Leaving a 10yr old home alone?

nikkibikki

Just looking for advice on where I might find out for definite if this is ok?

It's my nephew that I drop home from school. His parents leave out a key for him and tell me to leave him in on his own. One of them might be home up to an hour later sometimes I get the impression it's later than that. It's 100% none of my business if they leave him home alone on their watch but I feel this is my watch and I don't want anything to happen him number one and would I be legally (or morally) responsible if he fell and broke his hand for instance?

They've been telling me to do this for a while but last school year I just used to say no that I couldn't have it on my conscience and brought him home with me. I've gone along with it the last few weeks. But I'm not sure if I should? I worry about him. My oldest child is 9 and he would freak at the thoughts of being left home alone.

Ruby31

I have an 11 year old daughter and wouldn't leave her at home on her own. I couldn't fully trust her, but aside from that, what would happen if someone broke into the house? There's been a few burgleries in my estate recently and with no cars outside, it would appear that there was no-one home.

catrionanic

I used to be allowed home alone after school for an hour or so at that age. However, this was 20 years ago and times have most definitely changed. I wouldn't be comfortable leaving him home alone, either.

Why are his parents so lax about it?

Ah come on in fairness the country isn't that bad. Statistically your Child has more of a chance getting struck by lightning.

I bet a lot of Parents wouldn't hesitate letting their 10 year old have full access to the internet on their laptop / tablet though which I'd be far more concerned about and consider far more of an issue. The again how many Children have smart phones which I think is equally irresponsible.

Teyla Emmagan

I don't have kids OP but I wouldn't leave a child that age home to an empty house. I don't think that's fair at all (on the child) and I don't think his parents should be asking you to do this. I would be telling them that you'll keep your nephew at your house and they can pick them up when they get back. That's far too young IMO.

An hour or two at the age of 10 wouldn't be bad in my opinion.

jlm29

I wouldn't do leave a 10 yr old at home alone. I'm sure they'd be fine if everything went to plan, but I don't think they'd know how to react if something went wrong.
I don't know what my cutoff is though! When does it become acceptable?
I went into a friends house last year, to drop off something, or collect something, and her 3 kids were there by themselves. They, at the time, were 8yrs 4months, 6 and a half, and three yrs 9 months. I gathered she had been gone an hour.
Their dad is a farmer, and was outside working, so was close by, but not in the house.
The grandparents may have been next door in a granny flat, but they're in their 80s.
I was horrified- mainly at the 3 year old being there, but I tend to have very different views on child safety to this family!

At the end of the day only you know what's best for your Child and you do what you got to do, as long as the Child is fairly savvy then I see no issue short term.

Children develop differently and one Ten year old might not be as savvy as the next, only you know your Child.

As always it boils down to common sense, if you think there might be an issue or the Child is a bit wild and liable to do mischief or will answer the door to anyone then you know yourself, it's not rocket science, common sense.

nikkibikki

Ruby31 wrote:

I have an 11 year old daughter and wouldn't leave her at home on her own. I couldn't fully trust her, but aside from that, what would happen if someone broke into the house? There's been a few burgleries in my estate recently and with no cars outside, it would appear that there was no-one home.

I'd be the same regarding my 9 yr old. And there would be plenty of valuable machinery outside their house that could entice robbery.

catrionanic wrote:

Why are his parents so lax about it?

I don't know tbh. They have an older child so they've been around the block with 10yr olds already. Maybe I am being too over protective.

Deleted User wrote:

I bet a lot of Parents wouldn't hesitate letting their 10 year old have full access to the internet on their laptop / tablet though which I'd be far more concerned about and consider far more of an issue. The again how many Children have smart phones which I think is equally irresponsible.

He doesn't have a smartphone or a tablet.

Teyla Emmagan wrote:

I don't have kids OP but I wouldn't leave a child that age home to an empty house. I don't think that's fair at all (on the child) and I don't think his parents should be asking you to do this. I would be telling them that you'll keep your nephew at your house and they can pick them up when they get back. That's far too young IMO.

