Ideal wedding from guest's perspective (Mod warning in 1st post)

El_Duderino 09

Hi all, I know someone who's having a bit of an alternative, low key wedding and I heard lots of positive feedback from guests. The event will be an outdoor ceremony in a hotel garden, followed by a garden party. It will start at about midday and the food will be afternoon tea style rather than traditional meat and potatoes. Small band for a few hours and some finger food in the evening time. The main celebration will be done by about 6-7pm and Guests are free to leave whenever they like so they don't have to stay the night. Anyone who stays can go to the residents bar and I think there's a trad band organised to play some more music in the night.

lts a small tight knit wedding party so I've spoken to a good few guests and The main thing that stood out is people saying that nobody really enjoys the big all day/2day wedding with the BBQ next day. They were very positive about the low cost and informal sound of this wedding. And guests can leave early so they don't have to stay all night and pay for a hotel and be hungover the next day.

This got me wondering if people just say that they like small weddings to save the bride and grooms blushes (theyre not wealthy and couldn't spend 20K on a wedding even if they wanted to).

What would be the ideal wedding from your perspective as a guest?

Location, time of day, number of guests, food, entertainment, type of ceremony. Basically I'm asking what's important to you as the guest at a wedding and what do you like/dislike about the weddings you've been to recently?

Cheers

Mod note: This will be my last warning. This thread has gone wildly off-topic and has some quite unnecessary aggression and rudeness. Please remember that this thread is about the ideal wedding from your (as a guest) perspective. It's not a space to criticise the preferences of others, or to attack other posts. If the thread doesn't get back on topic ASAP, I'll have no choice but to close it (and I hate closing threads when I don't have to, because you're all adults!)

miezekatze

This wedding sounds nice to me tbh, I would prefer this to a more traditional wedding. I don't like the fussiness of most weddings and the expense that comes with attending them. Not keen on 'wasting' my entire weekend on a wedding either. I know a lot of people would probably disagree though.

baby and crumble

TBH I enjoy most types of weddings (I'll admit I love them but don't get invited to that many, I know some folks here have a wedding every weekend which is a mad concept to me!), but for me I enjoy the ones most when it feels like an actual reflection of the wedding couple. Like, it'd be odd to go to the wedding you describe if the couple have always been nightclub party animals. Likewise, if a couple of super low-key and never go out dancing, I can't imagine a big boozy dance-fest is going to feel comfortable.

I will say we went to a wedding a few months ago which started around 12.30, and was fairly traditional but there wasn't a "normal" disco-type element to it (I can't believe I just typed "disco" OMG how old am I???) and it pretty much finished up at 11pm because of the venue. We got the last bus home. Don't get me wrong it was absolutely right for the couple, but it did feel strange to me.

Our wedding in a few months is, I feel, an accurate reflection of what we enjoy, and what most of our friends enjoy. I know some of our family will find it a bit odd (it's starting quite late which is the main thing that's throwing people off), but we're not doing the big BBQ thing the next day, but we'll book a place for brunch in the city because it's what makes sense to us, and I like dissecting the night before with my friends over pancakes.

Atomic Pineapple

Ceremony after lunch time
Short Ceremony 30 - 40 min
Reception with some food(nibbles) not just tea/coffee, good amount of seating and music that doesn't blow the head off ya
Good food for dinner
Speeches after dinner and short!
Good band.
No 2 day nonsense.
Venue should have a decent amount of accommodation to cater for the crowd too.

Job done.

Location, type of ceremony, number of guests should be irrelevant as should it finishing at 6/7, most wedding dinners + speeches will be over by 8 anyway and those who want to will leave.

GingerLily

Make sure you feed your guests enough, hungry guests are grumpy guests.

Wildsurfer

GingerLily wrote: »

Make sure you feed your guests enough, hungry guests are grumpy guests.

Yep, have to feed em well. Was at a low key wedding where the meal was a pig on a spit, salads etc. except it ran out for the later arriving guests. Some people had to go to a nearby hotel for food. Not good.

GingerLily

Wildsurfer wrote: »

Yep, have to feed em well. Was at a low key wedding where the meal was a pig on a spit, salads etc. except it ran out for the later arriving guests. Some people had to go to a nearby hotel for food. Not good.

That's all the guests will remember! The food doesn't even need to be amazing but it needs to be nice and plentiful!!!

PhoenixParker

I planned my wedding around what I thought was ideal from a guests persoective.

