New Parents - Baby Came Home on Saturday - Any General Advice?

Kintarō Hattori

Hey Folks,

So my partner had a little girl on Tuesday and we got to take her home on Friday afternoon. We're completely new to this as we're first time parents and we wouldn't have been exposed to kids growing up, so we're not experienced when it comes to parenting.

We've got the Philips Avent machine to steralise bottles- I can't imagine how you'd manage without something like this.

I bought a Medela breast pump for herself as trying to express herself was just taking too much effort and tiring her out.

We've plenty of clothes and have all the things for a change upstairs and downstairs so I can change her if my partner is asleep.

We're doing a mixture of breast and bottle feeding. Whatever herself can express, we feed that and top up the little one with formula.

She was thought to have a touch of jaundice when in the hospital so while we're home we have her at the bottom of the bed in a moses basket as that area gets lots of light in the morning. In the evening we have her in the living room as it gets lots of light with the sun setting.

I suppose really the point of this thread is to look for any tips, advice that you might be able to give. As I say we're first time inexperienced parents so I'm sure there are things we should be doing that we aren't.

Thanks.

bungaro79

congratulations is the first thing! nothing can prepare you but its the best thing that has ever happened to myself and my wife and no doubt you will be the same.
our daughter was colicky for the first 6 weeks so it was tough between that and the lack of sleep but there is light at the end of the tunnel no matter how tired you may be. we stuck to a good feeding and sleeping routine and after a while she started sleeping more and more through the night and thats when we found life going back to some sort of normality! ye will find your own pattern even though people will be giving you loads of advice but find what works for ye and stick to it.

shesty

See....your biggest mistake there is assuming that any other parents out there are 'experienced'. :-) Coz I can assure you, there's always something that you're wondering about as a parent, despite the fact that you may appear to have experience!!

Congratulations on the new arrival!Good advice in the last post.I could give you some bits but really it's up to you to pick n choose what works for you and your baby.My biggest I suppose would be that you gradually teach baby the difference betweem night and day.....that they realise that bedtime is a cut off point in the day and nightime is for sleeping.That's my biggest aim in the first six weeks....the difference between night and day.Just bringing them up with you when you go to bed, closing curtains and generally changing the rhythm of the day with a little bedtime routine, clothes change, whatever.I wouldn't expect sleeping through the night now or anything....just showing them it's a different time of day :-)

Also...it's ok not to want to hand your baby to everyone who comes into the house if you don't want to.Some people can be quite insistent about holding newborns, and completely ignore the parents requests on it- don't feel bad if you need to tell someone if you'd prefer them not to hold the baby.

The first six weeks will come to an end....it may feel like forever but it will.Just try to roll with it as best you can.

If your partner can find a breastfeeding group for support it's a great thing.Not necessarily so she only breastfeeds but just to know she"s not alone and not going mad!!People to talk to when things are tough,going through the same thing.

Personally I would suggest looking into the concept of the 'fourth trimester'.It's one that I sort of ran with on my second child, and it really helped temper my expectations and forgive myself on the bad days.It may not suit everyone, but there might be something in it that strikes a chord with you.They say it takes 12 weeks to make a mother, and really I found that true....on both my kids.I only felt around 9/10 weeks that I was kind of getting the hang of it (first having one and then having two!!).Tell your partner to go easy on herself and you be sympathetic when she seems like a crazy person! :-)

Otherwise enjoy your bundle and the newborn snuggles.It's tough, but you do get there and the good moments really do make up for the bad!

jlm29

If your partner wants to continue to breast feed, root out some local support groups like Cuidu or la leche league, it's great to have some real life support!

cornflake1

Congratulations! My advice would be to accept all help that you are offered. Let someone else cook for you. The best gifts were meals that could be much microwaved when I found a few minutes to eat. Ask visitors not to stay long. Just spend time getting used to having your little girl home with you.

Ciarrai76

You sound like you are well equipped and doing just great! Don't worry and don't be afraid to ask questions. My first baby is 11 months already and I am still asking questions and always think I'm doing things wrong! lol

Congratulations and enjoy it all, sleep deprivation even! lol I can't believe how fast 11 months have gone and very emotional thinking my baby is going to be 1 in a month's time! I do not know where the time went and I wish it would slow down!

uck51js9zml2yt

My first had jaundice. Bottle fed him every 2hours for a week to wash it out.
My wife expressed and we used formula when needed. Had it down to not waking him and all done in 15 minutes.
On our second we found bottles of premade milk from Tesco was useful as a standby for a few weeks. Get the small bottles and bin what's not used after each feed.
Make sure to wind him.

lazygal

If she wants to keep breastfeeding take to the bed and feed lying down. It's way too early to pump, supply won't be established.
If you don't want people over tell them not to come until you feel like it. Hibernate a bit.

