Do men bother approaching women anymore?

Donald Trump

Bambi985 wrote: »

Donald Trump wrote: »

To see a typical interaction when an Irish fella tries to approach some Irish (non-drunk) girls go to 48 seconds in the below

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kpZbaz3Wlfw

Honestly is this really a thing that a significant amount of women do? I can imagine if you're under 21 and approaching exclusively tacky Geordie Shore style women with the drag queen makeup and bushy caterpillar painted-on eyebrows and skirts up their arses then maybe you're getting a bit of attitude. But can't say  ever saw or heard a fellow female friend or acquaintance ever be that much of a dick about rejecting someone without a very good reason (EG arse pinch or cheeky grope or someone so locked they're literally drooling all over her)

Yes, I would say that most women do it. Maybe not all the time but most would have done it once. Especially in groups.
In fairness you can't blame them in one sense. A lot of them get fed up by sleazy drunk fellas constantly pestering them.
Especially when younger. The line between a fella being a creep and assertive is drawn purely by the girl based on her own subjectivity.

Elemonator

pilly wrote: »

I think irish men lack balls to be honest.

We just know we can find more attractive women outside of Ireland, since we are all digging up tired sweeping generalisations! :rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes:


I jest!

Bambi985

Donald Trump wrote: »

Yes, I would say that most women do it. Maybe not all the time but most would have done it once. Especially in groups.
In fairness you can't blame them in one sense. A lot of them get fed up by sleazy drunk fellas constantly pestering them.
Especially when younger. The line between a fella being a creep and assertive is drawn purely by the girl based on her own subjectivity.

Well, yeah but if men had an onslaught of drunken women they don't find remotely attractive hitting on them in the same way they'd probably become a little more forceful about saying "no" too. It's just that it's more one-way thing.

What amuses me though is when you see some young wan dressed extremely provocatively, I mean boobs and arse cheeks on show and drenched in fake tan and makeup dripping off her face - then becoming b1tchy and catty when men approach her. Now I'm all for feminism and wearing what you want as a woman, but you'd want to be in possession of half a brain to not know that dressing a certain way will turn your night into a long drawn-out exercise of fending off crude advances from ape-like men who become more ape-like once the beer is flowing.

notsoyoungwan

Kristina Shaggy Ukulele wrote: »

I remember about probably 7 years ago at this stage arranging to meet a girl from Plenty of Fish. Somehow it came up that she had two phones, one was her everyday phone one and one other number she would give to guys she met online and on a night out.

It completely put me off, just thought it a bit OTT and paranoid. How risky is it giving someone your number, worst case you can have the number blocked.

To be fair, in the pre-smartphone era, it wasn't all that easy block someone's number. I remember wanting to do it with an ex who turned into an abusive harassing prick, it wasn't an available function on my handset and Vodafone wouldn't do it without a Garda report. Plus, there's always the option for someone to call from a private number, or pick up a cheap phone to text from. So I can see the logic in having an easily disposable number for dating til you feel you have them sussed out a bit.

Mister Vain

wakka12 wrote: »

This ireland is obsessed with alcohol and club culture myth needs to die
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_countries_by_alcohol_consumption_per_capita

Irelands alchohol consumption rate is a mile behind all of eastern europe, less than france portugal australia finland and south korea, and similar to luxembourg, the UK, germany denmark and spain

Alcohol has been the backbone of Irish romance for a long time but I think its slowly starting to change. There are a lot more things to do now outside of pub/clubs. More people are into the gym, hiking, photography, arsing about with drones etc. That certainly wasn't the case 10 or 15 years ago where if you weren't getting plastered every weekend you were as dry as an African footpath.

With regards to the social media thing, it seems a lot of people spend more time recording the moment than actually living it. Clubs nowadays are nothing more than pretentious glorified photo studios where people just pose for photos and then upload them to various sites like facebook and Instagram to show how great their lives are. It's not easy trying to approach people when they're glued to their smartphones.