The ceremony was immediate family only on the Friday. Photos were done then.

The reception started at 4pm on a Saturday in a 4 star Dublin hotel close to where a number of my extended family live. The room rate was negotiated to be very reasonable. The hotel was also directly on an air coach route for guests arriving from abroad.

Prosecco, light nibbles and ice cream were served to arriving guests. There was money behind the bar to cover those who didn't want prosecco. That lasted til the end of dinner. No formal photos were taken as we'd done those the day before.

Dinner was called at 6. Speeches were before dinner, three speeches of five minutes each. There were no delays so the food wasn't hanging around and was therefore better then standard. Kids were served first and there was space at the back of the room for them to play with a few toys. Babysitters were provided for later.

DJ started after dinner. Afters food and cake was provided.

I'm sure some people complained about no ceremony or no band or whatnot but you'll always have that. All in all it was a pretty typical Irish wedding with the bits that have annoyed me removed.

JayRoc

Only a couple of things really, and these are just my personal opinion.

The ceremony itself (especially if it's in a church) should be reasonably short. Nothing worse than a priest droning on for an hour while guests get more and more hot and uncomfortable in their suits, hungry and having lost all feeling in the lower body from the hard seats.

Less of an obsession (by everyone) about presents/money. You'd be surprised how many people who you would love to see at your wedding that initially say they can't come, because it turns out they can't afford to give you a few bob...



And the biggest factor for me in enjoying a wedding is very simple: how close I am to the people getting married.

I have always had a great day at every wedding I've attended of close friends and close family. I'm invested in the celebration, I enjoy the speeches because I get the references, I get to see people I care about be happy and I get to share in it. It's great.

I've basically given up on attending weddings where I'm not particularly close to the bride and groom. Several times I've had my wife rsvp for herself but not for me, if we've been invited to something where it's just friends of hers.



So to sum up, in my opinion the secret to having a wedding full of happy guests is having guests who want to be there and who give a **** about the couple.

zoobizoo

Deffo start when you've said you'll start - sat for the best part of an hour in a church waiting for the bride to turn up.... she didn't bother making it to the church for mine.

When people arrive at a venue after the service, have proper food and lots of it. Whether that be sandwiches or whatever... people will be expecting some food and they will be waiting around when photos etc are being taken. No stupid candy cart... people can't survive on apple drops and wine gums until dinner.

Get the best food you can afford. People still talk to me about the steak at our wedding (I'm mostly vegan now )

If people are bettnig on the length of speeches, let people know that it's tradition for the winner to buy a round. I was at a wedding recently where the couple at our table who won pocketed the money!!

If you're offering wine, have it free flowing enough so people aren't only getting one glass per course but not too much so they're drunk by the times the speeches happen.

If you have a band, you set the volume of the music, not them. Agree before hand that you don't want to be blasted out of it where the older people have to move out to the bar and where no one can chat. Bands like to play loud. You can tell them nicely that you'd like it turned down.

Make sure the vegetarians are looked after - you could have 10% of guests eating veggie or opting for it. I was at one wedding and the veg option was the veg that was served with the meat - just lots of it.


I don't like the two day thing.. I have no need to turn up hungover the next day and chat to people I've chatted to the day before.

Venue - should be close to where the majority of people will be coming from. None of this "I'm from Dublin, you're from Cork, let's do a castle in Mayo" nonsense.

Have a singles table but not a dud table...

Atomic Pineapple

GingerLily wrote: »

That's all the guests will remember! The food doesn't even need to be amazing but it needs to be nice and plentiful!!!

I'm sure its dependent on personal experience but having been to a lot of weddings over the last 3 years a recurring complaint has been when the plates were piled with food that nobody could finish even when it was nice! There's no keeping everyone happy!

GingerLily

Atomic Pineapple wrote: »

I'm sure its dependent on personal experience but having been to a lot of weddings over the last 3 years a recurring complaint has been when the plates were piled with food that nobody could finish even when it was nice! There's no keeping everyone happy!

That's not really a complaint though to be fair? That's usually something you say to imply the venue/hosts were generous!

Nervous Wreck

Almost every wedding I've ever been to has been almost exactly the same.

