Has anyone gotten revenge on an ex before?

Bambi985

I don't understand why you'd want to get revenge on an ex. Or more precisely how the feelings of love and care for a partner can suddenly switch into wanting to hurt them and see the worst happen to them.

Even if they've cheated on you with your best friend or murdered your pet rabbit or something. Surely you'd just cut them out, mourn the relationship and how you seemed to miss the fact that they weren't a nice person and move on?

I'm in my 30s now and I'd be hyper-aware of avoiding people who tend to talk sh1t about their exes. I'd never date someone who spoke absolute bile about someone they were previously intimate with, I'd see it as a major red flag and a sign of what's to come.

Bambi985

Bambi985 wrote: »

I'd never date someone who spoke absolute bile about someone they were previously intimate with, I'd see it as a major red flag and a sign of what's to come.

Exactly. Who wants to take the risk of being the next one to be bad-mouthed?

Roger Hassenforder

Yeah_Right wrote: »

Best revenge: blast'em with..... Wait. Are we still allowed to use that?

When I was in my last year at uni, I started seeing a girl. Turns out she had dated a mate of mine for a few months in high school. I didn't know them then. He said it was cool and he had no problem with it. He was in a long term relationship with another girl and they were happy.

So we were together for a year. Happy and all was good. All of a sudden she breaks up with me. I was crushed. Wtf happened?!? Turns out my "mate" had been contacting her behind my back for the last couple of months and they got back together. I was pissed off. Told them both to go **** themselves and cut them from my life. They both lost a few friends over it.

About 15 years later, when I was back home, I bump into her in the pub. They had gotten married about 10 years earlier but now were going through a rough patch. She poured her heart out to me and I was kind and caring. A shoulder to cry on. She started contacting me after that. The messages got very sexual and included pictures. The next time I was back home, we got together and had a hot steamy affair. Then she left her husband. She said she was thinking of moving to the country I lived in. I said don't bother, this was just a bit of fun, nothing serious.

Last time I was back, I bumped into my "mate". He knew what had happened but I played innocent. It was very satisfying.

What'll really enhance this revenge story is posting said pix on social media. I'll sort through them for you and flag NSFW/be grand ones if you like

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

That's the thing, I've had two people in my life I've cared deeply for and even though I no longer speak to one and am petty as hell, even now although I don't actually like him for how he treated me, the thoughts of him hurt or sad makes me feel sad. I know I'll never hear from him again but I cared a lot for him and if he ever did need help or to talk, I don't think I'd have it in me to tell him to Rev up and f uck off although I'm over the situation. He was a huge part of my life when I needed someone and that doesn't disappear.

If I didn't really care about someone and they f ucked me over I wouldn't think twice about f ucking them over either but when there was feelings? Nah.
But then again, I've never been cheated on so don't know how I'd react to that. PROBAVLY WAIt til he was logged onto FIFA then go sell all his players

Hammer89

Bambi985 wrote: »

Even if they've cheated on you with your best friend or murdered your pet rabbit or something. Surely you'd just cut them out, mourn the relationship and how you seemed to miss the fact that they weren't a nice person and move on? .

Maybe if you're a monk. For everybody else, a desire to enact revenge is a pretty normal response to being hurt I think. Whether they do avenge it or not is another thing, but I wouldn't be critical of those who do.

myshirt

Heard of a girl locally who had her ex-boyfriends dog shot after they broke up.

Aside from the absolutely cruelty to an animal, what sort of sick bitch shoots a man's dog? Especially if that dog might be his best friend. Men typically do not have the same support network as women. There are no chin wags and gossiping amongst men. It's all macho macho, I'm grand. But the reality is a man might not be grand. A dog is more important then for companionship.

Real low blow there. Stuff happens in relationships, i get it, it's life, but ffs you don't shoot a man's dog.

