Pathological gambling

Fulfil

Hi,

I'm posting here because I really can't find any worthwhile threads online of people that have been in the same position as me with non judgemental worthwhile suggestions.

I'm 26, i'm a gambling addict & I can't stop, even though I know the huge effect it is having on my life & people close to me. I've lost thousands upon thousands since i started around 9 years ago. I've been working since i've been 17 & I can safely say at least 70% of every salary I've had has been gambled. I'm now on the bones of 60 k a year, still gambling. Never really happy & faking a happy life. I play sport at a good level, great family, friends. I don't really want for anything except to be financially stable & be able to build my own house in a few years. That's not going to happen if I continue how I am. I'm looking for people ( & I know there are very few based on stats i've seen online) that have been in my situation & have came out the other side.

I'm considering doing CBT ( Cognitive behavioural therapy ), has anyone ever done this? Has it worked?

I've tried GA meetings & maybe it's just me but I can't buy into the whole power of god,faith thing. Especially when religion has become pretty irrelevant to me.

I don't exactly know what i'm looking for by posting this thread, just someone that has had a similar experience & what they done to get out the other side.

I'll literally do anything.

Thanks,

Fulfil

Wombatman

What do you mainly gamble on? Do you gamble live or online?

Darkglasses

Thread moved to where I think it ought to be. Let me know if you want it somewhere else.

Fulfil

Sorry this is my first time using this so I don't really know what i'm doing!

Online if I have money in my account, in the betting shops if I have money in my pocket.

Mostly horse racing, Dogs, Sports betting like rugby, GAA, Soccer. Anything to be honest. It's pathetic.

Beasty

OP, I would suggest you visit The Gamblers Anonymous website

We have our own Gambling forum, which does include this post, which may also be of interest

5starpool wrote: »

Another way of assessing whether or not you have an addiction to gambling is to ask yourself the following twenty questions, provided by the self-help organisation Gamblers Anonymous:

Did you ever lose time from work or school due to gambling?
Has gambling ever made your home life unhappy?
Did gambling affect your reputation?
Have you ever felt remorse after gambling?
Did you ever gamble to get money with which to pay debts or otherwise solve financial difficulties?
Did gambling cause a decrease in your ambition or efficiency?
After losing did you feel you must return as soon as possible and win back your losses?
After a win did you have a strong urge to return and win more?
Did you often gamble until your last dollar was gone?
Did you ever borrow to finance your gambling?
Have you ever sold anything to finance gambling?
Were you reluctant to use "gambling money" for normal expenditures?
Did gambling make you careless of the welfare of yourself or your family?
Did you ever gamble longer than you had planned?
Have you ever gambled to escape worry or trouble?
Have you ever committed, or considered committing, an illegal act to finance gambling?
Did gambling cause you to have difficulty in sleeping?
Do arguments, disappointments or frustrations create within you an urge to gamble?
Did you ever have an urge to celebrate any good fortune by a few hours of gambling?
Have you ever considered self destruction or suicide as a result of your gambling?

According to Gamblers Anonymous, if you answer ‘yes’ to seven of more of these questions, you most likely have a compulsive gambling problem.

kylith

First step is to contact the gambling sites and get them to ban you. They will do this.

I'm afraid that I can't help re: CBT.

Good for you for wanting to make a change. The first step is to realise that you have a problem. I wish you luck.

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Mr. Incognito

The first step is to stop gambling so you can get out of the mania phase.

This really is about coming clean to at least one person in your life who you can trust and asking them to mind your money for you.

Without access to cash you can't gamble- This might sound extreme but you need it to get over the initial phase of addictoin.

Fulfil

Thanks for the response.

I've actually already done this. I done it last October. I get paid into my mother's account and she takes care of it but i just found myself lying again to get control of more & more money. A lot of the time I genuinely would have good intentions with the money but I just ended up going to the bookies. It sounds so ridiculous writing it down. I imagine it's unfathomable in peoples eyes unless they've actually experienced it.

If I don't have the money, I can't do it- fair enough but how can I get to the stage where I no longer need to be treated like a child with money? It's embarrassing.

I would happily pay anything to be hypnotized & wake up free from it.

NinetyTwoTeam

Go back to GA and don't worry about the God part, these programs exist because it's too hard to stop in your own for most people. Like you said, it seems ridiculous when you write it down, the only people who will understand are at the meetings.

Airyfairy12

Ive tried CBT for anxiety, spent two years in counselling, read the self help books, read the secret, books about anxiety and positive thinking, kept diaries, made the future affirmations lists, did the homework ... it was useless, didnt work for me at all in the slightest but everyones different, some people are adamant that CBT completely changed their lives so I think it's subjective and something you need to try out to know if its for you or not.