Ceremony
Drinks & waiting too long
"Your dress is fabulous!"
Eventual dinner - varying degrees of quality
"How do you know the couple...?"
Speeches where no one knows how to end their speech so everyone makes you stand and raise a glass to the bride and groom
Best man speech is usually stupidly impersonal ("one time we were drunk and Dave farted so we shaved his arse and called him Farty Dave lolololol")
Groom speech is usually stupidly impersonal ("and doesn't my wife look beautiful?!")
Dessert is tiny
Waiting too long for music to start
Rock the boat
"So many weddings are samey but YOUR one is so unique!"
Bride hilariously punching groom in the face with cake
Me wanting to unhilariously punch bride's extended family for being drama llamas
Decent band
Shít DJ
"Everyone to the Residents' Bar!"
Bed
Excellent breakfast - maximum beans.

El_Duderino 09

OP here. In work so can't give detailed responses.

Food is a concern. I don't really know what afternoon tea will be like. Had it in England before and was lovely and left the place stuffed. Not certain if it will be enough in a wedding day though.

Relaxed informal garden party vibe is a fair reflection of the wedding couple so very appropriate for them.

Really interesting answers so far. Cheers

Atomic Pineapple

GingerLily wrote: »

That's not really a complaint though to be fair? That's usually something you say to imply the venue/hosts were generous!

Not sure, but it certainly wasn't conveyed in a positive manner.

Personally I love a big full on two day wedding, always great craic.

autumnbelle

This post scares me, our wedding will be your typical wedding we have a BBQ the next day. Killing ourselves saving for it. But if that's most people's idea of torture?! 😬🙄

autumnbelle

autumnbelle wrote: »

This post scares me, our wedding will be your typical wedding we have a BBQ the next day. Killing ourselves saving for it. But if that's most people's idea of torture?! ����

Don't worry, most people love a good wedding and the meeting up again the next day for a BBQ. I've been to about 20 weddings in the last 3 years (18/20 traditional weddings most with 2nd nights too) and its very rarely people don't have a great time.

zoobizoo

autumnbelle wrote: »

This post scares me, our wedding will be your typical wedding we have a BBQ the next day. Killing ourselves saving for it. But if that's most people's idea of torture?! ����

I think it depends on ones age and number of weddings you've attended. I like to just get up and head off on the day after a wedding - but maybe that's just me. When I was younger I'd probably have liked to continue on partying.

We headed off the day after our city wedding on honeymoon. It was lovely getting away but my wife regretted not sitting around chatting about the day with her friends the day after.

For me, I saw it as just a pressure on people who'd already spent a day with us.

El_Duderino 09

That's what I'm trying to find out. Has anyone told you they love the big wedding as said a few posts ago?

I'm not sure how much of the big traditional wedding is just the done thing and how much of it people actually enjoy.

draiochtanois

This post has been deleted.

Atomic Pineapple

autumnbelle wrote: »

This post scares me, our wedding will be your typical wedding we have a BBQ the next day. Killing ourselves saving for it. But if that's most people's idea of torture?! ����

To be fair if someone doesn't want to go to the BBQ the next day they won't, it's not like its going to be mandatory, it's just personal opinion as to whether people think it's a good idea or not. The people who want to go will go and they'll enjoy it.

El_Duderino 09 wrote: »

That's what I'm trying to find out. Has anyone told you they love the big wedding as Nox001 said a few posts ago?

I'm not sure how much of the big traditional wedding is just the done thing and how much of it people actually enjoy.

It's going to be entirely a personal opinion, some will love it, some will hate it, you'll never be able to cater for everyone so the couple should just go with what they want and make the best of it.

Former Former

El_Duderino 09 wrote: »

That's what I'm trying to find out. Has anyone told you they love the big wedding as Nox001 said a few posts ago?

I'm not sure how much of the big traditional wedding is just the done thing and how much of it people actually enjoy.

Yeah, I love the big all-day event and BBQ the following day. But I'd only do the second day for close friends.

The sort of 'afternoon tea' wedding is grand if you can limit it to less than 30 or 40 guests, but most people can't do that.

TBH, you're going at it backwards. You should do what you want to do, not what you think your guests want. You're never going to please everyone, this thread is proof of that. If you want 300 people for a sit-down meal, then that's what you should do.

guile4582

Vol-Au-Vents = happy

GingerLily

We have RSVPs for both the wedding and the BBQ the next day - everyone (bar one couple) who is coming to the wedding is also coming to the BBQ. We thought it would be about a 50% acceptance rate

Boards is full of some very negative opinions on weddings, it's useful if you want to hear the bad stuff, but I wouldn't consider it the average Joes opinion!

