Holiday issue

bleach94

Hey guys!

So I've booked a holiday to Wales with my girlfriend (we're 22 and 23) this Sunday for ten days. Trouble is I planned on taking my car as the area we're going to (her family's house) is pretty remote, so we need a car for convenience.
But... My parents absolutely flipped out at me for booking it. They pay my insurance (which probably won't be the case now that I'm finished college) and say that since they fund it they make the decisions. They've said I am not experienced enough to drive on big motorways in the UK or to Dublin. I have had my licence for 2 years but was away on Erasmus for 1 of those years. For them, taking the car is a non-starter.

This leaves me in a dilemma. My parents are incredibly stressed right now (family and ageing parent issues for both of them) and I feel like I cannot go against them without there being serious repercussions... ie. my parents falling out with me, or me causing one of them to get sick from stress by tipping them over the edge (my mother is already reaching this point). On the other hand, my girlfriend says she will be angry with me if I back down and we have to change our plans. I have less than a week to sort this out, and either my girlfriend or my parents are going to be very annoyed at me. Is there any way I can find a reasonable solution to this?

max life

bleach94 wrote: »

Hey guys!

So I've booked a holiday to Wales with my girlfriend (we're 22 and 23) this Sunday for ten days. Trouble is I planned on taking my car as the area we're going to (her family's house) is pretty remote, so we need a car for convenience.
But... My parents absolutely flipped out at me for booking it. They pay my insurance (which probably won't be the case now that I'm finished college) and say that since they fund it they make the decisions. They've said I am not experienced enough to drive on big motorways in the UK or to Dublin. I have had my licence for 2 years but was away on Erasmus for 1 of those years. For them, taking the car is a non-starter.

This leaves me in a dilemma. My parents are incredibly stressed right now (family and ageing parent issues for both of them) and I feel like I cannot go against them without there being serious repercussions... ie. my parents falling out with me, or me causing one of them to get sick from stress by tipping them over the edge (my mother is already reaching this point). On the other hand, my girlfriend says she will be angry with me if I back down and we have to change our plans. I have less than a week to sort this out, and either my girlfriend or my parents are going to be very annoyed at me. Is there any way I can find a reasonable solution to this?

Hire a car?!

TheChizler

Have you driven on a dual carriageway or motorway before? Is renting a car an option? Might be awkward when you're under 25. Would your parents be open to you offering to pay any increased premium if there's an accident? Big motorways in Dublin and the UK aren't any different to big motorways or dual carriageways elsewhere in the country.

listermint

Time to pay your own car insurance.

And be an adult. You are 22

Citygirl1

TheChizler wrote: »

Have you driven on a dual carriageway or motorway before? Is renting a car an option? Might be awkward when you're under 25. Would your parents be open to you offering to pay any increased premium if there's an accident? Big motorways in Dublin and the UK aren't any different to big motorways or dual carriageways elsewhere in the country.

I'd imagine that his parents are more stressed about the possibility of him being killed or badly injured, if there's a serious accident, (tends to happen on Motorways) rather than the increase in premium.....

OP - your parents may be being overprotective - I know mine would have been at that age, in the same situation.... It drove me nuts!

However, they may have a point. How experienced are you honestly? Have you driven much or at all in Dublin, at busy periods? Depending on what part of the country you're used to, Dublin and UK could be a completely different ball game.

Perhaps you should ask an honest opinion from an older relative (aunt or uncle), or a colleague you've driven with. Don't ask your mates....

Is your girlfriend a driver herself? If not, she's hardly the best judge.

Previous posters have suggested hiring a car - this is hardly going to give your parents any comfort.

freshpopcorn

My suggestion is say you'll do a few lessons with an instructor in Dublin. Their comes a time and everybody has to drive on a motorway. Your parents are being OTT in my opinion.

retro:electro

I don't think your parents are being ott at all. You've what, a years driving experience, and you think you're experienced enough to drive on UK motorway? I assume by your post you've never driven in Dublin either. Since they are the ones paying your insurance they have every right to tell you where you can and cannot drive the car. The only way to sort that is to pay your own insurance, then you can do what you like.