Seve OB

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-KGfp2aTnHs

schizo1014

I always superlike an ex if I see them on Tinder, get them all excited only for them to see my ugly mug. Petty but effective I think

retro:electro

Any time I've ran into an ex I always look like I've been dragged through a hedge backwards as well. Bet they're thinking the bullet is well dodged

Roger Hassenforder

anna080 wrote: »

Any time I've ran into an ex I always look like I've been dragged through a hedge backwards as well. Bet they're thinking the bullet is well dodged

That ass though...
It's a bullet any of them would take

Bambi985

Hammer89 wrote: »

Maybe if you're a monk. For everybody else, a desire to enact revenge is a pretty normal response to being hurt I think. Whether they do avenge it or not is another thing, but I wouldn't be critical of those who do.

I dunno. I'm no monk and I can be the biggest emotional mess going especially when a relationship has hit the fan, but I think ultimately acting on your anger in an explosive or vindictive way just sells you short and hurts you the most when it comes down to it. It never leads anywhere happy or healthy for you and sort of sets a precedent for how you'll handle relationship issues down the line.

I would see it as a sign of a weak person tbh.

ladybugxx

LexieOnRale wrote: »

oh come off it, you knew more than anyone what he was like and kept taking him back you're as bad as each other

So you've never wanted to see the good in someone you love? lol I think some of you think you're brave behind your little keyboards judging me and my choices. So if someone took back a cheating ex would it be her fault for being human and wanting to give him another chance too?

Roger Hassenforder

ladybugxx wrote: »

So you've never wanted to see the good in someone you love? lol I think some of you think you're brave behind your little keyboards judging me and my choices. So if someone took back a cheating ex would it be her fault for being human and wanting to give him another chance too?

But you gave this lang3r 4 chances...

I think after the 2nd betrayal, you've forfeited any rights to feel subsequent betrayal. Be honest, were the 3 and 4th really that unexpected?

Get this clown out of your life and move on. If you even think of taking him back you should be beaten with your own arms. What kind of role model would you be for a kid of yours to allow yourself be hurt so by this fcuk3r?

ladybugxx

ladybugxx wrote: »

So you've never wanted to see the good in someone you love? lol I think some of you think you're brave behind your little keyboards judging me and my choices. So if someone took back a cheating ex would it be her fault for being human and wanting to give him another chance too?

Taking someone back once, perhaps. On a repeated basis though? That's more a lifestyle choice and being careless with your worth than a desire to give someone the benefit of the doubt.

To borrow from Wilde, to be stiffed on a second chance once is unfortunate, twice (or more) looks like carelessness.

ladybugxx

Bambi985 wrote: »

I don't understand why you'd want to get revenge on an ex. Or more precisely how the feelings of love and care for a partner can suddenly switch into wanting to hurt them and see the worst happen to them.

Even if they've cheated on you with your best friend or murdered your pet rabbit or something. Surely you'd just cut them out, mourn the relationship and how you seemed to miss the fact that they weren't a nice person and move on?

I'm in my 30s now and I'd be hyper-aware of avoiding people who tend to talk sh1t about their exes. I'd never date someone who spoke absolute bile about someone they were previously intimate with, I'd see it as a major red flag and a sign of what's to come.

Theres a lot of women that go to extremes smashing up the exs car getting revenge by sleeping with his best friend or brother I dont have the heart for any of that. My bloke was a typical narcissist he constantly badmouthed his exes saying they were all psychos he could never show his emotions yet I was just drawn to him as stupid as I was for taking him back he was my first love my first everything and when he said he's changed and wouldn't hurt me again I believed every word. Love can be blinding.

ladybugxx

ladybugxx wrote: »

Theres a lot of women that go to extremes smashing up the exs car getting revenge by sleeping with his best friend or brother I dont have the heart for any of that. My bloke was a typical narcissist he constantly badmouthed his exes saying they were all psychos he could never show his emotions yet I was just drawn to him as stupid as I was for taking him back he was my first love my first everything and when he said he's changed and wouldn't hurt me again I believed every word. Love can be blinding.

On the contrary, it sounds like he showed you exactly who he is and how he feels.