El_Duderino 09

Former Former wrote: »

The sort of 'afternoon tea' wedding is grand if you can limit it to less than 30 or 40 guests, but most people can't do that.

TBH, you're going at it backwards. You should do what you want to do, not what you think your guests want. You're never going to please everyone, this thread is proof of that. If you want 300 people for a sit-down meal, then that's what you should do.

I think this wedding has between 30-40 guests. I'd imagine most couples want to throw a party that both they and their guests will enjoy. It's worth finding out what people enjoy as guests, even if you don't intend to stick rigidly to it.

SozBbz

I've been to maybe 10 weddings the past 3 years and have 3 more dates in my diary for this year.

I've massively preferred the smaller ones - 50-80 guests ish. Plenty of people to have a party yet still intimate. A few I went to were in the 200-250 space and in one case I didnt know that many others attending and it felt like a looong day. For the bigger weddings, I felt lucky if I spend 5mins with the B&G, and felt much more like a spectator.

I'm not religious so I don't enjoy the church element. I also find that church weddings start quite early versus civil ceremony/humanist where everything is in the one venue. As a guest its much easier nicer to start at 3/4 pm and have it all in the one place.

Also, not a fan of formal 2 day events. Some of the weddings I've been at have had informal drinks the next night by just reserving a place in town and organising some nibbles, but everyone had gotton to go home first and have a bit of a rest and it was nice to meet up with people and chat about the day before, rather than rolling into a full on 2 day drinking binge as some of the 2 day weddings seem to be.

cactusgal

I'd be similar to most posters here. The nicest wedding I was at recently was in a big old house in a beautiful country location, started Sat at 6 pm (they did ceremony and photos with close family the day before), buffet style dinner so you could move around and chat to loads of people, band playing but no so loud that you couldn't sit and have a chat if that's what you preferred. Around 100 people there. No second day.

I don't enjoy typical Irish weddings as they're often quite samey and it's too long a day for me, but I'm 40 and have been to a lot of them, so they novelty has worn off - this may be an age thing.

Gettin Hitched2015

Drinks reception for 45 minutes to an hour with plenty drink and nibbles for everyone. Can't cope with these drinks receptions that go from 3.30 to 5.30/6pm.. WHY!

cactusgal

Ps having said all of that, if I get an invite to a wedding and I know I won't enjoy it, I just decline politely - I'd never go and then moan about it, that's the height of rudeness.

Ann_Landers

Ideal to me:

- a civil ceremony (you get the best bit - the vows - without the long-winded mass, and the songs sung and readings said are often so much more personal and meaningful).

- The ceremony later on in the day so that you don't have to lose a whole day to standing around.

- On that, I find the day way too long, so your plan sounds amazing, OP. Leave from the evening onwards if you want, brilliant, sounds great.

- A lot of people dislike speeches but personally, I usually like the speeches. I like to learn more about the couple, be they close friends, family members or someone more distant from me. So keep the speeches!

- I'd like to see more of the married couple, they always disappear for hours to take photos which I always find a bit weird.

- I like the meal to have good gaps between courses so that you are not uncomfortably full.

- No pressure to go to the second day shindig. I never attend second day events, one day of drinking is enough for me but I have at times felt pressure to attend. Put as little pressure on guests as possible, IMO. They have spent a lot to attend.

- Don't stress about making your wedding unique, it results in gimmicky fads. Just have good food, good music and plenty of wine. Job done.

That's it really, the evening music is what is it is and I have no comment on it either way.

Despite the above, whilst I find weddings a bit formulaic, I always make an effort to enjoy them and sometimes it's no effort at all, if the crowd is a fun one.

Sebastian Dangerfield

My sister and I both married our partners in the same year. Very different weddings, but everyone seemed to enjoy both. We had the 200 people, church, speeches, band, 2nd day. She had 30 people, registry office, meal in a restaurant, drinks after and a bigger party the next night.

Both were low maintenance days aimed at having people enjoy themselves as much as possible. Id be fine with being invited to either scenario.

The type of wedding I dont like is where the couple endlessly plan "our special day" at the expense of their guests comfort. Past examples include:

Being sat in a silent room for 3.5 hours after dinner while the b&g and their families took more photos.
Sitting through an hour of a best mans speech where he spoke to his brother, rather than to the crowd about his brother. Tears and all sorts.
Being asked to clear the dance floor for the b&g's FOURTH "first dance" of the night.
No food at all served til 8pm to accomodate video speeches from guests who couldnt make it. I heard the bride say "they should have known to eat a big breakfast".
Not enough food - a wedding at a popular Wicklow venue had an unstocked bar, no rolls with the soup, no potatoes or veg and the protein was 1/3 the size as the table beside us, got milk and sugar but no tea and coffee, no dessert by the time they hit our table etc.
2nd day being too formal, being ordered around like it was the wedding itself.
Wedding invite including bank details for cash gifts in advance.