painauchocolat

Go easy on yourselves! Newborns are built to survive first time parents, to my eternal relief! Definitely second earlier post about keeping day and night distinct. We did daytime naps downstairs in the bright rooms, and kept some sort of noise (radio if I was alone).
Give yourselves time to settle with the baby. They give very little back for the first few weeks, but when you get the first smile, the tough weeks just melt away.
Try to get out for a walk in the fresh air each day. Helps the baba sleep, and is some nice gentle exercise. You'll meet people too - I found the first while a bit isolated as we'd just moved to our area. Daily walk was a highlight second time round as I could chat with people in the shop, chemist etc.
Huge congratulations and very best of luck. If the baby is fed, changed, the right temp and cuddled lots, you can't do much more!

(Also, ignore anyone who says you'll "spoil" the baby by holding her or picking her up when she cries. Love the baby. She'll thrive on it and NEEDS it! Cuddles for all!)

Teeley

Completely agree with the above poster..cuddles, cuddles and more cuddles! She's your baba..don't waste too much time and energy worrying about routines..enjoy your baby for the short time she is a baby! Throw away the books. The more love, attention and physical contact you give your baby, the more secure and confident little person she will become..what more could you ask for..just my ha'penny's worth!
There will be lots of great moments and some tough days too..all perfectly normal! Congrats to you both.

NIMAN

As a father of 3, the best advice on your first I could offer is to sleep when you can, at any time available.

Our first was a poor sleeper at night, but would snooze during the day. So when he snoozed we did things like washing, shopping, hoovering etc. Forget all that. We were then up all day and all night.

If the child sleeps during the day, use it to catch up on sleep. Take turns. But do it.

And don't worry, you'll be grand. It is daunting taking home your first baby when you feel you haven't a clue what you're doing. But you'll grasp it fairly quickly! And if you have in-laws who have done it before, listen to them. And your parents. All advice is good advice.

Best of luck and congrats.

detoxkid

Some great advice here. With the breastfeeding, if your wife chooses to continue with it, sometimes the first few weeks can be very hard and very intense. The baby will want to feed all the time to establish supply. But it gets much easier and is worth sticking with IMO. Echo the advice about sleeping whenever u can. And totally echo the advice about cuddling as much as you want - tiny babies are only tiny for a short period of time. Good luck and enjoy

Tigger

Just remember to love each other and to be understanding to all the stuff you are each feeling
Congratulations

Theboinkmaster

If you can afford it - get a cleaner.

farmchoice

Theboinkmaster wrote: »

If you can afford it - get a cleaner.

this is really good advise even if its just a couple of hours one day a week.

like others have said everyone is a first time parent once and no one knows anything, just do your best and try and not to drop them too much.

on the breast feeding if it works out great if it doesn't dont beat yourself up about it bottle feeding is fine.

dont be afraid to go out and about with her to restaurants or coffee shops etc, it will be 3 years before its as easy again.

cleanslate

Congratulations! Enjoy this time with your baby girl, it goes so fast. You will both be tired and maybe narky but remember to cuddle your baby - and each other - lots.
Leave the housework, take loads of photos and try to get out for coffee/walks etc and show her off, you will feel so proud when you hear 'ah look at the little baby' you will swell with pride that she's yours.
The difference between day and night is good advice, after about 6 weeks try and have the light low and telly/noise off during night feeds.
It gets easier, loads of photos and have a teddy or something to lay beside her to take a photo each month so you can see how much she's grown.
They are only so tiny for such a short time :-)

otwb1

Kintar&#197 wrote: »

We've got the Philips Avent machine to steralise bottles- I can't imagine how you'd manage without something like this.

Kintar&#197 wrote: »

I bought a Medela breast pump for herself as trying to express herself was just taking too much effort and tiring her out.

If your partner wants to breastfeed then I wouldn't pump for a couple of weeks until supply is established. just prop mum and baby up on sofa with TV remote and large glass of water.
Milk supply only comes in around day 3 and is very much a supply and demand issue. Things will settle down, but constant feeding for the first while is normal.

I'd track down a breast feeding counsellor (try cuidiu.ie) or support group ASAP to get some advice specific to your situation. ( I know that at that stage I was too exhausted to do anything except cope. Pumping is another skill altogether and unless you have a specific medical reason for doing it I'd leave it for another few weeks)

Dad can have plenty of bonding time which doesn't need to include feeding.

best of luck and congratulations on the new addition.

sillysocks

I'd echo the getting out and about from the start. It's so much easier when you're used to it from early days.

