Loneliness

jsms88

I'm 28, male. I have a girlfriend and a job and I'm generally happy. But I have no male friends.

It's something that has troubled me for a long time now. I suppose it goes back to my schooldays when I was a bit of a swot and a goody goody. I didn't go out with the other lads and I don't think I was particularly welcome to either to be fair.

Also, I was never able to handle what I saw as the pressure of team sports either, which also limited friend-making opportunities. I was better and more comfortable with individual ones, where I could only let myself down and not everyone else.

I don't know is loneliness the right word. As I said, ive a fantastic girlfriend and people I talk to. And I've grown up obviously and I'm much more sociable than before and generally easier to get along with but I'm still living with a lack of real male friends, as opposed to just acquaintances.

I don't know why it bothers me really but whenever I see a group of lads out together just having a laugh, I regret never having that.

I'd appreciate any advice or whatever for people. Thanks!

KKkitty

What interests do you have OP? Is there anything that would be enough for a conversation starter with males like football teams or video games? Like I support X team, who do you support? Stuff about the premiership maybe. If you like games you could talk about them. When you're in a group of males just try and find some common ground. You will get there. I grew up surrounded by males and didn't feel like I had much in common with females but I've tried to get better over the years. I'm female myself and tried talking about more feminine stuff.

jsms88

KKkitty wrote: »

What interests do you have OP? Is there anything that would be enough for a conversation starter with males like football teams or video games? Like I support X team, who do you support? Stuff about the premiership maybe. If you like games you could talk about them. When you're in a group of males just try and find some common ground. You will get there. I grew up surrounded by males and didn't feel like I had much in common with females but I've tried to get better over the years. I'm female myself and tried talking about more feminine stuff.

Yea, I'd be well able to talk about sport. It's making the initial contact is the problem I suppose.

KKkitty

jsms88 wrote: »

Yea, I'd be well able to talk about sport. It's making the initial contact is the problem I suppose.

Before you talk to someone just take a deep breath and try to relax yourself. You will get there finally.

TheBlock

jsms88 wrote: »

I'm 28, male. I have a girlfriend and a job and I'm generally happy. But I have no male friends.

It's something that has troubled me for a long time now. I suppose it goes back to my schooldays when I was a bit of a swot and a goody goody. I didn't go out with the other lads and I don't think I was particularly welcome to either to be fair.

Also, I was never able to handle what I saw as the pressure of team sports either, which also limited friend-making opportunities. I was better and more comfortable with individual ones, where I could only let myself down and not everyone else.

I don't know is loneliness the right word. As I said, ive a fantastic girlfriend and people I talk to. And I've grown up obviously and I'm much more sociable than before and generally easier to get along with but I'm still living with a lack of real male friends, as opposed to just acquaintances.

I don't know why it bothers me really but whenever I see a group of lads out together just having a laugh, I regret never having that.

I'd appreciate any advice or whatever for people. Thanks!

Any Local Golf Societies? Not a Team Event but great place to meet a few Lads weekly maybe and have a few pints after the game? Easy enough to take up and sure if your ****e it does'nt really effect anyone else.

I've recommended this to mates as a way to integrate when they moved to a new area and it always seems to work.

SSr0

A group of us go surfing around Cork/Kerry if you would like to tag along sometime, you're more than welcome.

MartyMcFly84

Find your local Brazilian Jiu Jitsu club and join it. You will learn eye opening skills, build confidence, reap physical benefit and more importantly in your case will create lots of friendships.

I have made friends all over the country and internationally through this sport. This best part is you could start at any age or fitness level. You will meet others in the same situation as yourself and develop strong camaraderie and friendships.

jsms88

MartyMcFly84 wrote: »

Find your local Brazilian Jiu Jitsu club and join it. You will learn eye opening skills, build confidence, reap physical benefit and more importantly in your case will create lots of friendships.

I have made friends all over the country and internationally through this sport. This best part is you could start at any age or fitness level. You will meet others in the same situation as yourself and develop strong camaraderie and friendships.

I could never imagine myself doing something like that!! I know it's all the rage these days but it's so not me :-P

MartyMcFly84

You would be surprised. You find people from all walks of life doing BJJ. I thought i would never do it myself, and that was over 10 years ago and been regularly at it since .

Its good to try something new and put yourself in an uncomfortable position or something out of the norm. Its because of this your are "in the same boat" as loads of beginners and everyone remembers being there, and that is part of the reason the sport is open and has a welcoming culture.

Anyway hope you give it a go, and if not I hope you can find something else that will help you meet people. There is loads out there, try something new or look for a club or org that interest you. It could be anything from comics, movies, food there are lots of people out there with similar interests's.

jsms88

Had an opportunity today to hang out with some new people and for once I took it! It went really well surprisingly and I feel very good about it. Seeing some of them again tomorrow..... :-S