Wanting it to be over/ advise please

Swmc

since the birth of my youngest baby a year ago my husband and myself are just constantly fighting.. it's got to a point now that I've left numerous times with the children but retuned back from promises that things get better... They are getting worse by the day, I've reached a point now where I just can't take anymore.

We are in rented accommodation and he's saying I'll have to move back in with my parents as he won't keep paying rent for me to stay in the house with the kids..
I'm a full time stay at home mother and wouldn't be able to afford anything other than moving back with parents
Has anyone been in a situation like this ?

musefan123

Swmc wrote: »

since the birth of my youngest baby a year ago my husband and myself are just constantly fighting.. it's got to a point now that I've left numerous times with the children but retuned back from promises that things get better... They are getting worse by the day, I've reached a point now where I just can't take anymore.

We are in rented accommodation and he's saying I'll have to move back in with my parents as he won't keep paying rent for me to stay in the house with the kids..
I'm a full time stay at home mother and wouldn't be able to afford anything other than moving back with parents
Has anyone been in a situation like this ?

I'm by no means an expert on the laws of seperation but I can tell you that your husband cannot simply force you to leave and fend for yourself. There's no such thing as a "clean break". A deed of seperation will require that he pays you maintence for the kids (and possibly for yourself). That's for starters. Every case is different. There's no standard rules when it comes to seperation. By law you are both obliged to support each other in accordance with your means of income. I assume your husband is working and you aren't. You should speak to a solicitor and take it from there.

Best outcome would be that you can both reach an agreement between yourselves and not have to go down the road of solicitors fighting it out or court cases. This can get very expensive. You could both try mediation (which is free). There is a 6 month waiting list but it could be worth it in the end.

Best of luck for the future.

Xterminator

OPs husband isnt saying he wont pay maintenance.

he is saying he won't pay her rent, and pay rent for himself too. We dont know what their income and expenditure is; how much the rent in the area of the county they live in is; there is a lot we don't know.

but you can understand his position if paying the rent would mean he could not afford to live somewhere himself. mediation is a good idea, prevent the situation from becoming toxic, and have a mediator help you settle amicably.

OP you can probably go on the housing list of your local council - depending on how crowded your parents house is you may be prioritised, or you could present as homeless which i wouldn't recommend unless you have no other choice.

musefan123

Xterminator wrote: »

OPs husband isnt saying he wont pay maintenance.

he is saying he won't pay her rent, and pay rent for himself too. We dont know what their income and expenditure is; how much the rent in the area of the county they live in is; there is a lot we don't know.

but you can understand his position if paying the rent would mean he could not afford to live somewhere himself. mediation is a good idea, prevent the situation from becoming toxic, and have a mediator help you settle amicably.

OP you can probably go on the housing list of your local council - depending on how crowded your parents house is you may be prioritised, or you could present as homeless which i wouldn't recommend unless you have no other choice.

Sorry I wasn't being clear enough. I was just making the point that just because the OP isn't working, it doesn't mean she will be completely potless. Including dole, child benefit and maintenence she would have a monthly income of about €1800ish (maybe more maybe less) and living on her own with the kids while not easy is more than doable.

I would also suggest trying to find work. It's all well and good being a stay at home mom but after a seperation things will get harder so returning to full time work (I know, easier said than done in many cases) might be a better option. Obviously childcare would be a huge expense in this scenario but it's an option worth considering.

Fatscally

OP have you tried professional marriage counselling or couching?  It might not be easy but worth a try.
I'd stay wary of Internet advisers that rallies towards the courts without exploring all your options.  I sincerely hope you can make it work.

Evd-Burner

musefan123 wrote: »

Sorry I wasn't being clear enough. I was just making the point that just because the OP isn't working, it doesn't mean she will be completely potless. Including dole, child benefit and maintenence she would have a monthly income of about €1800ish (maybe more maybe less) and living on her own with the kids while not easy is more than doable.

With the way rents are at the moment if she is anywhere near Dublin she will not be able to survive on €1800 a month. Rent alone could potentially be €1400, by the time you take into account the other bills there wouldn't be much less to live on. Her biggest problem would be in the interim, in the long run she would get rent allowance or HAP along with social welfare payments etc. But over the short to medium term she's unlikely to get anything and would need to prove they are separated. I know that social welfare payments are backdated but AFAIK the rent/HAP ones are not.

Xterminator

Evd-Burner wrote: »

With the way rents are at the moment if she is anywhere near Dublin she will not be able to survive on €1800 a month.

and neither would the OP's husband.

Ops partner cannot be expected to be homeless or without money for food to pay maintenance.

separated couple do often find a drop in living circumstances because of the extra expense.