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Girlfriend wants to buy apartment with me, I want to buy on my own.

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Comments

  • #52
    pwurple
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,449 ✭✭✭✭pwurple


    It actually makes very little sense for her to use up her 'first time buyer' status as well.

    She must be very young / naieve to think this is a good idea.


  • #53
    woodchuck
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 15,411 ✭✭✭✭woodchuck


    I'm normally one to sympathise with the "non-owner" as I've been there myself and the unbalanced dynamic in the relationship sucks.

    However...

    You're only together 3 months!!! It would be insanity to buy together. It's a huge commitment; way too big to be considering at this stage.

    Don't put your plans on hold for the sake of a relationship that is such early days. Just go for it.


  • #54
    up for anything
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,778 ✭✭✭up for anything


    Maybe she is just head over heels in love with the OP and blindly sees their future as being together. I doubt she's planning a break-up, more likely a wedding. I was head over heels in love with my ex-husband from week one forty years ago and would had the same instincts as the OP's girlfriend. What is even more shocking is that despite experience and maturity etc I fell in love with someone four years ago and those same instincts kicked in right away. I wouldn't have had a thought in my head as to turning things to my advantage. Yes, she may be very naive and slightly thick but I don't think she's out to fleece the OP.


  • #55
    leggo
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,061 ✭✭✭leggo


    up for anything wrote: »
    Maybe she is just head over heels in love with the OP and blindly sees their future as being together. I doubt she's planning a break-up, more likely a wedding. I was head over heels in love with my ex-husband from week one forty years ago and would had the same instincts as the OP's girlfriend. What is even more shocking is that despite experience and maturity etc I fell in love with someone four years ago and those same instincts kicked in right away. I wouldn't have had a thought in my head as to turning things to my advantage. Yes, she may be very naive and slightly thick but I don't think she's out to fleece the OP.

    Okay so let's take it at face value and assume that it all is honest and 'for love'...that doesn't make it not insane behaviour.

    For example, I'm friends with a guy who ALWAYS rushes into relationships, falls head over heels and gets them super serious way too soon. As a mate of his, I've tried to hint at it a few times for his benefit, to extol the virtues of taking it slow and how that can be beneficial while you get to truly know someone. And when one of us meets a girl we like, he always, always says the phrase 'lock her down'. One day, when he said it to me, I decided to think and delve into that phrase a bit more. It's strange when you break it down. Lock almost means to 'trap', like, and the entire attitude implies that he believes there's something wrong with himself and that he needs to make things serious before the other person sees these things and leaves, so they're too deep in, they're 'locked down' so to speak.

    So, actually, his attitude isn't coming from love at all. It's actually coming from fear and insecurity, and maybe those fears and insecurities are based in something real, maybe his attitude to relationships is shaped by 'people leave me when they see the real me' and, maybe, rather than address those core issues which may be tough to deal with head on, he'd rather just try and subconsciously trap people in a serious relationship before they see that. But, of course, over time they're still going to.

    It's nice for him to dress it up as 'true love' (the first 20 times) and it sounds great to tell it that way to people, but it's not how the real world works. So the OP should still exercise caution regardless.


  • #56
    pilly
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 9,005 ✭✭✭pilly


    Having just re-read the OP, I've noticed you've said the issue is she earns 20k?

    So if she earned a lot more would you be considering it?

    I think the real issue is the length of time you're together, not the wage differential.

    I also think that you need to think going forward if the difference in earnings is a problem. If you don't see yourself settling down at a later date with someone who earns much less then you owe to her not to be wasting her time also.


  • #57
    dellas1979
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,128 ✭✭✭dellas1979


    Hmmmm-unusual situation alright. But easily resolved with a no.

    Look after your future now, until maybe you see a long term future with her.

    Its a bit bonkers to want to buy a property with someone you dont really know.

    Maybe you could ask her or find out what her motivation is? Is she just clueless? I think youll find this out as you say no.

    I think the post is more about what is she playing at, rather than you making a decision?


  • #58
    SozBbz
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,889 ✭✭✭SozBbz


    pilly wrote: »
    Having just re-read the OP, I've noticed you've said the issue is she earns 20k?

    So if she earned a lot more would you be considering it?

    I think the real issue is the length of time you're together, not the wage differential.

    I also think that you need to think going forward if the difference in earnings is a problem. If you don't see yourself settling down at a later date with someone who earns much less then you owe to her not to be wasting her time also.

    Well, her earning €20k is an issue. In the OP he said that she would contribute based on him paying all the day to day bills.... so needing to be subsidized in order to "contribute" isnt really contributing - its just giving with one hand and taking with the other.


  • #59
    Minera
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 179 ✭✭Minera


    Hi op, I'm going to join the general consensus here and say don't buy with your gf. It's been well explained why you shouldn't. Rehgardless if she 'chips' in or not your gf will have some rights regarding your property if she is living there for over 2 years ( I think that's the timeframe) so do your homework and check out citizens advice online.
    Good luck with your future endeavours


  • #60
    SozBbz
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,889 ✭✭✭SozBbz


    Minera wrote: »
    Rehgardless if she 'chips' in or not your gf will have some rights regarding your property if she is living there for over 2 years ( I think that's the timeframe) so do your homework and check out citizens advice online.
    Good luck with your future endeavours

    This isnt true unless they have children. She won't have any rights to a claim until you've lived together for 5 years, unless there are children involved, then it reverts to 2 years.


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  • #61
    MartyMcFly84
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,326 ✭✭✭MartyMcFly84


    What you could do is buy the place for yourself and let her live there for a low or "cost" rent/or share or bills if you wanted too. This would help her greatly with disposable income and allow her to save if she wanted to get her own place further down the line.

