave'. Of course the next woman came and spoke to me and who shows up but Mr Jolly again lol when she left I was like 'Feck it, I done it again didn't I'. I'll get it right someday lol

Your jollyness is part of who you are, take pride in that. Jolly is good. I think being comfortable with who you are would serve you better in the long run than playing cool and suave because you think that's what you should be, or even because you think that that's what women want. (and then your cool and suave will come out naturally )

SGSM

koumi wrote:

Your jollyness is part of who you are, take pride in that. Jolly is good. I think being comfortable with who you are would serve you better in the long run than playing cool and suave because you think that's what you should be, or even because you think that that's what women want. (and then your cool and suave will come out naturally )

Tbh I think you're right. I sway back and forth between being my true self and toning down the jolliness but I also think there isn't enough jolliness about lol

RabbleRouser2k

Widdershins wrote: »

No, er, different man I stomped on that particular flame, not likely to ever happen.

I'm just as clueless tbh, it's taken years for me to realise that a friend is more fond of me than I knew. I was just chiding myself back further in this thread for my inability to reciprocate no matter how great they are. As with the one just mentioned, I have to make life difficult for myself by fancying unlikely people!

Oh God, I'm gonna have to edit my post above-seems we're all as clueless as one another. :D:o

I've struck out so often, that I sit there, months after the fact and realise it. Like, I was like 'oh, come on Rabble, she's way out your league'.
And then it dawns on you that 'actually, yeah there might have been something there'.
Like, I've struck out with young teachers, law students, ladies visiting Ireland-girls younger than me. I'm like...ugh.
In some cases, I sit there thinking 'but she told me she liked the other guy... a friend of mine...' then realise she was probably playing coy, since she didn't ask him out.

RabbleRouser2k

There was a message here, that's now been deleted I think-I'll answer tho (it showed up in my email).

I don't think I'm too good for any woman, it's the other way around-I think they are too good for me. As in I'm not good enough for them.
(I don't think people understand the term 'She/ He's out of your league'-it means you perceive them to be too good for you, as in you're not good enough for them).

BorneTobyWilde

You need a Curriculum Vitae on a date these days. No one is interested in the person, they are more interested in what that person can give to them.

RabbleRouser2k

BorneTobyWilde wrote: »

You need a Curriculum Vitae on a date these days. No one is interested in the person, they are more interested in what that person can give to them.

That sounds seriously cynical-like, someone who has almost given up on the dating scene.

Samaris

BorneTobyWilde wrote: »

You need a Curriculum Vitae on a date these days. No one is interested in the person, they are more interested in what that person can give to them.

I think even the responses in this thread prove your assertion incorrect. Do you have a back-up to that, or are you having your views colored by a bitter experience? Because it certainly isn't true for many other people.

Widdershins

BorneTobyWilde wrote: »

You need a Curriculum Vitae on a date these days. No one is interested in the person, they are more interested in what that person can give to them.

I think it's fair to say there are plenty of social climbers who are more interested in how much a potential partner can advance their position in society. The answer is to date people who don't give a flying feck what other people think about them, like a hippy. People like that will date you because they think you're rad. The reason people don't date people who like them for them, is because they are just as shallow.

I'm basing this on friends discussion of potential dates house and car.

RabbleRouser2k

Widdershins wrote: »

I think it's fair to say there are plenty of social climbers who are more interested in how much a potential partner can advance their position in society. The answer is to date people who don't give a flying feck what other people think about them, like a hippy. People like that will date you because they think you're rad. The reason people don't date people who like them for them, is because they are just as shallow.

I'm basing this on friends discussion of potential dates house and car.

The car thing is so secondary school-seriously stupid. IF the guy/ girl can afford a taxi, then surely that covers things. But yeah, it's all shallowness.

SimpleDimples

BorneTobyWilde wrote: »

You need a Curriculum Vitae on a date these days. No one is interested in the person, they are more interested in what that person can give to them.

Most depressing post i've read in a long time. Sounds like you have been burnt or hurt somewhere along the say. Most people aren't like that. All most people are looking for is mutual attraction, and a good sense of humour. Apart from that nothing else really matters. :-)

Ubbquittious

RabbleRouser2k wrote: »

The car thing is so secondary school-seriously stupid. IF the guy/ girl can afford a taxi, then surely that covers things. But yeah, it's all shallowness.

I used to show up to dates in an old car on purpose just to ward those people off.

When I met my now gf for the first time I showed up in a car that came the whole way back from 1991. Even though I had a much newer car that I could have sat into instead

Widdershins

RabbleRouser2k wrote: »

The car thing is so secondary school-seriously stupid. IF the guy/ girl can afford a taxi, then surely that covers things. But yeah, it's all shallowness.

They're thinking ahead X number of years down the line for when they might marry and what kind of lifestyle they can expect! A boring and, at least for the potential husband, possibly a miserable and acrimonious one, if that's the main priority for the outset, imo.

Bambi985

Ubbquittious wrote: »

I used to show up to dates in an old car on purpose just to ward those people off.

