I'm stuck, advice please?

njs030

diazaprob wrote: »

I'm probably concentrating on the negative comment too much but I'm offended. You know your son or daughter that gets their college grant? Yeah I pay my tax towards that. Your medical card? Yeah I'm contributing to that too. Your sick sibling who needs illness benefit? I pay into that fund too. So please don't put me in the same bracket as a waster junkie, yeah I might have a benzo problem and a big problem as ye guys have told me, but I'm also totally a step above social welfare wasting junkies.

Did anyone mention social welfare waster (which is a horrible derogatory statement btw) junkies besides you?
I don't think they did.

You know the drug dealer you get your drugs from? Do you think they are a great member of society? You also fund their lifestyle but that doesn't bother you too much.

diazaprob

Stroke Politics wrote:

OP, did you need Valium at any stage in your adult life before taking the current job?

Never

diazaprob

notjustsweet wrote:

Did anyone mention social welfare waster junkies besides you? I don't think they did.

We all know what a junkie refers to

Airyfairy12

diazaprob wrote: »

I'm probably concentrating on the negative comment too much but I'm offended. You know your son or daughter that gets their college grant? Yeah I pay my tax towards that. Your medical card? Yeah I'm contributing to that too. Your sick sibling who needs illness benefit? I pay into that fund too. So please don't put me in the same bracket as a waster junkie, yeah I might have a benzo problem and a big problem as ye guys have told me, but I'm also totally a step above social welfare wasting junkies.

Just because its Valium and youre not lying in a gutter with a dirty needle sticking out of your arm doesnt make it any less of an addiction. it might feel less sleazy than necking a bottle of vodka or taking cocaine but its an addiction nonetheless.

diazaprob

Stroke Politics wrote:

Take a break, talk to your family. No job is worth the effect on your life....

Talking to family is not an option but I may open up to a close friend, I understand

Ave Sodalis

diazaprob wrote:

I'm probably concentrating on the negative comment too much but I'm offended. You know your son or daughter that gets their college grant? Yeah I pay my tax towards that. Your medical card? Yeah I'm contributing to that too. Your sick sibling who needs illness benefit? I pay into that fund too. So please don't put me in the same bracket as a waster junkie, yeah I might have a benzo problem and a big problem as ye guys have told me, but I'm also totally a step above social welfare wasting junkies.

What a rotten attitude OP. You've basically put anyone on social welfare into the category you've just been offended by. You pay your taxes, just like most others. Just because someone is on welfare doesn't mean that a) they've never paid taxes or b) they're a junkie.

I've recently quit a horrid job and I'm struggling to find a new one that suits as I'm also studying a postgrad part time. That means I'll soon be on welfare with a medical card, and guess what? I also got a grant for my undergraduate. I have anxiety. I have a crippling fear of failure and awful self esteem issues. Sometimes I nearly get physically ill because of it, other times I struggle to even leave the house for fear of messing something up. Something small can mess with my head for months. And yet, I haven't gotten myself addicted to self medicated drugs to cope with it... but you feel that it's worth sneering about someone like me.

There's plenty of working people who are addicted to drugs. A lot of them are in high profile, well paid jobs. A junkie is someone who is addicted to a drug, whether you are on a six figure salary or are barely getting by each week.

The addiction problem, you already know needs to be tackled with your doctor. The job issue, based on the above quote, seems to be a high horse problem.

diazaprob

sup_dude wrote:

I've recently quit a horrid job and I'm struggling to find a new one that suits as I'm also studying a postgrad part time. That means I'll soon be on welfare with a medical card, and guess what? I also got a grant for my undergraduate. I have anxiety. I have a crippling fear of failure and awful self esteem issues. Sometimes I nearly get physically ill because of it, other times I struggle to even leave the house for fear of messing something up. Something small can mess with my head for months. And yet, I haven't gotten myself addicted to self medicated drugs to cope with it... but you feel that it's worth sneering about someone like me.

And btw I don't mean anyone on social welfafe, I meant drug addicts funding their addictions with social welfare, I thought that would have been obvious from the context of the thread

Ave Sodalis

diazaprob wrote:

And btw I don't mean anyone on social welfafe, I meant drug addicts funding their addictions with social welfare, I thought that would have been obvious from the context of the thread

Then why mention the rest? Education grants, illness benefit... what has that to do with those who fund their addiction through welfare?

blairbear

OP, nobody called you a junkie. It is a term I loathe. You used it to describe other sick people with substance abuse issues.

My taxes go to help people like you with addiction or psychiatric issues and I'm glad that they do. They also go to help people with less pleasant substance issues, like IV drug users. My point was that there isn't a huge difference in the psychology of addiction between yourself and another addict. You want empathy; this is empathy for drug users, including the tragic, chronic, gravely ill addicts.