Donald Trump

Bambi985 wrote: »

Donald Trump wrote: »

Yes, I would say that most women do it. Maybe not all the time but most would have done it once. Especially in groups.
In fairness you can't blame them in one sense. A lot of them get fed up by sleazy drunk fellas constantly pestering them.
Especially when younger. The line between a fella being a creep and assertive is drawn purely by the girl based on her own subjectivity.

Well, yeah but if men had an onslaught of drunken women they don't find remotely attractive hitting on them in the same way they'd probably become a little more forceful about saying "no" too. It's just that it's more one-way thing.

Yeah but the point is that that becomes their default response, even to an innocuous attempt to strike up conversation. They don't have the skills to try to have a simple one or two sentence conversation to try to determine whether the fella is a drunk creep or not before telling him to fuck off
I have friends from South America who talk about the way they are perceived stereotypically  as being somehow more "loose" or "easy" because they'll happy chat or flirt with lots of different fellas. To the South American girls, it's just being social and a bit of fun and part of their culture. It doesn't have to go any further than that. And they notice that the girls from the culture that tries to be more "reserved" tend to only talk to fellas that they will actually hook up with. But then they get drunk and by the end of the night are over rubbing their arses into strangers crotches on the dancefloor.
And it is true. If a girl you meet in a bar, or especially club, is interested enough to talk to you, she's probably interested to ride you. There isn't really a middle ground. Maybe it's a hangover from the old days of "men on one side of the dancefloor, women on the other getting drunk separately until the slow set comes on and you get a quick grope"

arayess

Richard Hillman wrote: »

There is no way to approach a female without giving off the impression that you are a psycho or a sex offender.

sex offender every time!
Think Ted Bundy looks and charm

Bambi985

Donald Trump wrote: »

Yeah but the point is that that becomes their default response, even to an innocuous attempt to strike up conversation. They don't have the skills to try to have a simple one or two sentence conversation to try to determine whether the fella is a drunk creep or not before telling him to fuck off
I have friends from South America who talk about the way they are perceived stereotypically  as being somehow more "loose" or "easy" because they'll happy chat or flirt with lots of different fellas. To the South American girls, it's just being social and a bit of fun and part of their culture. It doesn't have to go any further than that. And they notice that the girls from the culture that tries to be more "reserved" tend to only talk to fellas that they will actually hook up with. But then they get drunk and by the end of the night are over rubbing their arses into strangers crotches on the dancefloor.
And it is true. If a girl you meet in a bar, or especially club, is interested enough to talk to you, she's probably interested to ride you. There isn't really a middle ground. Maybe it's a hangover from the old days of "men on one side of the dancefloor, women on the other getting drunk separately until the slow set comes on and you get a quick grope"

On the opposite side of that, when every man you have a casual bit of banter with is expecting the ride at the end of it, you tend to be less enthusiastic about having a casual bit of banter with any lad that approaches

I remember when I was in my late teens one random lad was really, really autistically honest about it - chatting for a few minutes at the bar, moved away to find my friends, he follows me with "if we're not going to hook up you may as well tell me now so I'm not wasting my time" :pac::pac:

In the face of that kind of expectation you can lose your innocence about having a "friendly chat" to any guy that approaches you very quickly.

Now granted there are more compassionate and friendly and human ways of handling these things which most people cotton onto as they get older - at 31 I have no problem being chatty and open with anyone that approaches me, whilst casually dropping my boyfriend into conversation if I felt he was getting the wrong message - but when you're younger you tend to not have those same social skills or level of maturity when asserting yourself in socially uncomfortable situations.

Daisy78

Ubbquittious wrote: »

Jaysus I'd hate to be single again, it's gone besh!t altogether. You're supposed to use tinder now instead of chatting up someone in real life?

If you're in rural Ireland and you start approaching women you quickly make a name for yourself. In the city they soon tell you where to go because you're obviously a weirdo

Eh so how do people meet then? If they are not approaching someone? Or using a dating app? Through friends?