Sexual Chocolate

Really cant see why your parents are making a fuss. If anything motorways tend to be safer providing common sense is used.

When your parents bought your insurance for you was there any sort of agreement/rules ?

mahamageehad

OP, I'd tend to agree with your parents here, as based on the limited info you've given it doesn't sound like you're a very experienced city driver. If your 1 year of driving experience is only in and around Cork and doesn't include motorways, long distance trips where you're in the car for 2-3 hours, trips through areas you've never been or extensive night driving, I'd be a bit wary too. Now, on the other hand if your year of experience involved plenty of driving through Dublin and on motorways, maybe up to Belfast, that'd be different. It really depends on tour driving experience if your parents are overreacting. I'd say you'll have hassle renting a car, it's more difficult if you're under 25 and won't change the driving experience problem if it exists. Could you possible do a long trip or two in the next while maybe up and down to Dublin or limerick or Belfast or whatever for experience?

If you are experienced, well then I guess it comes down to the insurance issue. If your parents are paying your insurance, I'd expect that they get to have a say. I've never been in that situation. At a guess they paid for the car too? You could look into renting but like I said above it could be difficult. Does your gf have a car that she could drive and add you to the insurance?

mahamageehad

Actually, scratch that, I just saw that the trip is Sunday! Presumably you didn't mention anything to them before you booked the trip so. To be honest, they're probably annoyed with the short notice plus worried about your experience and you don't have a whole pile of time to change their minds!

freshpopcorn

I re read your first post OP and they even said their afraid you wan't be able to drive on the big motorways to Dublin?
Are they just on about the M50 or the M7/M8/M1/etc? If they think you can't handle a regional motorway in Ireland their being way over the top.
I just saw you've a good few posts in the Cork forum. Are you living and driving their. If you drive on the N40(South Ring) and you can use the Kinsale road road roundabout and the Dunkettle I honestly can't see the problem.

am i bovvered

Hi op
I cannot understand this mindset that is becoming more common, parents not raising their children to become adults and adults not wanting to be grown up !!

You are 22/23 what exactly are you waiting for.... this is your life and time.
Driving is not rocket science you have been driving long enough, more risk driving on country roads, then a duel carriageway.

Explain to your parents that you are responsible, thank them for their help and support, go on holiday and bring them back a stick of rock.

Look I do not want to be rude but this mindset has taken hold in Ireland and it is wrong.
I have two children, 22 and 19.
Our 22 year old son left school at 18 moved to the uk, got on with work, college and life (with a little support from us) and last week stsrted a pre mortgage account, hoping to buy his first home this year.
Our daughter, left home last year, we explained we felt she was not ready for college, but also she needed to move out and realise what life is really about. She is now working full time, in a tough industry on min wage. A good lesson !!

Please do not get me wrong (again) we love them, support them (a little, if needed) they had a very stable and slightly spoilt upbringing, but now its adult time !!

Atlantic Dawn

The motorways are the safest roads in this country and the UK, the minor roads have far more deaths on them per journey.

Teyla Emmagan

You better find alternative travel arrangements in the UK then OP. Because I don't imagine your parents are going to back down. And you'll end up with no insurance if you defy them. Should have brought this up beforehand unfortunately! You can still go on holiday. If your gf doesn't like taking the bus then tough.

threetrees

Do your parents drive on motorways? I'm trying to work out why they are so worried. Sometimes fear of the unknown is huge. Suggest you take motorway driving lessons asap this week and they can talk to the instructor to "prove" you did the lessons. If the gf is in a snit about this then you'll have a long road (excuse the pun) ahead in this relationship.

Seth Brundle

bleach94 wrote: »

I planned on taking my car

Out of curiosity, who owns the car, you or your parents?

The_Conductor

Just rent a car over there- its a bit of a no-brainer- and probably cheaper too.

fizzypish

Until your out on your own and have cut financial ties, you've got to toe the line unfortunately. Take it as a sign that you need to move out when the opportunity arises. Also, your 23 FFS. Motorways are easier to drive on than our dinky little country roads (sorry, thats just an aside). Your folks are just worried about you so don't get mad. Rent a car for the holiday and make a plan to become fully independent. You'll be doing them a favor when your on your own two feet as they wont have to worry about you (as much...).