And don't be afraid to tell a few fibs about how ye are getting on. I used to be honest and say thing like the baby wouldn't settle or was sleeping with me, and the amount of 'advice' you get given, even from strangers, is crazy (all of it contradicting the last bit of advice you got!). People mean well but if can be overwhelming so sometimes it's worth just nodding and smiling and saying everything's great! It's nice when you have a few friends then that you can properly talk to or look for advice from.

catrionanic

Just echoing what people said about BFing... pumping not ideal at this stage. Cuidiu have breastfeeding counsellors over the phone 24 hours for help, and lactation consultants are worth their weight in gold. BFing is HARD and full of self-doubt and worry.... but is both the hardest and the best thing I've ever done. Reach out for support, she will need it.

Don't worry about being rude - set strict rules on visiting and don't be afraid to say no or tell people when to leave.

Be organised with cooking. If she's BFing, she will hardly have time to brush her teeth, let alone cook. This is your job for now. As is cleaning and being general dogs body!

Be prepared for hormone hell... tears at the drop of a hat are normal and will end soon.

Postnatal recovery can be pretty horrific in the first few weeks.... she will feel like a normal woman again, and sooner than it feels like, but it will take a bit of time.

On that note, water bottles by the loo for rinsing, lots and lots of water and fibre, prune juice, witch hazel on sanitary towels, plenty of liquid iron supplements and paracetamol and neurofen!

You'll get there. And it'll be magical.

Kintarō Hattori

Apologies for the late reply folks- it's been a little hectic! I'll do my best to take everything on board.

So we're unsure what to do in regards to feeding at night time now. We had been waking her (she's 3 weeks old now) every three hours for a feed. Now at night we've stretched that to 4 hours so let's say she gets a feed at 12 am her next one is at 4 am. She's a VERY heavy sleeper and a good 10 minutes of the routine at night is trying to wake her to take the feed. There's a lot of conflicting information out there as to whether we should just let her just sleep and not wake her up or wake her at set intervals.

What's your feedback?

jlm29

Kintarō Hattori wrote: »

Apologies for the late reply folks- it's been a little hectic! I'll do my best to take everything on board.

So we're unsure what to do in regards to feeding at night time now. We had been waking her (she's 3 weeks old now) every three hours for a feed. Now at night we've stretched that to 4 hours so let's say she gets a feed at 12 am her next one is at 4 am. She's a VERY heavy sleeper and a good 10 minutes of the routine at night is trying to wake her to take the feed. There's a lot of conflicting information out there as to whether we should just let her just sleep and not wake her up or wake her at set intervals.

What's your feedback?

Is she back at her birth weight? Is she being bottle or breastfed now?

shesty

As previous poster said, bottle or breast fed?when you wake her to feed, does she feed briefly and then fall asleep on the feed, or does she wake and take a big feed?
If she has jaundice or there's a worry about it or weight, wake her.
If not, I'd lean towards letting her sleep myself.Both of mine started to stretch to 4/5 hours for a period of the night around the 3/4 week mark.Once they woke for their feed then though, they were awake every 1.5 hours for what remained of the night for feeds.I ran with it.Also if she's cluster feeding all evening, her body may be ok with needing to sleep a bit longer afterwards.
The good news is you probably have a good little sleeper on your hands if you can encourage it :-)

Kintarō Hattori

jlm29 wrote: »

Is she back at her birth weight? Is she being bottle or breastfed now?

shesty wrote: »

As previous poster said, bottle or breast fed?when you wake her to feed, does she feed briefly and then fall asleep on the feed, or does she wake and take a big feed?
If she has jaundice or there's a worry about it or weight, wake her.
If not, I'd lean towards letting her sleep myself.Both of mine started to stretch to 4/5 hours for a period of the night around the 3/4 week mark.Once they woke for their feed then though, they were awake every 1.5 hours for what remained of the night for feeds.I ran with it.Also if she's cluster feeding all evening, her body may be ok with needing to sleep a bit longer afterwards.
The good news is you probably have a good little sleeper on your hands if you can encourage it :-)

She's back at her birth weight and probably a little higher now. Jaundice was brief thankfully and she's left that far behind.

Waking her for a feed at night is a funny old thing. It's a good 10 minutes to get her awake. I have to take her out of her baby grow and I even have to pretend to change her nappy in order to wake her. Once is she though it's a pretty steady feed. She's awake for most of it but tends to drift off towards the end but she takes around 80-90 ml at night. Generally then once she's had her nappy changed, back into clothes and winded she goes down easily enough.

Oh and she's being bottle fed now.

detoxkid

Kintarō Hattori wrote: »

She's back at her birth weight and probably a little higher now. Jaundice was brief thankfully and she's left that far behind.