The GA meetings sound incredibly patronising and frustrating. You should be entitled to the help and support you need without the added 'higher power' crap being forced down your neck. Maybe you could ask them if they know of any other GA meetings suitable for atheists?

Speak to a good counsellor anyway and see if they can help you.

SimpleDimples

Have you blocked yourself from all gambling sites?

Big Bag of Chips

I know a man a lot older than you who had to hand over control of his money to his wife and be given "pocket money" during the week. There's no easy solution. You've tried to give up but you haven't really! If you would really do anything then you'd stick with GA. Or you'd admit the real extent of your problem to people and ask their help. You'd ask to be banned from gambling sites, and bookies. It's not easy. It's never going to be easy. But people have gotten through it before. You just have to be honest with yourself about how much you want to stop.

ArtyC

Get passport photos asap. Go into every chain... al of them and self exclude from shops and their online sites . Do it while you feel strongly about it

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volono

Hi op,
Been there done that , it's the worse addiction there is imo as it's so psychologically addictive. I can't really go into the things i did to have a gamble , i'll leave it to peoples imagination but they were horrible , to family friends etc. even illegal at some points.
Like yourself i gambled as much and as high as i could for years upon years to the detriment of everything else in my life. Went to g.a. and to be fair it did nothing for me , i couldn't see the point of sitting around with strangers talking about how much of a f@ckin fool i'd been re: gambling.
This obviously was only made worse when I 'slipped' after a period of not gambling , although i do understand it works for others.
You are earning a substanial amount compared to others but for others reading this it's not about the money , actually has very little to do with it ( just look up the famous basketball player antoine walker) it's the 'buzz' you get doing it , only proper degenerates will understand what i mean by this.
Now o.p. i can tell you how i stopped but unfortunately it's different for everyone. People talk about finding rock bottom alot which is fair enough and everyone wil obviously have their own version of this, then theres the complete abstinence - much like alcoholics - you can't EVER have a bet again , again fair enough but what i DRILLED into my mind was I CAN'T WIN
Simple as that and what i mean is is that i couldn't count the amount of times i was up thousands, literally couldn't count and maybe i went on the piss, maybe i booked a holiday, paid off some bills etc. etc. but it was rare , i would ALWAYS go back and my bets would just be higher until it was ALL gone and then some, you have to realise that your completely Manic when gambling, i remember gambling for hours and thinking i was at it for 30 mins. all your logic goes out the window , and finally when it's all gone it's only then your mind comes 'back to reality' so to speak it's a sick affliction it really is.
You can't win - -- never forget it and realise your sense disappears when your at it. I came to my senses about a decade ago now and i look back and say wtf was i like but i was seriously addicted and i'll tell you something else i do still gamble i do my lotto and if i'm with friends i might even choose to have a 10 on a horse with them (i'd have laughed at a bet like that years ago) and i have no problems because i take it for what it is now, the mania does pass.
Jesus at one time i had these pathetic illusions of grandeur going around thinking i was something i was certainly not all part of the gambling of course
IF i was to give you any advice it would be abstinence for as long as possible , your finances will improve and you'll slowly start to get some self esteem back , that's another thing it robs you off you have such a low opinion of yourself when your at it , if you do slip which is definitely likely try to limit it to as short a time as possible, you must become more consiously aware of your actions , don't slip and then let 2/4/6 months go by which could easily happen.

You definitely can get over this it takes hard work and maybe your going to have to hit bottom i don't know. Your earning 60k gross so obviously your no idiot and much like how you got to your position use as little or as much help as you need to get over this remember YOU CAN'T WIN
I really wish you the best of luck it's a nightmare at times but your better then it is and this is something that you can win.

I'm a recovered drug user, AMA

Hi OP,

As someone who was chronically addicted to narcotics I also gambled insanely. It is still something I cannot do. It is a drug, complete abstinece will help, but you will be in a jock with something else as there is no recovery in abtinence, just boredom. I suggest you try GA again with an open mind. I have no time for religion of any description but 12 steps have saved me. Best of luck my friend.

Fulfil

I really appreciate your reply Volono, and AMA- it's good to hear it from people that have been through the mill. Genuinely I appreciate the feedback from you all. I've decided to give GA another go (heading to my first meeting later, after a failed attempt Thursday evening because the meeting wasn't on where it was supposed to be at 8pm) and just trust in my mother as much as possible. Not lie. That's the approach i'm taking. Stop the lies & hopefully it will make me see sense. Because previous to this I literally lied about anything because that's what i'm used to.

