What is normal creche settling and what isn't??

StarBright01

My little one (9 months) is being settled into creche before I return to work. So at the moment it's an hour to an hour and a half every day. What's normal for settling in regarding crying? She was crying today when she saw me when I was collecting her and they said she let out the out cry / grumble on the floor when playing. She also had a bad dinner there & only took a few spoons. I guess tomorrow we'll know more eg if she was just having an off day.

Her happiness is our priority. I guess I want to see other people's experiences and I want to make sure we don't jump too quickly with looking for other childcare options. We are only on day 3.

What's normal and what's not?

tommythecat

You need to give it two weeks at least. As long as she isn't bawling crying all day long then she will begin to adapt to the new environment. A few shouts every now and then is also fine. Crying when she sees you is totally natural at first. Has she always just been at home with you? Then it will take that bit longer as it will be quite a shock to the system. Hopefully she will eat a bitmore tomorrow. Don't worry yet I know its hard to watch them upset but she will get there! Mine cried the second morning as we arrived because she remembered the place! And cried a tiny bit the first couple of pickup days but then she flew it and is as happy as larry going in! Kids will amaze you with their adaptability!

catrionanic

No experience with crèche, but my wee man is a little under 8 months, and I've been back at work part-time since July. He is with his dad or my grandparents in our home, but will almost always cry when I come home! When his dad returns from work, he gets smiles and excitement and laughter, but it's tears for mammy! So it must be very normal.

marieholmfan

StarBright01 wrote: »

My little one (9 months) is being settled into creche before I return to work. So at the moment it's an hour to an hour and a half every day. What's normal for settling in regarding crying? She was crying today when she saw me when I was collecting her and they said she let out the out cry / grumble on the floor when playing. She also had a bad dinner there & only took a few spoons. I guess tomorrow we'll know more eg if she was just having an off day.

Her happiness is our priority. I guess I want to see other people's experiences and I want to make sure we don't jump too quickly with looking for other childcare options. We are only on day 3.

What's normal and what's not?

That's all fine. There has to be a minimum length of time that you leave her there for the child to see the adults around her as caregivers and stop making strange. I worked away for a while when my oldest girl was about 8 months and when I came back she was making strange. A hour and a half was how long we were told to leave her with me and away from my wife.

Of course her happiness is your priority but if you plan to return to work and also of course if you have a good vibe about this crèche you should just roll with it. Remember she'll forget all about any anxiety half an hour after you collect her.

Good on you for giving her time to adjust.

redandwhite

Could be a couple of months.

And be prepared for problems after holidays, sickness etc.

They will eventually get settled though!

StarBright01

Thanks all for your comments and advice much appreciated fingers crossed tomorrow will be a better day!

Bacchus

Hey StarBright01, we're in the exact same situation as you. Our 9 month old (nearly 10 month) is being settled in to the creche ahead of mom starting back at work in October. So far... she's done a couple of 1 hour stints with mom around that went fine. This week she's doing three mornings without mom (or dad), including lunch, bottle and mid-day nap. At least that was the plan. It's probably been the toughest week we've experienced, particularly for my wife. She's finding it hard to let go, but on top of that the first day this week was a disaster. Our daughter had a melt down (bawling and shaking when my wife picked her up) and had to be taken back home to settle. We were panic searching for childminders, weighing up not going back to work, etc. that night. Yesterday went much better. There were tears as mom left, but for the rest of the morning she was happy out and had her lunch. She didn't take bottle though and while she was calm in the cot, she wasn't going to sleep so we took her home to sleep before she got over tired. Today is day 3... she's in there now. Fingers crossed its going well. We're certainly feeling a bit more positive about it after yesterday and we're a bit more mentally prepared that there may be setbacks along the way but we'll get there.

