what to do

Smile111

Nephew bday party at wknd and only immediate family there.i.e brothers and sisters.My sis goes out of her way not to be seen talking to me.A few words uttered but that it. She sits beside all other sisters and talks to them.
My sisters are just as quiet as me.
I think she does it for show for my sis n law .She also does it at own kids events.My sis got married and she spoke loads to all.my sisters and brothers and went out of her way to avoid me.

How do you handle this?

Taxburden carrier

Smile111 wrote: »

Nephew bday party at wknd and only immediate family there.i.e brothers and sisters.My sis goes out of her way not to be seen talking to me.A few words uttered but that it. She sits beside all other sisters and talks to them.
My sisters are just as quiet as me.
I think she does it for show for my sis n law .She also does it at own kids events.My sis got married and she spoke loads to all.my sisters and brothers and went out of her way to avoid me.

How do you handle this?

Ignore her !

December2012

Is there any bad history between you?

ncmc

OP, are you the same poster that has posted several times before about issues with her sisters?

Hannibal_Smith

Stop looking for behaviour you think you are seeing and enjoy the time with the birthday person.

Miaireland

Smile111 wrote: »

Nephew bday party at wknd and only immediate family there.i.e brothers and sisters.My sis goes out of her way not to be seen talking to me.A few words uttered but that it. She sits beside all other sisters and talks to them.
My sisters are just as quiet as me.
I think she does it for show for my sis n law .She also does it at own kids events.My sis got married and she spoke loads to all.my sisters and brothers and went out of her way to avoid me.

How do you handle this?

Just accept it, maybe she feels she does not have as much in common with you or something. There is nothing really you can do about it so I would not dwell on it. Treat her the same as you treat your other brothers and sisters and get on with your life. Enjoy the party.

Smile111

Miaireland wrote: »

Just accept it, maybe she feels she does not have as much in common with you or something. There is nothing really you can do about it so I would not dwell on it. Treat her the same as you treat your other brothers and sisters and get on with your life. Enjoy the party.

She would walk away swiftly.
No bad history.She always been like that.I feel she think she better than me.She is extremely confident and likes to make an entrance.

Miaireland

Fine, just accept that she may not like you. We don't like everyone and often take a dislike to someone for no reason at all.

To be honest op, if you are the person who posted before she coulding be avoiding you because you are so intense. You seem to try to read things into every get together and interaction. Maybe your sister has decided she does not to deal with the stress.

Ursus Horribilis

Just talk to everyone else at the party and leave her be. You can't make someone like you or talk to you if they don't want to.

Airyfairy12

You've posted about this 101 times. Youre not going to get any new responses.
You can't control your sisters, if they don't want to speak to you, as frustrating as it must feel, thats their choice and all you can do is accept it, move on and try to limit the time you spend with them. Could you go to counselling? it seems like this whole situation plays around in your head constantly and you seem surprised and angered every time you meet your sisters and they ignore you. You know this situation isnt going to change any time soon and your next interaction with them will be like the last. Go to a counsellor so you can work through how to deal with this since it's effecting you so much.

Hannibal_Smith

Smile111 wrote: »

She would walk away swiftly.
No bad history.She always been like that.I feel she think she better than me.She is extremely confident and likes to make an entrance.

If she's always been like that then why does it bother you? Surely you know by now your sister's personality traits, so why does it bother you now?

Ursus Horribilis

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again yet expecting a different result. Why do you think she'll change her mind and start liking you after all this time?

Smile111

She does not dislike me but it is bully behaviour. It all for show when partners are there or friends.

Smile111

Hannibal_Smith wrote: »

If she's always been like that then why does it bother you? Surely you know by now your sister's personality traits, so why does it bother you now?

I dunno maybe noticing a lot more now.Before I gave her benefit of doubt but no happens again and again and again.

Ursus Horribilis

Smile111 wrote: »

She does not dislike me but it is bully behaviour. It all for show when partners are there or friends.

If she liked or respected you, she'd not be indulging in this "bully behaviour"

Loveinapril

It is unfortunate but you will just have to accept that this is her way of behaving. You cannot control how she behaves, but you can control how you behave. Just do not engage with her. It is clearly upsetting for you.
If you are the poster who has posted about your issues with your sisters before, then please re- read all of the advice you have been given previously. Just because you are related does not mean you have to get on, even if you would really like to.

amtc

I don't know you, and I don't mean to come across as some kind of keyboard warrior. But you've posted about this lots and don't seem to take any advice on board. Frankly I'd be tempted to ignore you if you just pick across every interaction. It is tiring. What I can't understand is why you keep putting yourself in these situations? If it doesn't suit you don't go.

Smile111

amtc wrote: »

I don't know you, and I don't mean to come across as some kind of keyboard warrior. But you've posted about this lots and don't seem to take any advice on board. Frankly I'd be tempted to ignore you if you just pick across every interaction. It is tiring. What I can't understand is why you keep putting yourself in these situations? If it doesn't suit you don't go.

We barely speak at occasions where she be seen speaking to me so I don't pick at her.
I go yp nephews parties/christenings etc as I am invited.They all want to know everything but tell you nothing.My sis in law said that to me once without me uttering a word!

Loveinapril

Are you reading the advice you are being given? You seem to just be repeating the issues and not taking on anything people are saying.

Smile111

I am responding to peoples questions.

Loveinapril

Smile111 wrote: »

I am responding to peoples questions.

And are you heeding the advice at all? You have posted numerous times and been given good advice each time. Can you recognise that they will not change? If you want change, you have to do it.

