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Gambling addiction..
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31-08-2017 2:01pmWhere in life did I go wrong.
Firstly, I think I have a gambling problem.
About 2 year ago or so I gave it all up, done it by myself without any assistance or help from anyone(Which I think was a mistake as I've no one to turn too). I gave it up for in or around a year, the gradually started getting back into it. First it was a small soccer bet then it was wasting 20s to 100s at a time and recently I wasted about 500 in the space or 3 days. Monday was the last time I done it and I've made a conscious decision to give it all up for good again. This time I'm going to try seek some assistance. I plan to attend a meeting tomorrow night, all going well once I have the confidence to go in.
I would like some guidance from others who have experienced this before. I don't get any enjoyment out of it. If I win 2000 I still feel the same as if I'd lost 500. I want to do this for me and my family. I have a young child and I don't want them to see nor witness any of this.
Honestly I plan to stop drinking also, but this is not a factor in my life I just feel I'm at a stage in my life where it doesn't benefit me. I need to change the people I associate with, i.e my group of friends would be gambling or drinking buddies.
On here I intend to keep this as my diary and plan to help and aid me through this.
Any advice or anything at all that will help will be much appreciated. Also I would like to hear similar stories with a happy and positive outcome to them.31
Comments
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I wish you the best buddy. But the very fact that you mentioned drinking makes me convinced you have an extremely addictive personality. I have no advice so to speak but I'm in the same boat as you (if you reverse alcohol with the gambling). Just know that you aren't alone brother. If you need someone to talk to at any time, send a pm and I'll chat to you. Can't promise I will help but I can promise I'll be there.0
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Speaking from experience, and assuming your wife/partner knows
(1) Get your wages or 90% of it lodged directly into their account so that they can pay bills etc.
(2) Give up the drink (This is a big factor in stopping). This will in turn change your circle of friends.
(3) Take up a hobby. (keeps your mind busy)
(4) I wouldn't recommend ga meetings or councelling. (That's just me) If you want to give it up, you will.
(5)Tell someone else close to you other than your partner. It's good to let it all out.
(6)Self ban yourself from all online gambling accounts and maybe tell your local bookie . (Believe me, it works!)
(7)I have gambled a lot more money than you have and i live to tell the story. It's a long hard road, but well worth it.
(8) Try and think of life without your wife/child.? Not worth it.
Good luck
Pm me anytime for more info.............0 -
Deleted User wrote: »I wish you the best buddy. But the very fact that you mentioned drinking makes me convinced you have an extremely addictive personality. I have no advice so to speak but I'm in the same boat as you (if you reverse alcohol with the gambling). Just know that you aren't alone brother. If you need someone to talk to at any time, send a pm and I'll chat to you. Can't promise I will help but I can promise I'll be there.
Thanks for having the time to help me and provide assistance. It take a true and kind person to help s stranger that way.
In relation to drink, it's not an issue, lucky if I drink once every 2-3 weeks. But at that, I enjoy it at the time, but I feel it's not for me. It's not who I am and I don't enjoy it like others do.0 -
sellerbarry wrote: »Speaking from experience, and assuming your wife/partner knows
(1) Get your wages or 90% of it lodged directly into their account so that they can pay bills etc.
(2) Give up the drink (This is a big factor in stopping). This will in turn change your circle of friends.
(3) Take up a hobby. (keeps your mind busy)
(4) I wouldn't recommend ga meetings or councelling. (That's just me) If you want to give it up, you will.
(5)Tell someone else close to you other than your partner. It's good to let it all out.
(6)Self ban yourself from all online gambling accounts and maybe tell your local bookie . (Believe me, it works!)
(7)I have gambled a lot more money than you have and i live to tell the story. It's a long hard road, but well worth it.
(8) Try and think of life without your wife/child.? Not worth it.
Good luck
Pm me anytime for more info.............
I am going to transfer wages as soon as they arrive. leave myself with the bare minimum to survive.
What was your turning point in life. Personally I don't think there's anything as low as been in a bookies with a room full of people you know also have an addition and the only person making profit in the long run is the owner.
My partner knows and her saying it to me recently really made me open my eyes and also made me see why peoples relationships breakup. But thankfully she's very understanding and I know she'll support me in beating this.