StarBright01

Bacchus wrote: »

Hey StarBright01, we're in the exact same situation as you. Our 9 month old (nearly 10 month) is being settled in to the creche ahead of mom starting back at work in October. So far... she's done a couple of 1 hour stints with mom around that went fine. This week she's doing three mornings without mom (or dad), including lunch, bottle and mid-day nap. At least that was the plan. It's probably been the toughest week we've experienced, particularly for my wife. She's finding it hard to let go, but on top of that the first day this week was a disaster. Our daughter had a melt down (bawling and shaking when my wife picked her up) and had to be taken back home to settle. We were panic searching for childminders, weighing up not going back to work, etc. that night. Yesterday went much better. There were tears as mom left, but for the rest of the morning she was happy out and had her lunch. She didn't take bottle though and while she was calm in the cot, she wasn't going to sleep so we took her home to sleep before she got over tired. Today is day 3... she's in there now. Fingers crossed its going well. We're certainly feeling a bit more positive about it after yesterday and we're a bit more mentally prepared that there may be setbacks along the way but we'll get there.

God it's so hard isn't it. I completely know what your going through. We are on day 5 now yesterday was the longest day so far from 9-1pm. Last night was an absolute disaster of a night she kept waking crying. Not sure if it's just a coincidence and it's her top teeth coming through as they are due or if it's separation anxiety. I'm in absolute bits up most of the night with her. I Wonder if it's a thing that settling issues can affect night time sleep? I'm here hoping to god it's a tooth not creche settling issues.

She seems okayish during the day when we drop her and collect her, she seems wrecked from it though, think it's a lot more of a stimulating environment compared to what they are used to

Fingers crossed it gets easier for ye as well. Spent the morning googling childminders on Gumtree but I'm supposedly back to work on Monday...

Everybody keeps saying to give it two weeks

Howdy,
It's hard, there's no two ways about it.
I wouldn't equate the child crying to a sign of their happiness
It's just a natural instinct they have to get our attention, and it works :-)
My youngest settled after the first week, then he would clap every morning when we arrived

Then, after 6 months he would cry when I brought him and cry when I collected him
It was a heartbreaking start to each day but I just told myself this is the way it is, Mam and dad have to work
When collecting him I could see him having the time of his life, but as soon as he'd see me, full on waterworks

If your child needs to go to crèche, then just bear with it, as hard as it is, just keep walking out the door, you won't be doing them any harm.

As other have said, if You feel good about the crèche, stick with it

Good luck!!!!

Bacchus

StarBright01 wrote: »

God it's so hard isn't it.

Yup, and just got a lot harder for us this morning... Wife dropped her in for a morning nap (hoping for better success on the sleep front than with the afternoon one) and the staff were completely different, never met them before. The staff change over during the first nap every day. Not impressed by that, having so many different staff in and out during the day. Anyway, she actually went to sleep (for a short nap) and all seemed to be going well. My wife picked her up at 1pm, brought her home and well she explained it to me that the nappie was about to fall off of her from the weight of it. We suspect they never changed her (between 9am and 1pm!!!) Really at a loss now what to do. Not one bit impressed by that level of care. Whatever about trouble settling in but we're now having serious doubts about the creche itself

\rant

shesty

It is normal for a complete staff changeover to happen in the middle of the day like that?

Bacchus

shesty wrote: »

It is normal for a complete staff changeover to happen in the middle of the day like that?

Well we only learned it happens at our creche this morning so I've no idea really. I wouldn't have thought so TBH.

tretorn

It wouldnt be normal to have an entire staff change and this is very bad for infants. They need consistent care from one primary caregiver.

I would be looking for alternative care, the least you should expect is that she is changed so warm comfortable and dry.

The babies stop crying after a while because no one is responding, this doesnt mean the creche care is good, you need to be eternally vigilant.

Bacchus

tretorn wrote: »

It wouldnt be normal to have an entire staff change and this is very bad for infants. They need consistent care from one primary caregiver.

I would be looking for alternative care, the least you should expect is that she is changed so warm comfortable and dry.

The babies stop crying after a while because no one is responding, this doesnt mean the creche care is good, you need to be eternally vigilant.

Yeah, we're fairly devastated that that is the situation there. Basically, one set of staff there in morning, then she wakes up and totally new staff. I think there's even a change over at the end of day for collections.

We're looking into alternatives but it's a mess at this point.