I'd prefer if you weren't quite so defensive. I have taken time to comprehensively advise you. You inferred a lot from my reply, which was really only encouraging a less disparaging attitude towards people tormented by drug abuse.

diazaprob

I apologise if I took you up wrong. It's a sensitive subject obviously. And I am grateful for every single reply on this thread by the way. Every single one

Airyfairy12

diazaprob wrote: »

And btw I don't mean anyone on social welfafe, I meant drug addicts funding their addictions with social welfare, I thought that would have been obvious from the context of the thread

Addicts tend to self medicate to cope with difficult situations happening in their life or traumas from their past. The addicts 'funding their addictions with social welfare' are more often than not attempting to cope with serious mental health issues, traumatic life experiences, messed up lives, relationships and circumstances. No one wakes up and thinks they'd love to be an addict, its a sever mental health issue that destroys peoples lives. Rather than sticking your nose down at people why dont you lose the sanctimonious attitude and stop making excuses for yourself. Youve already stated that retail work is beneath you because of your qualifications, maybe the job isnt the problem? maybe its your attitude and these notions you seem to have about yourself being above others?..

Regardless of your job, social circle, family background, how many taxes you pay or your drug of choice, nobody is beneath you!

.......

This post has been deleted.

K_P

diazaprob wrote: »

We all know what a junkie refers to

Yes we do. It's a horrible term, which you brought up, to refer to people with a drug dependency. That's what you have. You seem to think your average 2:1 masters degree makes you too good for retail work and too respectable to be a junkie. It doesn't.

Stop making excuses and take up the excellent advice you've received here. A GP, Narcotics Anonymous, confide in family or a trusted friend. If you don't this is only going to escalate.

diazaprob

Hi guys OP here again,

Almost 3 months since this was posted in but I feel the need to post here again. If i was to give a quick update... I quit that job two weeks later and now I'm working in a job that I'm much more comfortable in. I read through the posts again and can see my attitude was very poor, I have a different view now than I did then, even in that short a space of time. I appreciate the posts of everyone who replied all the more now looking back.

I have stopped purchasing valium, and I've made the decision to never acquire it illegally again. I used what I had left to basically stop myself from getting withdrawals, doing this by taking a small amount every 4-5 days so that it would remain in my system and prevent withdrawal symptoms, which thus far has worked. I no longer have any left, and as I said I won't be getting it illegally again. I've made an appointment to see GP tomorrow, and hope that I can be put on some sort of tapering programme or plan.

My worry though is can I tell a doctor that I have been getting a medication on the black market? Will they refuse to deal with my case? I'd love to go in and tell them absolutely everything and tell them my desire to get started on a tapering programme to ease the inevitable withdrawal that I'll have after taking valium for almost 4 months. Is it possible that a GP would frown upon this and not prescribe me a tapering plan and thus allow me to have a cold turkey withdrawal, which in my case would be very severe I'd imagine, with seizures etc being a certainty..

Any advice again would be greatly appreciated. Thanks very much everyone!

blairbear

OP, doctors know where benzodiazepines comes from. A GP will see several patients a week in practices in certain areas who have addiction issues. If you work in a hospital like James' or the Mater, a huge portion of the patient cohort are elicit drug users. They will still be treated symptomatically for their conditions.

No doctor is under any obligation to report any elicit drug use, if that's a concern of yours. The only things they are obliged to report are child abuse (physical or sexual) and certain incidences where a patient has admitted to harming/killing etc another person or that they intend to. (I'm a doctor and as far as I know this is all I'm obliged to report. This is all that applies in my area of medicine at least.) I have seen countless elicit drug users and it is utterly irrelevant to me where the drugs come from. I really couldn't care less. I am not a Garda. Withdrawal from certain other drugs can be life threatening so as doctors we could be in serious trouble if we decided not to treat a patient appropriately because of our own morals and beliefs.

diazaprob

blairbear wrote: »

OP, doctors know where benzodiazepines comes from. A GP will see several patients a week in practices in certain areas who have addiction issues. If you work in a hospital like James' or the Mater, a huge portion of the patient cohort are elicit drug users. They will still be treated symptomatically for their conditions.

No doctor is under any obligation to report any elicit drug use, if that's a concern of yours. The only things they are obliged to report are child abuse (physical or sexual) and certain incidences where a patient has admitted to harming/killing etc another person or that they intend to. (I'm a doctor and as far as I know this is all I'm obliged to report. This is all that applies in my area of medicine at least.) I have seen countless elicit drug users and it is utterly irrelevant to me where the drugs come from. I really couldn't care less. I am not a Garda. Withdrawal from certain other drugs can be life threatening so as doctors we could be in serious trouble if we decided not to treat a patient appropriately because of our own morals and beliefs.

Thanks very much for your reply. Aren't withdrawals from benzos not life threatening too in certain instances? Seizures etc?

blairbear

I don't want to give medical advice on boards, as it's forbidden, but they can be. Less often than other drugs, but yes.

OP, it's been 3 months since your first post. You still haven't seen a doctor about this and you asked a very similar question about doctors the first time round too. I replied to that post then too!

