Do men bother approaching women anymore?

Ubbquittious

ThisRegard wrote: »

You don't go to a nightclub to have a proper chat!

I don't think I ever had a proper chat in a nightclub. The only people who have them seem to be the smokers

Ben Gadot

Apps like Tinder never really effected my mentality in a negative way as I simply never took it seriously.

It's the horror stories that you read on a forum like boards and the increasing wave of deluded ,and quite frankly dangerous, bloggers (I refuse to call them journalists) that do far more damage to the mentality of young men in this country than a nothing app like Tinder ever could.

ThinkProgress

professore wrote: »

organic = friendzone

Well, I've never chased or pursued any woman in my life... and I have no issues getting attention from them. So make what you will of that.

I think most guys are just too obvious and come across too desperate.

I'm sure there are some women who enjoy being chased... but like I said, IME most women don't like being pestered all night by potential suitors. And I can understand exactly why they would feel that way tbh!

That "friendzone" stuff is BS too, because friendship is what you should be looking for in a partner anyway. If you base everything on sex, you're almost guaranteed to fail.

I definitely think a lot of people try too hard. If more people just relaxed a bit... allowed interactions to flow naturally and don't be in such a big rush, they would have much more success!

RoboRat

Glenster wrote: »

I suppose the issue is if you take 50% of humanity and strip it down to one characteristic (being a woman) its easy to assume that they all might want the same thing (they're all women right? All women are the same right?),

then when some of them say "I want to work" and others say "I don't want to work" or some say "I want to be chatted up" and others say "I don't want to be chatted up", because you've reduced them to being all the same in your head you can say something like "Bloody women, make your minds up"

Nope, that's just daft, I am using percentiles garnered from my own experience in life and making broad stroke generalisations... like people do, including many responses on this thread which I was countering with a broad stroke reply of my own.

The problem is that with experience, people tend to make generalisations to safeguard themselves. For example, if I met encountered 10 cats in my life and each time I got scratched, I would think that a cat is a snake with fur and thus avoid them like the plague - unfair on the many nice cats, but its life experience and human nature - we are not robots so therefore we make assumptions based on experience.

I do however think that many Irish women have an underlying sense on entitlement and/or distaste when it comes to Irish men... this is especially relevant to the city dwellers IMO. Perhaps it's their own experience or some handed down ideology that is driving this, I don't know? I can say that when I lived in the UK, if you chatted a woman up, it was a far nicer experience and even if they weren't interested, they would be happy to chat away and not be rude.

There are plenty of lovely Irish women, I married one, but from my own experience I got fed up with the games and nastiness of going out and trying to chat up women when I was in my 20's.

Mr.H

ThinkProgress wrote:

I consider it quite unnatural for either men or women to be pestering each other. If there is an attraction there, it should be mutual... and frankly it should be organic and not forced by either party!

How does it happen organically if neither party will approach each other?

I find it's the whole feminist and mgtow to be a real problem. They keep unfairly labelling the other gender and destroying our relationship with each other. We will end up like Kuala bears if we are not careful. Not at all trying to mate out of fear that we will be labeled as creeps or potential rapists or bitchs or slits and so on. I mean FFS stop slagging each other and just hetero know each other.

Not all men are pigs and not all women are "up themselves". Of course there are exceptions but even though they are very vocal they are a minority.

I myself think I am a lovely guy. I have my flaws like everyone but I'm loyal caring and fun (and very modest haha). My girlfriend is amazing and caring and sweet and perfect. We are not the only ones who are normal. There are loads of people out there who are cool.

So while you maybe labeled a creep or a freak or any other nasty thing by someone of either gender, don't let it stop you.

If you are male or female and you see someone who you are attracted to just say hi. If they converse with you that's great. If not who cares. Either they had a reason or they didn't. But the point is don't leave it put you off.

We are not just men and women we are humans and we are social animals. Just say hi to each other whether you wanna get into each others pants or not.

Maybe next time a guy approaches a woman in a bar they don't buy them a drink. I've known girls who because they were saving money used to go on dates for free dinner. Likewise guys who buy abseil for someone because they wanna ride.

I used to talk to girls in bars but just talk randomly. If we clicked me met again if not there is nothing lost

Gravelly

Mr.H wrote: »

How does it happen organically if neither party will approach each other?