Mrs OBumble

The_Conductor wrote: »

Just rent a car over there- its a bit of a no-brainer- and probably cheaper too.

The OP is only 22 though. Not all companies will rent to him - if it was ireland then only Dan Dooley rental would. I don't know about the uk companies but the insurance cost will be high.

OP, surely this problem is equally your girlfriend's to solve. What is she contributing to the holiday?

beertons

Cancel holiday, buy car, drive around Ireland.

harr

am i bovvered wrote: »

Hi op
I cannot understand this mindset that is becoming more common, parents not raising their children to become adults and adults not wanting to be grown up !!

You are 22/23 what exactly are you waiting for.... this is your life and time.
Driving is not rocket science you have been driving long enough, more risk driving on country roads, then a duel carriageway.

Explain to your parents that you are responsible, thank them for their help and support, go on holiday and bring them back a stick of rock.

Look I do not want to be rude but this mindset has taken hold in Ireland and it is wrong.
I have two children, 22 and 19.
Our 22 year old son left school at 18 moved to the uk, got on with work, college and life (with a little support from us) and last week stsrted a pre mortgage account, hoping to buy his first home this year.
Our daughter, left home last year, we explained we felt she was not ready for college, but also she needed to move out and realise what life is really about. She is now working full time, in a tough industry on min wage. A good lesson !!

Please do not get me wrong (again) we love them, support them (a little, if needed) they had a very stable and slightly spoilt upbringing, but now its adult time !!

Totally agree with everything you have said here , definitely time to cut the apron strings,how is OP meant to get experience if he is restricted as to where he can drive ...granted the trip you have planned is going in at the deep end but it's Wales not the other side of the world..
Time to get own car insurance as well so parents don't have as much say ...is it your own car OP or do you use your parents car?
Get out and drive OP motorways are fine in Ireland get more experience,go for a long spin every weekend...at 22 your an adult and as poster above mentioned to many young adults being mollycoddled these days ...I have nieces and nephew's that are between the ages of 21-24 and to be honest they can barely function as adults.

minikin

You say you have your licence for two years, is that a full licence or are you still on a provisional / learners permit? Obviously if it's not a full licence then you shouldn't be anywhere near a motorway, either here or in the U.K.

Ursus Horribilis

I assume he has a full license at this stage but the stumbling block is his inexperience.

Whereabouts in Wales are you going, OP? As a compromise, it possible to get to your girlfriend's parents house without driving on a motorway?

I think if your parents refuse to change their minds, then you'll have to respect their wishes. I think they're being over-protective but is it worth falling out with them over? I can understand why your girlfriend is annoyed but she's going to have to accept that things don't always go her way.

Dial Hard

Citygirl1 wrote:

I'd imagine that his parents are more stressed about the possibility of him being killed or badly injured, if there's a serious accident, (tends to happen on Motorways)

Eh, no. Motorways are by far the safest type of road to drive on.

Unfortunately, OP, if your parents put the foot down on this I don't see a whole lot you can do, regardless of whether or not they're being unreasonable (it really depends on what your driving experience is). You'll find it almost impossible to rent a car because you're under 25.

As others have said, see if they'd be amenable to you getting some motorway lessons in the meantime. And if they still say no and your girlfriend throws a wobbler, then you need to have a chat with her.

Ursus Horribilis

As an aside, have you checked your insurance policy regarding driving abroad? I brought my car to the UK a couple of years ago and had to give the insurance company a quick phone call to tell them. That was all I was required to do and it was no biggie.

rock22

Dial Hard wrote: »

Eh, no. Motorways are by far the safest type of road to drive on.

...

Motorways are not safer for inexperienced drivers.

The stats for motorways safety are greatly influenced by the a), the huge mileage involved in average motorway journey, and b), the fact that only experienced drivers are on them. Most drivers on motorways are profession, driving being a significant part of their work.

LegacyUser

I think you need a proper chat with your parents, because that reaction is absolutely nonsensical and I suspect it has little or nothing to do with driving, motorways or insurance at all unless you have a history of accidents or bad driving.

