Do you have sympathy for male 'incels (involuntary celibates)?

DoozerT6

TheAnalyst_ wrote: »

It always grates when I hear a man or woman say this. Like you're so ****ing special and different.

Well, we are a bit different, I guess. It certainly not the norm to be in your 40's and have no relationship experience. Love, and all it entails, is a major facet of life and growing up/maturing as a person that some of us have no experience of, therefore it affects both how we relate to others on a social level, and also how others relate to us. You can't really have a heart to heart with your bestie about the intricacies of relationships when you know zilch about it.

It's like being the only dentist in a room full of engineers. Eventually you'll feel a bit left out of the conversation

RabbleRouser2k

If we're talking about the folks on reddit-no, no I don't. (It has nothing to do with 'The Red Pill' documentary (Which is fascinating, tbh)).

If we're talking about guys who blame other people for their being single, no, no I don't.

But if we are talking about guys who are like 'I'm single, I don't want to be single, but I don't know what I'm doing wrong-any advice?'. Then I have pity for them, they know what's wrong and they want to fix it. Some will pick up a book, others will take a class or a meeting, or even ask friends for some advice. They have my respect-knowing something isn't working is important in order to figure out what you're messing up with.

For me, I am single because I literally don't have time. My relationships fade out, tbh, and it's never this massive row that ends em. I think you need to be in the right place to manage a relationship, and I'm often not.
But relationships can start in the most random of places, and the tricky thing is that a lot of these single guys don't have the friends they can hang with on a night out-the guys who will be like 'dude, she's checking you out-go and chat to her and see what happens'.

wakka12

whenever i hear the word incel I always think of it in the way this guy says infidel
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GBvfiCdk-jc

Because I've never heard a real life person say the word incel

Ben Gadot

TheAnalyst_ wrote: »

It always grates when I hear a man or woman say this. Like you're so ****ing special and different.

I don't think anyone suggested that they were special. Not sure how you picked that up.

wakka12

NinjaKirby wrote: »

Is this the subreddit? https://www.reddit.com/r/Incels/

Some really funny stuff on there. I am never sure exactly how serious people like this are online.

Some of the communities you can find online are so strange.

That forum makes me really sad. They all sit around acting like they have the worst lives in the world. As if being below average looking and not successful women is the absolute worst thing that could happen in their life. Need to spare a thought for all the people who are actually deformed, people with illnesses that leave them housebound, injuries that mean they can no longer speak/socialise, people with dementia, people dying
Its just so self centred

RabbleRouser2k

Also, forgot to mention-some of my male and female friends have done the Tinder/ PoF thing--and while they've avoided the major weirdos (you know the type-and no, not the one's that are in the news) they do get the 'oh, it's all about looks with you-that's why you don't want to see me again. I know your type' which is is just...grow a spine, seriously.

As anyone who knows me knows, I'm not a good looking guy-I'm not 'gonna live in a cathedral and ring bells' ugly, but I'm not gonna do the 'aw, you just want looks' line--it's seriously shows MGTOW thinking.

tritium

RabbleRouser2k wrote: »

Also, forgot to mention-some of my male and female friends have done the Tinder/ PoF thing--and while they've avoided the major weirdos (you know the type-and no, not the one's that are in the news) they do get the 'oh, it's all about looks with you-that's why you don't want to see me again. I know your type' which is is just...grow a spine, seriously.

As anyone who knows me knows, I'm not a good looking guy-I'm not 'gonna live in a cathedral and ring bells' ugly, but I'm not gonna do the 'aw, you just want looks' line--it's seriously shows MGTOW thinking.

When did we start getting all these labels? Back when i was in the dating pool we had a simple, gender neutral catch all expression for all those folks who were obsessed with the looks/ social position/ jock status/ car they drove of their other half- shallow as ****

RabbleRouser2k

tritium wrote: »

When did we start getting all these labels? Back when i was in the dating pool we had a simple, gender neutral catch all expression for all those folks who were obsessed with the looks/ social position/ jock status/ car they drove of their other half- shallow as ****

Yeah-people want labels now because there are depths of how shallow someone can be.
The cisgender/ transgender/ non-binary crap is just that--crap. (And yes, I've heard people, in my everyday life, using the 'I'm non-binary' crap...one of them thinks she has psychic powers). Then you get the 'misgendered' thing-and you just sit there and think...um 'no'.