I find it's the whole feminist and mgtow to be a real problem. They keep unfairly labelling the other gender and destroying our relationship with each other. We will end up like Kuala bears if we are not careful. Not at all trying to mate out of fear that we will be labeled as creeps or potential rapists or bitchs or slits and so on. I mean FFS stop slagging each other and just hetero know each other.

Agree with most of your sentiments, but I think you mean Panda bears, not koalas - afaik koalas ride each other like rented mules, it's pandas that are useless at it.

The Moldy Gowl

A lot of irish women do tend to have a sense of entitlement.
Just look st how many girls knock back guys because they arent over 6 foot.

Gravelly

The Moldy Gowl wrote: »

A lot of irish women do tend to have a sense of entitlement.
Just look st how many girls knock back guys because they arent over 6 foot.

They only do that until they hit their mid thirties - after that any dwarf will do.

wakka12

The Moldy Gowl wrote: »

A lot of irish women do tend to have a sense of entitlement.
Just look st how many girls knock back guys because they arent over 6 foot.

Guarantee you men in every country on earth say that about their own country, 'women in (insert any other country) are so much less shallow'

Its because theres shallow men and women in every country on earth and as far as I can see ireland doesn't seem any more or less shallow than anywhere else

Sam Kade

Richard Hillman wrote: »

There is no way to approach a female without giving off the impression that you are a psycho or a sex offender.

Are you saying chatting up a woman is a thing of the past? What should a fella do so if he fancies a woman, get her phone number and text her?

RoboRat

If you are male or female and you see someone who you are attracted to just say hi. If they converse with you that's great. If not who cares. Either they had a reason or they didn't. But the point is don't leave it put you off.

The problem was (perhaps still is) that rather than not conversing, you would get the rapist treatment or told to piss off. If that doesn't put you off then hats off to you, but rejection does affect people and someone being rude to you for no reason can wreak an enjoyable night.

Ironically, since I got married I get a lot more attention. I don't know whether it's because I am not bothered or because I am married and the unobtainable is the most desirable. I think this in itself gives a view into the paradoxical dating situation we have in Ireland.

The Moldy Gowl

wakka12 wrote: »

Guarantee you men in every country on earth say that about their own country, 'women in (insert any other country) are so much less shallow'

Its because theres shallow men and women in every country on earth and as far as I can see ireland doesn't seem any more or less shallow than anywhere else

Ah you're right. I hate the only in ireland trope as well. Soz bae. We are all bastards.

Ill rephrase. In my experience of living with women who have all been irish, all but 1 had the height fetish, among others.
Im sure i havent represented men very well in their eyes as well.
I lived with 2 new zealanders as well and they would ride anything and get on tinder late at night and invite a guy over.


A lot of men can be weird and needy and sometimes a little rapey.
One of the girls had a fella stay over who she had shifted but not rode yet. He stayed in her bed and spent the whole night prodding her back with his silly boy.

Neither sex does themselves any favours.

Ubbquittious

Sam Kade wrote: »

Are you saying chatting up a woman is a thing of the past? What should a fella do so if he fancies a woman, get her phone number and text her?

There are some inbetween steps before getting to the phone number now.

You have to add them on kik or some other throw-away messaging system. After a while then you add them on facebook so they can look through what you have on there to suss you out. Only much later do you get the phone number. You see they are all deathly afraid of getting that one fella who won't stop ringing and texting at 3am.

This used to leave me in a spot of bother before since I had no interest in maintaining a Facebook profile or installing all these extra messaging things.

Mr.H

Gravelly wrote:

Agree with most of your sentiments, but I think you mean Panda bears, not koalas - afaik koalas ride each other like rented mules, it's pandas that are useless at it.

Haha yea I'm mixing up the cute fluffy bears

Gravelly

Ubbquittious wrote: »

There are some inbetween steps before getting to the phone number now.

You have to add them on kik or some other throw-away messaging system. After a while then you add them on facebook so they can look through what you have on there to suss you out. Only much later do you get the phone number. You see they are all deathly afraid of getting that one fella who won't stop ringing and texting at 3am.

This used to leave me in a spot of bother before since I had no interest in maintaining a Facebook profile or installing all these extra messaging things.