Hammer89

Bambi985 wrote: »

I dunno. I'm no monk and I can be the biggest emotional mess going especially when a relationship has hit the fan, but I think ultimately acting on your anger in an explosive or vindictive way just sells you short and hurts you the most when it comes down to it. It never leads anywhere happy or healthy for you and sort of sets a precedent for how you'll handle relationship issues down the line.

I would see it as a sign of a weak person tbh.

Let's not beat around the bush: you'd be broken - and rightly so - if you discovered that a close friend was riding your boyfriend. I don't know about the ultimate betrayal, but it's certainly up there because it doubles the hurt, and it's definitely unfair to label victims of such betrayals as "weak" if they seek revenge.

I don't think you'd be so cavalier if your boyfriend murdered your pet either by the way.

Am I really reading this wrong or was one of the reason you got mad at him was that he got a job

Roger Hassenforder

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Am I really reading this wrong or was one of the reason you got mad at him was that he got a job

It seems he might have gotten several, ahem, "jobs".

Alls well that ends well, his kidney is after packing it up.

ladybugxx

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Am I really reading this wrong or was one of the reason you got mad at him was that he got a job

Was happy for him about the job he hardly made any time for me we used to talk all the time text for hours and hours send pics etc he was there when I needed him if he didn't hear from me for a few days he would ring worried. he'd apologize for not making any time for me and say he would change it yet he had no problems going out with his friends or secretly chatting up girls on tagged or diff dating sites. When you have a history like that and that person is always there its hurtful that they just stop making effort with you. He had a good and bad side. He could make you feel like your his number one then make you feel worthless and sad

OP you've been through the ringer with this lad. When we feel so so low it's not that much more of a stretch to keep returning to the person who hurt you. Maybe you felt nobody else would want you, maybe you were scared of starting fresh, maybe you harboured irrational hope that all would change. I don't know but it's a good thing you are free of him now.

For those with little sympathy for the woman who keeps going back, are you really all so together? Brimming with stability and mental resilience? Perhaps you are. But you never know a person's reasons for what they do and chances are they don't know themselves.

Yeah_Right

Roger Hassenforder wrote: »

What'll really enhance this revenge story is posting said pix on social media. I'll sort through them for you and flag NSFW/be grand ones if you like

Haha. I'll send them all straight over to you. In all seriousness, I'd never do that. I still have the pics but never showed them to anyone.

corner of hells

I work with the twenty year old daughter of one of my ex's.

Only for the fact that we parted amicably and are still friends, I'd have bent her over the photocopier and back scuttled her .

Unfortunately no I've never taken revenge on an ex and I don't think an ex has ever taken revenge on me.

Yeah_Right

Candie wrote: »

This story doesn't exactly shower you in glory either.

Ugh.

Come on! It was brilliant. 😠I do have a vindictive streak I suppose. It was just too funny when he was telling me about how they'd split up and he was certain she had been having an affair.

I didn't plan it and hadn't even thought about them in years. Then it just fell into my lap and I ran with it. I'm actually still friends with her and she's happy now. No idea what happened to him and I don't care.

Widdershins

OP, I think you were a bit nuts the way you reacted after a short relationship at fifteen, and now for thinking about revenge for being dumped. Not sure why people think they're entitled to have compensation for being wronged by life. Life was never fair. Karma is a misunderstood concept and is nothing to do with getting back at people for being a bit crap.

Having said that I'm stupid about lots of things, just not in the same way you were. I'm sorry you got your heart broken. Best advice I can give is to never chase a man, and a life well lived is the best revenge.

Permabear

This post has been deleted.

Deleted User

Deleted User wrote: »

OP you've been through the ringer with this lad. When we feel so so low it's not that much more of a stretch to keep returning to the person who hurt you. Maybe you felt nobody else would want you, maybe you were scared of starting fresh, maybe you harboured irrational hope that all would change. I don't know but it's a good thing you are free of him now.

For those with little sympathy for the woman who keeps going back, are you really all so together? Brimming with stability and mental resilience? Perhaps you are. But you never know a person's reasons for what they do and chances are they don't know themselves.

