Would you accept your child if they became religious?

freshpopcorn

As with a good amount of Atheist/Agnostic parents sometimes they decide to opt their child out of Religion in school and say we let them decide when their older and they'll accept their choice.
I know a few people who has done this and now when their children are in their late teens/early twenties they've decided to become Religious. Going to mass/getting involved with Youth 2000/wanting to get baptised/etc.
This has not gone well with their parents and they'd have always said they were open to letting them choose.
Would you accept your child if they became religious?

snowflaker

Give them science, teach them critical judgement, they'll grow out of that nonsense

lawred2

You know a few people who did this? Really!? I suppose it's possible to develop some sort of weakness or vulnerability as an adult that would lead to someone turning to mysticism or make-believe but I can't imagine it's overly common. Interesting that you seem to be someone who has a disproportionate amount of exposure to such about turns...

Is there anything specific that you can share about these people? Context is everything!

freshpopcorn

lawred2 wrote: »

You know a few people who did this? Really!?

I'm 25
The first couple I know kid would be about 22 they'd be from my local town.
Another their daughter is 16 and son is around 19. They'd be a relatives neigbhours. Who'd I'd meet the odd time.

Day Lewin

I know one person this happened to. A very sceptical parent, no truck with all that pie-in-the-sky etc.
One of his two sons got religion, even became a pastor. My friend was absolutely wounded, shocked and bitter. Took a long time to accept.
But people are all different and they have a right to their choices and opinions.

eviltwin

Of course I would. I'm only against forced indoctrination not religion in general. If my kids decided as adults that they wanted to adopt a faith I would support them all the way although I would feel I'd failed as a parent in some way. I've only one old enough to really see religion for what it is and she thinks it's all a load of cobblers, hopefully the younger one will be of a similar view.

freshpopcorn

lawred2 wrote: »

You know a few people who did this? Really!? I suppose it's possible to develop some sort of weakness or vulnerability as an adult that would lead to someone turning to mysticism or make-believe but I can't imagine it's overly common. Interesting that you seem to be someone who has a disproportionate amount of exposure to such about turns...

Is there anything specific that you can share about these people? Context is everything!

I honestly don't know about the guy from my local town. It might be them rebelling but my aunts neigbhours.
Through some way or another they went on a religious retreat weekend(It might have being with the Youth 2000). They really enjoyed it and it went from their.

Sue Pa Key Pa

Let them be what they want to be. If you swapped the word Religious with LGBT, there would be uproar here

Tigger

Sue Pa Key Pa wrote: »

Let them be what they want to be. If you swapped the word Religious with LGBT, there would be uproar here

diverse sexuality or gender identity is real thing you shouldnt confuse it with a lack of intellect and critical thinking

snowflaker

Sue Pa Key Pa wrote: »

Let them be what they want to be. If you swapped the word Religious with LGBT, there would be uproar here

You're not born religious tbf. It's a belief system.

The_Valeyard

snowflaker wrote: »

Give them science, teach them critical judgement, they'll grow out of that nonsense

How tolerant of you.

freshpopcorn

snowflaker wrote: »

Give them science, teach them critical judgement, they'll grow out of that nonsense

They decided Religion which they found more enjoyable!

snowflaker

The_Valeyard wrote: »

How tolerant of you.

I'm tolerant of Santa too but childish things being in childhood.

Rational thinking ftw

snowflaker

freshpopcorn wrote: »

They decided Religion which they found more enjoyable!

Give them to the nuns then, they'll sell them to the yanks

meeeeh

I came across that quite a bit in both directions. A lot of us had religious parents and religions upbringing and became atheists but I know a few who went the other way. One of the top students in my school became catholic. Her grandfather was staunch communist (I think he was also among those who very overseeing local killings of political prisoners after war) and there wasn't exactly celebration when she announced it at home. I think she later became a nun. It was quite entertaining.

Then there were two sisters who joined some sect (I can't remember which one) where the leader/guru matched them with their future husband that they never met before. I know one marriage broke up quite quickly and if I remember correctly the other one didn't last either. The rest were cases of someone falling in love with religious partner and following them. I know a few who did sacraments before they got married. Or some were joining Hare Krishna cult because they were oh so different than Catholics.