Funny enough I was only thinking about hobbies the other day and my main hobbies and they need to change as they're gambling orientated. Running is one I have but it can be quiet lonely and gets boring at times. Any suggestions?0 -
Turning point in my life would've been seeing my kids go without just because their dad pissed all his wages up against a wall in paddy powers. You can lose a weeks wages in ten minutes in a bookies after work on a Friday. Never again.! Well, i took up karate and now stand 18 months away from getting my black belt. It takes up a lot of my time and that's exactly what i needed. I got more involved in the kids hobbies too, so that my mind is far away from gambling. Alcohol IS a main trigger to your gambling. You might not think it is, but if you didn't drink, you would not be in the pub/next door to the bookies/drinking with lads who are encouraging you to bet with them.
I do not lodge all my wages into wifes account anymore, just enough for mortgage/bills / kids. It's nice to have your own few bob too.0 -
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There was an addiction thread here four years ago
http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2056854561&page=8
It wasn't closed then.
This might be personal issues but I'll leave it open for now.0 -
I think your point about transferring wages as soon as they arrive is sensible.
Arrange to have your wages paid to/transferred to your partner, and have as many bills as possible paid directly out of the bank account.
Credit unions have budget accounts.
For years I had money deducted from my salary into a credit union budget account. They can pay your bills directly.0 -
The football is the worst to bet and chase on having experienced it myself i had to ban and limit my accounts. It is a pain though as i need some accounts for the national hunt season when it comes around and obviously football clashes with that so it's easy to get sucked back into that. Why can't bookies ban you from football but can stop you doing casino and games on your accounts?
As people mentioned put most wages into the joint account straight away and if you gamble on your phone just keep it upstairs of an evening or if you are out you could buy a crap phone that doesnt have access to apps and betting just txt and calls. I find it easy to gamble online than i do in store as i value my real life money so i know when out i wont gamble big in store, online money just feels worthless half the time and easy to blow.0 -
Tevey08, I am the original poster from that Addiction page as I was mr.jingle, I know how you feel having gone through the same kind of thing. I honestly thought I'd never be where I am today when I posted that message first. I do read here the odd time but rarely even watch a race anymore but was on boards, came by to see a few oul names pop up, so was drawn in by your post and decided to post again.
I havent backed a horse in well over 2yrs now i think. I stopped counting!
First things first, bar yourself from local bookies, online accounts etc. Set up accounts in all bookmakers and then immediately request a ban. I didnt do this the first couple of times. I left some alone so I could just go back on sometime and then get sucked in again. Thats right too, a couple of times is a very apt sentence. Its gonna take time to do this and realise that you need to go cold turkey. I believed I could be disciplined but quite simply I couldnt. For your benefit, do it. Ban yourself.
You have yourself a small family, more than I have, think of them, think of the great things you can be spending your money on with them than pissing it against the wind. Im still paying debts back, havent missed a payment yet and dont plan on doing so, still over 25k to go but its coming down each week in a slow process but thats exactly what it is, a slow process.
Its gonna take time, time to build trust with family again (if you have told them of your addiction), they still ask me when I am in a bad mood was I backing horses! That hurts after so long but understandable too as I lost their trust.
I didnt like G.A but thats me, some lads I know swear by it. Definitely go to some kind of counselling if you can.
The first part is admitting it, the hardest part now is staying away from it, self belief, support from friends/family will get you through this. I got as far as standing on the edge of a bridge with a drop that would have ended me and I ended up in Pieta House which changed my whole outlook on it, If I came back from that point, such was the state I was in, I believe you and indeed anybody can.
Wishing you the best of luck in the future0 -
I am going to transfer wages as soon as they arrive. leave myself with the bare minimum to survive.
What was your turning point in life. Personally I don't think there's anything as low as been in a bookies with a room full of people you know also have an addition and the only person making profit in the long run is the owner.
My partner knows and her saying it to me recently really made me open my eyes and also made me see why peoples relationships breakup. But thankfully she's very understanding and I know she'll support me in beating this.
