Better-educated women 'find it harder' to meet partner

Permabear

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Bambi985

Permabear wrote: »

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My sister is a dentist with a prior Business degree and is qualified to her gills but couldn't place Baghdad on a map or give you directions to the local corner shop. She'd have to google "Theresa May" to confirm that she's the Prime Minister of England, she's that disengaged from politics and current affairs.

That's the thing about "multiple degrees" and educational "prestige" - they tell you nothing about a person other than their privilege and their ability to sit at a desk and learn stuff off for extended periods of time. They tell you nothing of their character, who they actually are or how they'd react if you were stuck in a lift with them, or if you fainted at their feet. Are they kind? Are they street smart? Are they clued into the world around them?

I come from quite an academic background and grew up privileged, college was a given, career was a given, but I think I'd be selling myself short if that was how I chose to define myself, on a date or in general. I'd certainly not have ended up working in a creative industry and dating my boyfriend, who's the least "book-ish" person I know but who is the fixer-upper in my life, not just literally, but emotionally, mentally, and who travelled the world with me and knows everything there is to know on the most random subjects in the most brilliant way.

sullivlo

I have a friend who has a PhD who thinks that Malaga is a country. I have another friend who is on the cusp of a PhD who thinks that it's possible to transplant sharks gills into humans to enable them to breathe under water. I have landed in an airport in France having flown from Dublin and questioned why it was called an international airport.

Academic smarts =/= life smarts.

I enjoy politics. I inform myself of things before I vote in elections. I take a more-than-passing interest in current affairs. I understand how the stock market works. I read. To date I have read 19 books this year, more if you include those for work/college. I know absolutely nothing about films, oscar winning or otherwise. I don't understand science fiction, fantasy or the obsession with Game of Thrones. Star Wars? Star Bores. I cycle. I watch rugby. I have a girl crush on Kate Walsh and Donna from Suits. I like to travel, either within Ireland or abroad. I tolerate museums but don't enjoy them. I don't appreciate fine art. Actually I barely appreciate un-fine art. I enjoy modern history, in small doses, but don't quite understand ancient history. I'm very much pro-science in society, and I enjoy a healthy debate on the pros and cons of vaccines/flouride/clean eating. I like dogs, and I think cats are sly. I have a knack of accidentally asking morally and ethically challenging questions in the middle of random conversations. I hold my pen weird. I know the capitals of random countries, and I subscribe to the idea that Leitrim isn't a county but a state of mind.

I like to think that this is how I present myself in company - on a date or with friends/potential friends. If I find someone I can chat to about these things, or someone who I can learn something from, I couldn't give a toss if they're formally educated, self taught or whether they are wearing matching socks. If that person happens to be Joe from the local, happy days! If not... well that's okay too.

I would agree with previous sentiments though - I would rather stay single than "settle" for someone who doesn't stimulate, interest or challenge me, or for someone who isn't engaged by me at least some of the time.

Actually thinking again, matching socks might be a bit of a deal breaker.

sullivlo

sullivlo wrote: »

I have a friend who has a PhD who thinks that Malaga is a country. I have another friend who is on the cusp of a PhD who thinks that it's possible to transplant sharks gills into humans to enable them to breathe under water. I have landed in an airport in France having flown from Dublin and questioned why it was called an international airport.

Academic smarts =/= life smarts.

I enjoy politics. I inform myself of things before I vote in elections. I take a more-than-passing interest in current affairs. I understand how the stock market works. I read. To date I have read 19 books this year, more if you include those for work/college. I know absolutely nothing about films, oscar winning or otherwise. I don't understand science fiction, fantasy or the obsession with Game of Thrones. Star Wars? Star Bores. I cycle. I watch rugby. I have a girl crush on Kate Walsh and Donna from Suits. I like to travel, either within Ireland or abroad. I tolerate museums but don't enjoy them. I don't appreciate fine art. Actually I barely appreciate un-fine art. I enjoy modern history, in small doses, but don't quite understand ancient history. I'm very much pro-science in society, and I enjoy a healthy debate on the pros and cons of vaccines/flouride/clean eating. I like dogs, and I think cats are sly. I have a knack of accidentally asking morally and ethically challenging questions in the middle of random conversations. I hold my pen weird. I know the capitals of random countries, and I subscribe to the idea that Leitrim isn't a county but a state of mind.

I like to think that this is how I present myself in company - on a date or with friends/potential friends. If I find someone I can chat to about these things, or someone who I can learn something from, I couldn't give a toss if they're formally educated, self taught or whether they are wearing matching socks. If that person happens to be Joe from the local, happy days! If not... well that's okay too.