Parents are most of the time over inflating the influence they have on the kids. It has usually very little to do with upbringing, intellect or lack of critical thinking. It's more likely that kids are not happy about something and they find solace in religion. Personally it wouldn't bother me as long they don't become a nun/priest or join a Lula sect.

Pherekydes

My kids have gone through all that bouncy castle catholic stuff, and are out the other side. They've come to their present views themselves. If they go back to religion in the future it's their own lookout.

smacl

My eldest briefly became a Buddhist for a few months but later figured out it was more a food thing, ditched Buddha and became a vegetarian. No harm done and I've no issues with my kids experimenting with religion. Not something I'd support but neither something I'd openly oppose. I'd draw the line at the likes of scientology, but would look to dissuade rather than prevent when it comes to the lesser looney tunes.

robindch

freshpopcorn wrote: »

Would you accept your child if they became religious?

I can't imagine that my kid - having seen first-hand what results from fundamentalist religion - would wish for one moment to become a member of any religion. That said, if she did join up with some moderate and friendly crowd, of which there are a few around the place, I can't see that it would bother me in the slightest.

I would be unhappy if she joined up with any of the more extreme outfits and in that case, would certainly wonder what was missing in her life that she could think that the bland platitudes of fundamentalist religion was a solution to anything. But, no doubt, I'd feel much the same if she joined some group of shaggy tree-huggers, developed into a swivel-eyed libertarian or became one with the legions of unhinged in the UK Tory or US Republican parties as well.

freshpopcorn

Thanks for the replies.
It was just a topic I found interesting and with more people opting out of Region in schools and I find parents generally say I'd let them decided when their older and I just wonder is this the case!

Dravokivich

I don't see the big deal. I'll allow it to be his call.

Harika

Of course I would accept it, no issues at all as long it is his/ her call. If he decides to become priest the same ethics I teach him should take effect like hard working, continues learning and so on and I expect him to aim to become pope.

looksee

Harika wrote: »

Of course I would accept it, no issues at all as long it is his/ her call. If he decides to become priest the same ethics I teach him should take effect like hard working, continues learning and so on and I expect him to aim to become pope.

He could not 'aim' to become pope, in humility he would wish to leave that decision to god.

Harika

looksee wrote: »

He could not 'aim' to become pope, in humility he would wish to leave that decision to god.

In my experience gods reward power hunger and dedication, so he should be on the right track.

nozzferrahhtoo

I would accept my child if they contracted any biological disease..... and I would equally accept my child if they catch a memetic one too. In both cases I will do my best to help them through it. That is what a parent does

The_Valeyard wrote: »

How tolerant of you.

Yes. It is. Glad you noticed.

Akrasia

I wouldn't disown them but i wouldn't defer to their faith either. I'd allow them to make their own mistakes but try to change their mind with advice and discussion.

Everyone makes mistakes and a family is all about being there for support when things go a bit pear shaped. The door should always be open except in very extreme cases of violence or abuse of thus

seamus

Sue Pa Key Pa wrote: »

Let them be what they want to be. If you swapped the word Religious with LGBT, there would be uproar here

Being religious is a choice. Being LGBT is not.

False equivalencies make baby dinosaurs cry.

Any road, no I wouldn't. I would have no qualms probing, asking questions, exploring the depths of their faith; it's my job as a parent to push the child to better explore their own person and to critically analyse everything.

But I wouldn't "reject" them. Who would?

I'm also curious as to the background of our posters who've seen this before. One of you mentions a "pastor". Would I be wrong to suggest this phenomenon of people "turning" religous at a later age is outside of Ireland.

"Opting out" of religion is not something that's been available in Ireland for the most part. It's only now we're starting to see significant numbers of adults emerging from non-denominational education.

silverharp

I'd be amazed if it happened but if a mainline church wouldn't be too bothered , if it was Scientology I'd plan an intervention. I guess my irritation would be proportional to how this belief would incline my kid to re-class myself as a parent or the amount it would cut them off from mainstream society.