Junkyard Tom

Richard Hillman wrote: »

There is no way to approach a female without giving off the impression that you are a psycho or a sex offender.

Ah there is:

Outlaw Pete

Bambi985 wrote: »

Well, yeah but if men had an onslaught of drunken women they don't find remotely attractive hitting on them in the same way they'd probably become a little more forceful about saying "no" too. It's just that it's more one-way thing.

Well, see you've inadvertently pointed out what the real issue is here, as you specifically cited guys that these women 'didn't find attractive' with the above and that's the crux of it and most guys know that tbf. Their 'drunkenness' wouldn't be a problem were these guys that the women were attracted to and so the 'drunkenness' is really only cited (as also is "desperation") so as to excuse the rudeness.

Which is all cool of course, as no girl or woman should feel that there are obliged to talk to anyone that they don't particularly want to talk to... but I've seen far too many blokes getting slagged off, abused, humiliated and generally just treated like pieces of shite for having the audacity to try and get chatting to a woman to pass any heed to it. Guys that were a million miles from being drunk, pushy or 'desperate' (in the true sense of the word at least).

If guys are that way, genuinely, then of course they deserve the eye rolls, the blanks and even the f-offs... but I don't hear guys (or the women for that matter) moaning about those type of men being mistreated or getting their comeuppance..... it's claissic strawmaning to keep citing such behavior in defense of treated guys who don't behave in that manner like crap, Of course women deserve respect when they are out... but guys do too.

Dynomutt

This is a good example of how things are nowadays:

ThinkProgress

Mr.H wrote: »

I sincerely apologize if I sound like I'm picking on you or your points. I really don't mean to.

I was saying about the not approaching thing because you suggested the men shouldn't "pester" women on a night out. But the term pester is very subjective. One person's pester is another person's socialising.

The second point of saying a one fits all approach directly relates to the first point. Saying hi to someone while they are enjoying a drink with their friends is pestering to some people.

You can be nice polite and non intrusive and still come across as a weirdo. The issue is respect is a two way street.

Have you ever had a girl pursue you and you didn't fancy her? It's horrible. Not that she likes you but letting her down without being a d&&+. Unfortunately not enough people care about rejecting nicely

You're probably right, pestering could be highly subjective depending on the person(s) involved and the situation...

My experience of bars and clubs, is that they can often just feel like a bit of a meat market...

Women have their guard up in those settings, more than most other settings... even if their motivation for being there is partly or completely the same as the men. If you met those same women in a different social setting... there is a good chance they would have a different attitude.

I have had women make moves on me, that I wasn't interested in... it is awkward tbf... I haven't always covered myself in glory in the past in terms of rejecting them. (although I'm confident I was never a total d!ck). These days it's quite easy to pretend I'm just a big dumb bloke, who is completely oblivious to their flirting... seems to work well without hurting anyone's feelings. With the added bonus of them walking away thinking I'm a nice guy, but a just a bit thick!!

I don't want to make excuses for people who treat others like sh!t... but like I said, maybe they just don't enjoy the feeling of being a piece of meat in a market... especially if they think you're only interested in a quick taste of the goods! (sorry it's dinner time so all I can think of is food right now) :pac::pac:

Bambi985

Agree with the above, I think clubs and pubs are fraught with these tensions - ask any woman and she'll tell you about being groped or drooled all over by some drunken mess that wouldn't get the hint; ask any man and he'll tell you about being told to "fcuk off" or other charming expletives by a woman who he went as far as saying "hi there" to. Add alcohol to the mix and it becomes even more of a battleground.

I can't think of a single relationship that emerged in my own love life from being in a pub or club or even any person that I met for more than one date after the fact. Seems to be common enough, though anecdotally online seems to be taking over as the number one way that people are meeting their partners.

Richard Hillman

The Downton Abbey approach is the best way to go about things. Wait to be introduced to somebody by a trusted friend/relation or marry your second cousin.