Thanks for your replies again.

Big Bag of Chips

If you do go to GA you'll find you're not unusual in the lies! You'll find it's a very common theme. My friend's husband used to lie about anything. Obviously he used to lie about money, or where he was going that sort of stuff but he also used to tell the most stupid lies that made no sense! Lies where the truth was actually better than the lie! But he was just so in the habit of lying to cover his tracks, he just lied constantly, even when there was no need to!

Good luck, it's going to be a tough road for you, but use the people around you. Trust them. They love you.

volono

Best of luck with it all o.p. just try to stay away from it for as long as possible.
It won't be easy , really is a nightmare at times - the best way i can describe it is that that voice in your head will always be there (sometimes begging you to gamble) something like that movie with russell crowe 'A Beautiful Mind' and you have to use massive willpower to ignore the urges and slowly, very slowly they'll begin to fade into the background which is where you can have control over them.
You know whats even harder , is that you'll have to deal with this forever, as an example i hadn't gambled in years at this stage and i was making a substanial purchase and i gave serious thought about going gambling to double/triple my money etc. LUNACY type thoughts really but thats the sort of affliction it is. Obviously i never acted on it but it made me stepback again and be more mindful and aware of my thoughts etc.
I hadn't spoken about gambling for a long time until i seen your post to be honest and it made me think about g.a. and why i walked away from it and it's this -- i couldn't accept that i hadn't control of what i was doing , now i realise peoples version of a ' higher power ' could be bugs bunny up in the clouds , as in its not important - only that you accept you have no control over it but that really annoyed me - we all have willpower which means we can control that 'voice' in our heads and the urges etc, well thats my two cents on it anyway.
The G.A. does work for alot of people though, i remember a guy hadn't gambled for nearly 30 years yet still arrived for a meeting every week and was the nicest chap in the world and was truly thankful for the difference g.a. made to his life, the point being go to as many meetings as you can , i'd certainly advise more than 1 a week to begin with but if you find your slipping etc. know that theres other avenues for you to try. the end goals must be the same though -- you have to stop gambling , Again all the best o.p.

Fulfil

Even though I haven't even done anything to help myself yet, these replies have genuinely given me hope & actually made me feel good about myself. Some very thoughtful replies & they've gone a long way to making today a better day for me.

I appreciate it & will take all the advise on board. I'll do my best to update ye, good or bad (all good I hope) & I hope if there's anyone else in my position that these messages give them some hope also.

Thanks again.

heretothere

It's not pathetic Fulfil, I can't say I know a lot about gambling addiction, I enjoy a flutter now and then but only occasionally. But addiction is addiction 1st of all you have to fully want to quit and it sounds like you are there.
Have you tried putting a daily limit on you're betting apps? You might just have to quit cold turkey though not sure what you feel would work best for you.
One thing though your addiction and the fact you are looking for help shows you are not pathetic. Good luck

gstack166

I'm in exactly the same situation as you OP but with 2 children under 2. I've tried GA & I couldn't stick to it, partly because I'm nervous talking in front of crowds (20-30 there every weds evening a time the one I attended) I've tried Allen Carrs 'easy way to stop gambling' I've no online accounts last 12 months but still no use. I'm actually petrified of what is down the road for me.

volono

Hi heretothere ,
you must realise that the o.p. is seriously , seriously addicted to gambling and this is no slight on yourself but if your lucky enough to have never had this sick affliction then you'll never know how bad it can get , you really don't and i'm so happy for you that you don't tbh. Advice like trying to limit stakes etc. is useless to a person like the o.p. , they are many many miles down the road of gambling to listen to advice like that at this stage.
When gambling gets to this stage it's ALL consuming , your mind is constantly thinking about it (even if you might be waiting for payday or a lend or your owed money etc etc.) it's there front and center constantly in your mind. What horse meetings are on today? horses running? trainers running horses? dogs? are the dogs on tonight? can i get someone to come along? (this could be on a tuesday night for shelbourne park of course) and countless other scenarios , it just never ends, at least it didn't for myself , thats why i said in my first response is that it's so psychologically addictive.
I was never addicted to drugs of any kind but i imagine it's a slighty different feeling purely for the fact that your most likely psychically addicted also.
Maybe gambling is like that also when i think about it , because as i said before it's not really about the money it's those few seconds when your horse or dog is in the final few strides , when that last card is getting flipped over , when the dice are up in the air --your mind / body gets addicted to that intense rush you feel at those moments , winning is a bonus , losing a consequence. When does it end?? - - as i said a sick affliction

LegacyUser

I would definitely echo an earlier poster suggest and self-exclude yourself from all the online sites, local bookies and chain bookies you can.
AFAIK, you have very strong protections under the law and they are legally not allowed accept bets from after you do this, so they take it seriously and won't let you bet anymore.