    She should not be asking to buy with you so soon , but I think that is a fair alternative. I know a female friend who this worked out well for. Living with her new fella without paying rent changed her life in Dublin massively and allowed her to save for big holidays for both of them, family and save a nice cushion for herself if she ever needed to buy. Again its up to you but then if things didnt work out you would have done all you could and her has not claim on your house.


  • #62
    Hannibal_Smith
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 7,173 Mod ✭✭✭✭Hannibal_Smith


    pwurple wrote: »
    It actually makes very little sense for her to use up her 'first time buyer' status as well.

    She must be very young / naieve to think this is a good idea.

    What first time buyer status? This doesn't exist anymore.


  • #63
    Mooooo
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,611 ✭✭✭Mooooo


    MartyMcFly84 wrote: »
    What you could do is buy the place for yourself and let her live there for a low or "cost" rent/or share or bills if you wanted too. This would help her greatly with disposable income and allow her to save if she wanted to get her own place further down the line.

    She should not be asking to buy with you so soon , but I think that is a fair alternative. I know a female friend who this worked out well for. Living with her new fella without paying rent changed her life in Dublin massively and allowed her to save for big holidays for both of them, family and save a nice cushion for herself if she ever needed to buy. Again its up to you but then if things didnt work out you would have done all you could and her has not claim on your house.

    risk involved in that too as you don't have to be married just living together to put a claim on a property, again same as said before if you knew the person longer less of an issue but 3 months....


  • #64
    The_Conductor
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 32,285 Mod ✭✭✭✭The_Conductor


    Hannibal_Smith wrote: »
    What first time buyer status? This doesn't exist anymore.

    It hasnt' been formally abolished- the new Minister has flown a kite to get reactions to its abolition- and by and large- the public is not in favour of keeping it, with the proviso, there is an expectation of a commensurate scheme (for all buyers, not just FTBs, and not just for new builds) to assist with the purchase. Its expected the scheme will be formally closed in the 2018 budget- however, its all go, until then (or whenever it is formally closed).


  • #65
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    MartyMcFly84 wrote: »
    What you could do is buy the place for yourself and let her live there for a low or "cost" rent/or share or bills if you wanted too. This would help her greatly with disposable income and allow her to save if she wanted to get her own place further down the line.

    She should not be asking to buy with you so soon , but I think that is a fair alternative. I know a female friend who this worked out well for. Living with her new fella without paying rent changed her life in Dublin massively and allowed her to save for big holidays for both of them, family and save a nice cushion for herself if she ever needed to buy. Again its up to you but then if things didnt work out you would have done all you could and her has not claim on your house.

    Not to take it off topic, but how on earth would this arrangement have been good for your friend's BF, or the OP? Your friend lived rent/expense free, and instead put her money towards luxuries, and her own nest egg?! That just seems like complete freeloading to me, and the trap that the OP is very much at risk of falling into. Maybe - maybe - had they been together for far longer, and had discussed a long term future together, it might make some sense. Even if the relationship was very long term though, that's something I'd find hard to swallow: a Bf/Gf who lives rent free, but yet can save for their own personal nest egg. That would be a total red flag, and indeed a complete deal-breaker, for me. The fact that the OP is only barely into a relationship makes it even more of a break-up issue in my book.

    I'm sorry, but in my opinion the OPs Gf is either a deluded semi-princess, or a freeloader. neither of which are attractive qualities.


  • #66
    Hannibal_Smith
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 7,173 Mod ✭✭✭✭Hannibal_Smith


    The_Conductor wrote: »
    It hasnt' been formally abolished- the new Minister has flown a kite to get reactions to its abolition- and by and large- the public is not in favour of keeping it, with the proviso, there is an expectation of a commensurate scheme (for all buyers, not just FTBs, and not just for new builds) to assist with the purchase. Its expected the scheme will be formally closed in the 2018 budget- however, its all go, until then (or whenever it is formally closed).

    What do first time buyers get? Can't everyone avail of the HTB Scheme? First time buyers used to get a grant on new builds and a lower stamp duty rate, but neither of those exist anymore.


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  • #67
    jamesthepeach
    Registered Users Posts: 992 ✭✭✭jamesthepeach


    Tell her the bank won't give you the mortgage because you have previous debts up to your eyeballs that you'll be about 30 years paying off.
    See what she does then over the next few months.


  • #68
    HalloweenJack
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,274 ✭✭✭HalloweenJack


    jamesthepeach wrote: »
    Tell her the bank won't give you the mortgage because you have previous debts up to your eyeballs that you'll be about 30 years paying off.
    See what she does then over the next few months.
    There's no need to lie or play games with her.

    Just come out and say you don't want to buy with her just yet and explain why. If she isn't reasonable and understanding then it's better to find this out now instead of later down the road when you already have a house together.


  • #69
    Bandana boy
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,335 ✭✭✭Bandana boy


    Hannibal_Smith wrote: »
    What do first time buyers get? Can't everyone avail of the HTB Scheme? First time buyers used to get a grant on new builds and a lower stamp duty rate, but neither of those exist anymore.

    HTB scheme is only for first time buyers

    http://www.revenue.ie/en/property/help-to-buy-incentive/index.aspx


  • #70
    The_Conductor
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 32,285 Mod ✭✭✭✭The_Conductor


    Hannibal_Smith wrote: »
    What do first time buyers get? Can't everyone avail of the HTB Scheme? First time buyers used to get a grant on new builds and a lower stamp duty rate, but neither of those exist anymore.

    No- not everyone can avail of the HTB scheme- it was specifically targeted at first-time-buyers only. No-one other than a FTB qualified. This scheme will most probably be abolished- however, it is still up and running.


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