Mister Vain

Bambi985 wrote: »

Agree with the above, I think clubs and pubs are fraught with these tensions - ask any woman and she'll tell you about being groped or drooled all over by some drunken mess that wouldn't get the hint; ask any man and he'll tell you about being told to "fcuk off" or other charming expletives by a woman who he went as far as saying "hi there" to. Add alcohol to the mix and it becomes even more of a battleground.

I can't think of a single relationship that emerged in my own love life from being in a pub or club or even any person that I met for more than one date after the fact. Seems to be common enough, though anecdotally online seems to be taking over as the number one way that people are meeting their partners.

Not only have I never met anyone in a bar or club but I've never actually been rejected because the conversation doesn't even get to that point due to the loud music. It usually goes something like this:

"Hi, how are you?"
"What?"
"What's your name?"
"What?"
"Where are you from?"
"What?"
"Will you shift me?"
"What?

Do that with a few different girls and then give up and go for a bag of chips. Sometimes I wish I was a smoker. :pac:

Granted I once bumped into a girl outside a chippers and we ended up sharing a bag of chips in the rain. It was kind of romantic...ish.

Outlaw Pete

Dynomutt wrote: »

This is a good example of how things are nowadays:

It's exaggerated for effect of course but the essence of it was spot on

Couple it with the kind of personalities on display in the following vid and you have a fair example of what an average guy quite often encounters of a night out in Ireland.............

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SPFHcQ5OAo8

wakka12

Outlaw Pete wrote: »

It's exaggerated for effect of course but the essence of it was spot on

Couple it with the kind of personalities on display in the following vid and you have a fair example of what an average guy quite often encounters of a night out in Ireland.............

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SPFHcQ5OAo8

That criticism might be valid if she wasnt caked in makeup, pretty rich coming from her tbh

major bill

Outlaw Pete wrote: »

It's exaggerated for effect of course but the essence of it was spot on

Couple it with the kind of personalities on display in the following vid and you have a fair example of what an average guy quite often encounters of a night out in Ireland.............

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SPFHcQ5OAo8

Yer wan caked with makeup and whos online pictures are prob all face pics gives out about men not looking like their profile!! The Tinder/POF generation in a nutshell!!

Dynomutt

Outlaw Pete wrote: »

It's exaggerated for effect of course but the essence of it was spot on

Couple it with the kind of personalities on display in the following vid and you have a fair example of what an average guy quite often encounters of a night out in Ireland.............

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SPFHcQ5OAo8

This is a profile picture of the wan who's complaining about men not looking like their photo

TiGeR KiNgS

Outlaw Pete wrote: »

It's exaggerated for effect of course but the essence of it was spot on

Couple it with the kind of personalities on display in the following vid and you have a fair example of what an average guy quite often encounters of a night out in Ireland.............

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SPFHcQ5OAo8

These yentas make me wannna vomit.

Bambi985

In fairness you can hardly use TV3's Midday as a barometer of what women generally think about anything, let alone online dating. It's probably the cheapest, most low-rent trash on Irish TV.

lazybones32

Dynomutt wrote: »

This is a profile picture of the wan who's complaining about men not looking like their photo

You'd need a camera with panoramic view to be able to see the rest of her...

Widdershins

Dynomutt wrote: »

This is a profile picture of the wan who's complaining about men not looking like their photo

She knows all about the trickery...How do they do that thing where their facial features all become a bright white blur...

Surreptitious

Widdershins wrote: »

She knows all about the trickery...How do they do that thing where their facial features all become a bright white blur...

She's had a pile of work done, she can't smile straight, she's had filler, botox, her lips done and hair extensions. At the very least.

SGSM

Thats real lousy of those women on midday. Laughing at a guy for how he looked. The guy could have seen that episode for all we know. Bunch of witches.

Spence Thurman

Mister Vain wrote: »

Not only have I never met anyone in a bar or club but I've never actually been rejected because the conversation doesn't even get to that point due to the loud music. It usually goes something like this:

"Hi, how are you?"
"What?"
"What's your name?"
"What?"
"Where are you from?"
"What?"
"Will you shift me?"
"What?