Are you an only child? Do you live in a remote area? Did your parents raise any kind of objections to you going away on Erasmus? I think you need to be looking at what this trip might represent to them, not the relative merits of your local roads versus motorways.

The_Conductor

Ursus Horribilis wrote: »

As an aside, have you checked your insurance policy regarding driving abroad? I brought my car to the UK a couple of years ago and had to give the insurance company a quick phone call to tell them. That was all I was required to do and it was no biggie.

Depends on the insurer, and your policy- I'm with FBD- I can drive in the UK (or any other EU countries) for up to 30 days at a time without notifying them.

blackbird98

minikin wrote: »

You say you have your licence for two years, is that a full licence or are you still on a provisional / learners permit? Obviously if it's not a full licence then you shouldn't be anywhere near a motorway, either here or in the U.K.

If you only have a provisional licence, then you are not licensed to drive anywhere outside of Ireland. It is the equivalent to not having a licence, therefore your insurance company probably would not cover you

The_Conductor

blackbird98 wrote: »

If you only have a provisional licence, then you are not licensed to drive anywhere outside of Ireland. It is the equivalent to not having a licence, therefore your insurance company probably would not cover you

You're also not licensed to drive on motorways- period.

retro:electro

Motorway slip roads in the U.K. are lethal.

gandalf

If you have a full license and are a careful driver you'll be fine. Ffs you have to start driving on a motorway at some stage. If the insurance allows for driving in the UK then I really don't see the problem here. The insurance is in your own name isn't it? If you're a named driver then I see where your parents are coming from.

silverharp

if he is only driving around Wales he wont exactly have to deal with the M4 into London

retro:electro

silverharp wrote: »

if he is only driving around Wales he wont exactly have to deal with the M4 into London

If he's taking the ferry to Liverpool he may well have to take the M4/M5 to Cardiff

Ursus Horribilis

It depends where he's going in Wales. He hasn't been back to clarify where he was planning to sail into or where the parents live. The only Welsh port I've sailed to with the car is Pembroke and it's not near the M4

silverharp

anna080 wrote: »

If he's taking the ferry to Liverpool he may well have to take the M4/M5 to Cardiff

then I'd go via Rosslare , a ferry to Liverpool is a daft way to get to Cardiff unless they want to do something there. It would just leave them with a small stretch of the M4 into Cardiff. Go on a Sat/Sun when the traffic will be lighter. He can hire a car in Fishguard if there is a problem bringing his Irish one over.

LegacyUser

anna080 wrote: »

If he's taking the ferry to Liverpool he may well have to take the M4/M5 to Cardiff

Why would you take the ferry to Liverpool to go to Wales? Depending which part of Wales he'd go to Fishguard but most likely Holyhead.

Assuming of course you have a full license, OP only way you get experience driving on motorways is to drive on motorways. I've driven to Wales dozens of times and it's no issue. Just plan your route and leave loads of time so you never have to feel rushed or stressed.

Regarding your parents sit them down and explain you are an adult. If they say they'll stop paying your insurance well time to start paying it yourself. Just out of interest do they have an issue with your GF that could be the real reason they are against you going?

Ursus Horribilis

silverharp wrote: »

then I'd go via Rosslare , a ferry to Liverpool is a daft way to get to Cardiff unless they want to do something there. It would just leave them with a small stretch of the M4 into Cardiff. Go on a Sat/Sun when the traffic will be lighter. He can hire a car in Fishguard if there is a problem bringing his Irish one over.

Does he have much scope for changing or cancelling at this stage. He's due to sail on Sunday.

retro:electro

can't log in wrote: »

Why would you take the ferry to Liverpool to go to Wales? Depending which part of Wales he'd go to Fishguard but most likely Holyhead.

Assuming of course you have a full license, OP only way you get experience driving on motorways is to drive on motorways. I've driven to Wales dozens of times and it's no issue. Just plan your route and leave loads of time so you never have to feel rushed or stressed.

Regarding your parents sit them down and explain you are an adult. If they say they'll stop paying your insurance well time to start paying it yourself. Just out of interest do they have an issue with your GF that could be the real reason they are against you going?

