Do men bother approaching women anymore?

Widdershins

tiger55 wrote: »

Me personally, i dont care about women anymore, for this precise reason.  Women are not worth being with to be honest.  I am the sort of guy who goes to the park to feed the cygnets, but women would prefer the sort of guy that goes to park with pittbulls and throws rocks at the cygnets.  Sod the lot of them to be honest.

Meh, I like sort of dangerous men, but not in the way you mean. You're describing a knuckle dragger.

SGSM

Widdershins wrote:

Meh, I like sort of dangerous men, but not in the way you mean. You're describing a knuckle dragger.

Are you being serious here? In what way dangerous?

Widdershins

SGSM wrote: »

Are you being serious here? In what way dangerous?

I don't *only* like dangerous men. I like men who feed the cygnets too. I just have an unfortunate compulsion to sleep with men who are capable of violence. Maybe the female prison guards have the same weakness, but they're stupid enough to get involved. I have no interest in relationships with really dangerous and I tend towards monogamous longer term relationships with more stable men, which keeps me out of trouble.
And I'm not attracted to needlessly cruel men.

What's wrong with that, anyway?

Passtheremote

If I have a few online dates lined up in the next week I'm not arsed with the night out hopping around like your on mission to ride thing. Happy to get lcoked and spending it talking **** to mates. If a lovely comes along fine, but I've got my next week sorted so can take or leave it.

In terms of girls, if they fancy you.... ie like the look and sound of you... its easy. Otherwise it's bloody hard work and going nowhere, online or anywhere else. Just accept it and do the best you can.

ArchXStanton

Widdershins wrote: »

I don't *only* like dangerous men. I like men who feed the cygnets too. I just have an unfortunate compulsion to sleep with men who are capable of violence. Maybe the female prison guards have the same weakness, but they're stupid enough to get involved. I have no interest in relationships with really dangerous and I tend towards monogamous longer term relationships with more stable men, which keeps me out of trouble.
And I'm not attracted to needlessly cruel men.

What's wrong with that, anyway?

Reminds me of this...

https://heartiste.wordpress.com/2013/05/06/hamster-of-the-month-3/

SGSM

Widdershins wrote:

I don't *only* like dangerous men. I like men who feed the cygnets too. I just have an unfortunate compulsion to sleep with men who are capable of violence. Maybe the female prison guards have the same weakness, but they're stupid enough to get involved. I have no interest in relationships with really dangerous and I tend towards monogamous longer term relationships with more stable men, which keeps me out of trouble. And I'm not attracted to needlessly cruel men.

So you weren't serious.

LadyMacBeth_

In my experience, a man might approach me in a bar. Other than that though a guy has rarely approached me in another setting. When I used tinder and the likes in the past I had more guys swipe on me than I thought they would, judging by men not usually approaching me IRL I never thought I was particularly attractive but in the online world I always did a lot better. Though I also get the feeling that some men just swipe on everyone on tinder in the hope that someone will swipe back. I suppose the fear of rejection isn't as bad when you send someone a message, rather than approaching them in person and getting knocked back.

Widdershins

ArchXStanton wrote: »

Reminds me of this...

https://heartiste.wordpress.com/2013/05/06/hamster-of-the-month-3/

Not my kind of thing.

tiger55

Widdershins wrote: »

I don't *only* like dangerous men. I like men who feed the cygnets too. I just have an unfortunate compulsion to sleep with men who are capable of violence. Maybe the female prison guards have the same weakness, but they're stupid enough to get involved. I have no interest in relationships with really dangerous and I tend towards monogamous longer term relationships with more stable men, which keeps me out of trouble.

And I'm not attracted to needlessly cruel men.

What's wrong with that, anyway?

This is because you have simply not evolved.  10,000 years ago women were attracted to violent cavemen, because they could kill a animal to survive, and thus the women would survive also.

Widdershins

SGSM wrote: »

So you weren't serious.

I was. I do like dangerous men. I just don't like pure evil ars****s.

tiger55 wrote: »

This is because you have simply not evolved.  10,000 years ago women were attracted to violent cavemen, because they could kill a animal to survive, and thus the women would survive also.