MrPudding

eviltwin wrote: »

Of course I would. I'm only against forced indoctrination not religion in general. If my kids decided as adults that they wanted to adopt a faith I would support them all the way although I would feel I'd failed as a parent in some way. I've only one old enough to really see religion for what it is and she thinks it's all a load of cobblers, hopefully the younger one will be of a similar view.

This question has come up before, I would feel the same as you. I would, of course, accept them, there is no question of that. I would, however, be massively disappointed. Not in them, but in myself. If one of my children turns to religion then I would see that as a fundamental failure on my part.

And let me clarify that. I don't mean that I would have failed to instil a hatred of religion (I don't try to do that), or that I would have failed to convince them that religion is a load of rubbish, or explain how disappointed I would be. None of those. It would be a failure on my part to raise them in such a way that there was no room for superstitious nonsense. I would have raised them so that something was missing, and this left them vulnerable to nonsense. That would be really disappointing. Not to mention that I would also have failed to instil a desire to question and think critically.

I would not blame my child though. Religions have spent thousands of year developing their methods of worming their way into a person's mind. They are insidious. I would never blame my child for falling for it, only myself for failing to give them the skills they need to resist.

MrP

meeeeh

seamus wrote: »

I'm also curious as to the background of our posters who've seen this before. One of you mentions a "pastor". Would I be wrong to suggest this phenomenon of people "turning" religous at a later age is outside of Ireland.

It certainly is more common outside Ireland where religion has less prominent role. That doesn't mean religion is having a come back just that you come across random examples. My mother's parents were atheists, my mum is religions.

As it happens I find parents trying to question the beliefs of adult kids extremely tedious (whatever they might be). My father is religious and him trying to force his views on me just ended in constant squabbles. So I certainly don't plan family dinner discussions on religion. As long as they don't do something that places them in danger or try to force their views on me.

sbsquarepants

freshpopcorn wrote: »

Would you accept your child if they became religious?

I'd be concerned to be quite honest. I think it's a very unusual thing to happen, for non religious people to suddenly turn to religion - as far as I can see it usually happens in a crisis of some sort. Clutching at straws kind of thing.


But if hypothetically they thought about it and came to the conclusion that it must have been "insert god here", well then that's what they think. Have at it - just don't try covert me!

nozzferrahhtoo

MrPudding wrote: »

I would not blame my child though. Religions have spent thousands of year developing their methods of worming their way into a person's mind. They are insidious. I would never blame my child for falling for it, only myself for failing to give them the skills they need to resist.

To shift once again to the memetic-genetic infection analogy....

Inoculation is a great thing, but it is not 100% effective. You can give all the right jabs to your child and all the right boosters and do it at exactly all the right times......... and they can STILL get the disease they were inoculated against.

So if your child gets a memetic infection like religion, then it does not automatically mean you failed to give them what they need to resist. You can give them all the mental and intellectual and emotional tools you can that inoculate against it...... but the infection CAN still take hold.

And just like a parent who inoculated against disease X should not feel they failed if the child STILL managed to get disease X......... nor should you for the same reason

smacl

sbsquarepants wrote: »

I'd be concerned to be quite honest. I think it's a very unusual thing to happen, for non religious people to suddenly turn to religion - as far as I can see it usually happens in a crisis of some sort. Clutching at straws kind of thing.

Could be as simple as a combination of gullibility, boredom and loneliness. I remember as a young lad of 18 being approached by a very attractive girl a few years older than me wanting to talk about sun myung moon. Fine young thing like that wanting to talk to me (a spotty nerd without a girlfriend) I was well chuffed and didn't give a damn about the subject matter. Went to a few meetings and came to the conclusion they were nutters so left it at that, but I could easily see someone at a loose end getting taken in. While I haven't come across anyone finding God in later life, I've met plenty getting involved in other specious nonsense such as reiki, homeopathy and even faith healing. Not always for the worse either, with one ex school friend giving up a job in the tax office she hated to become a reiki instructor. Sure, its nonsense, but so what if she's much happier as a result. Where I've a problem is when it becomes abusive, as in Scientology in general, or the state funded discrimination carried out by the RCC.

sbsquarepants

smacl wrote: »

Fine young thing like that wanting to talk to me (a spotty nerd without a girlfriend) .