I totally misread the op and thought he mentioned Liverpool in there. Oops!

ManOfMystery

It's that age old conundrum.

"You're not experienced enough to do this!"
"But how do I get experience without doing it?"

I can understand your parent's concerns, but ultimately, I think it's them you need to have a talk with and not your girlfriend. You're 22 - an adult. Even if you were 19 I'd say the same but your teenage years are well gone already. You have to stand on your own 2 feet and experience things for yourself, just as they did, and it's only through experiences that you'll learn.

As with anything in life, there's risks with doing something new. But these risks can always be managed. In your case, you take your first attempt at driving on a motorway seriously and exercise caution and care. Plan your trip beforehand well, take frequent breaks so you're not tired, make sure you have a spare wheel and take any other precautions necessary in case of breakdown or some other incident. And most importantly - communicate all this to your parents, it will show them that you're being responsible.

Can driving on a motorway be dangerous? Of course, but so can driving on any road. If anything, a motorway lends itself to a calmer and steadier style of driving than the constant stop/start/queuing you find on smaller roads, assuming you're not one of the rockets sitting in the fast lane 24/7. It's not the huge leap into the unknown that they're making it out to be; many a student set off to their new digs at university having never driven in the UK or motorways before, duvet and Pot Noodles in the back, and lived to tell the tale. 

If you concede your parent's wishes and tell your girlfriend that your entire trip has to be revised, you're setting a dangerous precedent - that a 22yr old man can't make decisions for himself, and giving your parents more confidence to control other things in future. You can stand up to them respectfully, it doesn't have to degenerate into a massive row.

Big Bag of Chips

A few things you need to clarify:

Is it your own car, or the family car?
Is it your own policy or are you named on your parent's policy?
Are you in a position to pay your own motoring expenses?

If it's your car, and the policy is in your name and you are able to pay your own tax, insurance, fuel, maintenance etc then contact your insurance company today and change the payment details so that the insurance is coming out of your bank account. Not your parents.

If you have taken on full responsibility for the running of the car, well then its your business (you can tell your parents this in a nice way, of course)

If you are still dependent on your parents, and by extension your gf is dependent on them, then I'm afraid there's not a lot you can do between now and Sunday except maybe plead your case. And ask your gf to arrange someone to collect you off the ferry.

Edit: You could also go onto Google Earth and show your parents that the main, national roads over there are almost identical to the national roads over here. And you're not likely to be on a 4 lane motor way getting to a remote part of Wales.

kerry cow

Yes its time to grow balls and grow up .
Some guys still suckle at 22 .
You need to fly the nest and get your own wheels and insurance .its costly but that's life .
Your parents are concerned and rightly so , why because you still be nursed and therefore they know no better either.
Man up and give you parents a break .
Any mother and father will protect there children if they need it .
It's all your fault because you haven't taken the manly steps to life .
Buy your own car .
Rent your own house .
Have your own job .
Be independent .

Dublin moves faster than cork and the UK moves twice as fast as dublin .
I drive the UK motorways with last 10 yrs and faster and busier they are becoming .
You need a pepie car and nerve.
It not for the faint hearted .
For Wales it Holyhead for north and Pembrokeshire for South .
Wales is easy once you stay clear of England .

Ursus Horribilis

Steady on! He has only just finished college! He probably hasn't even received his exam results or started working yet.

Neyite

blackbird98 wrote: »

If you only have a provisional licence, then you are not licensed to drive anywhere outside of Ireland. It is the equivalent to not having a licence, therefore your insurance company probably would not cover you

There is no such thing as a provisional licence any more. It's a learner permit now. After passing a test the driver is required to display N Plates to denote that they are a novice driver for 2 years.

OP do you still have N-plates? You need to check with the insurer what your restrictions might be. You may not have insurance cover outside of Ireland. It often just covers the island of Ireland. Did you check that you are insured on your policy in the UK mainland?

The novice period is for 2 years and you've only driven for one of those years. You ARE a novice driver and to be honest, I think I'd have similar feelings to your parents on this one, and I cant see what you can do in a week to fix it.