Hannibal_Smith

Smile111 wrote: »

I dunno maybe noticing a lot more now.Before I gave her benefit of doubt but no happens again and again and again.

But if was a friend, what would you do? Treat her the same way you would any one else you thought was bullying you. Just because you're sisters doesn't mean you have to like each other or get along

Hannibal_Smith

Smile111 wrote: »

We barely speak at occasions where she be seen speaking to me so I don't pick at her.
I go yp nephews parties/christenings etc as I am invited.They all want to know everything but tell you nothing.My sis in law said that to me once without me uttering a word!

You seem to enjoy being the victim in all this? Do you think maybe in a big family this maybe your way of seeking attention? Would it be so bad if your sister didn't engage with you, especially if you don't like each other.

ncmc

Ok, I'm presuming you are the same poster as before. I have to say, when I read your first post, I was on your side. I thought it was mean how they told you nothing and excluded you from things. But now here we are about 5 threads later and I have to say, I'm now veering towards siding with your sisters! I'm not saying this to be mean OP, but you come across as a total head melt. You're obsessive and picky and easily insulted and have a victim complex. None of these things are likely to endear you to others.

Read back the answers to your other threads. Step away from your sisters. Stop telling them everything and organising things. Live your own life and let them live theirs. If you have to cross paths with them, keep it civil and no more. You are never going to have the relationship you want to have with your sisters. That's sad, but not every family is close. For your own sake, please stop obsessing over their behaviour and stop drawing stress on yourself by trying to organise things with them. You will be much better off in the long term if you just distance yourself from your family.

Also, il not sure if this is just a hot button topic for you or you're like this in other parts of your life, but if it's the latter, then you should really consider some counselling to get to the bottom of why you allow yourself get so obsessed with things.

amtc

I also think you should look at your own behaviour. Whereas I really don't want to offend you this constant 'i said, she said' behaviour is debilitating. I'd run a million miles from this type of behaviour. You could both be at fault. Do you project a prickly side or are you genuinely put upon?

In the interests of progression can I suggest an alternative angle? I don't think in this case counselling may help as your issues are engrained and I know the advice I would give you is to step away. But you seem determined to keep up socisl contact...could you ask your mam or an aunt to somewhat mediate? Organise a day out as fun aunt?

Please do something as this seems to take up your entire life. I do wish you the best but despite the number of views and people commenting you have not moved on. Just remember it could be as simple as your sisters just don't care.

Miaireland

Op, I am sorry to be harsh but I think you need to cop on a bit. People on these threads are giving you good advice but you appear to be adopting the I am the victim attitude, woe me. No one can help you if you are not willing to listen. I am sorry but you come across as a very negative person, to be honest almost toxic person in relation to your family and their relationship with you. Maybe your sister is distancing herself because she can not handle your negative vibe. If I am honest I find it hard going dealing with you online not to mind to say in real life.I think you should consider getting help to deal with your insecurities.

Smile111

I have another party v soon so I will just engage with everyone else.This is what I do anyway.
She well aware what she is doing.
I am distancing myself.I barely tell them anything now just like they do to me.
I will never organize anything ever again.

amtc

Which is exactly what you said several months ago.

Please please try to get some perspective. I do not believe your sisters are constantly plotting and planning against you. You sound very hard work, and that's from people who don't know you. That's why I suggested some type of mediation. If your family are that important to you it may be the only way. Otherwise let them live their own lives, and create your own.

Smile111

I am still annoyed but I still do the same thing.... I go the parties talk to the sisters apart from one unless she talks to me.. I can't make you believe me.I
You don't know me but judging me on my words.I am.sorry to be harsh but you don't.

Hannibal_Smith

Smile111 wrote: »

I am still annoyed but I still do the same thing.... I go the parties talk to the sisters apart from one unless she talks to me.. I can't make you believe me.I
You don't know me but judging me on my words.I am.sorry to be harsh but you don't.

You're going round in circles and the only person you're hurting is yourself. Do you have any hobbies or interests that could distract you? There's no point focusing on bad relationships or situations you find toxic. Move on and find something better to consume your day. You must have other people in your life you enjoy spending time with? Focus on them.

retro:electro

Maybe she has seen the gazillion threads you've started about her on boards.ie and has decided you're a bit barmy and would like to keep her distance.

Smile111

Hannibal_Smith wrote: »

You're going round in circles and the only person you're hurting is yourself. Do you have any hobbies or interests that could distract you? There's no point focusing on bad relationships or situations you find toxic. Move on and find something better to consume your day. You must have other people in your life you enjoy spending time with? Focus on them.

Thanks I will

Xterminator

Hi Op

Im not having a go at you. But what are your expectations going to these events?

Do you expect that one day everyone will cosy up to you and all will be forgiven - just out of the blue?
Or do you expect that it will play out exactly the same as before, with civil but minimal interaction?

If you say to yourself the second scenario, then that's exactly what happened, and you have to get on with your life. Yes you will meet up at family events, say hi, and leave it at that. Why would you expect anything else?

PS you handled it fine. Stay for as short a period as acceptable, thank the host and make your excuses.


OP there are families out there that have a blazing row every time they are in the same room. Cannot be civil to each other. You dont have that problem. Its not the end of the world if your not close to your family. You have your partner and your kids, and your life to enjoy.

Tokyo

anna080 wrote: »

Maybe she has seen the gazillion threads you've started about her on boards.ie and has decided you're a bit barmy and would like to keep her distance.

Mod:

anna080 - yellow carded for that rude and unhelpful response. Please don't post in this thread again.