Finding more enjoyment in life

LegacyUser

This isn't a topic about depression before anyone gets concerned!

I'm your average Irish male, late thirties, living and working in Dublin. I would say I'm relatively happy with my current situation, decent job, good friends and caring family, no health issues etc. The only thing that is getting to me is that I'm so unenthusiastic, unimpressed and lack interest in almost everything.

For example, at work, a colleague shows me a funny video. I have to feign laughter while everyone else is laughing away manically. I do have a good sense of humour, but I seem to find problems with everything, like thinking deep down that the video is fake.

Another example, someone tells a wholesome story about something that happened to them at the weekend. I again have to pretend to find it sweet and interesting. I just feel like a miserable sh1t if I don't go with the flow.

Something else, which I believe to be related, is physical contact. I am terrible at it and avoid it at all costs. I was at a team event a few weeks ago where everyone was going around hugging each other at the end, I shuffled to the side trying to avoid it, but got caught by one or two people. In relationships, the same again. I would rarely initiate holding hands (even in private), and if I do, it feels forced.

I've a good friend who I really admire. He's so happy everyday, laughs at any joke, sees the bright side of everything and is really outgoing. One thing I really envy is his ability to go out on a dance floor and just enjoy himself without worrying what other people think.

That's the kind of person I want to be. I want to embrace these things and get enjoyment from the little things in life. Am I just born with this negative outlook, or can I trick myself into finding more joy from everyday?

zoobizoo

Find one thing you enjoy and you'll get a greater understanding of other people's pleasure.

EG, I could never understand why people had hobbies..........then I found something I loved doing and I could see why lads in their 40s might like to wear lycra and go cycling on Sunday mornings - it's not for me and I scoff but I know why they do it.

What in life do you get your pleasure from?

ManOfMystery

You could just be more cynical than the average guy. That has its advantages and disadvantages.

Rekop dog

Is it possible you have Aspergers? The awkward social presence and dislike of physical contact would be two fairly big pointers towards that.

Airyfairy12

Rekop dog wrote: »

Is it possible you have Aspergers? The awkward social presence and dislike of physical contact would be two fairly big pointers towards that.

Theres allot more to Aspergers than being a bit awkward and not liking physical contact, becoming obsessive about things would be a strong indication of Asperger's, unable to be comfortably around neurotypical people for long periods of time, strong aversion to lights, awkwardness for people with Aspergers happens because they can't empathise with other people, everything is about their own feelings, conversations revolve around themselves and they dont instinctively try to get to know others. People with aspergers can talk at length about themselves or topics theyre interested in but wont understand the body language and social ques/tones of voice of the listener whose clearly becoming bored and frustrated. You shouldnt be diagnosing strangers with disorders you know nothing about.
The fact the OP has little to no interests, gets on well with others, is holding down a sociable job, can understand others feelings and intentions and the fact that he laughs along with videos and jokes he doesnt find funny and shows empathy when he's not really feeling any to 'fit in' with the others would strongly indicate that he doesnt have Aspergers.

Op have you always felt like this or is it only recent? Like the last couple of years?

It doesnt sound like theres anything wrong with you, you just sound a little bit more closed in/introverted and don't find the same things funny as some of the people you work with. Not everyone has a passion about something. In Fact most people dont. If you want to be more positive and less uptight about things maybe you could try some cbt and challenge those negative thoughts.

messy tessy

miserablebaxter wrote: »

For example, at work, a colleague shows me a funny video. I have to feign laughter while everyone else is laughing away manically. I do have a good sense of humour, but I seem to find problems with everything, like thinking deep down that the video is fake.

Another example, someone tells a wholesome story about something that happened to them at the weekend. I again have to pretend to find it sweet and interesting. I just feel like a miserable sh1t if I don't go with the flow.

You sound like me! I am an introvert, don't like hugging people I don't really know or feel comfortable with. I wonder about those "viral" videos also... how is someone always recording just at the right time too? :rolleyes: And sometimes peoples stories are downright boring quite frankly so I wouldn't be concerned about that!

In terms of finding enjoyment in life, I would suggest to take up running! It is boring in itself, but there is no better feeling than completing your first 5k or 10k!

Sausage dog

Don't compare yourself to the most sociable person you know (your friend), compare yourself to the average. We're not all outgoing butterflies. By comparing yourself to him in social situations you will always come up short & feel bad about yourself.

Lougarden

miserablebaxter wrote: »

This isn't a topic about depression before anyone gets concerned!

I'm your average Irish male, late thirties, living and working in Dublin. I would say I'm relatively happy with my current situation, decent job, good friends and caring family, no health issues etc. The only thing that is getting to me is that I'm so unenthusiastic, unimpressed and lack interest in almost everything.

For example, at work, a colleague shows me a funny video. I have to feign laughter while everyone else is laughing away manically. I do have a good sense of humour, but I seem to find problems with everything, like thinking deep down that the video is fake.

