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Do men bother approaching women anymore?
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Of course It happens. I never really realize though until after ...oh THAT'S what he was doing! I just think they are talking ( cuz sometimes guys are just being friendly Dublin guys are really nice
I mean how else do you even make FRIENDS ..if you don't talk to other people?
They might ask to sit or if you want anything.
It's more foreign guys though admittedly. There is no pressure about it. They are always really cool.
I am pretty friendly anyway. 0 -
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Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,218 Mod ✭✭✭✭
Join Date:Posts: 59145
The "Exotic" factor tends to help. An Irishman in the US would generally get more leeway than a local in the same scenario. Beyond the attraction stuff, there is more leeway given because the locals tend to run a default of "ah well, he's not from around here and probably doesn't know the score" kinda thing. And being different is just more interesting for all, women and men. Can be applied most anywhere.Userinfo3333 wrote: »I wonder how different that would of been if the guy was Irish?????. The boyfriend might have reacted differently.
EG I've heard Irish women are cliquey, but other nationalities are much less so*. It would be my humble and experience that Italian, French(esp French) and Spanish people tend to be far more tied to a social circle and men from those cultures will tell you it can be hard to break into unless you have a shared member of that clique. Yet I didn't find that to be much of an issue at all. Again exotic factor at play.
Another aspect of this is if a guy sees he's more accepted, or believes in exotic factor in the first place, he's going to be more confident and less self conscious and less desperate as he thinks he now has more choices. This makes a huge difference. Look at the well known thing of guys saying they couldn't get laid in a bordello when single, but the second they get a girlfriend they find they get more attention. Partly this can be down to seeming a better option to some women because another woman reckons you're worth a go/not a raving nutcase, but mostly it's down to the guy not being as self conscious, not being so desperate and obvious in looking for anything more.
Tl;DR? 1) Pretend to yourself you have a girlfriend and 2) pretend you're foreign. Maybe practice an accent. Wave your arms around a lot if you're going for Latin, shrug your shoulders and purse your lips if going for French.
*Again in general I have found the Irish far more gregarious a culture. On the surface anyway. Actually it's mostly surface, but we're better at that. EG Irish people abroad are more prone to greeting other Irish who are complete strangers. I recall being on the piss in France with some locals and this Cork lad put the talk on me at the bar and we had a fair old chat. The locals asked me did I know him and when I said no, they couldn't quite get their head around this near instant rapport with a complete stranger. Especially when we started exchanging light hearted slagging. He kicked off with "Jayzus boi, they'd let anyone in here" and we went from there. The locals were bemused by this. Had similar in Spain, Greece and Italy Rejoice in the awareness of feeling stupid, for that’s how you end up learning new things. If you’re not aware you’re stupid, you probably are.
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Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,218 Mod ✭✭✭✭ Join Date:Posts: 59145
I'd defo subscribe to that Y*. And a trait that feeds itself. If someone for whatever reason misses out on some aspect of normal socialisation at a critical age, they naturally become more withdrawn, because they didn't learn how to not be. This tends to make them withdraw more, again naturally and become more internally focussed. More what will people think of me than normal. We all have that, but the shy have more of it. I would say the excessively extrovert are the other side of the same coin. They get over the missed stage by going the other extreme, often playing to the galleries for attention. Again all about them.Yourself isit wrote: »Shyness is a form of ego, someone once said.
Now people do vary along a scale. If you went to a remote tribe in the middle of nowhere you would have some more introverted, some more extroverted, but not nearly to the same extremes of range we find in the modern world. We in the modern world have far more opportunities to be alone, while still living a life. Your small community types are almost never alone throughout life. Even in pre modern industrial cultures people were living cheek by jowl. Were more communal rather than individualistic. In the Old Days(tm) hermits were outliers and seen as blessed, or mad. Today many more are "hermits", while still apparently connected.
*beyond those folks who have more of a pathology going on.Rejoice in the awareness of feeling stupid, for that’s how you end up learning new things. If you’re not aware you’re stupid, you probably are.
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The "Exotic" factor tends to help. An Irishman in the US would generally get more leeway than a local in the same scenario. Beyond the attraction stuff, there is more leeway given because the locals tend to run a default of "ah well, he's not from around here and probably doesn't know the score" kinda thing. And being different is just more interesting for all, women and men. Can be applied most anywhere.
EG I've heard Irish women are cliquey, but other nationalities are much less so*. It would be my humble and experience that Italian, French(esp French) and Spanish people tend to be far more tied to a social circle and men from those cultures will tell you it can be hard to break into unless you have a shared member of that clique. Yet I didn't find that to be much of an issue at all. Again exotic factor at play.
Another aspect of this is if a guy sees he's more accepted, or believes in exotic factor in the first place, he's going to be more confident and less self conscious and less desperate as he thinks he now has more choices. This makes a huge difference. Look at the well known thing of guys saying they couldn't get laid in a bordello when single, but the second they get a girlfriend they find they get more attention. Partly this can be down to seeming a better option to some women because another woman reckons you're worth a go/not a raving nutcase, but mostly it's down to the guy not being as self conscious, not being so desperate and obvious in looking for anything more.
Tl;DR? 1) Pretend to yourself you have a girlfriend and 2) pretend you're foreign. Maybe practice an accent. Wave your arms around a lot if you're going for Latin, shrug your shoulders and purse your lips if going for French.
*Again in general I have found the Irish far more gregarious a culture. On the surface anyway. Actually it's mostly surface, but we're better at that. EG Irish people abroad are more prone to greeting other Irish who are complete strangers. I recall being on the piss in France with some locals and this Cork lad put the talk on me at the bar and we had a fair old chat. The locals asked me did I know him and when I said no, they couldn't quite get their head around this near instant rapport with a complete stranger. Especially when we started exchanging light hearted slagging. He kicked off with "Jayzus boi, they'd let anyone in here" and we went from there. The locals were bemused by this. Had similar in Spain, Greece and Italy
Great post happy I read it all. Spot on.0 -
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Another aspect of this is if a guy sees he's more accepted, or believes in exotic factor in the first place, he's going to be more confident and less self conscious and less desperate as he thinks he now has more choices.
That's a good point. Past experiences play a part in this too. If you've had more success in a particular setting or with a particular group of people, then it will be a lot less daunting than the scenario where you were accused of being a young Larry Murphy in training. A fall into a ditch makes you wiser.Plus its usually quieter so actual conversation can be had without coating each other's ear canals in loud spittle.
You have a wonderful way with words. 0 -
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