The things we do for lust:D

Ben Gadot

As long as I had no cause for concern of course I would accept it. Only a fcukwit would hold it against them to be honest.

Hotblack Desiato

In Ireland, the people who go around saying they 'will let them make up their own minds when they are older' are the ones putting their kids through communion etc. :rolleyes:

Kidchameleon

eviltwin wrote: »

I would feel I'd failed as a parent in some way.

Dont be so hard on yourself, you would have raised a child to stand by their own convictions

robindch

Kidchameleon wrote: »

Dont be so hard on yourself, you would have raised a child to stand by their own convictions

Their own convictions?

The whole point of religion is that the believer acquires somebody else's convictions - surely you've noticed that?

DaniilKharms

Who here claims to be rational and yet would demand people believe what they do??

Worse yet, who would turn their back on their own children??

Ugh.

meeeeh

DaniilKharms wrote: »

Who here claims to be rational and yet would demand people believe what they do??

Worse yet, who would turn their back on their own children??

Ugh.

That would be a definition of fanatic l guess.

smacl

DaniilKharms wrote: »

Who here claims to be rational and yet would demand people believe what they do??

Worse yet, who would turn their back on their own children??

Ugh.

Sad how strongly held beliefs can interfere with basic compassion. I had a number of religious relatives not attend my fathers funeral because it was entirely non-religious. My experience is attitudes such as these are most common among strongly religious people though not exclusively so.

robindch

smacl wrote: »

I had a number of religious relatives not attend my fathers funeral because it was entirely non-religious. My experience is attitudes such as these are most common among strongly religious people though not exclusively so.

Same here. In my extended family, Popette has refused to attend almost every funeral to which she might otherwise have gone, as she believed that they were insufficiently catholic. She also attended one wedding last year, but in the middle of it, announced that most of the younger generation were "fornicating heretics" which didn't go down especially well with anybody really. She's also announced that she won't attend any more family weddings as they're blasphemous and has taken a particular relish in pointing out to her long-suffering children that this means she won't be attending the marriages of any of her children either.

The non-religious side of the family, which is basically everybody these days save Popette herself, everybody just rolls up and goes along with whatever religious ceremonial stuff is required from time to time for whatever marriages + funerals might be taking place. Heavens, I even persuaded myself to say a "prayer of the faithful" at a recent family funeral which had more than a few eyes rolling

NIMAN

Op,

You'd be hard nosed to disown your children for becoming religious.

Of course I'd accept it. They are grown up, they can make their own mind up.

Kinda sounds a little like saying, 'would you accept your child if they came out as gay'.

DaniilKharms

smacl wrote: »

Sad how strongly held beliefs can interfere with basic compassion. I had a number of religious relatives not attend my fathers funeral because it was entirely non-religious. My experience is attitudes such as these are most common among strongly religious people though not exclusively so.

And that's the point right?

If you're a decent human being then it doesn't matter what your personal beliefs are to a large degree.

I don't want my kids to be religious, but as long as they're good humans I won't judge them on their faith.

A much better approach would be to be a atheist and a role model. Let the kids see that faith doesn't make you good or bad, happy or sad, rich or poor.

seamus

robindch wrote: »

Heavens, I even persuaded myself to say a "prayer of the faithful" at a recent family funeral which had more than a few eyes rolling

So both of my kids have been baptised and I've had a church wedding

Big woop, wanna fight about it?

Every time we've basically written the POTF ourselves. And always been very specific about who says what (such as a grandparent saying one about the kids, friends saying one about friends), and especially where someone is atheist about ensuring that it's not a religious platitude.
That is, we want the people saying it to at least be able to identify with it and not just be reciting something mindless.

However, the priest usually will give you examples of prayers, and we've noticed in the last decade that the proscribed POTF have taken on a much more bible-bashing tone.