Funny enough I was only thinking about hobbies the other day and my main hobbies and they need to change as they're gambling orientated. Running is one I have but it can be quiet lonely and gets boring at times. Any suggestions?
Tevey, I had a problem with gambling a few years ago but I knocked it on the head myself. I was just able to let it go without help from anyone, so I was lucky there. I think you have to concentrate on the family life you have as well as a hobby or two. I took up running around the time I gave up gambling but I never thought of the connection until now, which is hard to believe I know!! I really got into the running and now I'm a 5, 6 or 7 day a week trainer. I didn't join a club for a number of reasons but I would strongly recommend it. I still enjoy a beer or a glass or two of wine almost every day but note the word 'enjoy' which you say isn't how it works for you. You have made a great decision to share this struggle here, as you can see from the responses already. Take action, small steps, like the salary/bank account thing. Although maybe that's a big step.
Anyway, I can't speak highly enough of running as an activity and therapy. Check out a local club, or the nearest Parkrun or get yourself over to the Athletics forum of Boards. PM me if you want a few tips or anything.0 -
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sellerbarry wrote: »Speaking from experience, and assuming your wife/partner knows
(1) Get your wages or 90% of it lodged directly into their account so that they can pay bills etc.
(2) Give up the drink (This is a big factor in stopping). This will in turn change your circle of friends.
(3) Take up a hobby. (keeps your mind busy)
(4) I wouldn't recommend ga meetings or councelling. (That's just me) If you want to give it up, you will.
(5)Tell someone else close to you other than your partner. It's good to let it all out.
(6)Self ban yourself from all online gambling accounts and maybe tell your local bookie . (Believe me, it works!)
(7)I have gambled a lot more money than you have and i live to tell the story. It's a long hard road, but well worth it.
(8) Try and think of life without your wife/child.? Not worth it.
Good luck
Pm me anytime for more info.............
I am going to transfer wages as soon as they arrive. leave myself with the bare minimum to survive.
What was your turning point in life. Personally I don't think there's anything as low as been in a bookies with a room full of people you know also have an addition and the only person making profit in the long run is the owner.
My partner knows and her saying it to me recently really made me open my eyes and also made me see why peoples relationships breakup. But thankfully she's very understanding and I know she'll support me in beating this.
Funny enough I was only thinking about hobbies the other day and my main hobbies and they need to change as they're gambling orientated. Running is one I have but it can be quiet lonely and gets boring at times. Any suggestions?
Join a club e.g. boxing, jujitsu something that requires a lot of focus and dedication in order to improve, but where the improvements are clearly evident. This will help0 -
Where in life did I go wrong.
Firstly, I think I have a gambling problem.
About 2 year ago or so I gave it all up, done it by myself without any assistance or help from anyone(Which I think was a mistake as I've no one to turn too). I gave it up for in or around a year, the gradually started getting back into it. First it was a small soccer bet then it was wasting 20s to 100s at a time and recently I wasted about 500 in the space or 3 days. Monday was the last time I done it and I've made a conscious decision to give it all up for good again. This time I'm going to try seek some assistance. I plan to attend a meeting tomorrow night, all going well once I have the confidence to go in.
I would like some guidance from others who have experienced this before. I don't get any enjoyment out of it. If I win 2000 I still feel the same as if I'd lost 500. I want to do this for me and my family. I have a young child and I don't want them to see nor witness any of this.
Honestly I plan to stop drinking also, but this is not a factor in my life I just feel I'm at a stage in my life where it doesn't benefit me. I need to change the people I associate with, i.e my group of friends would be gambling or drinking buddies.
On here I intend to keep this as my diary and plan to help and aid me through this.
Any advice or anything at all that will help will be much appreciated. Also I would like to hear similar stories with a happy and positive outcome to them.0 -
Francie Barrett wrote: »I used to bet far too much money in my youth (20-30 years ago). I had no choice to cut back then because I was married, on a limited wage and had kids. I loved horse racing and wanted to be able to have a bet, but didn't want it getting out of control. I eventually got a jar and every Friday, I'd put £15 into it regardless. Whatever was in the jar, I could do what I wanted with it, but if the jar was empty, then no bets. If you're betting online, then all sites should have deposit limits, so you could be able to do something similar.