That sounds like a lot of work. I managed to snag my wife before facebook, kik (whatever that is), or mobile phones. When we started dating we worked in different towns and would either ring each other on public phones at preset times, or (wait for it) write each other letters. Makes me sound positively ancient now, but this was only back in the 90's!

ThinkProgress

Mr.H wrote: »

How does it happen organically if neither party will approach each other?

Where did I say that?

Most guy's idea of an "approach" to the opposite sex on a night out, is quite similar to an approaching boeing 747 to a runway on a windy night with an inexperienced pilot at the controls...

I don't think some people realize how easy it is to scare someone off by being too forward, or too aggressive. Drink doesn't improve your social skills... it just gives the drinker that illusion, because they feel less anxious! If your social skills were lacking before... they will still be lacking with alcohol on board.

SGSM

I'm a 23 year old fella and tbh lost in the dating game. I find tinder rubbish, I've been told I'm a strong 7 so I'm not horrible to look at lol but don't get many matches and it's prob no good anyway as I'd be after something that could lead to a relationship and not just sex.
As regards approaching women, I wouldn't be overly confident doing it but I have in the past with little success. I don't drink alcohol at all but I would be far more likely to do it in a sober setting than my mates would and these are guys that look like Cassanova's when they have a drink in them.
Women my age anyway would be mortified were the approached in a day to day setting as a lot of my female friends have told me. Not in a hateful way but they would just find it very awkward.

frozenfrozen

wakka12 wrote: »

Haha good story to tell the sister! Bet the sis thinks less of her now
I seriously don't understand this though, like Im not a woman, Im a gay man but if some guy in a club came up to me and I wasnt interested in him even a little I would just still never think of replying like that to him for saying hi.. why is it so hard to say just hi how are you? having a good night? And if he tries anything just say you have a boyfriend. if he tries again then you have grounds to be rude

Never told her for fear she would say it to the girl and I'd be accused of trying to chat her up or something.

On the whole I have found girls not to be the best at taking rejection from me on nights out where it kind of feels like the only required part was for them to say OK and not even ask me. I.e. where they come up and squeeze your arse and you just want to then go away from them, you're called gay, ugly, they were only doing it to take the piss anyway all this kind of stuff.

I always find being hit on by a gay guy is easier than by a girl which I have no interest in because all you have to say is sorry I'm flattered but I'm straight and they apologise and move on. Try let a girl down in a similarly matter of fact way and you can expect at the very least glares from that entire group of girls for the rest of the night or else verbally abused.


Another story is not really related but it did happen so recently I'll say it, yesterday we were giving a girl a lift somewhere in a white van / transporter at work, she is in the back and sees her sister and a gaggle of friends etc up the road about to cross, and we stop to let them, she reaches forward and beeps the horn to get their attention to wave. Middle fingers up in the air and the sister roars out "FCUKKKK OFFFFFF!!!!!!!!!!" to us in the white van. I was mortified for her when she saw her sister waving behind us. Ok beeping isn't exactly a way of approaching someone but the first mental response was 'pervy men in white van beeping at us' I had the same feeling as with the sisters friend situation above, just seeing the really rude side of a person without any filter and for no good reason

ThisRegard

frozenfrozen wrote: »

Never told her for fear she would say it to the girl and I'd be accused of trying to chat her up or something.

On the whole I have found girls not to be the best at taking rejection from me on nights out where it kind of feels like the only required part was for them to say OK and not even ask me. I.e. where they come up and squeeze your arse and you just want to then go away from them, you're called gay, ugly, they were only doing it to take the piss anyway all this kind of stuff.

I always find being hit on by a gay guy is easier than by a girl which I have no interest in because all you have to say is sorry I'm flattered but I'm straight and they apologise and move on. Try let a girl down in a similarly matter of fact way and you can expect at the very least glares from that entire group of girls for the rest of the night or else verbally abused.