You can have sympathy for the OP's predicament but also recognize the poor decisions she made that perpetuated it over the years she's been in it. If she doesn't examine her part in it, she's doomed to repeat it.

Nobody has control over every aspect of their lives, but most people have control over most of their lives and rather than seeing them as victims who've been hard done by, it's better to see them as people who can effect change by recognizing their contributions that are less than optimal, so they can do better in future. Sympathy is important, but taking action to improve your life is crucial.

The OP is laying all the blame on her ex and is fantasizing about revenge. It's understandable, but it's not particularly productive or healthy.

ladybugxx

Widdershins wrote: »

OP, I think you were a bit nuts the way you reacted after a short relationship at fifteen, and now for thinking about revenge for being dumped. Not sure why people think they're entitled to have compensation for being wronged by life. Life was never fair. Karma is a misunderstood concept and is nothing to do with getting back at people for being a bit crap.

Having said that I'm stupid about lots of things, just not in the same way you were. I'm sorry you got your heart broken. Best advice I can give is to never chase a man, and a life well lived is the best revenge.

It is hard to explain I think after the shock and betrayal by a person you love sends your brain into overdrive and you think feck this he isn't doing this again and getting away with it. He was way worse in his 20s than 15 tbh he has no compassion and lacks empathy he also slagged me over talking about the baby I lost saying I was so stupid giving a miscarried baby a name that I was pathetic and would wanna stop talking about it. that was a disgusting thing to say to someone to be honest. Thats where my urge for revenge came in big time. It wasn't a big thing I done I just told him some home truths and got his car taken off a website. I feel bad yes but at the same time i don't see harm in showing a person how much they hurt you. Or acting out of anger.

ladybugxx

ladybugxx wrote: »

It is hard to explain I think after the shock and betrayal by a person you love sends your brain into overdrive and you think feck this he isn't doing this again and getting away with it. He was way worse in his 20s than 15 tbh he has no compassion and lacks empathy he also slagged me over talking about the baby I lost saying I was so stupid giving a miscarried baby a name that I was pathetic and would wanna stop talking about it. that was a disgusting thing to say to someone to be honest. Thats where my urge for revenge came in big time. It wasn't a big thing I done I just told him some home truths and got his car taken off a website. I feel bad yes but at the same time i don't see harm in showing a person how much they hurt you. Or acting out of anger.

It's much better for you to clear that guy out of your head, and move on. Work on why you stayed, and on your own reaction to being treated badly. You don't want to repeat this in your next relationship, but dwelling on this guy isn't going to make you feel better or help you heal. Maybe talk to someone about it, your GP can recommend someone who can help you talk it through and see it more clearly.

You were kids when you got together, you don't want to be stuck in that loop with future partners. Surely he doesn't deserve a second thought from you at this stage?

Widdershins

ladybugxx wrote: »

It is hard to explain I think after the shock and betrayal by a person you love sends your brain into overdrive and you think feck this he isn't doing this again and getting away with it. He was way worse in his 20s than 15 tbh he has no compassion and lacks empathy he also slagged me over talking about the baby I lost saying I was so stupid giving a miscarried baby a name that I was pathetic and would wanna stop talking about it. that was a disgusting thing to say to someone to be honest. Thats where my urge for revenge came in big time. It wasn't a big thing I done I just told him some home truths and got his car taken off a website. I feel bad yes but at the same time i don't see harm in showing a person how much they hurt you. Or acting out of anger.

I wonder if it's not that he doesn't know how to show or talk about his feelings..maybe he doesn't actually have feelings..in the normal way. Some people don't feel things like love, empathy or guilt like most of us do. I'd a boyfriend who would joke about a subject I'd been badly affected by and even if it was pointed out to him he'd sneer at you as if you were ridiculous. It's easy to say and harder to believe, but you're better off without that. Your future years being spared his influence is a gift in itself.