Yup, if you don't want to end up in a bad place with gambling then you've got be disciplined in your gambling or give it up altogether.
A bit like yourself I used to gamble a lot when I was around 20. I gave up poker because I used to see friends who'd lost all their wages by Friday night and I thought to myself that I wasn't going to be a part of that. With horseracing I found myself one day ready to put half my wages on a 4/6 shot in a 3 horse race and I just copped onto myself and stopped myself from doing the bet, the horse won but I was delighted that I hadn't given in to the urge to have that bet.
You have to set aside a sum for your betting each week that you can afford to lose and stick within that limit. Also I found that if I limited the number of bets per week I could have to one or two decent bets then the chances of winning and the winnings were much more satisfactory.
If you can't control it then it's controlling you.0 -
A bit like yourself I used to gamble a lot when I was around 20. I gave up poker because I used to see friends who'd lost all their wages by Friday night and I thought to myself that I wasn't going to be a part of that. With horseracing I found myself one day ready to put half my wages on a 4/6 shot in a 3 horse race and I just copped onto myself and stopped myself from doing the bet, the horse won but I was delighted that I hadn't given in to the urge to have that bet.
If you can't control it then it's controlling you.
Biggest bet I've done was €400 on a 2/5 shot. Was gambling on the phone, started with 10 euro in the account. Got it up to €600. Went down to €400. Saw a 2/5 shot and said I could recoup the €200 in one go here...it lost.
The worst thing about getting caught up in it is the all encompanassing bad mood it puts you in. Can't focus at home and can't focus in work. All you're thinking about is the guilt and how you can recoup the losses. It's unbelievably stressful.
After that day I gained a bit of perspective. I've no debt and no one is depending on me so I'm thankful for that. When I get paid now I pay my bills, and manage to enjoy a few pints every weekend with a few small bets to keep ticking along.0 -
HandsomeBob wrote: »Biggest bet I've done was €400 on a 2/5 shot. Was gambling on the phone, started with 10 euro in the account. Got it up to €600. Went down to €400. Saw a 2/5 shot and said I could recoup the €200 in one go here...it lost.
The worst thing about getting caught up in it is the all encompanassing bad mood it puts you in. Can't focus at home and can't focus in work. All you're thinking about is the guilt and how you can recoup the losses. It's unbelievably stressful.
After that day I gained a bit of perspective. I've no debt and no one is depending on me so I'm thankful for that. When I get paid now I pay my bills, and manage to enjoy a few pints every weekend with a few small bets to keep ticking along.
If they can't enjoy a modest bet then there's only trouble ahead unless they're some kind of genius who can nearly always beat the book and who's got the discipline to not blow the kitty before they're too far behind to recover losses.
Thinking they're in the second category is very likely to be delusional for 99.9% of punters who are operating without insider knowledge.
The best way to understand how your punting is going is to keep a record of all your bets and to do a running profit and loss totting up at the end of every punting day. You'll soon get to see where your strengths and weaknesses are. If you are throwing an awful lot of money away for the thrill of punting then it's time to modify your behaviour.0 -
Drinking was a major issue for me like the OP when gambling. Throwing 20 euro on a no hope 20/1 shot because you're chasing and like the name.
My oul fella died (who loved gambling as well, that was our Friday night, backing horses and having a few pints. He always had a better hold of it than me.) when I was at my worst so once I got over that, I could have a few quiet pints and small bets again.0 -
Thanks everyone for your support and great to hear your stories and journeys ye have had.
Well one week down since last doing a bet and all going well. Had a small tiff with my partner over the weekend and was so close to going in and betting as a way to get away from reality. But thankfully I held strong and to be honest it hasn't really been to hard.
To be honest I don't think doing a few small bets is going to work for me. The kinda of person I am is all or nothing.
Funnily enough my dad is the same, like going out of a Saturday and having his pints and doing a few horses, but I won't be able to sit through that as the temptation is to much.
Sorry for not tagging any of the posts as there's to many of them and I'm trying to type this quick as my manager is looming around the office waiting to pounce on the doser0 -
Currently on day 15 now and seems to be going ok. No mad urges and seems to be under control.