Another story is not really related but it did happen so recently I'll say it, yesterday we were giving a girl a lift somewhere in a white van / transporter at work, she is in the back and sees her sister and a gaggle of friends etc up the road about to cross, and we stop to let them, she reaches forward and beeps the horn to get their attention to wave. Middle fingers up in the air and the sister roars out "FCUKKKK OFFFFFF!!!!!!!!!!" to us in the white van. I was mortified for her when she saw her sister waving behind us. Ok beeping isn't exactly a way of approaching someone but the first mental response was 'pervy men in white van beeping at us' I had the same feeling as with the sisters friend situation above, just seeing the really rude side of a person without any filter and for no good reason

And yet millions of people have met their partners by approaching them in a pub/club/public wherever.

pilly

Gravelly wrote: »

That sounds like a lot of work. I managed to snag my wife before facebook, kik (whatever that is), or mobile phones. When we started dating we worked in different towns and would either ring each other on public phones at preset times, or (wait for it) write each other letters. Makes me sound positively ancient now, but this was only back in the 90's!

Ah now come on, we had landlines in the 90's!! And I'm nearly sure mobiles in the early 90's too.

frozenfrozen

ThisRegard wrote: »

And yet millions of people have met their partners by approaching them in a pub/club/public wherever.

What on earth is that supposed to mean as a reply to what I said?

Gravelly

pilly wrote: »

Ah now come on, we had landlines in the 90's!! And I'm nearly sure mobiles in the early 90's too.

We had landlines - but two young students in their first jobs living away from home couldn't afford them, thus the payphones. There were almost no mobiles whatsoever in the early 90's, they didn't become commonplace until 1997/1998.

ThisRegard

frozenfrozen wrote: »

What on earth is that supposed to mean as a reply to what I said?

Counter to the stories you were making about what happens when women are approached.

frozenfrozen

ThisRegard wrote: »

Counter to the stories you were making about what happens when women are approached.

I'm rejecting you now, please do not talk to me anymore, ya weirdo

Ubbquittious

SGSM wrote: »

I'm a 23 year old fella and tbh lost in the dating game. I find tinder rubbish, I've been told I'm a strong 7 so I'm not horrible to look at lol but don't get many matches and it's prob no good anyway as I'd be after something that could lead to a relationship and not just sex.
As regards approaching women, I wouldn't be overly confident doing it but I have in the past with little success. I don't drink alcohol at all but I would be far more likely to do it in a sober setting than my mates would and these are guys that look like Cassanova's when they have a drink in them.
Women my age anyway would be mortified were the approached in a day to day setting as a lot of my female friends have told me. Not in a hateful way but they would just find it very awkward.

You be grand. Just get stuck into something that isn't sitting in a room playing videogames with a bunch of like-minded bitter depressed souls. Kick a ball, motorsport, anything. You'll get to meet people soon enough and start getting invites to hoolies that way and it will provide you with something interesting to chat about when you do meet someone. Log into the ould dating sites now and then to keep your name in the hat but don't kill yourself with them.

Mr.H

ThinkProgress wrote:

I don't think some people realize how easy it is to scare someone off by being too forward, or too aggressive. Drink doesn't improve your social skills... it just gives the drinker that illusion, because they feel less anxious! If your social skills were lacking before... they will still be lacking with alcohol on board.

And some people think there is a one approach fits all. You sound like we are talking about how to control a microwave FFS.

I met my girlfriend when she in a bar tripped on front of me and when I caught her I jokingly said I didn't think you'd be falling for me this quick..... now 5 years later we have a house together and things are great. If I said that to a different girl she might curse at me or call me a creep or whatever.

I'm a funny guy but I wouldn't call myself smooth or anything. I was never a player by any stretch.

Point is that there is no one fits all method. Some people you get along with and others you dont

thisistough

SGSM wrote: »

I'm a 23 year old fella and tbh lost in the dating game. I find tinder rubbish, I've been told I'm a strong 7 so I'm not horrible to look at lol but don't get many matches and it's prob no good anyway as I'd be after something that could lead to a relationship and not just sex.
As regards approaching women, I wouldn't be overly confident doing it but I have in the past with little success. I don't drink alcohol at all but I would be far more likely to do it in a sober setting than my mates would and these are guys that look like Cassanova's when they have a drink in them.
Women my age anyway would be mortified were the approached in a day to day setting as a lot of my female friends have told me. Not in a hateful way but they would just find it very awkward.

