How to stop watching porn?

LegacyUser

As above, I have a serious addiction to it. I find the site chaturbate.com utterly addictive, I could spend hours on it, I was aroused enough watching someone last night that when it got to the private show I decided I needed to keep it going so I paid 20 US dollars for the privilege of having 200 tokens and becoming a member for a month (which I cancelled about 5 minutes later once I'd realised what I'd done). I wouldn't mind but I didn't even enjoy it, I didn't get the buzz out of the performance I might have gotten before.

I felt so utterly low and guilty about it all day, I feel like I've no morals or standards, but more to the point, I've noticed that my work performance has gone down the past few months. I'm 28 now and I've been looking at porn since I was 16, before it wasn't too bad and I didn't think it really affected me, but in more recent times I've noticed it's gotten worse. Around Christmas I'd been through a really rough patch at work, having been to a life coach I made a lot of changes (including going off Porn for a while, and it felt great once I'd gotten over the initial longing for seeing naked photos had worn off), then I thought since I was much more disciplined and more motivated I could allow myself to look at it again say around March/April, and at the start I was very disciplined and I noticed no change but slowly it started creeping back into my life, which culminated in last night.

I have tried stopping my addiction to porn sites for a long time and it never truly works, it's worse than fecking smoking. At the moment I've got Cold Turkey on my laptop to stop me from looking up that site (and a few other ones I like looking at) and I've blocked it until the end of the year, so hopefully that will work wonders.

However, I feel like I'm fighting only the symptoms because I know I'll just look up images on google (although I never get a buzz out of that really and I'm usually bored of it after a few minutes, and go back on to more 'normal' things) and I know when I get to the end of this year I'll look forward to being able to look up all these sites once more. I'll say to myself 'sure one or two days will be fine' and then after 1 or 2 days are up it will be another 1 or 2 days, and so on and so on until I spend money on something stupid that I really don't want to.

I'd just love to properly get this under control, I don't think there is anything wrong with looking up a few sexy nude photos here and there for a few minutes and I feel like if I can stay off any webcam sites I can control my urges (I usually get bored after 10-15 minutes maximum) but really I don't want to be spending money on adult entertainment sites and I really don't want it to drag me down at work, which then gets me in bad humour and then makes me want to seek the comfort blanket of porn sites even more.

Anyone got any ideas as to what else I can do? I know it will be difficult for my heart to accept it, but having been 'porn free' for a while in the past, I know how much better a person it makes me and I'd really like to stick with it once and for all this time. Thanks.

Peonygrace

I don't know what to suggest, but wikihow says: http://www.wikihow.com/Help-Someone-End-a-Pornography-Addiction

If you can get past the ridiculous cartoons, the advice is good. Maybe try seeing a CBT therapist - cognitive behavioural therapy....http://www.cognitivetherapy.ie

You will need willpower, support and distraction as it does sound like it has turned into a lot more than a passing interest activity and is impacting your wellbeing. There are studies that look at the effects of porn addiction, maybe familiarising yourself with some of the research into this area will help motivate you to stay committed to going porn-free?

There is a lot of information out there and of course varying opinions too, I think what matters more is how you feel about it and the impact it is having on your life.

Good luck, you can do this!

Xterminator

Hi OP

im not a solution but might help. Can you go to your isp and ask them to turn on their adult filters. That way you cannot just give into the urge at a weak moment.

It might ease your mind knowing its not just a click away.

LegacyUser

The way to stop looking at it is to stop looking at it. Become mindful of what you are doing when you use the internet. Instead of becoming trapped in the vicious cycle of "using" porn without even thinking about it, become conscious of yourself typing in that web address.

Mindfulness promotes awareness. You can then challenge yourself and ask, "do I really need to look at porn? What will visiting this website add to my life? Will it give me anything other than a fleeting pleasure that quickly gives way to despair and depression?"

People often give in to their addictions unconsciously. I used to watch a lot of porn but mindfulness definitely helped.

LegacyUser

Thanks all for your input. I will certainly look at Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. I actually had a good day in work today and actually thought about work related things. I'm even going to try and solve a work related problem tonight as it's been bugging me for ages and I really want to get it off my chest.

It was only this morning that it kind of dawned on me that really I am like one of my relatives, who is an alcoholic and someone I have absolutely no time for. I certainly don't want to turn out like him, he says he's always so depressed and lonely, and quite frankly is a pain to talk to.

No doubt about it, it is a disease or illness, or disorder, or whatever you want to call it, even when you're free from it there is some bit of you that still keeps nagging back and telling you to do it. I had managed a while off it and was back to my old self but I thought I could allow myself look at it again for a few minutes every evening and everything would be OK - but really, it's not.

I can already feel myself getting better, I looked up some stuff on tumblr this evening for about 10 minutes had my fun and haven't thought about it all evening, instead I watched TopGear with one of my housemates and am thinking about solving a work related problem. Actually 'admitting' anonymously on an online forum was a big step, at least I'm now admitting I've got a problem and need to fix it. I've dealt with all the stress and anxiety of being gay (which I reckon is one of the reasons I got into it in the first place, I could do things - or imagine doing things that everyone else could do in real life but I couldn't because of it) and coming out of the closet and survived it, and was all the better for telling the truth, so I know I am capable of dusting myself down, picking myself up and starting all over again, and for it to work. Therefore, I can - and will get over this as well:).

Skyfarm

are you a person that has addictive tendencies? are you beating yourself up? are you overthinking it and making the issue bigger than what it is?

can you go somewhere peaceful and write down plus and minus and work out a plan that allows you not to beat yourself but replace the porn with something that gives you nonsexual joy

give yourself breathing space

silverharp

there might also be a boredom factor. Are you out a lot, do you have a good social life? do you do stuff at the weekend?

LegacyUser

Whatever you do, stay well clear of NoFap on reddit and elsewhere. It's becoming increasingly toxic and almost cult-like at times.

Mr. Incognito

OP

I suggest you attend;

http://www.slaaireland.org/

Theres a good support network and addiction to porn is much more common than you realise

LegacyUser

Went to see a doctor this morning and fortunately he was sound about it. I spent most of yesterday on edge about it and it took me a while to find the words I wanted to say to the doctor this morning as well (such is the sense of guilt and shame I feel about the whole thing), but I got there in the end.

Being referred to a psycotherapist (some NHS service), I'd try anything at this stage.

I've been through the emotional ringer for the past week and a bit, at times so happy and proud of myself for finally manning up and doing something about it, and in a weird way, glad the whole thing happened, because it was always there and I never properly dealt with it. I'm also thinking of all the positive things in my life and all the things I have to look forward to, like weddings, parties etc over the next few months. This evening I spoke to my 91 year old Grandmother and had a great chat about all kinds of things, which again lifted my spirits and I feel more like I used to. Talking to family and close friends always does wonders for my mood, as it did once more this evening.

On the other hand, the other half of the time I feel so lonely and guilty and completely lacking in motivation and thinking of all the bad things in my life (which compared to other people really aren't that bad at all), which I suppose is a sense of grievance for allowing things to go so out of control. I think I'm still in shock about the whole thing, I always thought I was a person of high standards but I guess some of the things I know I want to achieve in life have been held back from me because I've shut myself off at times.

Anyway, onwards and upwards!

Thanks to everyone for their advice.