That's one way of putting it. Actually there's a different reason but it's irrelevant to this thread.

I think that point on evolution could also be applied to a lot of people

I still want to know what's wrong with that.

buzzinfly83

I'm in a 12 year relationship but to be honest if we broke up I wouldn't see myself going out of my way to approach a woman these days.

A lot has changed since 12 years ago. The whole Instagram and Tinder has turned many women very fake and shallow (some men too). People in general have inflated self esteem due to how many likes they get and swipes on Tinder. Give me a normal girl that doesn't spend time posting about their gym/diet with hundreds of selfies any day.

I prefer an old school approach without the fakeness. These high maintenance woman are not for me. Too many Geordie Shore wannabes around these days.

Grayson

Widdershins wrote: »

I was. I do like dangerous men. I just don't like pure evil ars****s.

I tried putting butter in my coffee once. That's the kind of guy I am. Pure fcuking reckless.

Grayson

buzzinfly83 wrote: »

I'm in a 12 year relationship but to be honest if we broke up I wouldn't see myself going out of my way to approach a woman these days.

A lot has changed since 12 years ago. The whole Instagram and Tinder has turned many women very fake and shallow (some men too). People in general have inflated self esteem due to how many likes they get and swipes on Tinder. Give me a normal girl that doesn't spend time posting about their gym/diet with hundreds of selfies any day.

I prefer an old school approach without the fakeness. These high maintenance woman are not for me. Too many Geordie Shore wannabes around these days.

I think fake people have always been around. However the internet just gives them a platform. People probably didn't realise how many stupid people there were in the US until Jerry Springer. They were always there though.

Widdershins

Grayson wrote: »

I tried putting butter in my coffee once. That's the kind of guy I am. Pure fcuking reckless.

I'm seeing you in a whole new light

buzzinfly83

Grayson wrote: »

I think fake people have always been around. However the internet just gives them a platform. People probably didn't realise how many stupid people there were in the US until Jerry Springer. They were always there though.

True but it seems like an epidemic these. Giving these people a platform has allowed them to flourish. Years ago U'd be slagged to bits if u went on on like that but nowadays it's seen as normal.

Pac1Man

tiger55 wrote: »

This is because you have simply not evolved.  10,000 years ago women were attracted to violent cavemen, because they could kill a animal to survive, and thus the women would survive also.

You think people can just turn off their caveman instincts like a switch? 10,000 years is nothing. It has zero to do with a 'lack of evolution'.

I like a fine pair of hips and a big ass. The chances of a woman with these characteristics sustaining the pregnancy and successfully giving birth are greater.

That's what my caveman brain tells me. It doesn't mean I want to have a kid with every shapely woman I see.

You seem disappointed that Widdershins described these certain set of traits she finds attractive. I'm guessing they are a set you don't have.

Mister Vain

buzzinfly83 wrote: »

True but it seems like an epidemic these. Giving these people a platform has allowed them to flourish. Years ago U'd be slagged to bits if u went on on like that but nowadays it's seen as normal.

That's true. During the bebo days, if you posted a selfie of yourself flexing in a gym you would be unmercifully slagged by your mates. Now the gym selfies are so ubiquitous nobody bats an eye. Narcissism has become the norm.

Aongus Von Bismarck

In my single days I used to find it very easy to approach women. I know a lot of people these days find it difficult but if you work out, straighten your posture and don't go to places where they sell pitchers of beer for a tenner it can work wonders on your confidence.

It also seems to annoy a certain sort of man around here, but you really need to spend a bit of time dressing in an appropriate manner for your age and body shape. An attractive woman is highly unlikely to give much time to yet another drunken buffoon wandering clutching a pint, gormless look on his face, clad in the uniform of bootcut jeans, Penny's jumper and North Face jacket.

I used to open by telling them I needed to practice my German, it wasn't perfect then like it is now. Once I told them about my background and subsequent achievements (grew up in east Galway footing turf and later got a master’s degree from Warwick, moving to Germany to work on the cutting edge of finance) they naturally got very impressed and would often suggest going back to mine for “oral lessons.” Needless to say I was happy to comply! 😀.