Aside from that, you can treat this as a training. As I understand it CBD is a way of training your mind to recognise situations early, prepare, and take action.

See also: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Four_stages_of_competence

The skill here being saying, 'F*k you I'm not gonna throw money away on ponitless casino games'

Imhof Tank

volono wrote: »

Maybe gambling is like that also when i think about it , because as i said before it's not really about the money it's those few seconds when your horse or dog is in the final few strides , when that last card is getting flipped over , when the dice are up in the air --your mind / body gets addicted to that intense rush you feel at those moments , winning is a bonus , losing a consequence. When does it end?? - - as i said a sick affliction

I can 100% relate to your posts Volono and suppose I am one of those true degenerates you referred to.

Thankfully I have gotten away from this scene after 25 + years of pretty compulsive behaviour. For me it became mostly about the "moment of suspense" and even more importantly, the potential consequences of the loss had to be seriously bad. Playing with bookies' money when well up wouldn't be enough for me at that time. To get the buzz I needed that feeling of having gone to the edge, and over it, flirted with total and utter disaster but somehow survived.

Pure escapism obviously. And very solitary. Running away form the stresses of daily life.

OP - for me personally, I had to experience that hitting rock bottom feeling - around Christmas 2012 - then go cold turkey. Never considered GA but whatever you feel is best for you good luck.

volono

Hi IMHOF , totally understand
that "moment of suspense , to get the buzz , flirted with total and utter disaster but somehow survived '' , and the sickest part of it all was that couple of seconds in the balance , like i said only proper action junkies will understand how powerful it is , such an addictive thing .
Glad to hear you got through it imhof . I'm still on good terms with a couple of people that will never give it up i feel. I'd describe them as the gambling equivalent of fuctioning alcoholics , looking after the job , rent , bills etc. A part of me hopes for them they ''wake up'' so to speak but like ourselves imhof it's up to them .
Stay well

Foweva Awone

Would you consider doing a residential addiction program? Most places that treat alcohol/drug addictions also treat gambling or other addictions too.

For what it's worth, I heard at a lecture today that recent studies would indicate that CBT generally isn't the best treatment for people in addiction. If you decide to go for one-to-one counselling/psychotherapy, I'd suggest looking for an addiction therapist rather than CBT.

Fulfil

Just wanted to send an update here.  A really positive update, well... it is now :)
March was a bad month for me, yet again the usual ****. Get paid, lose it all & then lie until i'm paid again. In between those lies & my next pay I decided to give Allan Carrs book "The easy way to stop gambling" another go, this time in an audio book. I started listening to it 2 weeks before I was due to get paid & found it much easier to listen to rather than reading it. I listened to it anytime I got in the car going/coming from work. I timed it so i would finish the book the morning of my next pay day. I finished it & it has actually changed everything for me. For the first time in over 10 years I got paid & didn't gamble that day, and haven't gambled since. nearly a full month now i've been free & i've never felt better, my bank account doesn't have a clue what's going on having money in it this late in the month. I genuinely feel free. I've gone oput for dinner, been to the cinema, bought clothes, looking after myself better. I'm no longer telling lies to people. I'm just genuinely so much happier. My whole perspective has changed & I no longer have the urge to have a bet. It didn't take wil power, just the realization that i'm giving absolutely nothing beneficial up. I'm just getting rid of something that has made me miserable for years. I'll be able to watch the champions league tonight without worrying about prices or bets I may have missed etc. I know I'm only a few weeks in but I genuinely think i'm done! :)

shesty

Delighted for you OP.Keep going, you're a very strong person and you are in a good place :-)

SimpleDimples

Fulfil wrote: »

Just wanted to send an update here.  A really positive update, well... it is now :.... I know I'm only a few weeks in but I genuinely think i'm done! :)

Don't want to copy all of your post but it genuinely is one of the most positive things I have read on it. It's brilliant, so many positives as a result - more money, more opportunities in life, more likely to suatain relationships, less stress etc.

The one thing i would suggest (have experience with a family member with a similar story) is to have a have a plan to deal with times of stress, anxiety or pressure to ensure you don't relapse...even something as simple as call to visit your mum on bad days/ if you feel the urge again etc. will help. Delighted for you