Long story short - if you plan for your guests enjoyment rather than compete with other weddings or make it too fussy, youll be grand whatever you do.

That said, we put on afternoon food and delayed dinner to show a GAA match. We made some peoples day who thought theyd miss it, but Im sure someone else will have been put out. Youll never please everyone.

SozBbz

Sebastian Dangerfield wrote: »

That said, we put on afternoon food and delayed dinner to show a GAA match. We made some peoples day who thought theyd miss it, but Im sure someone else will have been put out. Youll never please everyone.

Now this would drive me demented. I guess you knew your audience but I cannot imagine this going down well with a lot of people. I hope there was plenty of nibbles to keep people going!

Food uncertainty drives me mad at weddings. Sometimes I keep a protien bar in my bag just in case if I suspect its going to be a long one.

Ann_Landers

baby and crumble wrote: »

but there wasn't a "normal" disco-type element to it (I can't believe I just typed "disco" OMG how old am I???)

LOL, I always call the DJ part the "disco" too and then immediately feel self-conscious about doing so. :P

Sebastian Dangerfield

SozBbz wrote: »

Now this would drive me demented. I guess you knew your audience but I cannot imagine this going down well with a lot of people. I hope there was plenty of nibbles to keep people going!

Food uncertainty drives me mad at weddings. Sometimes I keep a protien bar in my bag just in case if I suspect its going to be a long one.

Understandable. Yes we did at a considerable last minute increase to the budget, but only ourselves (i.e. myself) to blame. It was a last minute thing, the game the week before was a draw so a replay followed. Id estimate 70-80% of attendees were in the room enjoying the match. The rest were in the reception area where the drinks reception was, some went to their room etc. Im sure we annoyed someone, but it was only an hour and actually added a lot to the day as far as I could see. The room was split 50/50 both sides, so good craic ensued.

The alternative would have been an empty function room for the first hour, delaying dinner while we dragged the hardcores from bar

Ann_Landers

JayRoc wrote: »

And the biggest factor for me in enjoying a wedding is very simple: how close I am to the people getting married.

I have always had a great day at every wedding I've attended of close friends and close family. I'm invested in the celebration, I enjoy the speeches because I get the references, I get to see people I care about be happy and I get to share in it. It's great.

I've basically given up on attending weddings where I'm not particularly close to the bride and groom. Several times I've had my wife rsvp for herself but not for me, if we've been invited to something where it's just friends of hers.

Excellent point, this will be me too from here on out. Weddings where I am close to the couple are generally great. More distant ones can be good but, yeah, I'm less invested.

Ann_Landers

zoobizoo wrote: »

If people are bettnig on the length of speeches, let people know that it's tradition for the winner to buy a round. I was at a wedding recently where the couple at our table who won pocketed the money!!

Meh, I say let the winner do what they want with the money. I wouldn't expect them to buy me a drink personally. And often, the money won won't even cover a round for a table. People tend to put in €2 or €3. You often won't have more than €25 or €30 per table. A round could cost €40-€50 per table. And the person is even more out of pocket if the money collected from every table is pooled and the winner is expected to buy a drink for everyone in the place.

Say there are 150 guests and €3 is collected from each guest.

That's €450 collected.

Say the winner then has to buy a round for everyone. Even if the average drink was €4 because some people are not drinking, that would still come to €600 for the round, meaning the winner has to pony up €150. That hardly seems fair, does it? And what is the point in having the competition if the winner has to spend all the money?

So it's unfair to expect them to get a round in, IMO, on a day that is quite expensive for guests as it is.

Spanish Eyes

I went to a wedding a while ago. Registry office at 2.pm on a Friday. Small wedding about 40 people. Back to hotel for late lunch in a private room with a lovely terrace off it. No delays really, lunch was served pretty quickly. Only the bride made a speech three or so minutes, perfect, covered everything. Photos were taken just outside the RO and as things were happening over lunch and cutting the cake.

