social life - lack of it?

marthabarry

I'm a bit older I think than many posters here I think and at 50 and single find myself in a position where my social life has pretty much dried up over the last few years. This happened for a number of reasons - friends who stopped going out, one or two I drifted apart from and one or two who moved. I never had a huge social circle and wouldn't find it that easy to make friends. I really like to go out and find it a bit bleak to be in this situation where I've no one to socialise with! I suppose I'm wondering if anyone has advice as to how to do something about this? I'm feeling stuck and can't seem to see a way out myself so any advice would be appreciated.:)

AndyBoBandy

Join a club of some sort, perhaps something you have an interest in, photography, books, walking

pajo1981

marthabarry wrote: »

<Snip>

Not a nice place to be. Been there. I found myself a trad group whom i eventually grew close to through pub trad sessions. Do you play an instrument at all.

eviltwin

Where are you based? Two things you can try are Meet up.com which has social groups that cover everything and anything. If you use Facebook check out the Girlcrew 40+ group. I use both and have found it a great way to make new friends.

anewme

I'm only a slight bit younger than you and single . My gym has a great social group and I travel a lot on Group solo tours. Hiking groups are great too

SATSUMA

I second Meetup.com ! Loads of different groups for all ages and interests.

Big Bag of Chips

I'm almost 40, married with children. I wouldn't have much of a social life either! Last week though I joined a "soccer for mums" club! Most of the women are mothers, but some aren't. It's for women, of all ages and abilities. Some are quite competitive. Some are there to get fit and have a bit of fun. Of course I was a bit nervous about going along at first, but I know next week will be easier, and the week after will be easier again.

There have never been so many clubs and groups available. From sports, to walking, book clubs, drama groups, musical societies, hobby groups, knitting, crochet, quilting, arts & crafts, painting, adult group lessons for a musical instrument. Have a look on the notice board in your local library. You'll certainly find something.

Feisty

I'm about the same age as you, also single, kids grown up. I moved quite a distance when I left my ex, and I also find myself with little or no social life. I did join a couple of voluntary groups, and while they fill in time, they aren't exactly a social life. I wouldn't say I have friends in those groups.
I cant really offer you any advice, just letting you know you aren't alone!

pilly

I would be close to your age OP and it's not easy to make friends.

When I wasn't working I did some voluntary work in a charity shop and that was a great way of meeting people.

Since I've started back working again I've done a couple of classes and it's occupied some evenings.

I moved a couple of years ago from Dublin to a rural area so have found it hard. But I've managed to make 3 good friends and that's okay for now.

Best of luck with it and as Feisty says at least you know you're not alone. I'd say it's fairly widespread for single people over a certain age.

marthabarry

Thanks for all the replies, they do help. It's just this has happened over time, sooo slowly that I am even wondering how I got here. I do have a few friends left that actually go out but they've become so few that nights out are a rarity. I've looked at Meet Up ok but the groups seem to be for younger than me and I'll def have a look at that facebook recommendation. I go to classes/ courses regularly of things that interest me but people there usually head home afterwards and are really only there for that particular interest. As I said I'm not the best at making friends anyway. It's a bleak, depressing thing to want to be out socialising but to be stuck in and to have to pretend then to people that it isn't bothering you!!!!! That's even worse. Taking the first step is hard but I know I need to do something

Ms Doubtfire1

I'm in the same position, do have close friends but they are scattered all over the world - Facebook is a lovely tool there. I don't really miss the face to face interaction with people 99% of the time, but only at the odd occasion. I do work full time so maybe that's a difference.Do the other posters work?

pilly

I do work Ms Doubtfire but only with one other woman who isn't really my type. The rest are men.

Anyway, you've prompted me OP to join Meetup and there are some older groups on it so I'm going to try one, I'll let you know how it goes.

I'd love to just have someone to go to the cinema with and for meals etc.

Ms Doubtfire1

pilly wrote: »

I do work Ms Doubtfire but only with one other woman who isn't really my type. The rest are men.

Anyway, you've prompted me OP to join Meetup and there are some older groups on it so I'm going to try one, I'll let you know how it goes.

I'd love to just have someone to go to the cinema with and for meals etc.

I've joined too but can't find anything so far. Cinema..super hero movies especially iron man...too funny

carolmon

I'm in a similar situation........separated from my long term partner in my late 40s and found all my family/ friends were settled in their own routines with kids/ grandkids so although (thankfully) I had lots of people in my life it was in a fairly set pattern with not much flexibility for trying new things.

It was a challenge getting used to being on my own after the security of always having somebody around to do things with.

I wasn't looking for dating sites just social networking and it seems likes it's easier to line up dates than social nights out, I've often thought there should be a "dating" site or similar for new friends

I've been to some meetup groups and find them good for a specific interest but not great for more general friendships, still it's great to network and know a few faces at events.

I was interested in lots of events/ festivals/ weekends away (I love music) and missed out on loads because I didn't have anybody interested in going...so it was home alone looking at the four walls :rolleyes:

I had to eventually bite the bullet and do things solo and tbh once I did this it was liberating......the first time I went away on my own in Ireland I booked into a hostel and in an 8 bed dorm there were 7 women travelling alone.

It was fantastic and nobody batted an eyelid that I was there on my own, I met lots of people and have been away on other weekends walking/ festivals with some of the same contacts and some solo but always meet people, usually because people there have similar interests.

Now if there's something on that I'm interested in I just go.

Since then I've also walked the camino alone and am planning further travel, so my advice is don't sit home alone, you only get one life so go for it.

It is nice to have people around too and I would recommend joining groups, I'm on a few on meetup and there's always something on and if you pick a specific interest rather than just drinks/ social night out it's really easy to connect.

Maybe Boards.ie should have a new forum/ meet for our niche? There's enough of us starting out single again at a certain stage of life..........

Good luck and get out there and enjoy yourself.......it's hard but once you do it you won't look back......I think of it as my new normal now after nearly 30 years of coupledom.

marthabarry

It's very brave to go it alone - it's certainly something I have thought about doing. Like you I used to be off somewhere at the drop of a hat but now I always have this 'stuck' feeling so I guess I'm gonna have to get up and go it alone. Yet I haven't made the first step in any direction yet? Still just talking and thinking about it. I could be here for years doing that.!!!!!! I've not made the brave step to try a meet up yet or anything else. If you go to a meet up Pilly, perhaps you'll let me know how it went. It might give me courage.

pilly

I'll definitely let you know, as soon as I get up the courage!

eviltwin

Seeing as there are a few people in a similar position why not arrange a Boards meet? There is definitely a market for it.

pilly

eviltwin wrote:

Seeing as there are a few people in a similar position why not arrange a Boards meet? There is definitely a market for it.

We're probably all over the country though aren't we?