As a 24 year old who also doesn't drink I find a similar issue - everyone my age seems to hook up on tinder or in clubs and it just isn't for me! I think so much of Ireland is centred around alcohol that when you don't drink it seems to cause a bit of a glitch in the 'process' - when your inhibitions are lowered from drink sure you don't care what kind of reaction you get and you know that neither of ye is going to really going to remember it in the morning anyway.

ThinkProgress

Mr.H wrote: »

And some people think there is a one approach fits all. You sound like we are talking about how to control a microwave FFS.

Earlier you remarked that I was suggesting nobody should approach each other... not sure how you managed to get that from my posts, but somehow that's what you interpreted. I never actually said anything remotely like that.

Now I'm fixing a microwave??

Care to explain why you are interpreting my points in such an odd manner?

I don't propose a "one-size fits all" approach. But I do think there are some common factors that influence whether you are successful or not. That's basically all I was really saying tbh!

silverharp

thisistough wrote: »

As a 24 year old who also doesn't drink I find a similar issue - everyone my age seems to hook up on tinder or in clubs and it just isn't for me! I think so much of Ireland is centred around alcohol that when you don't drink it seems to cause a bit of a glitch in the 'process' - when your inhibitions are lowered from drink sure you don't care what kind of reaction you get and you know that neither of ye is going to really going to remember it in the morning anyway.

as someone said above, you just need to be out of the house, do whatever floats your boat and someone will like the cut of your jib. the thing with clubs and Tinder are its difficult to stand out. In a normal social setting you can bring your humour and wit into play.

skeleton_boy

I knew a woman once, but she died soon afterwards

Floppybits

oneilla wrote: »

Floppybits wrote: »

10 years ago I would have agreed with her but lads are now starting to look after themselves a lot better. ?Well that's the way it seems to me. ?Ok a lot of them are not beefed up body builders but they are fit and lean. ?What age bracket is she talking about?

Nice username :PAC:

Thanks.

Mr.H

ThinkProgress wrote:

I don't propose a "one-size fits all" approach. But I do think there are some common factors that influence whether you are successful or not. That's basically all I was really saying tbh!

I sincerely apologize if I sound like I'm picking on you or your points. I really don't mean to.

I was saying about the not approaching thing because you suggested the men shouldn't "pester" women on a night out. But the term pester is very subjective. One person's pester is another person's socialising.

The second point of saying a one fits all approach directly relates to the first point. Saying hi to someone while they are enjoying a drink with their friends is pestering to some people.

You can be nice polite and non intrusive and still come across as a weirdo. The issue is respect is a two way street.

Have you ever had a girl pursue you and you didn't fancy her? It's horrible. Not that she likes you but letting her down without being a d&&+. Unfortunately not enough people care about rejecting nicely

Outlaw Pete

ThinkProgress wrote: »

I think most guys are just too obvious and come across too desperate.

Ah, the old "desperate" label. I remember the first time I ever heard that expression and it was said about guys that would so desperate for a girl that they would (usually around 3am) go from girl to girl looking to hook up with literally anyone they could get and they were right, such men were desperate but nowadays it's being said of guys that are million miles away from being desperate. It's been said almost immediately about guys that women just don't like. I have even heard it said about men that were minding their own business, not even approaching anyone but just happen to be there having a drink. 'Ah wouldya look at him, he's desperate, state of him!". The term has been so diluted now that it has lost all meaning and it can be used by women to just describe some guy they don't want anywhere near them... for reasons which have fcuk all to do with him being "desperate" at all.

I'm sure there are some women who enjoy being chased... but like I said, IME most women don't like being pestered all night by potential suitors. And I can understand exactly why they would feel that way tbh!

"Most women" ? I'd even say 'All women' don't like that... but so what? Most men don't pester women all night, so what's your point?

Carlos Orange

Outlaw Pete wrote: »

"Most women" ? I'd even say 'All women' don't like that... but so what? Most men don't pester women all night, so what's your point?

No man needs to pester women all night in order for some women to be pestered all night.