Then at six o'clock or thereabouts, Hotel made an announcement that B+G were heading off and free bar until 8pm. And they did feck off.

Was brilliant. Those who wanted to stay on could do so, and those who also wanted to feck off just got out of there pronto!

I stayed till about 9 and legged it.

Was one of the best flipping weddings I was ever at TBH. No formula, no mad music (background stuff alright but no band or DJ). Perfect.

But we are all different.

DaeryssaOne

Ann_Landers wrote: »

Meh, I say let the winner do what they want with the money.

While I understand what you mean I find it the height of rudeness to pocket the money. It's only ever supposed to be a bit of light entertainment at the table and not a way to make money off your friends. A notoriously stingy (but loaded) couple I know did it at my table a few years ago and everyone at it was raging that they didn't even attempt to get a few shots in but instead bragged to other guests about how they'd won.

Anyway back to the question at hand - my own wedding would have been exactly how we wanted it - a relaxed, late afternoon civil ceremony in a country house with plenty of good food and a fun band. Speeches were kept mostly short and to the point and the Day 2 was actually my favourite day. It was again very relaxed, had lawn games, lots of food again and turned into a lovely session. We had only expected family and close friends to stay for the day 2 but there was about 85% stayed on - some even booked in again that morning as they didn't want to leave the fun, relaxed atmosphere which said it all for me!

Only downside I can think of is that it took far far longer for us to get our photos done then I had anticipated. As we weren't going anywhere special for them I had hoped to have them over within an hour and be able to chat to more guests during the drinks reception. Instead, they took more than 2 hours and left me running around during the meal trying to get the chats in with the in-laws family etc that you would have to make a special effort with.

Ann_Landers

jobr wrote: »

While I understand what you mean I find it the height of rudeness to pocket the money.

What is the person supposed to do then? If they pocket it, they are stingy, but if they have to use the money to buy a round for the whole room then they will be seriously out of pocket. Rock and a hard place. I've always vaguely hated the wedding speeches betting and this has crystallised that. Seems to be setting people up to be screwed either way. Very unfair. Seems to me that the people expecting a round to be bought haven't done their sums very well.

In future, if I ever win the speeches betting, I'll just leave the money there. Not worth the grief of being thought stingy or being seriously out of pocket for fear that people will be put out that you didn't buy them a drinkipoo. As a wedding guest, I've never expected that or thought it ill-mannered for the person to not buy a round. I always think "Good for that person, they won a little something".

Faith

The only thing I dislike is religious ceremonies. I was at a wedding a while back (and I should say: the rest of the day was FANTASTIC), but the ceremony was in a small church with a tiny car park, I had to sit in a pew at an angle so could barely see the bride & groom, the priest droned on endlessly, there were about 20 prayers of the faithful and about 10 full hymns. The ceremony alone was at least an hour long.

I prefer finer food and will generally roll my eyes a bit at "traditional" menus, but it's not something I'd bitch about. I'm fine with a day 2 for close friends. All I really want is plenty of food, plenty of booze, a short ceremony, short speeches, good company and a good band.

miezekatze

Just thought of something else - most weddings I've been to had the ceremony in some pretty looking church a good drive away and then the reception somewhere completely different, like at least an hours drive and in one case it was over 2 hours. It really killed the mood. It also meant that we had to stay over night. I would ideally like to have everything in the same place or just a short drive away, and not have to stay overnight.

Spanish Eyes

Back to the best guests weddings.

Go on now.

DaeryssaOne

Ann_Landers wrote: »

What is the person supposed to do then? If they pocket it, they are stingy, but if they have to use the money to buy a round for the whole room then they will be seriously out of pocket. .

I have never ever been at a wedding where the winner at one table of 10 is supposed to buy a round for the entire room - that's completely ridiculous. It's generally the 10 people at that table stick a fiver in a glass and the winner uses that 50 to buy a round for those 10 people. I'm not a fan of the practice at all as I find it's disrespectful to the persons making a speech so I'm glad it hasn't happened at all at the last few weddings I've been to anyway.
In an effort to avoid it happening at my own we had the speeches outside standing on the lawn before the sit down to dinner.

El_Duderino 09

So what I've gathered from the posts here is that some people really enjoy the full-on 2 day wedding but most people prefer a smaller event.