Another example, someone tells a wholesome story about something that happened to them at the weekend. I again have to pretend to find it sweet and interesting. I just feel like a miserable sh1t if I don't go with the flow.

Something else, which I believe to be related, is physical contact. I am terrible at it and avoid it at all costs. I was at a team event a few weeks ago where everyone was going around hugging each other at the end, I shuffled to the side trying to avoid it, but got caught by one or two people. In relationships, the same again. I would rarely initiate holding hands (even in private), and if I do, it feels forced.

I've a good friend who I really admire. He's so happy everyday, laughs at any joke, sees the bright side of everything and is really outgoing. One thing I really envy is his ability to go out on a dance floor and just enjoy himself without worrying what other people think.

That's the kind of person I want to be. I want to embrace these things and get enjoyment from the little things in life. Am I just born with this negative outlook, or can I trick myself into finding more joy from everyday?

Your post seems to be a lot about work situation (correct me though if wrong). You say loving family and friends but example 1 is a video at wrk that u don't find funny..Most don't find these funny..you're not alone


Example two...wholesome story. You're not alone finding this dull. If it's someone you don't know too well then feel good in yourself that they share some of their life with you and if someone close..well same. Most of our own stories are ****e but you have people willing to share theirs to you too. Don't overthink it.

Example three...physical contact...but again sounds like a work / team / sporadic event and a win for hugging? I like hugs but get that people don't. ..Most don't!

Finally, you're looking to be your friend that most likely looks at your best traits and aspires for them (you don't see that right now)

You are being very hard on yourself! You are very aware so be kind to you...everyone doubts themselves but really no need to be so tough if kind

Lougarden

I also think from your last 2 paras..you are comparing yourself to someone you see that has moves on the dance floor and has some fun? If you don't like night clubs and dancing you won't 'trick yourself' as you think into it.

Find something you like doing and if your friend is so much fun then he/she will give it a try with you

Lougarden

I did mean to add though...We also can make excuses for being lazy? Not a dig! Just a question to ask ourselves

tomwaterford

Maybe your just not that excitable a person/stand offish??


Nothing wrong with that....id be like that,even the stuff i love doing/being about i probably wouldnt be running about hyper/excited (except if waterford ever win an all ireland!)

But get a more of a kinda quiet contentment/personal satifaction outta doing it



But in going with that while i never get hyper etc,i never really get low/too sad depressed into myself either

December2012

I don't laugh at things other people find "hilarious" because I don't find those things make me laugh out loud. My family laugh at the most basic of things,Viral videos being one of them

Give me a really good sitcom though, and I'll love it, but maybe won't be laughing as loudly as my husband.

I think that's different than the physical stuff. Having said that, Not everybody is into PDAs.

Would you like to dance like your friend? In that case what is stopping you? Lots of people don't like dancing in public. Is it your nerves?

amtc

I can't stand Mrs brown's boys...it's just my sense of humour is totally different...now I howl at 'would i lie to you'. My best friend on occasions makes me cringe as she makes every waiter or barman her new best friend whereas I'm conscious they're just doing their job. My other good friend just can't handle strangers but is great after getting to know you and very affectionate.

A lot of people would consider me extrovert, yet I'm not in the slightest and I need to go home to recharge. If I don't get a total alone day I freak out. My friend stayed last night as going for early flight and tbh it was a relief to say goodbye.

Just proves we're all different...so I wouldn't be getting too worried.

ncmc

I don't think there's anything unusual in the examples you've posted. I hate when people insist on showing me 'hilarious' videos too. It's not that I don't have a sense of humour, I just very often don't find them funny and feeling under pressure to laugh. Same with stories people tell, lets be honest, I'd say most of us find a lot of other people's stories tedious, but we just feign interest to be polite. Like, I'll avoid telling stories about cute things my daughter has done because while I find them adorable, I know nobody else gives a monkeys! I would say the hugging thing is incredibly common. It sounds like you are introverted and there's nothing wrong with that.

However in saying all that. Feeling unenthusiastic and detached from things can be a symptom of depression. I would consider myself an introvert, but I can find joy in simple things like a nice walk with my dog or a picnic with my daughter. Are you enthusiastic about anything? Is there anything that gets you excited? If the answer is no, then it might be no harm to talk to your GP

team_actimel

Don't worry you're not alone in feigning laughter at work, I'm sure other people are putting on their fake laughs just you can't tell.
I fake laugh a few times a day at work.

Yes you can trick yourself into finding more joy from everyday.
Have you thought about doing mindfulness?
I do a refresher 6-week mindfulness course every year and it has made a big difference to my life in that I live more in the moment and appreciate the little things every single day.

Take inspiration from this friend you admire.
Next time you're out, get onto the dancefloor without much thought and enjoy yourself. The only person you're really judging is yourself, no one else is.