SGSM

Widdershins wrote:

I was. I do like dangerous men. I just don't like pure evil ars****s.

What's so attractive about dangerous guys?

mzungu

buzzinfly83 wrote: »

A lot has changed since 12 years ago. The whole Instagram and Tinder has turned many women very fake and shallow (some men too). People in general have inflated self esteem due to how many likes they get and swipes on Tinder. Give me a normal girl that doesn't spend time posting about their gym/diet with hundreds of selfies any day.

There are loads of them around, in fact they are the vast majority.

Grayson

SGSM wrote: »

What's so attractive about dangerous guys?

We have our own butter.

mzungu

SGSM wrote: »

What's so attractive about dangerous guys?

Maybe this....

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dsUXAEzaC3Q

Chamone!

SGSM

Grayson wrote:

We have our own butter.

Would you shut up about your butter lol

Pac1Man

Aongus Von Bismarck wrote: »

they naturally got very impressed and would often suggest going back to mine for “oral lessons.” Needless to say I was happy to comply! 😀.

I don't know why but this creeps me out a small bit picturing that. It's almost like imagining your parents horsing each other out of it.

buzzinfly83

mzungu wrote: »

There are loads of them around, in fact they are the vast majority.

I don't see that at all especially with the younger girls. I'm glad I'm not 18 anymore and trying to meet someone. The expectations are a lot different. Every man is expected to have a six pack/muscles and a tan as standard.

Mister Vain

buzzinfly83 wrote: »

Every man is expected to have a six pack/muscles and a tan as standard.

Back in my day all you needed was a decent car with a big exhaust pipe.

tiger55

Pac1Man wrote: »

tiger55 wrote: »

This is because you have simply not evolved.  10,000 years ago women were attracted to violent cavemen, because they could kill a animal to survive, and thus the women would survive also.

You think people can just turn off their caveman instincts like a switch? 10,000 years is nothing. It has zero to do with a 'lack of evolution'.

I like a fine pair of hips and a big ass. The chances of a woman with these characteristics sustaining the pregnancy and successfully giving birth are greater.

That's what my caveman brain tells me. It doesn't mean I want to have a kid with every shapely woman I see.

You seem disappointed that Widdershins described these certain set of traits she finds attractive. I'm guessing they are a set you don't have.

I have been with more women than you have had hot dinners.  
I used to tell women i was out of jail for armed robbery (which is false BTW), and they would be all over me.  Looking back, it just shows and sick and twisted they actually are.  Armed robbers are utter scum to me.
I once had an ex spreading lies that i hit her (which i didnt), Guess what?  Women were all over me after she spread that about me.  This sickens me to be honest.  Also, why do you think a lot of women stay with violent men after they beat them?  Its NOT fear, they subconsciously like it (alpha male syndrome etc).

SGSM

buzzinfly83 wrote:

I don't see that at all especially with the younger girls. I'm glad I'm not 18 anymore and trying to meet someone. The expectations are a lot different. Every man is expected to have a six pack/muscles and a tan as standard.

This and I'm currently with a personal trainer for six months aiming to achieve said six pack and muscles. The joys of being in your early 20's.

ToddyDoody

Do you remember that one time a woman approached a man?

SGSM

ToddyDoody wrote:

Do you remember that one time a woman approached a man?

That was a good day.

tiger55

ToddyDoody wrote: »

Do you remember that one time a woman approached a man?

Good point.  I have had some nice women who said they used to fancy me (10 years back),, but didnt say a thing.
If a woman likes a man they wait for them to ask them out, then they go with the 1st guy who chats them up.

buzzinfly83

I think a lot of women especially in front of their friends get more pleasure from knocking a man back than they do from giving him a chance.

SGSM

Ah tbh most of the women are very courteous and polite when they have turned me down. I find myself more frustrated with myself cos I struggle so much to get a positive response.

Widdershins

SGSM wrote: »

What's so attractive about dangerous guys?