You need to see a professional and don't use the internet as a guide to treat yourself.

Good luck..

diazaprob

blairbear wrote: »

I don't want to give medical advice on boards, as it's forbidden, but they can be. Less often than other drugs, but yes.

OP, it's been 3 months since your first post. You still haven't seen a doctor about this and you asked a very similar question about doctors the first time round too. I replied to that post then too!

You need to see a professional and don't use the internet as a guide to treat yourself.

I know I did and I should have gone before now, but as I said I've an appointment tomorrow about it.. it's not easy to open up about such things and I guess quitting the job that was causing me anxiety gave me a false sense of security and took away the immediate need I felt to go to a GP as I could prevent withdrawal symptoms for a while.

I don't plan on using the internet as a guide to treating myself, ideally tomorrow will lead to treatment and guidance from a professional, that's what I'm going for. Apologies I am just stressed about the potential of having to do this cold turkey, hence me asking similar questions. I understand that in the next few days I'd have an extremely tough time if this was to be the case. Thanks for the reply again.

I was just talking about this with someone last night who has quit Benzo's on a few occasions..said he prefers to do it cold turkey..just fyi..you'd probably manage it..

Jam jars

diazaprob wrote: »

I know I did and I should have gone before now, but as I said I've an appointment tomorrow about it.. it's not easy to open up about such things and I guess quitting the job that was causing me anxiety gave me a false sense of security and took away the immediate need I felt to go to a GP as I could prevent withdrawal symptoms for a while.

I don't plan on using the internet as a guide to treating myself, ideally tomorrow will lead to treatment and guidance from a professional, that's what I'm going for. Apologies I am just stressed about the potential of having to do this cold turkey, hence me asking similar questions. I understand that in the next few days I'd have an extremely tough time if this was to be the case. Thanks for the reply again.

diazaprob wrote: »

I know I did and I should have gone before now, but as I said I've an appointment tomorrow about it.. it's not easy to open up about such things and I guess quitting the job that was causing me anxiety gave me a false sense of security and took away the immediate need I felt to go to a GP as I could prevent withdrawal symptoms for a while.

I don't plan on using the internet as a guide to treating myself, ideally tomorrow will lead to treatment and guidance from a professional, that's what I'm going for. Apologies I am just stressed about the potential of having to do this cold turkey, hence me asking similar questions. I understand that in the next few days I'd have an extremely tough time if this was to be the case. Thanks for the reply again.

I can chime in here as someone with experience working in a drug addiction centre, your doctor will of course reccomend that you do not to buy drugs on the black market for your own safety, but please don't worry that they won't look after you as a result of you doing so, you will be treated in a confidential manner and with understanding as addiction can happen to any one of us.
Be totally honest with them when you do see them, they can help you best then.
The hardest part is accepting that you have a problem and you have done this.
Although I don't recommend self medicating or coming off the tablets without guidance as this can be dangerous without a doctors supervision, it is great that you are motivated enough to want to do so.
Please take comfort in the fact that people from all walks of life walk through those doors, doctors know this and so you will not be tarred with any stereotype for reaching out for help, In fact it is considered a brave thing to do.
You don't need to worry about getting in trouble due to telling the doctor where you got the tablets, most addiction patients get their supplies this way. Unfortunately as I'm sure you know, you don't always get what is on the label with online medications, they can be a completely different compound and or dosage to what you ordered, making them really unsafe as you just cannot be sure what you are taking due to no regulation.

There can be a lot of unpleasant issues with withdrawal as you know hence why you are doing the right thing getting to the appointment to avoid these as much as possible, though I know you have said you began the process of reducing them down yourself(again not ideal but you are going doctor tomorrow!)

I wish you all the best with your appointment, you will get on great and well done for booking the doctor, it's tough to do but a great leap in the right direction!
If you have any questions, I may not know all the answers but feel free to ask!:)

Big Bag of Chips

The only way your doctor can help you with the appropriate treatment and care is if you are 100% honest with them. Hold something back from them, then they don't know and will only treat you on what you have told them.. which mightn't be what you need.

You need to realise that doctors have seen and heard it all. Nothing you say will shock them or upset them. So you might as well tell them the truth. They will know that you got the medication illegally. Nobody would have prescribed you that amount.

There is no point going to the doctor unless you're honest. It would actually be quite dangerous, if you are going for a very specific reason, to withhold what might be vital information.

My brother in law is a cocaine addict. He's been to the doctor various times. Obviously he's not buying cocaine legitimately from a reputable source. The doctor isn't interested where he's getting it. He's just trying to treat his patient.

How'd you get on?

MrVestek

I've worked in and out of varying sectors in the IT industry over the years, including call centres.

The trick with call centres is to detach yourself and allow yourself not to care. By all means do the job to the best of your ability but don't allow the customer to emotionally reel you in... that's how you end up stressed out.