So where in the past the example prayer might be,

"We pray for all the people suffering due to war, that nations may learn to put their differences aside and hear the word of God"

we would change that to;

"We pray for all the people suffering due to war, that nations may learn to put their differences aside and learn to live in peace and understanding"

Whereas recently the "example" prayer would be

"We pray that the peoples of the world will come together under the light of the Lord and learn to live in harmony under His guidance in anticipation of His Divine coming".

Seems really interesting that as the world in general trends towards secularism and fuzzy religiosity, the RCC has doubled-down and gone more orthodox.

I've noticed that alright in the last couple of years compared to 10-12 years ago (and even when I was in school before that) that they're laying the God stuff on a bit thicker recently.

Hotblack Desiato

robindch wrote: »

Same here. In my extended family, Popette has refused to attend almost every funeral to which she might otherwise have gone, as she believed that they were insufficiently catholic.

You say insufficiently, as opposed to non, catholic.
So are these RC funerals but she objects to the 'liberal' priest or whatever?

Also, complaints about laying on the god stuff a bit thick in church did raise a chuckle

Apparently it's Vatican II which is responsible for the drift away from the RCC (the same as all other mainstream churches in the western world are experiencing...) and what's needed is a good oul' dose of old-fashioned RC orthodoxy. At least that's what the Barely Alive! readers think...

DaniilKharms

seamus wrote: »

So both of my kids have been baptised and I've had a church wedding

Big woop, wanna fight about it?

Every time we've basically written the POTF ourselves. And always been very specific about who says what (such as a grandparent saying one about the kids, friends saying one about friends), and especially where someone is atheist about ensuring that it's not a religious platitude.
That is, we want the people saying it to at least be able to identify with it and not just be reciting something mindless.

However, the priest usually will give you examples of prayers, and we've noticed in the last decade that the proscribed POTF have taken on a much more bible-bashing tone.

So where in the past the example prayer might be,

"We pray for all the people suffering due to war, that nations may learn to put their differences aside and hear the word of God"

we would change that to;

"We pray for all the people suffering due to war, that nations may learn to put their differences aside and learn to live in peace and understanding"

Whereas recently the "example" prayer would be

"We pray that the peoples of the world will come together under the light of the Lord and learn to live in harmony under His guidance in anticipation of His Divine coming".

Seems really interesting that as the world in general trends towards secularism and fuzzy religiosity, the RCC has doubled-down and gone more orthodox.

I was recently at a first communion and was AGAIN surprised (you'd think I'd learn) that the priest was happy to just casually tell everyone that miracles were simply fiction used to explain faith, etc.

I just kinda scratch my head, because what's the point of the bible if it's just BS except for a couple of the most crazy bits which may at some future point be redefined by your local priest as allegory, etc.

Still, as meaningless as that seems, it's better than the extreme alternatives out there.

smacl

DaniilKharms wrote: »

I was recently at a first communion and was AGAIN surprised (you'd think I'd learn) that the priest was happy to just casually tell everyone that miracles were simply fiction used to explain faith, etc.

I just kinda scratch my head, because what's the point of the bible if it's just BS except for a couple of the most crazy bits which may at some future point be redefined by your local priest as allegory, etc.

Got to keep the punters happy I guess, and with church attendance in continuing decline that means making all sorts of compromises, whether it be admitting miracles are fiction or coming up with gluten free Jesus crackers. Their gig, their rules, as far as I'm concerned.

Kidchameleon

robindch wrote: »

Their own convictions?

The whole point of religion is that the believer acquires somebody else's convictions - surely you've noticed that?

Thats a very common attitude you have there rob. I suppose you think a suicide bomber is innocent because they are following the convictions of their imam?

.......

This post has been deleted.

robindch

Deleted User wrote: »

I've noticed that alright in the last couple of years compared to 10-12 years ago (and even when I was in school before that) that they're laying the God stuff on a bit thicker recently.

Some of that less-touchy-feely and more pushy-shovey stuff was Ratzinger's doing.

That and the more basic fact that most moderate people have already abandoned the church, leaving control of the religious airwaves to the more and more religious - helping drive away the decreasing number of people who are fairly relaxed about the whole thing.