Do that with a few different girls and then give up and go for a bag of chips. Sometimes I wish I was a smoker. :pac:

Granted I once bumped into a girl outside a chippers and we ended up sharing a bag of chips in the rain. It was kind of romantic...ish.

Never repeat yourself on the approach, just change topic or ask for a high five and spin her and onto new topic. Repeating yourself kills the rhythm.

Wibbs

Dynomutt wrote: »

This is a profile picture of the wan who's complaining about men not looking like their photo

Man you'd want a neck as hard as a jockey's bollocks to complain as she did. And an irony and self awareness bypass. Par for the course for the majority of talking heads in Irish media.

Meh, as Bambi notes you'd not use that as any sort of yardstick to judge Irish womanhood. Well, outside of a percentage of past their sell by date suburban harridans bemoaning the choices they sidled into. For that cohort it would be like looking in a mirror, only unlike the talking heads they ain't acting up for the cameras.

red ears

Bambi985 wrote: »

In fairness you can hardly use TV3's Midday as a barometer of what women generally think about anything, let alone online dating. It's probably the cheapest, most low-rent trash on Irish TV.

Poor mans loose woman and that really is saying something.

Surreptitious

I just watched the video and all I got from it was 'ting' so I wouldn't take a whole lot of notice what she says.

Wibbs

red ears wrote: »

Poor mans loose woman.

That collection of words amuses me on a few levels RE. Kudos Sir.

Mister Vain

SGSM wrote: »

Thats real lousy of those women on midday. Laughing at a guy for how he looked. The guy could have seen that episode for all we know. Bunch of witches.

Imagine if it was a group of men laughing at a woman because she was flat chested. :eek:

Wibbs

Mister Vain wrote: »

Imagine if it was a group of men laughing at a woman because she was flat chested. :eek:

Meh, the media is mostly biased towards Women(c) and attitudes on such shows adjust accordingly. Why? Women are bigger, more regular consumers than men and appear to be more susceptible to consumerism in general, so the advertising the media rely on largely drives the content. Follow the money.

uck51js9zml2yt

pilly wrote: »

It

Eastern European women on the other hand have a total disdain for Irish men and I find it quite rude.

And yet so many of them marry us! . I know 4 off the top of my head!..my wife included:)

Mister Vain

Adriana Ripe Stranger wrote: »

And yet so many of them marry us! . I know 4 off the top of my head!..my wife included:)

For a moment there I thought you said you had 4 wives giving you head.

wakka12

Wibbs wrote: »

Meh, the media is mostly biased towards Women(c) and attitudes on such shows adjust accordingly. Why? Women are bigger, more regular consumers than men and appear to be more susceptible to consumerism in general, so the advertising the media rely on largely drives the content. Follow the money.

Well yeh theres an element of that also have to take into consideration the fact that criticism of men goes completely unnoticed as its seen as completely socially acceptable to mock any aspect of a mans appearance without consequence

Dynomutt

Bambi985 wrote: »

In fairness you can hardly use TV3's Midday as a barometer of what women generally think about anything, let alone online dating. It's probably the cheapest, most low-rent trash on Irish TV.

I know Midday or (whatever it's called now) is complete rubbish altogether but the Irish media represents these type of women as the modern "norm" along with headwrecking bloggers and "social influencers" and is part of the reason why men don't want the hassle of approaching women in public, I think.

Buddly

pilly wrote:

In Canada recently and a guy actually approached me in a cafe! Such a refreshing approach.


Made my day


Have had the same experience all over the continent.

I think irish men lack balls to be honest.[\quote]

You're assuming that a sober, daytime approach to a woman in Canada elicits the same response as an approach in Ireland.

It doesn't.

Wibbs

wakka12 wrote: »

Well yeh theres an element of that also have to take into consideration the fact that criticism of men goes completely unnoticed as its seen as completely socially acceptable to mock any aspect of a mans appearance without consequence

Again because of the Follow the Money aspect W. One position is profitable, one isn't.

