Other Woman

MacGee

I was the other woman for 2 years. This has finished just recently as his wife found out. I don't expect any kind of sympathy-but I do hope I can have some idea of how to fix myself.
We haven't spoken in 2 days. I've been been asked not to contact him as his wife will not let him see the children if he does. I spoke to him Monday and he told me he loved me and that he couldn't see me again.

What I'm struggling with is this man was everything to me. He was my best friend. We were soulmates. Similar in so many ways. We had the same tastes in so many things and and have spoken everyday all day for the last 2 years. Seeing each other when we can and going away together
when we can.

I'm hurting so much because he has been able to just cut me off and out of his life.
This year has been a tough one for me on lots of levels and he was there every step of the way. Now he won't even respond to a message.
Today I blocked and deleted him. I can't look at his face or his online status without crying.

I'm in my 30s and he's in his 40s and so many times has he told me that our relationship is the most precious and loving and true he has ever had.

I just want advice on how to get over this.

seamus

Don't assume that it was easy for him. His children are always going to rank higher than you in his priorities. So when faced with the pain of losing you or losing them, you were always going to come out second best.

Treat it as a bereavement. You've lost a part of your life and it's not coming back. It'll hurt, but time heals all wounds. Take time to mourn, find things to keep yourself busy.

You will unfortunately have to deal with friends and family telling you that you brought it on yourself. That's the nature of engaging in affairs.

You can minimise this by not lamenting the lost relationship when talking to others, but rather focussing more on your need to move on with your life. A couple of your friends might be sympathetic, so if you have them, then you can lean on them.

I would suggest getting to moved to PI/RI though. Probably won't get a lot of sympathy in this forum as the "other woman".

blacklilly

MacGee wrote: »

I was the other woman for 2 years. This has finished just recently as his wife found out. I don't expect any kind of sympathy-but I do hope I can have some idea of how to fix myself.
We haven't spoken in 2 days. I've been been asked not to contact him as his wife will not let him see the children if he does. I spoke to him Monday and he told me he loved me and that he couldn't see me again.

What I'm struggling with is this man was everything to me. He was my best friend. We were soulmates. Similar in so many ways. We had the same tastes in so many things and and have spoken everyday all day for the last 2 years. Seeing each other when we can and going away together
when we can.

I'm hurting so much because he has been able to just cut me off and out of his life.
This year has been a tough one for me on lots of levels and he was there every step of the way. Now he won't even respond to a message.
Today I blocked and deleted him. I can't look at his face or his online status without crying.

I'm in my 30s and he's in his 40s and so many times has he told me that our relationship is the most precious and loving and true he has ever had.

I just want advice on how to get over this.

You think you feel bad, can you imagine how his wife is feeling?

How did you think this would end? He'd leave his wife and children and you'd both live happily ever after?

It is nearly impossible for me to have sympathy with someone in your position but you need to move on, go to counselling if needs be and don't involve yourself with a married man again.

All those promises he made you, all those good times you shared, he also shared all those things with his wife. He is a man that cannot be trusted. If he was willing to cheat on his wife and risk loosing his family, he is not the type of man you should consider a good catch.

He may come back to you and he may not but if it's not you, it will be someone else. Don't be someones bit on the side, how can that feel good? Knowing you've been complicate in leaving a wife devastated and children who may have to bear witness to some horrific arguments and possibly separation.

There are plenty of good, decent single men out there but for now you need to get your head together and understand why you were happy to be someones bit on the side for so long.

neonsofa

You need to take off the rose tinted glasses. Look at it pragmatically. You would only ever have a half life with this man. If you remained the "other woman" you would have, as you say, had time where you can, a stolen few days here and there, phone calls at certain hours while he is not in the presence of his wife. You wouldn't have had a partner in life.

If he left his wife for you, the chances of him moving his children into a shared house with you and building a blended family, with his ex wife Co-parenting alongside you as the children's stepmother are extremely slim. More than likely you would be the hated home wrecker (in their eyes I mean), he would have been afraid to mention your name in their company. Holidays and occasions would become filled with tension and resentment because inevitably they would not be joyous family get togethers for all of you, he would have to be choosing between you and his kids all the time- as evidenced by her already using the kids against him.

Find a man who you can have a fresh start with- blended families can work and be happy but they are never gonna work when you start off being the one who ended the marriage (in their eyes). This guy was never going to be a partner that you can build a life with and once you accept that it will become a lot easier. He was never your partner.

Stheno

Thread closed, op already has a long thread in Personal issues.

Op don't post the same thread in different forums it's against the rules.