Waking her for a feed at night is a funny old thing. It's a good 10 minutes to get her awake. I have to take her out of her baby grow and I even have to pretend to change her nappy in order to wake her. Once is she though it's a pretty steady feed. She's awake for most of it but tends to drift off towards the end but she takes around 80-90 ml at night. Generally then once she's had her nappy changed, back into clothes and winded she goes down easily enough.

Oh and she's being bottle fed now.

Never wake a sleeping baby unless advised to do so by a doctor IMO!!

farmchoice

detoxkid wrote: »

Never wake a sleeping baby unless advised to do so by a doctor IMO!!

exactly!! she sounds like a good baby... for now!! so make hay while the sunshine's.

ncmc

Kintarō Hattori wrote: »

She's back at her birth weight and probably a little higher now. Jaundice was brief thankfully and she's left that far behind.

Waking her for a feed at night is a funny old thing. It's a good 10 minutes to get her awake. I have to take her out of her baby grow and I even have to pretend to change her nappy in order to wake her. Once is she though it's a pretty steady feed. She's awake for most of it but tends to drift off towards the end but she takes around 80-90 ml at night. Generally then once she's had her nappy changed, back into clothes and winded she goes down easily enough.

Oh and she's being bottle fed now.

When I had my daughter, I was demented trying to wake her for night feeds (she was breast fed) Eventually I just left her to her own devices and fed her when she woke. At 3 or 4 weeks, she was probably going 5 hours or so. She would feed like a demon then. I'm a great believer now in following the babies cues. If that means cluster feeding in the evening, or letting them stretch a bit at night, then so be it. I would only worry about waking her if she is slow to gain weight or has jaundice. Enjoy the extra rest! I remember one time when my daughter was very young, she stretched to about 6 hours, I nearly died when I woke and she was still sleeping away! She's always been a great sleeper, so hopefully your little one will be the same!

jlm29

I wouldn't wake her either, if she's back at birth weight, and not jaundiced. Enjoy it!

shesty

If that's the situation OP, then I wholly agree with the last poster!Never wake a sleeping baby!She'll wake herself when she's hungry.Bottles do knock them out completely.I'd let her sleep especially if you're going to that much trouble to wake her.
Like I said mine both stretched to 4/5 hours at that age and to be honest I let them.Time will come soon enough that the baby will wake at odd hours of the night anyway for no real reason.

DavyD_83

Get yourself signed up/registered for the free under 6 GP Care if you have not already.

Enjoy the time you get to spend with your daughter and your wife. Changes happen every day, and it is easy to miss how amazing it all is as it happens.
Where possible, try not to stress out about the stuff you have zero control over, and just go with the flow (my general life advice). Some people are mad for enforcing a schedule; you can (so they say), but it will only work if you are both (and your baby) that way inclined naturally.
Otherwise creating and sticking to a strict schedule can be as much a source of stress as anything that could possibly happen anyway.
Our kids established their own routine of sorts over time anyway.

Accept that pooh, wee, saliva, food spilt by them on you or elsewhere is cute, and nothing to worry about, beyond needing to get it cleaned up. Freaking out anytime any of the above gets on hand, clothes, walls, floor will drive you mad in itself.

As above, nobody knows what they are doing really; once you realise this, it actually is easier.
The frustration at the start of thinking everybody else knows exactly how to get your baby to feed, sleep, and be well, but for some reason just won't let you in on the secret. can really get to you.

We thought we had it reasonably sussed after the first, but second is completely different in nearly every way. Main benefit of being through it before, is I think you worry less and you know how the practical things work; changing nappies, bottle sterilising and making (although we had different super-awkward Dr Browns bottles this time too).

RE: Breast feeding, although I think everybody agrees it is the best option for baby and mother where everything is perfect and by the book; this is not always the case.
Don't feel pressured by the BF Nazis (they're out there, and are beyond all criticism, because they are right). Do what is right for yourselves and your daughter. My wife had very rough births, Breast fed our first for 7 months and her overall recovery was hugely impacted by it. She was still using crutches and limping after over a year.
On the second, switched to bottles after 3 weeks,. birth was not as traumatic (section), but recovery was also much better, in part because her body was not also dealing with BF.
As it is, my wife's iron levels were ridiculously low, and still are 6 months later.

There are different factors in every case, it is not always as simple as 'Breast is Best".

Just be there, and 'try' really .
The only bad parents in my book, are the ones who are absent (because they think other things are more important than their kids) and/or don't give a ****.

jlm29

I'm never sure why people think it's ok to compare breadtfeeders to a shower of genocidal maniacs.

Clashmore

jlm29 wrote: »

I'm never sure why people think it's ok to compare breadtfeeders to a shower of genocidal maniacs.

I completely agree, we are not all pushy about breast feeding. I would encourage everyone to try and if it works good for u if not other options are there.