I would agree with previous sentiments though - I would rather stay single than "settle" for someone who doesn't stimulate, interest or challenge me, or for someone who isn't engaged by me at least some of the time.

Actually thinking again, matching socks might be a bit of a deal breaker.

You shouldn't feel you have to defend yourself against an insinuation that you somehow don't realise there's more to life than education, or against the idea that you treat dates like interviews.

It's insulting to have the possiblity that that that's all there is to you or you somehow are too stupid and single minded to realise there's more to life, put out there because you answer a question about educated women with some information about your education, as a woman.

I don't talk about my qualifications or use my title outside of work, I don't treat dates like interviews, and I think the assumptions could be dialled back a bit and the context of the thread taken into consideration here.

notsoyoungwan

Bambi985 wrote: »

I think as women we take a different approach and those kinds of questions inform whether or not this is someone we want to be with. Especially highly educated women. It's rare to find a woman with multiple degrees in a high power job with a high salary dating Joe from down the local, a woman like that will almost always want to find her counterpart and if she can't find him, she'll stay single.

I have multiple degrees, am in a high power job and earn a high salary. I dated a 'Joe from down the local' for a few months last year. His lack of formal education was not an issue, but what was ultimately the problem was his utter inability to understand the demands of my job, ie that I could not down tools and leave work at 5pm every evening, or that I sometimes brought paperwork home, or went into work early. He just couldn't get his head round that at all and used get quite annoyed about it, even on days when it didn't have any bearing on him 'cos we weren't due to meet anyway. He thought I was "a fukcing eejit" for doing more than my contracted hours, with no comprehension of the fact that I'm a medical consultant, I can't just walk off the ward/clinic at 5pm if there are patients still to be seen, things still to be sorted out, paperwork to be done etc. There was one evening I was quite stressed as a patient's family were complaining vociferously (despite having no cause to do so) and were causing me a lot of stress, and he just didn't get it at all, his response was "why don't you just tell them to fcuk off?", with no real concept of the sh1t I'd end up in if I did that.

Had he been able to show some understanding or willingness to understand what my job entailed, things would have been different, but as far as he was concerned you worked your contracted hours and not a minute more. It was that attitude, not his lack of education that was the issue. As a contrast, a friend& colleague of mine is married to a guy who is nearly illiterate but who has unending patience with the demands of her job and who supports her unconditionally in her role.

Permabear

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Polymaths are always more interesting than monomaths!

Education doesn't have to be formal to be worthwhile, and I'm often struck by people who may not have much formal training in anything but can articulate themselves well and are curious and interested in a wide range of subjects. Those are the people who tend to be fantastic company.

Permabear

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meeeeh

Yeah that really is distressing. It will probably keep me awake half of the night just thinking about it.

Fourier

Candie wrote: »

Polymaths are always more interesting than monomaths!

Depends, when you meet a truly godly monomath in their field it can be very impressive.

ste

So many terrible yawn inspiring quotes. Reverse snobbery is as bad as snobbery.

Different people with varied aptitudes, personality types, IQs, EQs take different paths in life.

I do not perceive in Ireland a widespread judgement process when it comes to which college/uni and/or level of qualification.

More often if you asked or were asked where/what you studied, the person might respond along lines of; Do ya know Bob Murphy, red haired lad plays hurling for Whoever, etc.? Or ah fair play.

It rarely lingers as a conversation topic.

Anecdote; I've decent qualifications relevant to my career. My general knowledge would be very average.
I go out with a girl who's v intelligent & academically successful. She works in a narrow niche field. She could out-quiz the majority of us on general knowledge: politics to entertainment to music to history etc.
Some people are all round smart.
I place no correalation, positive or negative on general knowledge smarts & level of academic success.

That's all I have (usually I don't post but some of recent posts annoyed me so)

Fourier

Althea Pale Ale wrote: »

I'll tell you what it is, women are attracted to men of higher status, the higher status a woman is the fewer options she has.

Some women are, but come on not all are, I don't even know how you'd gauge what percentage are in total.

koumi

well that can't be true because I'm practically brain dead and I'm single )

Lux23

I remember when I met my partner he was working in a club and a few of my friends turned their noses up at him. I couldn't understand why because he did have a degree but with the recession, he just hadn't found work in his field. Well, we are together 4.5 years later and he's an engineer in big multi-national and those girls are still single so there you go!

Many educated chaps I know are married to ladies with who aren't as well educated. I don't know many educated ladies in the same position.

Sounds awful but ladies can "marry up" much easier than lads can.

Also, I imagine many educated, intelligent ladies would find the modern playstation addicted, home beer brewing man child an awful option