Main points raised were
Enough food
Event close to home to give the option of going home.
Party close to ceremony to keep the flow in the day
Short ceremony

Main annoyances are traveling far away for the whole wedding.
Waiting around for ages while photos are taken.
Food uncertainty and sweets instead of actual food on arrival.
Band too loud.
Diva wedding couple

I really liked the idea of the wedding that prompted this thread. Civil ceremony in the same place as the garden party. 40 people, Drinks reception, music, afternoon tea. Go home if you want at 6 ish or stay around for more food and music in the residents bar.

I think it sounds very easy going and won't cost them a fortune

pwurple

1) Ceremony and the party are in the same location, or very close to eachother. I love it when the ceremonies are personal, involve family young & old, the celebrant knows the couple, the readings are meaningful. Chucking in randomly culturally misappropriated stuff like sand ceremonies (unless you are Hawaiian) or hand-fasting (unless you are Norse), or whatever other crap you saw on pinterest.... ugh.

2) On-site accommodation. Please for the love of god don't make me get a taxi, or do any kind or organizational stuff at 3am. Seriously, I'm not able. I want to eat, drink, dance around, and fall into bed when zonked.

3) Food. At Frequent intervals please. After the ceremony, a drink and a nibble. While photos are going on, more snacks if that is going to take long. And later on post dinner midnight snacks, yes please.

4) Music. If you can't get a fabbie band, go for a decent DJ instead. We made this mistake (well, our band bailed last minute and sent a crappy replacement). I wish we had a DJ instead. Enforced dancing - I hate it.

Atlantic Dawn

My ideal wedding specs :pac:

Likes

• Wedding in the afternoon on a Saturday or Bank Holiday Sunday, circa 2pm, ceremony as near to all done and out of the church/registrar within the hour
• Hotel/Meal venue within 30 minutes distance of where cermony is held
• If it's an overnight job because of the distance from the bride/grooms home having it in a place with multiple budget levels of accommodation available nearbye and inform guests what's available.
• No obligations as a guest to do anything except arrive and try to enjoy myself
• If the wedding is in the back arse of nowhere simply give me the GPS position on the invite not some 100 chapter book of directions as to where it is like to follow the white ribbons on the lamposts near Paddy Joe's bar etc
• A nice mix of music if you have a dj or band

Hates...

• Specifications on the wedding invite as to what clothes to wear for it*
• Request on the gifts you want on the wedding invite*
• Photo booths, candy carts, ice cream Vans etc
• Magicians, comedians and other irritants organised to go around to each table during the meal
• Any 2nd day activities whether it be drinks in the evening or a bbq
• Weddings outside Ireland unless either bride or groom is from that country which is fine
• A wedding car that has the bride and grooms name on the reg plates, how idiotic

*I will instantly decline an invite for a wedding with this as a requirement no matter who the invite is from.

baby and crumble

I think probably the one pet peeve I have at weddings is the massive gap after the ceremony before food when photos are getting taken. It's so boring- if i'm staying in the hotel half the time I use that time for a nap!

We're hoping to get around that by having our "first look" before the ceremony and take all the official photos then. We'll only have family shots to pose for after the ceremony so straight in for booze and chats, huzzah!

baby and crumble

pwurple wrote: »

Chucking in randomly culturally misappropriated stuff like sand ceremonies (unless you are Hawaiian) or hand-fasting (unless you are Norse), or whatever other crap you saw on pinterest.... ugh.

Handfasting is a celtic tradition, so it makes perfect sense for an Irish ceremony.

missmatty

Ours six weeks ago covered a lot of those bases I think. We held it in the town where we live which is about halfway between where our families are from & most of our friends live locally. Ceremony 3pm, lasted 30-40 mins, same place as reception. Peeps got drinks and canapés afterwards while we got the pictures taken. Called to main room for 5.30pm, speeches lasted about 15 minutes then a good dinner followed by free bar till about 12 or 1am (until the money ran out). Accommodation: plenty on site also lots locally in case people wanted a choice. Snacks later on too. No candy cart, favours, day 2 etc. Had a few low key drinks locally the next day for close family & whoever was still around but it wasn't on the invites so no pressure. Everyone seemed to have a great time, lots of our friends have kids so they hadn't a great distance to get home to them so it really suited. The fact that our guests were happy really made us happy too!

pwurple

baby and crumble wrote: »

Handfasting is a celtic tradition, so it makes perfect sense for an Irish ceremony.

Sure, sure, if your parents and their parents etc did it and it stretches back generations, beautiful. But if you saw it on the internet or in Braveheart and think it's quirky rather than it having any resonance with your family... put it back on pinterest.