Floppybits

thisistough wrote: »

SGSM wrote: »

I'm a 23 year old fella and tbh lost in the dating game. I find tinder rubbish, I've been told I'm a strong 7 so I'm not horrible to look at lol but don't get many matches and it's prob no good anyway as I'd be after something that could lead to a relationship and not just sex.
As regards approaching women, I wouldn't be overly confident doing it but I have in the past with little success. I don't drink alcohol at all but I would be far more likely to do it in a sober setting than my mates would and these are guys that look like Cassanova's when they have a drink in them.
Women my age anyway would be mortified were the approached in a day to day setting as a lot of my female friends have told me. Not in a hateful way but they would just find it very awkward.

As a 24 year old who also doesn't drink I find a similar issue - everyone my age seems to hook up on tinder or in clubs and it just isn't for me! I think so much of Ireland is centred around alcohol that when you don't drink it seems to cause a bit of a glitch in the 'process' - when your inhibitions are lowered from drink sure you don't care what kind of reaction you get and you know that neither of ye is going to really going to remember it in the morning anyway.

You sound very serious. I'm in my 40's now and I never drank but I loved going to pubs and clubs, maybe it was a better scene when I was going out in the 90's and mid 00's. People drinking never bothered me, yep it can get annoying towards the end of the night when everyone is messy drunk and you are tired and just want to go home and you have that one mate that is looking for some dump that is still serving drink.   I found going with the flow hit the dance floor and have a laugh and you will do fine.  Yes some women will be put off because you don't drink and some women will be impressed that you don't drink and you don't need it to go out and enjoy yourself.  I wouldn't let that deter me from going out and having a good time and meeting people.  If you have interests then maybe look at joining a club.

Junkyard Tom

Deleted User wrote: »

tis rare a net ever comes up fully empty

course, a full net is too much

I've known lads who were neither trawlermen nor anglers... they were whalers. Dangerous business.

Gravelly

Junkyard Tom wrote: »

I've known lads who were neither trawlermen nor anglers... they were whalers. Dangerous business.

Safe out as long as your harpoon is big enough.

um7y1h83ge06nx

I remember about probably 7 years ago at this stage arranging to meet a girl from Plenty of Fish. Somehow it came up that she had two phones, one was her everyday phone one and one other number she would give to guys she met online and on a night out.

It completely put me off, just thought it a bit OTT and paranoid. How risky is it giving someone your number, worst case you can have the number blocked.

Carlos Orange

Kristina Shaggy Ukulele wrote: »

It completely put me off, just thought it a bit OTT and paranoid. How risky is it giving someone your number, worst case you can have the number blocked.

Probably depends how many guys she was meeting up with or how many boyfriends she had.

Knex*

Kristina Shaggy Ukulele wrote: »

I remember about probably 7 years ago at this stage arranging to meet a girl from Plenty of Fish. Somehow it came up that she had two phones, one was her everyday phone one and one other number she would give to guys she met online and on a night out.

It completely put me off, just thought it a bit OTT and paranoid. How risky is it giving someone your number, worst case you can have the number blocked.

Knew a few girls in America that had fake names for when meeting new lads. When I found that out, I was immediately taking myself out of the picture.

Absolutely bizarre conversation too. Was about the third time I had seen them and the main girl in question goes, "Oh, so you know that way I said my name was Hannah, and my friends were x and y, well actually, its...".

They couldn't comprehend why I thought it was mental.

wakka12

Kristina Shaggy Ukulele wrote: »

I remember about probably 7 years ago at this stage arranging to meet a girl from Plenty of Fish. Somehow it came up that she had two phones, one was her everyday phone one and one other number she would give to guys she met online and on a night out.

It completely put me off, just thought it a bit OTT and paranoid. How risky is it giving someone your number, worst case you can have the number blocked.

Probably had some bad experience with a guy(s)
Thats not normal thing to do

pilly

wakka12 wrote: »

Probably had some bad experience with a guy(s)
Thats not normal thing to do

Yeah, maybe previously had a stalker?

Widdershins

Kristina Shaggy Ukulele wrote: »

I remember about probably 7 years ago at this stage arranging to meet a girl from Plenty of Fish. Somehow it came up that she had two phones, one was her everyday phone one and one other number she would give to guys she met online and on a night out.

It completely put me off, just thought it a bit OTT and paranoid. How risky is it giving someone your number, worst case you can have the number blocked.