Renting a car is also not going to be a valid option in your case. You need to be a fully licensed driver over 25 at least.

I think you have to concede to your parents on this one I'm afraid.

unknowngirl!!

Can't believe how harsh the majority of responses have been towards the parents and, to some extent, the OP. My parents would have been the exact same and I think I'd be the same with my own children. He is only 22. It's a bit much to expect him to pay for college, a car, insurance, rent his own place etc. My parents helped support me until I had my degree and a permanent job. Some of us are lucky to have parents who help out, don't make it into a failure on the OP's part that he has extra support.

To me it's not a question of control but one of caring and worrying for their son who has little driving experience and is taking off on holidays to drive in a country and on busy roads he doesn't know.

I'd have more of an issue with the girlfriend to be honest. Rather than getting on her high horse she could appreciate that the parents don't want them at risk and try to come up with a solution. It's her family so surely she should be helping to find an alternative arrangement rather than adding additional stress.

silverharp

^^

Renting a car is also not going to be a valid option in your case. You need to be a fully licensed driver over 25 at least.

I see 21 as the min age for the UK to rent a car but should have a licence for a year but there would probably be a surcharge under 25, its not a legal thing just commercial

skallywag

rock22 wrote: »

Motorways are not safer for inexperienced drivers.

I agree strongly with this.

In general Motorway driving is indeed very safe, but only once one has the grasp of them.

The two more common mistakes which an inexperienced driver will tend to make is either entering the Motorway too slow or moving into the fast lane to overtake while completely misjudging the speed of a car in that lane approaching from behind, who may of course be massively breaking the speed limit. Both of these mistakes can lead to tragic consequences.

Both of these dangers can be addressed with a basic amount of driving experience. OP, would it be an option for you to have a family member or family friend etc accompany you for some spins on the motorway?

Neyite

silverharp wrote: »

^^



I see 21 as the min age for the UK to rent a car but should have a licence for a year but there would probably be a surcharge under 25, its not a legal thing just commercial

Some do, most don't, but the devil is in the detail. A driver under 25 often has to pay to go on the rental company's insurance and that tends to be eye-watering. Plus other charges and fees. If you are over 25 and driving for X number of years you can transfer your own fully comp insurance over to the car so you are paying a lot less to the rental crowd.

silverharp

Neyite wrote: »

Some do, most don't, but the devil is in the detail. A driver under 25 often has to pay to go on the rental company's insurance and that tends to be eye-watering. Plus other charges and fees. If you are over 25 and driving for X number of years you can transfer your own fully comp insurance over to the car so you are paying a lot less to the rental crowd.

an example below, they limit the type of vehicle which wouldn't matter and at £36 extra per day it aint cheap. Id be angling for the moth to borrow the parent's car when they get there :-)

https://www.sixt.co.uk/campaigns/student-offers/

Young Driver Surcharge

Unfortunately due to insurance requirements, all drivers under 25 will be required to pay a young driver's surcharge of £36 a day.

gline

When is the next payment due on your insurance? If it is after the trip is planned for, then I would just go, bring your car and deal with the fallout when you get home.

It might not be a popular decision, but I think your parents are being very unreasonable. Motorways are not that dangerous, small country roads are much more tricky and you are 22 , not a child anymore, sometimes you will need to override the decisions your parents make for you. I would hazard a guess that if you just went off on the holiday with your car and came back safe and sound they would probably come around to your thoughts on the matter.

I had similar issues when I was 17 buying a moped, one of my parents was adamant about me not getting one even though I needed it to get to work. I just made my own decision to do it and they eventually got used to the idea and all was fine.

freshpopcorn

I did a little research OP if your 22 you can rent a car no problem. Rent a car and it won't cost a fortune and it's amazing you don't have to tell your parents.
For all they know you could have being driving around in rented cars when you were doing Erasmus.
Driving on a UK motorway isn't rocket science. Once you plan your route and know what junctions you'll be using. It's not like you'll be on the M25 in rush hour traffic.
What's your parents driving like? I know people and their parents(mothers especially) were afraid of the big roundabouts in Cork and daddy had to the driving.