Yourself isit

wakka12 wrote: »

That criticism might be valid if she wasnt caked in makeup, pretty rich coming from her tbh

They are all well below average looking.

mada999

Jim Bob Scratcher wrote: »

If a bloke did that in this country he would be considered weird though

nah not if he is a "ride" though.. only creepy if he is ugly

Beyondgone

The maternity hospitals are packed..so someone must be approaching someone. Can't all be miraculous conceptions.

Ubbquittious

Beyondgone wrote: »

The maternity hospitals are packed..so someone must be approaching someone. Can't all be miraculous conceptions.

Except these days everyone in there is brought in well in advance to be induced, lots of equipment and storage areas interspersed between the beds and a three-piece suite for any visitors to sit down in beside every bed. Whereas back in my day* it was just a big long row of beds spaced 2ft apart with one nurse in the middle of the room telling them all when to push and once the baby had been given a quick wipe down and made sure it was breathing they were told to pack their bags and go home to make room for the next person.

*Post may contain slight traces of truth

worded

pilly wrote: »

Bring back the slow dance I say!

For those too young to know what happened ....

It was usually 4-8 fast dance tracks followed by a set of 2-4 slow tracks

AKA the "erection section" of the night

erica74

I was actually out last Friday night and was approached by a young man, probably a couple of years younger than me. He struck up a short conversation and then offered to buy me a drink. I told him I would love a drink, however, I'm married and didn't want him to think I was leading him on by accepting a drink from him. He said it was nice of me to tell him that I was married and wished me a good night and headed off. It was probably the most polite conversation I've ever had with someone in a bar.

Widdershins

Surreptitious wrote: »

She's had a pile of work done, she can't smile straight, she's had filler, botox, her lips done and hair extensions. At the very least.

''Can't smile straight'' urgh :eek: why do people do it?

Its definitely some extra messing with the camera or lighting as well, though. I've seen similar photos of a woman on Facebook.

Jim Bob Scratcher

erica74 wrote: »

I was actually out last Friday night and was approached by a young man, probably a couple of years younger than me. He struck up a short conversation and then offered to buy me a drink. I told him I would love a drink, however, I'm married and didn't want him to think I was leading him on by accepting a drink from him. He said it was nice of me to tell him that I was married and wished me a good night and headed off. It was probably the most polite conversation I've ever had with someone in a bar.

Us blokes are gentlemen. I hope other ladies take note of how to handle a situation like this :pac:

pilly

erica74 wrote: »

I was actually out last Friday night and was approached by a young man, probably a couple of years younger than me. He struck up a short conversation and then offered to buy me a drink. I told him I would love a drink, however, I'm married and didn't want him to think I was leading him on by accepting a drink from him. He said it was nice of me to tell him that I was married and wished me a good night and headed off. It was probably the most polite conversation I've ever had with someone in a bar.

Just as a matter of interest Erica, do you wear a wedding ring? Just wondering if this is any deterrent for men?

erica74

pilly wrote: »

Just as a matter of interest Erica, do you wear a wedding ring? Just wondering if this is any deterrent for men?

I do. I wear my wedding ring and my engagement ring all the time, however, they are a very unusual design (my husband's friend is a goldsmith/jeweller and designed our rings for us) and not just the standard band with diamond so they are often mistaken as just a very fancy ring because they look quite different.
I recall on one night out a particularly persistent man shouting at me that I should just tell him I wasn't interested instead of pretending I was married because he didn't believe they were my wedding rings:pac:

I think my experience of rings being a deterrent is a bit different to others simply because most people (women included) don't believe my rings are wedding rings.

worded

wonderfullife wrote: »

I'm nostalgic for After Hours circa 2010 when the ONLY acceptable response to this would have been "pics or GTFO".

I was thinking exactly the same but decided not to post it

pics or GTFO - LOL