No one seems to care

Anonstudent123

A little background to my story.

I'm a college student currently struggling with finances for the Summer and depressed as I've cut off contact with many friends as a result on not being able to stay in touch due to financial problems.

Basically I've been to tonnes of interviews since the beginning of the year and not managed to get a job anywhere.

My parents work in a shop and got my sister a job in there when she already had work. I found out this same shop was looking for staff recently and when I asked for them to ask for me they told me that they weren't going to. They could've got me a job and there were others students working there they just choose not to.

Now they sit around complaining that I do nothing all day. If anything I do more than any of my siblings I get up early and have myself dressed and clean and go out walking daily. If I had a job I'd have somewhere to go all day but I dont and I dont have money either so you can see where this becomes contradictory.

My parents have never been good parents. They are both narcissistic and have made out constantly like I talk down to them. Ill admit I lash out but only after they've started it. My Dad puts me down constantly calling me a waste of space with no friends. My Mam just ignores it and doesn't say anything and this builds up a lot of rage in me and then when I lash out she acts the victim crying and acting like im horrible.

I've never gotten anything from my parents. They think they're amazing because of the fact that they provide the very basic things in life and didn't even do a great job with that.

I could go on all day about the other horrible things they've done but I just don't want to get into too much detail on here.

Basically I feel stuck in a rut. My family treats my like absolute ****. I have very little confidence and the little I have muskered up has always been on my own. Its very difficult to build confidence in a house where you are constantly being put down. I really want to move out and cut off contact with them and I have considered dropping out of college to do so as I just dont have the financial means to support myself but this is making me feel like I'm never going to get anywhere.

I was always a nice person but have become very bitter over the years from being put down and bullied at school and at home consistently. Sometimes I feel very alone in this country. Even walking outside in my town the stares I get from people I hate it it's made me very resentful towards Irish people for being small minded. I genuinely have a lot of issues and have gone to therapy when I had a break down at college due to ptsd from being bullied in the years prior to starting college.

I go home everyday feeling awful about myself. College is the only escape I had from the life I live and now it's finished for 3 months and I'm having very dark thoughts. I sometimes stay up all night with no emotion or feeling in me just complete emptiness and worthlessness. I cry sometimes but even thats very difficult for me to do.

I did it all right, I am attending college, volunteered, got a job in first year and got experience and yet here I am nearly a year going to interviews for part time work and not able to get anything.

I cant help but be resentful even more towards parents who have seen me struggle so much and just don't seem to care.

I just needed to get this out online and make people aware of how I feel and hope that someone at least cares enough to give me advice.

I'm not a stupid person and to have to apply for jobs and be even treated like **** by awful employers and interviewers has just ruined me.

I've very determined but can't seem to get past this rut in my life and it's enforced the believe that I'm just better off laying back and not doing anything.

Big Bag of Chips

You seem to agree that you have problems and have become very bitter, maybe something is coming across in interviews that is turning prospective employers off you. Have you gone into any recruitment agencies? You should make an appointment to speak to someone. Bring your CV, ask their advice. It's a bad place to be stuck in, but you can get out. You just need the break.

I think, you are going to have to accept that beyond putting a roof over your head and providing food etc your parents aren't going to support you. Make that be your motivation to get yourself sorted to be able to go out on your own. Try not to be bitter. Try to persuade yourself that you are worth more than what you have at the moment. Achieving something on your own steam, with no help from anyone is a better achievement and makes you feel better about yourself than being handed something.

It also might be worth a trip to your GP for a chat. If you can't afford it you could ask them if you can pay them at a later time.

There is always something around the corner.

Anonstudent123

Thank you for your feedback, I always try to be hopeful in interviews but I have very difficult issues with rejection. I've gotten better at interviews though.

My home life isn't the best and it's very difficult not to lose hope when I cant get a job because I really need one to get out. I honestly feel like just shaking an employer and telling them about my situation and how much of a hard worker I am. As you said I just need the break and it's becoming so difficult to get.

Sometimes I feel like I have absolutely no one and other days I feel like I have nothing to look forward to. I can't get my head around parents that have never helped or supported me in my life but done so on several occasions for other siblings. Theres a lot I wont say about them on this but they honestly believe they were brilliant parents but they weren't and thats the most frustrating element having to hear that all of the time. I had to do everything myself. I broke down in tears one day when my Dad told me I was too stupid to get into college and that I'd live in a bedsit for the rest of my life but I got through that period got a job and got into college all by myself. Lately I've been having troubling doing this again getting back on my feet and getting it out there on my own. I just don't know where to go from here because I think I'm ready to finally move out and cut contact but financial circumstance is preventing me from doing it. I know I'm suffering with poor mental health but I honestly think its all situational. I have confidence in myself and I'm quite attractive, smart and make friends easy but my situation at the moment is making these things very hard to realise. But you're right I have to do it on my own regardless of whether they got me the job and actually helped like someone you love who is in the position to do so should do, I don't want anything to do with them and it's better I get my own job and leave as soon as possible.

Anonstudent123

Thank you for your feedback, I always try to be hopeful in interviews but I have very difficult issues with rejection. I've gotten better at interviews though.

My home life isn't the best and it's very difficult not to lose hope when I cant get a job because I really need one to get out. I honestly feel like just shaking an employer and telling them about my situation and how much of a hard worker I am. As you said I just need the break and it's becoming so difficult to get.

Sometimes I feel like I have absolutely no one and other days I feel like I have nothing to look forward to. I can't get my head around parents that have never helped or supported me in my life but done so on several occasions for other siblings. Theres a lot I wont say about them on this but they honestly believe they were brilliant parents but they weren't and thats the most frustrating element having to hear that all of the time. I had to do everything myself. I broke down in tears one day when my Dad told me I was too stupid to get into college and that I'd live in a bedsit for the rest of my life but I got through that period got a job and got into college all by myself.

Lately I've been having troubling doing this again getting back on my feet and getting it out there on my own. I just don't know where to go from here because I think I'm ready to finally move out and cut contact but financial circumstance is preventing me from doing it. I know I'm suffering with poor mental health but I honestly think its all situational. I have confidence in myself and I'm quite attractive, smart and make friends easy but my situation at the moment is making these things very hard to realise. But you're right I have to do it on my own regardless of whether they got me the job and actually helped like someone you love who is in the position to do so should do, I don't want anything to do with them and it's better I get my own job and leave as soon as possible.

Wesser

Hi there.
I think you have a lot going for you. You have somewhere safe to live and food and a good base. You are lucky enough to be going to college. You are smart, good looking , a hard worker and clearly very articulate. You clearly have a great future ahead if you. You just need to go and get it.

I think you do need to look at you attitude here and try to be more positive. You need to address all the anger which clearly stems from the fact that you were bullied when younger. You say you are stuck in a rut. Only you can get yourself out if a rut. No one else can do that for you. You have to try to be more positive



I think you are your own worst enemy. For example you cut ties with your friends because you had no money. You don't need money to maintain a friendship. You can meet up for a DVD or a walk for example. And with regards to the job it was up to you to go and get that job yourself not up to your parents to put in the good word for You!!!


I think you need to disregard the negative comments in your life and focus on your strengths . You need to work on a more positive attitude!!!!