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Will I ever love my partner's child?

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    #92
    Colser
    Registered Users Posts: 5,572 ✭✭✭Colser


    What do you really want here,do you want your home back to being just for you and your children?You're going to drive yourself mad thinking about all this,you need to speak up and do what makes you happy.If the relationship breaks down because of this then so be it..peace of mind is worth it imo and having been through a divorce you probably know at the back of your mind that relationships don't always have a happy ending and it's very important to protect yourself financially ect.
    If he doesn't want to stay in a relationship after you explained that you'd rather live apart then that's his choice you'd be sad but you'd survive as you've done previously with your ex.

    Also I wouldn't worry about what you're family would think about the situation (I know you haven't said it out but I think their opinion seems to matter alot to you)...it's your life and your happiness that's at stake.

    I genuinely would ask him to move out of I were you.


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    #93
    Eimee90
    Registered Users Posts: 301 ✭✭Eimee90


    OP, I commend you for taking everything on board , but I expect and hope your partner puts his seven year old daughter first. She's seven!! I understand you have completed your child rearing but what sacrifices do you expect him to make? You say you made sacrifices regarding this but he should not change anything to do with his daughter over this. I can't imagine if the shoe was on the other foot and he asked you to do so that people would support him.


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    #94
    ElizaBennett
    Registered Users Posts: 244 ✭✭ElizaBennett


    elsa21 wrote: »
    OP, I commend you for taking everything on board , but I expect and hope your partner puts his seven year old daughter first. She's seven!! I understand you have completed your child rearing but what sacrifices do you expect him to make? You say you made sacrifices regarding this but he should not change anything to do with his daughter over this. I can't imagine if the shoe was on the other foot and he asked you to do so that people would support him.

    I'm not asking him to change anything to do with her (though I really wish he would work on parenting her better so that she grows up to have consideration for others and to be able to control her tantrums etc). It's always been his prerogative to raise her as he wants and I've never instructed him one way or the other. The only change that will be made is if he decides to move out or if I ask him to. I'm not giving him an ultimatum regarding his child. I get that they're a unit. So he or I have to decide if he stays or goes, based on how we both feel about it.

    You could argue that he's not putting her first now and hasn't been since he moved in a year and a half ago. Though I've never said anything explicitly, I'm almost certain he gets a vibe and knows there's a reason why I'm rarely in the house when he has her. But still he chooses to stay living with me. My overriding feeling on this though is that it's his responsibility to do right by his child. I can only tell him about my needs, take his onboard and he has to judge what's right for her. That's not my job. He may well decide to put her first. But it'll be his choice. I have to leave that decision-making to him as she's not my child.


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    #95
    coffee_cake
    Registered Users Posts: 81,310 CMod ✭✭✭✭coffee_cake


    ElizaBennett wrote: »
    Thanks for all the advice - including from those who PM'd me with their own stories, which drew a lot a parallels with mine.
    hi, we have a strict ban in the charter against PMs to or from OPs in this forum. This is unfortunately for the protection of both our OPs and users, based on history in this forum. If you have received any PMs we would ask you to contact a mod or report the PM. Thanks


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    #96
    Faith
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 30,657 Mod ✭✭✭✭Faith


    ElizaBennett wrote: »
    Fair enough. It's very hard to have people deconstruct your life and relationship - though it's absolutely what I wanted and thank you everyone for taking the time - and I was doing well taking it all on board but I did become sensitive at being called 'unloving' when I know there is a lot of tenderness and love between my partner and I. I took it pretty well when it was suggested I only wanted him as a fcukbuddy because I believe I should listen to advice if I've asked for it but the unloving thing stung. I accept it wasn't your intention though. No hard feelings x

    Thanks for that. FWIW, I think it's remarkable how self-reflective and open you're being on this thread, and I think that's a really admirable trait that you should be really proud of. I have no doubt that this will stand to you when working things out with your partner, and I wish you all the best with it.


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    #97
    LynnGrace
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,347 ✭✭✭LynnGrace


    Faith wrote: »
    ... FWIW, I think it's remarkable how self-reflective and open you're being on this thread, and I think that's a really admirable trait that you should be really proud of. I have no doubt that this will stand to you when working things out with your partner, and I wish you all the best with it.

    I had the same thought, OP. It can't have been easy for you to write, I think, and you have been very open and honest about your feelings.
    I hope that it has helped just getting it written down, and hearing outside views.

    All the best and I hope that things work out well for you.


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