Btw, when I talk about the 'shallow' people-the ones' complaining are not the so-called attractive folks. Instead, the complainers are the 'I'm not good looking-but it's her fault for being so shallow and not liking me'. Instead, it's far from it-and the worst thing about those who complain is they force someone into an awkward situation-having to try and explain why they didn't click with a person...when a lot of the time, it literally is 'we didn't gel'.

ToddyDoody

I've done the wikipedia thing again.

Tournament species

Tournament species in zoology are those species in which members of one sex (usually males) compete in order to mate. In tournament species, most members of the competing sex never win the competitions and never mate, but almost all members of the other sex do mate with the small group of winners

Tournament species are characterized by fierce same-sex fighting. Significantly larger or better-armed individuals in these species have an advantage, but only to the competing sex. Thus, most tournament species have high sexual dimorphism. Examples of tournament species include grouse, peafowl, lions, mountain gorillas and elephant seals

So if human males / females find themselves going without, I guess we can think of the poor male grouse who probably doesn't have porn and can't ****.

pickarooney

The Incel reddit reads like either a very po-faced piss-take or ripe pickings for an ISIS recruiter.

SGSM

Ya can't blame a person for not fancying ya. I am pretty **** with the ladies but I know it's cos I'm relatively shy and not the best looking (a bad combination). No woman's fault tho.

snowflaker

Couldn't they just pay for it???

RabbleRouser2k

Pretty much anyone who tweets this tag is probably one to avoid-so social media to the rescue, again.

I include this because it's one example of why it can be hard to talk to girls-some of them are gonna start telling you how easy it is for guys.

https://twitter.com/hashtag/feministsareeverywhere?src=hash

Persephone kindness

pickarooney wrote: »

The Incel reddit reads like either a very po-faced piss-take or ripe pickings for an ISIS recruiter.

Actually it's just a forum and it's not as people think. It's no more sexist or racist than anywhere. You often find common sense empathy and male feminists on reddit believe it or not most on there are nice peeps. I am not on it but i read sometimes.

Sunny Disposition

Haven't a clue about guys on Reddit but I'd know a few bachelor farmers who would never have relationships with women really. V hard for them.
It's tough to be constantly alone, would feel for anyone in that situation. When it goes on for years and years it's tough to see a way past it, people in that situation need support.
Would have been pretty rubbish with the opposite sex when I was younger, no one gives you any lessons in chatting girls up or flirting. Somehow I got the hang of it in my late 20s, and really I think learning how to find/maintain a relationship is one of the most important things in adult life. If you know someone who never has a boyfriend/girlfriend there's a v good chance they aren't happy and could do with a bit of support.

Pat Mustard

Sunny Disposition wrote: »

Haven't a clue about guys on Reddit but I'd know a few bachelor farmers who would never have relationships with women really. V hard for them.

If having a farm means a life of isolation and if the farmer doesn't want that, he is going to have to rethink his long term strategy and ask some hard questions about whether being the life custodian of a family farm is worth the sacrifice in the long run.

A fella could do a lot with a a few hundred grand and a career change if he was to sell it, even if family members were to resent his decision.

I agree with you that it must be hard but sometimes hard choices have to be made for people to move out of these situations.

Pac1Man

Pat Mustard wrote: »

A fella could do a lot with a a few hundred grand and a career change if he was to sell it, even if family members were to resent his decision.

He could buy everyone on that forum a hooker! They'd write songs about him.

There was a young incel from Derry,
Who never got to pop his cherry.
He and his mucker, bought everyone a hooker,
And they all skipped home bright and merry.

Pat Mustard

Pac1Man wrote: »

He could buy everyone on that forum a hooker! They'd write songs about him.

There was a young incel from Derry,
Who never got to pop his cherry.
He and his mucker, bought everyone a hooker,
And they all skipped home bright and merry.

WTF? :pac:

ThinkProgress

pickarooney wrote: »

The Incel reddit reads like either a very po-faced piss-take or ripe pickings for an ISIS recruiter.

I don't think the aim is to be a virgin when you reach martyrdom...

You're supposed to get 40 of them, not be one yourself.

Sunny Disposition

Pat Mustard wrote: »

If having a farm means a life of isolation and if the farmer doesn't want that, he is going to have to rethink his long term strategy and ask some hard questions about whether being the life custodian of a family farm is worth the sacrifice in the long run.

A fella could do a lot with a a few hundred grand and a career change if he was to sell it, even if family members were to resent his decision.