When I met my now gf for the first time I showed up in a car that came the whole way back from 1991. Even though I had a much newer car that I could have sat into instead

That's as odd as turning up in a showy new lamborghini or something because you're so eager to impress. Why "test" someone like that on a first date, why not just go in and be yourself and trust yourself to pick up on any personality traits that are "off" or totally incompatible with your own?

Sure shallow women are annoying and repulsive (can't say I know many who'd give a shyte or even notice if their date was driving a 1991 car versus something newer and fancier, I didn't even know my OH drove until a few dates in), but what can be just as unattractive is a man so bitter and suspicious of women that he feels the need to set up little tests for them to determine whether or not they are 'genuine' enough, lol at the irony.

Widdershins

That's true too.I've met awfully bitter people. One who was constantly on guard against a woman who would take everything he owned in a divorce. He told jokes about a relative who cut every stick of furniture ''in half'' with a chainsaw and said to his ex wife ''There, now you can have your half''.

RabbleRouser2k

Widdershins wrote: »

They're thinking ahead X number of years down the line for when they might marry and what kind of lifestyle they can expect! A boring and, at least for the potential husband, possibly a miserable and acrimonious one, if that's the main priority for the outset, imo.

I find that tragic-as in if trouble arose in the relationship, be it financial or some other problem, they'd probably ditch the relationship pretty quickly. It would be even worse if they have a child in the picture too.

RabbleRouser2k

Widdershins wrote: »

That's true too.I've met awfully bitter people. One who was constantly on guard against a woman who would take everything he owned in a divorce. He told jokes about a relative who cut every stick of furniture ''in half'' with a chainsaw and said to his ex wife ''There, now you can have your half''.

I've seen similar-but with women and men. One woman was really bitter towards her ex's new girlfriend (he had cheated on her with this woman. Also, she was pregnant at the time, and discovered so was his mistress) but didn't hold the same animosity towards her ex-just his girlfriend. I even saw them interacting, there was no hostility. Though from how she described him, he was very controlling. He hailed from Iraq, and if she dressed in anyway provocatively, he would be on at her to cover up and so on.
Shortly afterwards, her next relationship ended badly-the guy cheated on her too.

Outlaw Pete

Bambi985 wrote: »

...can't say I know many who'd give a shyte or even notice if their date was driving a 1991 car versus something newer and fancier...

Ah come on will ya.

Not that a study was really needed, but how and ever......

Men who drive flash cars really ARE more attractive to women, say Welsh academics

Researchers at the University of Wales Institute, Cardiff, have published the results of a study which they say shows women rate a man higher if he is behind the wheels of a fancy motor than in an old banger.

But men were not swayed by a woman’s choice of car, forming their opinion purely on looks.

A total of 120 people, aged between 21 and 40, were asked to look at two photographs showing a model sitting in two different cars, one a £70,000 silver Bentley continental and the other a “clapped-out” red Ford Fiesta.

The results showed that women found the same man more attractive when he was sitting in the Bentley, whereas men thought the woman was of equal attractiveness no matter which car she was sitting in.

Dr Michael Dunn of the University of Wales Institute, whose research has been published in the latest edition of the British Journal of Psychology, said he was spurred by his own interest in evolutionary psychology, along with the increasing number of women buying so-called “high end” motors.

He said the findings confirmed what he expected: women look to a man’s wealth and status, whereas men are primarily concerned with what a woman looks like.

“The evidence is not just anecdotal,” he said. “There’s a wide variety of evidence from disparate sources that does suggest that females are more influenced by wealth and status.

“It’s not a recent phenomenon. It is very ingrained. Females focus on questions of wealth and status because, clearly, if the male possesses those, that male would be in a better condition to rear healthy, viable offspring.”

This, he believes, would still not change in the future even as women become increasingly independently wealthy.

“It appears that the stereotype of women being positively influenced by a man’s status is true and, evolutionarily speaking, this makes sense.

However, even with the growing number of women in high-paid careers and the fact that they can be highly successful has no effect on how attractive they are to men.

“What you find is that these new, wealthy women still show a preferment for high-status males.”

silverharp

Outlaw Pete wrote: »

Ah come on will ya.

Not that a study was really needed, but how and ever......

I had a 5 year plan going to college BA MBA BMW

Bambi985

Outlaw Pete wrote: »

Ah come on will ya.

Not that a study was really needed, but how and ever......

However, referring to the results published yesterday, Dr Dunn admitted it could be interpreted as evidence that women are shallower than men.

“There’s evidence to support it,” he said.

Shame for him: he drives an old Ford Ka.

Literally laughed out loud at that. No bias there at all :pac:

tiger55

MGTOW for me.
The fact that women are so impressed by someone chatting them up is pathetic to be honest.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

Meh - if the first twenty-three or so got nowhere, what chance does number twenty-four have?

tiger55

Its not just money to be honest, a lot of women like violent men also.  Women simply want POWER from men (violence, money etc).  Why do you think women are always falling in love with violent inmates?  Female guards are always running off/getting pregnant with violent inmates etc  What did French women do when the Germans marched into Paris?

http://www.walesonline.co.uk/news/wales-news/men-who-drive-flash-cars-2119705

Tell me how

All that PUA and MGTOW "science" can FRO IMHO.