I do think it's too young too but I don't want to be telling them what to do and come across all holier than thou.

jlm29 wrote:

I wouldn't do leave a 10 yr old at home alone. I'm sure they'd be fine if everything went to plan, but I don't think they'd know how to react if something went wrong. I don't know what my cutoff is though! When does it become acceptable? I went into a friends house last year, to drop off something, or collect something, and her 3 kids were there by themselves. They, at the time, were 8yrs 4months, 6 and a half, and three yrs 9 months. I gathered she had been gone an hour. Their dad is a farmer, and was outside working, so was close by, but not in the house. The grandparents may have been next door in a granny flat, but they're in their 80s. I was horrified- mainly at the 3 year old being there, but I tend to have very different views on child safety to this family!

Exactly. I don't know what my cut off is either. And jeez whatever about leaving an 8 yr old home alone, it is categorically not fair to expect him to be responsible for 2 younger kids! I wouldn't even expect my 9yr old to do that when I need a shower! Everything would be 100% fine for the 10mins I'd be in there but if one his siblings hurt themselves, he'd never forgive himself and that's not fair on him, it's not his responsibility.

Deleted User wrote:

At the end of the day only you know what's best for your Child and you do what you got to do, as long as the Child is fairly savvy then I see no issue short term.

That's it, I am only his aunt and they are his parents. As well as I know him, they obviously know him better.

AnneFrank

Personally I wouldn't leave a child that age alone, just have a word and tell them you're uncomfortable, change the routine or your help is gone

painauchocolat

nikkibikki wrote: »

whatever about leaving an 8 yr old home alone, it is categorically not fair to expect him to be responsible for 2 younger kids! I wouldn't even expect my 9yr old to do that when I need a shower! Everything would be 100% fine for the 10mins I'd be in there but if one his siblings hurt themselves, he'd never forgive himself and that's not fair on him, it's not his responsibility.

I think you can apply this thinking to yourself - things would almost certainly always be fine, but the one time he got scared or hurt, would you feel in part responsible? As you said - it's not fair to put someone in this position.

Homer

What's the legal standing on leaving them alone like that?

I would assume that being his Aunt that you have a pretty good idea whether he's capable of being left alone or not and if not then I'd have a word with the Parents. But other than that I wouldn't make a big deal out of it.

Some Children are quiet clever and others are wired to the Moon.

I wasn't referring to your Nephew having a tablet or access to the internet but some that might make a big deal out of this might be ones who allow their Children to have unsupervised access to the internet which is dangerous and a lot of Parents just haven't a clue about it or worse again , even care.

Homer

Homer wrote: »

What's the legal standing on leaving them alone like that?

A Parent should be the ones who make the decision rather than a Nanny state who more and more tells us what we can do and not do should do and should not do.

bajer101

Depends on the child. But most 10 year olds should be fine on their own for a couple of hours. We allow them out to play unsupervised for longer than that. I don't think there's a safety issue, but there's a different question here though about allocation of responsibility at too young an age and perhaps the loss of some elements of childhood.

myshirt

To think, I was 7 years old when I was given my own key and walked the 20 minute walk home from school, made my dinner, lit the fire, and didn't think anything of it

No way would I allow my child in to do this in this day and age, times have undoubtedly changed.

I realise it is difficult for parents, but you have to make it work and it usually involves putting your hand in your pocket. The kid needs to be a minimum of 14 in my view before you would permit them to be there by themselves for a bit.

Ah now in fairness if you can't leave your Child home for 1 hr or two at the age of 10 there's some other issue. I'm not talking slave labour or anything but surely they can be trusted to do some chores ?

We were left alone sometimes because our Parents had the common sense to know if they could actually leave us home or not.

evolving_doors

Is it legal?.... I think the answer is... yes as long as nothing bad happens. If it does then you can be done for neglect.. going by the below article.

https://www.irishtimes.com/news/education/too-young-to-be-home-alone-1.250513?mode=amp
" There is no law telling parents when it is okay to leave children by themselves, but parents do have a legal responsibility to "act reasonably in relation to their children". And parents can be and have been prosecuted for neglect, a sobering thought when you're considering all this. "

If the parents are entrusting the child to the OP then the OP becomes the defacto parent (loco parentis!) . So I think the OP carries the can if serious neglect happens.

Water John

Fourteen??? They'll have a boy/girlfriend at that age. Are you going to be to supervise, all the time.
If the option of the child staying with you is available, it's my and I suspect your preferred option. The parents should accept the offer, especially knowing you are uncomfortable with what your being asked to do.

boardsuser1

I was 12 babysitting a 7 year old.

