Advice : stressed - any suggestions?

LegacyUser

I don't want to go into too many identifying details here but I'm waiting on a court date for a very straightforward divorce. We have agreed everything and haven't really been in touch for more than 4 years at this stage.

I decided to play by the rules and I haven't actually been out with anyone else over the 4 years and I had been seeing the end date as a huge relief from years of stress.

However, my solicitor seems to have not started court processes (I assume they can't until the time limit has expired) and I was informed that it could be sometime later this year or maybe next year.

I know it's a bit crazy but I just sunk into some kind of really stressed out state over it. I just feel like this is going on forever and I can't move on until it's over and I has this target in my head that it would be all over by a certain month this year but now it's looking like it could drag on for at least another 5 or 6 months.

I know, I'm probably being ridiculous and that I shouldn't be stressed but I have ended up getting a stomach ulcer and just generally being really sick and I've even embarsssingly and expensively crashed out of various personal and academic projects as I just can't concentrate on anything anymore.

Most people have been fine but some people are acting odd around me. I am being passive aggressively blanked on the street by mutual acquaintances. I don't mean people just not seeing me - in once case the person walked right past me looking up at the buildings while I was having and saying "hi!!!" I now just avoid certain areas because I know I will likely bump into one of her friends or relatives and in general I'm just finding I've gone from confident guy to total recluce.

I go to couple of geeky "meerups" and tried to throw myself into hobbies but I'm not really finding anyone to hang out with. Mostly I'm just on my own. I even have started eating out on my own which is something I would never ever have done a few years ago. I just don't have anyone else to ask along and I find it absolutely excruciating but I sort of made myself do it.

I didn't go on holidays for the last few years either as I had nobody to go with and I felt I can't really gate crash on friends who are all couples or are married.

It wasn't even a complicated break up but I think some people are just assuming it must be my fault or, rather that I led her up the garden path, which was not the case at all and we actually parted very non confrontationally and on good terms.

I'm thinking maybe I should go abroad and attempt to get a divorce in a more reasonable jurisdiction or maybe just pack up and go somewhere and never come back.

Any advice on how to deal with this?

I'm almost thinking I might just pack up, leave and start over in a totally new country but I'm just not sure exactly how to do that at this stage.

Anyone else been similar or have any ideas ?

Another day

You do know you don't need a solicitor for a divorce? If you have a separation agreement or no joint assets it should be straight forward. Your solicitor will drag it out as long as possible for more funds. Give your local court house a call and they will both advise you and give you details of the steps involved. It is a simple process once you know the requirements.

And get yourself back out dating! Ridiculous not moving on with your life.

LegacyUser

At this stage, it's supposed to be under way so I would guess cancelling the solicitor would be a bit late in the game. I rang the court and they just referred me back to the solicitor as I needed some case reference number, which I do not have.

I'm being told it could be sometime in 2018 at this stage though which seems crazy. The lists are just long.

As for dating and moving on with my life: I agree it's ridiculous, but it hasn't worked. I just don't really know where to start with that. I basically met my ex in my late teens, it lasted a good long time, we got married and now we're divorcing. So I have no real idea how to even go about dating at this stage. It's literally not something I ever really did. So I'm totally at sea.

I've joined things, been to gigs, all the usual - but I seem to have fewer and fewer people to hang out with, never mind dates. I tried Tinder and just swiped past everyone. Nobody clicked.

I'll figure it out. I think I just need to move away somewhere far away and get rid of all the baggage from this and maybe I can start over.