What options are there for gay men who want kids?

RonaldStump

Hey everyone,

Apologies if there's a thread on this already or if I'm in the wrong forum. I'm approaching my 30's soon and for as long as I can remember, I've wanted to be a dad. It's not something that I want to do today or tomorrow, but within the next 10 years or so.

Looking online, it would seem that I need to start planning sooner rather than later, saving money for it at least. From my research, I'm fairly discouraged. I could totally have been looking in the wrong places but my take on it at the moment is as follows:

Adoption - Lengthy process with limited countries willing to allow gay couples to adopt children. Costly and no certainty in success as the process must be completed for me in the next 12 years (before the age of 42).

Surrogacy - Such a grey area - It's legal in some countries for residents of that country. Those who allow foreigners to avail of the services seem to have a stigma attached.

Fostering - I love the idea of fostering, I love kids. But I don't think my achy-breaky heart could take it if I had a hand in raising a child, only to have that child removed from my care (even if he or she were going back to their biological family - I know that sounds selfish).

Really, I'm looking for advice or input from people who may be in the same boat here. Should I look at relocating to the UK to make this a reality? My head's all over the place.

Help a brother out. Thanks for reading and for any replies!

Mr.Frame

Interesting post.

I too would love kids,but I fear difficulties as well , cost amongst other things. You mentioned adoption , is there an age limit to adoption , you mentioned 42, is there a particular age limit ?

My OH is talking about having kids as well but he kind of mentioned surrogacy which I dont agree with at all. I would much prefer to adopt a child that is orphaned in some home and looking for a loving family right now !

As for fostering I like you simply couldnt do it. The thoughts of getting attached to a child and then he/she going back to its biological family would like you break my heart.

It's a tough one for sure.

LLMMLL

As far as I'm aware adoption is pretty much a no go in Ireland due to some kind of treaty issue.

RonaldStump

Thanks guys. Yeah, it's pretty depressing. I've a potential move to the UK coming up which should help in some way, hopefully. Thanks for the replies!

Manion

Having looked into this, certain states in America present the best option for Surrogacy from both a legal and ethical point of view. This area is a minefield however.

RonaldStump

Yeah, it's pretty crazy. I'm baffled by it. I'd looked at the US, but I'd need to be winning the lotto before affording that - you could be looking at up to 100K in some states. Thanks for the response.