Useless, lonely, fed up, want it to be all over

LegacyUser

Since moving home from the summer I've been so miserable. I haven't been getting along with my parents, and I've started to restrict my calories again so that's making me feel worse.
I have no aim to my day and can't see my friends because they're all around the country.

I really wanted to work through the summer but although I've applied to everywhere in my local town, no one hired me and the feeling of rejection is overwhelming. I passed all of my exams and was so excited for the summer as I had a really tough time mentally during the year but I'm in an even worse place and don't have access to counselling. I've scratched myself twice now in the arm from being so frustrated at myself and Its not like I'm really hurting myself but I just don't care to not do it. I shouldn't be acting so dramatic, I know some of my mates have it so much harder and I'm being so ridiculous but I'm really tired and fed up and disappointed that another summer is going by where I'm watching everyone have purpose and I'm stuck at home watching the same things on Netflix becsuse I don't even have enough enthusiasm to try and watch something new. I know I'm going to stop eating soon like last summer and make myself even more ill but I couldn't care less. My parents sit me down and try and find jobs for me and it doesn't work because nobody wants me anymore and I don't want to be me because I'm here facing rejection again. I thought it was bad from my peers but now it just feels like I'm a waste.

I don't reallt know what I want someone to tell me but if there was any way someone could help me not feel so useless iD like some advice because I'm over it now and can't feel this anymore. It's only going to get worse in college next year so what's the point in spending the whole summer sad too.

Neyite

Can you start by making an appointment with your GP? I think you really need to.

It doesn't matter if someone else has it worse than you - someone always will. What matters right now is that you don't feel good. And you need to start the process to feel better. You know something is wrong because you posted here.

I'm guessing you are in your late teens or early twenties, and tbh, I think it's fairly common to have a wobble like this during those years. I had one and so did quite a few people I know. I wondered if it's down to the teen hormones settling down and therefore throwing a person off balance or the fact that massive lifestyle changes from secondary school to third level complete with friends being scattered to the wind, having to 'adult' properly for the first time, course workload, having flatmates for the first time and trying to do all of that with parents at your back too can be tough.

But I'm a couple of decades on so I'll tell you that you can get through it. You will. And you'll come out stronger. But it starts with you talking to your GP or opening up to your mum or dad or whoever. It's like any kind of infection - if you leave it and don't get it treated in the early stages it becomes a bigger health issue down the line. I always assumed that my parents would see my wobble as self indulgent or princessy. My dad particularly would be quite old fashioned and expect his kids to suck up and get on with it, but he really surprised me and was my biggest support. My GP could not have been more understanding or kinder to me and once he outlined my options we worked on a plan to get me better and it worked.

Please see your GP.

team_actimel

You need to start doing some kind of routine every day to clear your head.

Do you exercise? Even going for a walk every day will help you.

You said you've applied everywhere in your local town, is it possible for you to get bus/transport to other nearby towns and look for something?

Check out charity shops in your area to see if they need a hand.

chuckles30

Have you tried volunteering your time to a local charity/community organisation? It would give purpose to your day and help your cv and help you get out of the house and meet other people. Last week, we did a team building volunteer event at a nursing home - the grounds people there would only be delighted with someone volunteering their time. We were also chatting to a lady who volunteers there 4 days a week - helping out wherever needed.

Or maybe approach a local business and offer to do some unpaid work to get experience which would in turn help your cv & your chances of getting a job

minalaury

I'm sorry you're feeling this way Katherine but I promise you it will pass. Everyone has times, even long ones, where it feels like their life isn't up to scratch and after a while it's very hard to pull yourself out of a negative way of thinking without some outside help. Seeing a GP is definitely the first step. I hope you feel better soon. And don't beat yourself up about the job situation - we're still recovering from a recession!