I agree with you that it must be hard but sometimes hard choices have to be made for people to move out of these situations.

Of course you're right, but sometimes it's just not in fellas thinking at all, have never and will never know anything else.
To be fair it's not just farmers or people in isolated areas, people in towns/cities can end up single and totally set in their ways also. It's prob a bit more common in the country though.

DredFX

My disgust stems from what many incels become in the event they do work up the skills to make friends and date women.
Redpillers. Thirty-something members of this horrible online movement that, in place of using their newfound romantic success to live a happy life, go out of their way to mistreat people, philander for the sake of it, and write the most disgusting, presumptuous theses about women on their decadent wreck of a subreddit. Of course, if you dig a little deeper beyond the dude-bro talk, you find behaviour that can only be borne from insecurity.

Women enjoy rape because it's a fetish.

Women bang hot dudes in their 20s then settle with a beta cuck they'll eventually divorce-rape.

Dating tips that scream "I want to be like the douchebags who bullied me in school"

I had a bad experience, therefore you all will too.

All women are the same.

Jim Bob Scratcher

Don't panic lads, their will be sexbots in a few years time. They won't talk back or cost a bomb to upkeep :pac:

PistolsAtDawn

jeanjolie wrote: »

Not me but anyways, I dislike looking masculine; I understand that's what a lot of young women still want in a man but I'm not going to sacrifice my personality just to fit some masculine ideals.

Spoken like a true man

professore

DredFX wrote: »

My disgust stems from what many incels become in the event they do work up the skills to make friends and date women.
Redpillers. Thirty-something members of this horrible online movement that, in place of using their newfound romantic success to live a happy life, go out of their way to mistreat people, philander for the sake of it, and write the most disgusting, presumptuous theses about women on their decadent wreck of a subreddit. Of course, if you dig a little deeper beyond the dude-bro talk, you find behaviour that can only be borne from insecurity.

Women enjoy rape because it's a fetish.

Women bang hot dudes in their 20s then settle with a beta cuck they'll eventually divorce-rape.

Dating tips that scream "I want to be like the douchebags who bullied me in school"

I had a bad experience, therefore you all will too.

All women are the same.

Switch the genders and it sounds like a series of Louise O'Neill tweets. Only difference is these guys are out on the lunatic fringe where they belong.

professore

I had one pretty bad experience in my early 20s with a girl I fancied. I can see how if you had only those experiences with women it might make you bitter.

I have a theory that people - not just men - who have bad experiences are generally a type - very open and naïve, the kind who put others first all the time are preyed upon, much like bullies choose their targets. Pro tip - incels, nothing turns women off quicker than a doormat.

With guys, if they have never told anyone to **** off or stood up for themselves, all that anger gets bottled up inside, and has to come out somewhere, on these fora, or to extremes, shooting up schools or blowing up children at a concert.

With women, they become radical man hating feminists.

Or I could be completely wrong. Definitely more correct than the toxic masculinity narrative we are fed.
EDIT: Actually the experience I had wasn't that bad, I've seen much worse

professore

PistolsAtDawn wrote: »

jeanjolie wrote: »

Not me but anyways, I dislike looking masculine; I understand that's what a lot of young women still want in a man but I'm not going to sacrifice my personality just to fit some masculine ideals.

To each his own. I like looking masculine, hate it when I go into shops now and the women's section has more manly clothes than the men's. And the men's stuff is designed for stick insects.

Loads of nice people have difficulty finding partners for all kinds of reasons. Life can just be like that, it doesn't have to be anyones fault.

When you start banding together online and giving yourselves little names and and blaming anyone else (women, usually) for not getting what you feel is your god-given entitlement, that's another thing.

MGTOW - the Impossible To Want claiming they're just really Hard To Get.

Incels - Women don't want me, and it's ALL their fault.

ThinkProgress

I bet this dude was probably an "incel"...

No sympathy for people that blame the rest of the world for their own failings!

ohnonotgmail

ThinkProgress wrote: »

I bet this dude was probably an "incel"...

No sympathy for people that blame the rest of the world for their own failings!

this guy has already been mentioned. he went on a gun rampage.

ThinkProgress

ohnonotgmail wrote: »

this guy has already been mentioned. he went on a gun rampage.

Sorry, didn't read the whole thread.

His great qualities as person were under appreciated... so he decided to slaughter lots of innocent people!