Tbh that question's been done to death already. It might be the characteristics that go with it, it might be that I have a masochistic streak.

To the poster who said women were all over you because you claimed to have been an armed robber, that in itself wouldn't spur me to get all over anyone.Maybe they liked something else about you. Maybe they're idiots. Given that the majority would run a mile, I don't know how you could think they're representative.

I don't believe there are women who stay in an abusive relationship because they like dominant men, and are not actually afraid, or too entangled financially etc to leave. An ''alpha'' man is actually very different to a bully/abuser. There would be no pleasure in that.

Grayson

tiger55 wrote: »

I have been with more women than you have had hot dinners.

I'd get tested if I were you.

SGSM

Widdershins wrote:

Tbh that question's been done to death already. It might be the characteristics that go with it, it might be that I have a masochistic streak.

Youre honest anyway but I wonder is dangerous the right word, is it not a bit strong?

Widdershins

SGSM wrote: »

Youre honest anyway but I wonder is dangerous the right word, is it not a bit strong?

Sometimes I go weak for sinister looking men. You know the ones you get a psycho vibe from. Cold eyes, for example. They don't need to have done anything. I fancy almost the full spectrum of bad lads Just not animal cruelty types or thugs.

Overall yes it's more the appeal of strength, cunning, being quick to act (I need a good word for that), that kind of thing.

SGSM

Widdershins wrote:

Sometimes I go weak for sinister looking men. You know the ones you get a psycho vibe from. Cold eyes, for example. They don't need to have done anything. I fancy almost the full spectrum of bad lads Just not animal cruelty types or thugs.

But a lot of sinister looking men aren't attractive looking.

Widdershins

SGSM wrote: »

But a lot of sinister looking men aren't attractive looking.

True, for me they have to be. But it's still the sinister aspect that really draws me.

buzzinfly83

Widdershins wrote: »

Sometimes I go weak for sinister looking men. You know the ones you get a psycho vibe from. Cold eyes, for example. They don't need to have done anything. I fancy almost the full spectrum of bad lads Just not animal cruelty types or thugs.

Overall yes it's more the appeal of strength, cunning, being quick to act (I need a good word for that), that kind of thing.

You have strange taste. By dangerous do you mean someone actually dangerous or more acting dangerous. Dangerous to me is a criminal/scumbag. Your describing dangerous looking but does that just mean the look of a person or a dangerous person. Not someone acting dangerous.

Widdershins

buzzinfly83 wrote: »

You have strange taste. By dangerous do you mean someone actually dangerous or more acting dangerous. Dangerous to me is a criminal/scumbag. Your describing dangerous looking but does that just mean the look of a person or a dangerous person. Not someone acting dangerous.

I have varied tastes.
A bit of both.
I'm trying and failing to think of examples without giving away much more personal information.

johnnyskeleton

Widdershins wrote: »

Sometimes I go weak for sinister looking men. You know the ones you get a psycho vibe from. Cold eyes, for example. They don't need to have done anything. I fancy almost the full spectrum of bad lads

Have you considered that maybe the worst offenders seem amiable, almost gentle, in company? Supposedly Stalin abhored the sight of blood.

buzzinfly83

Widdershins wrote: »

I have varied tastes.
A bit of both.
I'm trying and failing to think of examples without giving away much more personal information.

Fair enough I've seen plenty of ppl act dangerous while few actually are.

Widdershins

johnnyskeleton wrote: »

Have you considered that maybe the worst offenders seem amiable, almost gentle, in company? Supposedly Stalin abhored the sight of blood.

True. Oh, I wouldn't have gone for him

Will someone please tell me why this is considered so weird/bad?

Lots of people are into extremely dangerous sports, for example.

Wibbs

tiger55 wrote: »

MGTOW for me.
The fact that women are so impressed by someone chatting them up is pathetic to be honest.

Eh even if that were true - and it's not quite that simplistic - why? People chatting other people up is how we got to where we are today.

Tell me how wrote: »

All that PUA and MGTOW "science" can FRO IMHO.