When women meet men from the internet and things go wrong, its often the women who are blamed for meeting them in the first place. I don't think it's that weird to take precautions. Once she knew you were 'sound' she came clean..

um7y1h83ge06nx

My memory is a bit hazy but she definitely didn't mention any bad incidents like stalkers, but she definitely was wary of coming across a crazy guy. Free to do what she liked but just thought it a bit OTT, not like she was sharing her home address with loads of random guys.

Bambi985

Ireland just doesn't have the same dating culture as America and just isn't suited to it given how confidence and a lack of self-deprecation tend to unsettle the best of us. Though we do try god love us, with the likes of tinder and "dating" and "multi-dating" and all the rest of it.

All you have to do to be cold-approached in the US/Canada to a lesser extent is to be female and marginally attractive and then walk into a public place like a bar or a cafe or even a supermarket, don't scowl every person you see and you'll probably have some lad trying to make banter and get your number.

To do that in Ireland is to be labelled a "weirdo" or a social misfit, often to be met by an unsavoury reaction from a lady who feels totally uncomfortable and unused to it, thus labelling all Irish women as "b1tches" or "snobs" or whatever and the cycle continues. So we wait until a pint or 12 has been consumed in the local pub/club and the whole thing becomes even more of a disaster.

I remember when I still lived in Ireland in my early 20s, i was single and was convinced that Irish men were just the worst, lacking balls, b@stards you could ever hope to meet. Probably because my only option for meeting lads was down the pub where everyone was locked and acting like the biggest bellend going, myself included. I'd have that "approach me if you dare" attitude and was so uber self-conscious and self-aware that any poor lad that would dare to approach would be gee-eyed in the extreme.

Met my own boyfriend through work abroad and now any time I come back and go out with old friends, I get approached all the time because I'm smiling and laughing and not giving a sh1t about myself or who's noticing me or any of that. I'd have some lovely "thanks but no thanks" interactions with fellas nearby and no-one gets arsey with one another because no-one is mistreated or ignored or dismissed or any of that.

If I was single again, no way would I be frequenting pubs or clubs hoping to meet someone though. I know it's the age-old Irish thing, "we met in the local", but the chances of having loads in common with someone you met when you were both half-cut are slim to none IME and that's what causes half the damage.

Shemale

CruelCoin wrote: »

Nobody thinks "wow, she has a great personality" from halfway across a room.

Total bull****.

The girls who looked like they were good fun and happy were always the first women I would look at and if they were quite good looking I was over. In 10 years in town, mainly single I never once was given the cold shoulder or told to **** off.

At the end of the day how could someone with notions and nothing to say and boring to be with be a better proposition, looks fade and dull personalities are left.

Shemale

Knex. wrote: »

Knew a few girls in America that had fake names for when meeting new lads.

A friend used to tell girls his name was Mickey Moore and give out another friends mobile number.

Every week our other friend was gettting weird calls and texts from all different numbers and didnt know what was happening, that went on for ages as "Mickey" didnt tell him because our other friend would have sent everyone of them a text with "Mickeys" real name.

Donald Trump

annascott wrote: »

Seemingly gone are the days when a barman would bring over a bottle of wine/round of drinks from the gentleman in the corner...

Might be a good reason why not that isn't done so much these days..........
Picture the scene. A packed nightclub with the music blaring and people falling over the place. Fella in the corner calls over the barman:
"Barkeep my good man. A pint of your best stout for me and send a pint of Rohypnol to the young lady at the end of the bar."

Donald Trump

To see a typical interaction when an Irish fella tries to approach some Irish (non-drunk) girls go to 48 seconds in the below

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kpZbaz3Wlfw

Bambi985

Donald Trump wrote: »

To see a typical interaction when an Irish fella tries to approach some Irish (non-drunk) girls go to 48 seconds in the below

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kpZbaz3Wlfw

Honestly is this really a thing that a significant amount of women do? I can imagine if you're under 21 and approaching exclusively tacky Geordie Shore style women with the drag queen makeup and bushy caterpillar painted-on eyebrows and skirts up their arses then maybe you're getting a bit of attitude. But can't say ever saw or heard a fellow female friend or acquaintance ever be that much of a dick about rejecting someone without a very good reason (EG arse pinch or cheeky grope or someone so locked they're literally drooling all over her)