Only one thing happening that I find really weird and feels like real life. I keep dreaming that I'm gambling, and winning each time. Really realistic dreams and it's disappointing when I wake up. Is this a form of withdrawal or is it my mind playing games on me. Seems to be the last 4 nights really.
I decided not to go to any meetings as a few people have discouraged me from them and cold turkeys seems to be the popular advice.
Anyway hopefully I will have a good update next week also0 -
Great to hear you doing so well pal, but I think you posting in the Horse Racing forum is a mistake. Everytime you will login to post, you will see mentions of races, tips, future entries etc - all things you need to try and forget to make it a long term abstention.
Now of course you don't need to click in and read the threads, but would you go into a betting shop and not feel tempted.
I wish you all the best, but as GA say it's " people, places, things " and you need to stay away from all gambling talk and temptation.
Best of luck.0 -
Where in life did I go wrong.
Firstly, I think I have a gambling problem.
About 2 year ago or so I gave it all up, done it by myself without any assistance or help from anyone(Which I think was a mistake as I've no one to turn too). I gave it up for in or around a year, the gradually started getting back into it. First it was a small soccer bet then it was wasting 20s to 100s at a time and recently I wasted about 500 in the space or 3 days. Monday was the last time I done it and I've made a conscious decision to give it all up for good again. This time I'm going to try seek some assistance. I plan to attend a meeting tomorrow night, all going well once I have the confidence to go in.
I would like some guidance from others who have experienced this before. I don't get any enjoyment out of it. If I win 2000 I still feel the same as if I'd lost 500. I want to do this for me and my family. I have a young child and I don't want them to see nor witness any of this.
Honestly I plan to stop drinking also, but this is not a factor in my life I just feel I'm at a stage in my life where it doesn't benefit me. I need to change the people I associate with, i.e my group of friends would be gambling or drinking buddies.
On here I intend to keep this as my diary and plan to help and aid me through this.
Any advice or anything at all that will help will be much appreciated. Also I would like to hear similar stories with a happy and positive outcome to them.
First and foremost, I am a compulsive gambler. I have not had a bet since December 16th 2015.
I admire your honesty and really wish you well. Please feel free to drop me a PM if you feel the need. Alot of the advice you have received I agree with but others I most certainly dont!!
If it were not for GA i would not be alive today never mind being gamble free. Gambling brought me to some very dark places and its only through GA that I can see some sort of hope.
If you look up the AMA section I'm the ex prisoner! Just to give you an idea where I went in life due to gambling.
Get to a meeting, try it, Any man/woman who tries to stay bet free on their own is gambling with their life if you ask me.0 -
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Only one thing happening that I find really weird and feels like real life. I keep dreaming that I'm gambling, and winning each time. Really realistic dreams and it's disappointing when I wake up. Is this a form of withdrawal or is it my mind playing games on me. Seems to be the last 4 nights really.
First time I gave up the fags I had the same would dream of having a smoke and wake the next day as if it really happened.
I went back on the fags for 2 years shortly afterwards but did eventually (15 years now) jack them in.0 -
Yup, if you don't want to end up in a bad place with gambling then you've got be disciplined in your gambling or give it up altogether.
I found that if I limited the number of bets per week I could have to one or two decent bets then the chances of winning and the winnings were much more satisfactory.
If you can't control it then it's controlling you.
This is exactly my way of doing it too, I'm so frugal (tight!) about money that it would kill me to put more than €5 or €10 on a bet, I enjoy a few bets on the horses and GAA matches, messing around with Lucky 15's/Accumalators/Doubles etc, a great passtime and the majority of times I'll end up a few bob up at the end of the week (even if that's only €20 up I'm happy with that), and my rule of thumb is to put the winnings aside and not be tempted to reinvest!0 -
Lads/Lassies,
I cant help but feel you are hindering this man in his recovery. You either stop or you dont! This man has made it clear that he wants to stop. Not control his betting but stop it altogether.
Its like an alcoholic just having a shandy!0 -
GypsyByName wrote: »First and foremost, I am a compulsive gambler. I have not had a bet since December 16th 2015.