That was in the late 90's though.

Never had an issue.

clareMooney

i would only leave it for a very short time of period-if you want to go to the shop grab something etc
but not for a long...

evolving_doors

evolving_doors wrote: »

Is it legal?.... I think the answer is... yes as long as nothing bad happens. If it does then you can be done for neglect.. going by the below article.

https://www.irishtimes.com/news/education/too-young-to-be-home-alone-1.250513?mode=amp
" There is no law telling parents when it is okay to leave children by themselves, but parents do have a legal responsibility to "act reasonably in relation to their children". And parents can be and have been prosecuted for neglect, a sobering thought when you're considering all this. "

Probably one of the last remaining common sense laws left lol.

I'd say neglect would be never being home, not providing proper meals, dirty clothes etc etc.

clareMooney

so well said only parents know their kids the best...

clareMooney

i would only leave a 10 years old for an hour or two
again-depends on circumstances, some 10 years old could be afraid to stay alone even for an hour.so depends...

neonsofa

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Ah now in fairness if you can't leave your Child home for 1 hr or two at the age of 10 there's some other issue. I'm not talking slave labour or anything but surely they can be trusted to do some chores ?

We were left alone sometimes because our Parents had the common sense to know if they could actually leave us home or not.

When my little one was 10 I would have happily left her to her own devices for a couple hours doing jobs or playing or whatever else and not gone near her apart from to get her snacks etc., but if I had left her alone in the house while I went out I'd have felt off about it. Not because she wasn't able to be alone per se, but because if anything did go wrong she would have panicked if I wasn't there.

It's not that I'd expect anything to happen but more so that if it was the one time something did happen I wouldn't be there, and at 10 she would have needed me in the majority of "things going wrong" scenarios. Those scenarios could range from something as simple as the alarm going off unexpectedly or a power cut or her breaking something and freaking out about me being annoyed, to her hurting herself. Something small could easily seem like a bigger deal to a child once they're alone. Maybe that is me being over sensitive or mollycoddling, but kids are only kids for a certain amount of time. Imo there are plenty of things that can teach them responsibility etc without actually leaving them alone.

Purple Mountain

Too mean to pay a childminder for after school care?

Lia_lia

When I was ten I used to go home and mind my seven year old brother until my Mother came home from work a few hours later. At 14 I was babysitting a one year old for the whole day... I don’t have children so cannnot advise but that’s what it was like for me as a child 18 years ago. Times are different now thought apparently! Thinking back on it 10 seems ridiculously young to be left along. But at the time it seemed grand.

neonsofa

neonsofa wrote: »

When my little one was 10 I would have happily left her to her own devices for a couple hours doing jobs or playing or whatever else and not gone near her apart from to get her snacks etc., but if I had left her alone in the house while I went out I'd have felt off about it. Not because she wasn't able to be alone per se, but because if anything did go wrong she would have panicked if I wasn't there.

It's not that I'd expect anything to happen but more so that if it was the one time something did happen I wouldn't be there, and at 10 she would have needed me in the majority of "things going wrong" scenarios. Those scenarios could range from something as simple as the alarm going off unexpectedly or a power cut or her breaking something and freaking out about me being annoyed, to her hurting herself. Something small could easily seem like a bigger deal to a child once they're alone. Maybe that is me being over sensitive or mollycoddling, but kids are only kids for a certain amount of time. Imo there are plenty of things that can teach them responsibility etc without actually leaving them alone.

Yes you know your Child and so you do whatever you think is best and that's the beauty of it, you decide not the state.

Perhaps teaching her to be a little more independent and detach from the Apron strings a little wouldn't go astray lol.

AndrewJRenko

I wouldn't mind a 10-year-old on their own occasionally, but I wouldn't be doing it routinely at regular times. I'd be worried about who else would get to know that the child is going to be on their own.

Water John

Case here has nothing to do with the State. Its the OP not being comfortable with their role in leaving a 10 year old on their own.
If they are concerned, the parents must respect that. Make a jointly acceptable arrangement is the preferred solution.

Paranoia, if that were an issue really you wouldn't let your child out the door in case someone knew they were on their way to School !