Ursus Horribilis

Getting revenge will show this knob you still have feelings for him. Do you really want him to know he can still get to you?

You were extremely foolish and naive to take him back and to think he'd change. You'd be far better off working on yourself and trying to avoid attracting knobs like him in the future. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.

Unless you want to get the ride off him again?

Permabear

This post has been deleted.

DrGreenthumb

Please refer to Xzibit "A"

ladybugxx

Permabear wrote: »

This post had been deleted.

I wouldn't do any of that to him maybe a good slap in the face though he deserves that. I wouldn't hurt his dog or his possessions or anything like that it would just make me a despicable human. I feel bad whenever someone is sad so going that extreme on him would just kill me inside.

Permabear

This post has been deleted.

7 Seconds...

ladybugxx wrote: »

I wouldn't do any of that to him maybe a good slap in the face though he deserves that. I wouldn't hurt his dog or his possessions or anything like that it would just make me a despicable human. I feel bad whenever someone is sad so going that extreme on him would just kill me inside.

Moving on with your life, being happy & meeting someone else who will treat you right is the only slap in the face you should be thinking of giving him. You deserve better, go out & find him.:)

Ursus Horribilis

ladybugxx wrote: »

I wouldn't do any of that to him maybe a good slap in the face though he deserves that.

Then he'd twist it around so that you're the crazy ex. What a bullet he dodged.

Widdershins

So how exactly do you try to avoid meeting the same kind of man in future?
Or what behaviours is she supposed to not display in order to avoid such gob****es?

I have to say I've never felt inadequate/not good enough or intimidated by looks or wealth but have been a bit worried that a man was literally too good a man for me. Just too much of a good human being.

begbysback

Widdershins wrote: »

I have to say I've never felt inadequate/not good enough or intimidated by looks or wealth but have been a bit worried that a man was literally too good a man for me. Just too much of a good human being.

Interesting - can you describe the characteristics of a man who is "too much of a good human being"?

Widdershins

begbysback wrote: »

Interesting - can you describe the characteristics of a man who is "too much of a good human being"?

Just a very decent person. I don't think any of the ones I was interested in before were bad people. There's just something very good about him. I'm a bit awed by him actually.

Oh..I see the confusion. I meant too good for me. Not that it's not a good thing in a man.

ladybugxx

Widdershins wrote: »

So how exactly do you try to avoid meeting the same kind of man in future?
Or what behaviours is she supposed to not display in order to avoid such gob****es?

I have to say I've never felt inadequate/not good enough or intimidated by looks or wealth but have been a bit worried that a man was literally too good a man for me. Just too much of a good human being.

This might sound odd the types of lads in town that harass you on the streets they say how pretty you are and beg for your phone number are probably the blokes to avoid. I don't think meeting a lad on night out would make a good boyfriend either. Ive always ignored blokes like that . Then again most people out there these days are only looking for sex so much hassle to even think of putting myself out there. All types of girls do attract douches. I don't trust tinder either its so dodgy. Nobody really knows when you start dating a new guy how he will be or if he will treat us bad. I guess its a gamble. Suppose just know from bad relationships what not to take off the new man.

begbysback

Widdershins wrote: »

Just a very decent person. I don't think any of the ones I was interested in before were bad people. There's just something very good about him. I'm a bit awed by him actually.

Oh..I see the confusion. I meant too good for me. Not that it's not a good thing in a man.

Ok so a man can be too nice for u?

So what does he have to do to get to such a stage? What are we talking here, if he holds the door open, washes his plate after dinner, puts his socks in the laundry basket, lifts the toilet seat up? - what would a man have to do to be too nice?

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

ladybugxx wrote: »

I wouldn't do any of that to him maybe a good slap in the face though he deserves that. I wouldn't hurt his dog or his possessions or anything like that it would just make me a despicable human. I feel bad whenever someone is sad so going that extreme on him would just kill me inside.

:eek:

Would it be okay for him to hit you a good slap in the face for what you done to him too?