I admire your honesty and really wish you well. Please feel free to drop me a PM if you feel the need. Alot of the advice you have received I agree with but others I most certainly dont!!
If it were not for GA i would not be alive today never mind being gamble free. Gambling brought me to some very dark places and its only through GA that I can see some sort of hope.
If you look up the AMA section I'm the ex prisoner! Just to give you an idea where I went in life due to gambling.
Get to a meeting, try it, Any man/woman who tries to stay bet free on their own is gambling with their life if you ask me.
I was actually following all your comments on the AMA. Brilliant to read and entertaining, Also a very hard time you went through and well done for being so positive and getting through all life difficulties.
Thanks for the advice. I think it's shame more so than anything that's holding me back from going to a GA meeting. Feel like a failure and fear what people will think.
You're most certainly right about not wanting to do anything at all. The temptation only rises when you get a small taste of it.
On a more positive note, day 21 today I think, going strong and the funky dreams seem to have stopped0 -
Great stuff, tevey08.
That's no mean feat in itself, 21 days.
I'd also agree with GypsyByName that you're better off staying away from all betting. You know yourself better than anyone here so you know what you can cope with, what will work for you etc.
Best of luck0 -
I was actually following all your comments on the AMA. Brilliant to read and entertaining, Also a very hard time you went through and well done for being so positive and getting through all life difficulties.
Thanks for the advice. I think it's shame more so than anything that's holding me back from going to a GA meeting. Feel like a failure and fear what people will think.
You're most certainly right about not wanting to do anything at all. The temptation only rises when you get a small taste of it.
On a more positive note, day 21 today I think, going strong and the funky dreams seem to have stopped
Everyone at a meeting is in the same **** as you! Even me!
Ps the dreams never stopthe trick is to laugh at them. Ive woken up some mornings and the first thing I do is check my pockets. Not even sure if I want there to be a ball of money in them either
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Thank you Koolhanger. Everyone must have will power if I can do this
I can't seem to quote two comments for some reason :d
GypsyByName wrote: »Everyone at a meeting is in the same **** as you! Even me!
Ps the dreams never stopthe trick is to laugh at them. Ive woken up some mornings and the first thing I do is check my pockets. Not even sure if I want there to be a ball of money in them either
The dream never stops is right. I have recently decided that it's time to be happy with what I have and not want the unrealistic things in life like fancy cars and big mansions and so on. Personally I think this is a big downfall as it can depress you not having all these things. At least I got the hot girlfriend which is enough for me0 -
GypsyByName wrote: »Everyone at a meeting is in the same **** as you! Even me!
Ps the dreams never stopthe trick is to laugh at them. Ive woken up some mornings and the first thing I do is check my pockets. Not even sure if I want there to be a ball of money in them either
I agree fully that some of the 'stories' here were potentially counter productive. As you say, everyone at the meeting will be similar, so no worries about what they're thinking.
I find it interesting that you say 'a ball of money' above. It used to strike me about gamblers on the rare occasion that I was in a betting shop and the even rarer occasion where you'd see a fella collecting winnings. They'd take the dosh in a fistful and stuff it into a pocket. I thought it said a lot about their attitude, to money/life/themselves. The other type of person who does that is the alcoholic with change from a pint. Shoved unceremoniously into a pocket.0 -
I agree fully that some of the 'stories' here were potentially counter productive. As you say, everyone at the meeting will be similar, so no worries about what they're thinking.
I find it interesting that you say 'a ball of money' above. It used to strike me about gamblers on the rare occasion that I was in a betting shop and the even rarer occasion where you'd see a fella collecting winnings. They'd take the dosh in a fistful and stuff it into a pocket. I thought it said a lot about their attitude, to money/life/themselves. The other type of person who does that is the alcoholic with change from a pint. Shoved unceremoniously into a pocket.
This might seem weird but I really struggle with owning a wallet, I can never get to grips with one. Never had money stay in one long enough to justify owning one when I was gambling. Bank cards and money in my pocket now. Ah il grow up some day!0 -
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Jeez, now that I think of it I don't like or own a wallet either. I had one a while back and it got stolen out of me jacket in a pub. Prefer to keep the dosh and cards in front trouser pocket. Just not in a ball!!0
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