The PUA types have more issues than Time magazine's back catalogue, but at least they're trying to engage. I'd reckon the majority of lads who get into that stuff are doing so from pretty genuine reasons. Now they may get sucked into the right wing Yank stuff along the way and the demographic would be prone to influence, but I reckon most are coming from a a genuine need. Namely feeling they are crap with social interaction and more, flirting with women(very different "skills"*). That they missed out on learning how the social back and forth goes. They actually want to find a nice woman and have some choice in the matter, rather than relying on "luck". When they see the usual advice is vague and pretty useless(just be yourself/there's someone for you/etc) and hasn't worked for them. It's about improving themselves and finding a group of other men they can just shoot the sh1t with, without women getting involved. There are "women only" spaces and that's accepted and cool too. Men only spaces? Advertise one of them and wait for the purple haired, sensible shoes brigade to show up and screech out.

Other than the men with actual mental pathologies, MGTOW on the other hand are playing pure avoidance. They may have come from the same place as the PUA types, but they went passive and simply gave up. Far easier to paint all women as the problem, rather than themselves. No self improvement required. I'm all right Jack. Eh no.

Both groups of men start out feeling they need these things because they feel they have no choice. If they had choice and ease with women they liked they'd not be interested in either. One group actively tries to increase the chance of choice, the other gives up. If a man who has choices decides to go MGTOW, then fair enough, but they would be the extreme minority.

Neither groups particularly appeal** but gun to my head I'd pick the PUA men far more over the MGTOW. I will always respect a man who actively tries to change, even if it's a change I might not buy into, over any man who actively tries to stay mired in the status quo and give excuses why he does so.






*I know and have known a lot of lads, particularly young lads who got on with women socially, even better than average, yet couldn't flirt to save their lives. Their social lives revolving around watching men of less quality than them get with women they liked. Forever in FriendZone.

** on the PUA front because it became so popular and many of the aficionados are of the anal persuasion and take copious notes, it does come across as a social experiment into dating and mating. Which is interesting, though it applies only to a subset of dating and mating and those women that respond to it. Honest PUA types admit this freely

pumpkin4life

Widdershins wrote: »

I don't *only* like dangerous men. I like men who feed the cygnets too. I just have an unfortunate compulsion to sleep with men who are capable of violence. Maybe the female prison guards have the same weakness, but they're stupid enough to get involved. I have no interest in relationships with really dangerous and I tend towards monogamous longer term relationships with more stable men, which keeps me out of trouble.
And I'm not attracted to needlessly cruel men.

What's wrong with that, anyway?

Remember I was at a party where this drunken wan was talking about how Nidge from Love/Hate was the most attractive man she had ever seen. A middle aged skinny fat smallish baldie lad. Far from being a model like.

I'd say it's fairly common in all honesty.

Widdershins

buzzinfly83 wrote: »

Fair enough I've seen plenty of ppl act dangerous while few actually are.

Ah, that's fine, I don't need them to murder someone to prove themselves

The ones I'd like would have conventionally attractive characteristics as well.

buzzinfly83

Widdershins wrote: »

True. Oh, I wouldn't have gone for him

Will someone please tell me why this is considered so weird/bad?

Lots of people are into extremely dangerous sports, for example.

The weirdness is more around the meaning behind it. If u mean actually dangerous and all goes with it or fellas who go around acting like dangerous men but in reality are not.

Widdershins

buzzinfly83 wrote: »

The weirdness is more around the meaning behind it. If u mean actually dangerous and all goes with it or fellas who go around acting like dangerous men but in reality are not.

Ok, looking back at my record, the former.

I'm not sure either what acting dangerous would involve but it sounds gob****ey?

One eyed Jack

Widdershins wrote: »

Sometimes I go weak for sinister looking men. You know the ones you get a psycho vibe from. Cold eyes, for example. They don't need to have done anything. I fancy almost the full spectrum of bad lads Just not animal cruelty types or thugs.

Overall yes it's more the appeal of strength, cunning, being quick to act (I need a good word for that), that kind of thing.

Just sayin'