DrGreenthumb

LexieOnRale wrote: »

:eek:

Would it be okay for him to hit you a good slap in the face for what you done to him too?

I think lexi likes it rough

ladybugxx

LexieOnRale wrote: »

:eek:

Would it be okay for him to hit you a good slap in the face for what you done to him too?

I find it funny how you think im the bad one and take up for him anytime I mention what he has done to hurt me. He went as far to slag me over his baby I lost and mock the name we decided on. He doesn't give a **** who he hurts. So to answer your question he has slapped me in the face and stabbed me in the back.

Wibbs

Widdershins wrote: »

So how exactly do you try to avoid meeting the same kind of man in future?
Or what behaviours is she supposed to not display in order to avoid such gob****es?

A hard one. Mostly because I've observed that the template in people's heads is subconsciously more turned on by men/women who fit that template. If the template is an unhealthy one then the choices will be too. How do you know if it's an unhealthy one? Well if you look back on your relationships and all of them have been [insert unhealthy behaviour here], then the one common denominator isn't them, it's you.

If say all have been the types to cheat or be possessive or even physically abusive, then the person is picking them specifically for those traits. I can think of one woman I knew years back where every longterm "big love" boyfriend had raised a hand to her. Some more readily and more quickly than others, one in particular came as a real shock as he had never exhibited that kinda thing before(or from what I gather since). Her father was an abusive bastard and it's all too easy to go all Freud on that score but it seemed to be in play. Others I've known who kept picking emotionally distant men had fathers that were emotionally distant. I've seen similar with guys and their mammies. Now of course many folks will deliberately go the opposite way and look for people who are opposite to their father/mother.

The second major influence on that template is the very first "serious" relationship. The one where we learn about relationships for the first time. That can really set the stall.

How do you break this cycle. Bloody hard, because as I say the more someone fits this unhealthy template the more viscerally attracted to them you will likely be. Healthy potential partners could leave you cold. What does seem to help is a) realising these internal choices and b) getting older. The exciting "bad boy" at 20, doesn't look nearly so exciting at 35. Though some never really lose the template.

I have to say I've never felt inadequate/not good enough or intimidated by looks or wealth but have been a bit worried that a man was literally too good a man for me. Just too much of a good human being.

Well I'd work on that right off. Like some men who think a woman is "out of their league" and behave accordingly. Ask yourself why you think this in particular, yet don't have any worries regarding wealth or looks.

Outlaw Pete

Few months ago as I was driving down the road I seen my ex coming out of her work place with few of her colleagues and so I reached across and rolled down the passenger window (this particular Cortina model didn't come with an e/w option) and turned the stereo up full blast playing Little Mix's 'Shout Out To My Ex'. The timing was fcuking perfect as just as I screeched around the corner, fist punching the air out the driver's side window, the line 'Hey, look at me now, I'm, all the way up, I swear you'll never bring me down' was playing! You're probably all thinking that was a bit harsh but you have no idea what that bitch put me through. She had it coming and then some. Who's the psycho now, Sandra!! :mad:

Wibbs

ladybugxx wrote: »

I find it funny how you think im the bad one and take up for him anytime I mention what he has done to hurt me. He went as far to slag me over his baby I lost and mock the name we decided on. He doesn't give a **** who he hurts. So to answer your question he has slapped me in the face and stabbed me in the back.

Which is all you need to know right there. His sh1tty attitude and the life it will lead to will be all the "revenge" you should require. Cut him out of your life. Delete his number, arsebook, Twatter etc. Go off radar completely. Give yourself time. Know that he's not how the average man behaves. realise that you will need time to work on you and work on why you kept going back to a dickhead.

begbysback

So you're rolling in a car with no electric windows, playing little mix - that showed her!!

LaChatteGitane

ladybugxx wrote: »

So you are taking up for a lad who even in his mid 20s treated me like crap okay then whatever you say. What do you know about me anyway? Done nothing but treat the lad with respect and you tell me im not coming across as nice. Whatever love.

You should have treated yourself with more respect.

People will treat you the way you allow them to.