And that's before we even get in to how she was left with a wet nappie... which is probably a result of changing staff not knowing who did what, when.

annoyedgal

That does seem very strange, esp in the baby room. My boy was 10 months starting creche. Probably took him three to four weeks to fully settle but the worst was over after a week. They tend to pick up colds and sniffles at the start which can add to the crankiness!
He started in his second creche at 19 months. A week to settle again and had a terrible week a few weeks in when he had teeth coming in and then all good again!
We moved him as the turnover was getting quite high in the first creche and I felt a general slip in standards as regards food and activities. I think your gut instinct about a place is rarely wrong. If you continue to have reservations after awhile then keep looking. It's worth it to find a place you get a good warm feeling about. Our new creche is fantastic. Hope it works out, it's a really stressful time but it does pass!



quote="Bacchus;104754032"]Yeah, we're fairly devastated that that is the situation there. Basically, one set of staff there in morning, then she wakes up and totally new staff. I think there's even a change over at the end of day for collections.

We're looking into alternatives but it's a mess at this point.

And that's before we even get in to how she was left with a wet nappie... which is probably a result of changing staff not knowing who did what, when.[/quote]

StarBright01

Bacchus definitely go with your gut and look for alternatives. Not sure where ye are based but hopefully there are lots other options.

We get a leaflet at the end of day with various info one being the times her nappy was changed. In the interim while you find an alternative you would request similar from your creche? I just feel your paying enough for these places so they should provide such basic info. That's terrible her nappy was so full. I really feel for ye as it's so hard ye just want them to be well looked after.

The creche my little one is in has 3-4 staff max in the baby room so she's getting a bit used to seeing the same faces. There's usually around 3 people in the room each time (depending on when I go in as lunches etc) that said one thing I'll be keeping an ye on is it's supposed to be 1 person to 3 babies there and there was 10 babies there one of the days.

I'm a bit concerned about the level of attention they get when the staff seem so busy and the room is a bit chaotic. We made our decision on childcare before we had her as they get booked up so quickly so in hindsight we'd no experience or knowledge at the time to make such a big decision. We'll just play by ear and see how she settles.

As it turns out our night time waking as that she has picked up a virus (after starting with 5 days) but I know that's normal. First time sick since she's been born so she's like a newborn at night waking constantly, rocked to sleep in arms and hard to get her to nap in arms.

Best of luck with it

marieholmfan

Good woman Star Bright you're an old hand now!

Bacchus

Thanks for the replies all. I feel I should probably provide an update as the situation has fairly dramatically shifted this week.

So... this week going muuuuuch better at creche. She did a full day yesterday and got two naps (albeit shorter than she normally has). She's in great form from what we are told. The big thing though is that last week the main person running the room was on holidays. This is why there were different staff covering the morning in the room. Normally it's the same 3/4 people in the room throughout the day with one of two key personnel in there at any given time. Now, we're still not happy that that wasn't communicated to us but they apologized, and the main staff member is lovely. She comes across as extremely competent, very good communicator (giving us full reports at end of day - naps, nappies, food, bottle, play) so we're quite relieved at that.

As a result of last week we had set up interviews with two childminders for this week. Both went well so our new dilemma is picking the best option. TBH, it feels great just to have the options after last week feeling backed into a corner. Funnily enough, after all the drama, we're leaning towards the creche (in part because there are longer term benefits with it).

Bacchus

StarBright01 wrote: »

I'm a bit concerned about the level of attention they get when the staff seem so busy and the room is a bit chaotic. We made our decision on childcare before we had her as they get booked up so quickly so in hindsight we'd no experience or knowledge at the time to make such a big decision. We'll just play by ear and see how she settles.

That's pretty much our remaining concern with the creche. The level of attention she'll get in a busy room. We've seen this week though (when picking her up) that she's interacting with the other babies so she probably is entertained (she's a real people watcher )

StarBright01 wrote: »

As it turns out our night time waking as that she has picked up a virus (after starting with 5 days) but I know that's normal. First time sick since she's been born so she's like a newborn at night waking constantly, rocked to sleep in arms and hard to get her to nap in arms.

Snap! Ok, not a virus but she picked up a bad cold last week. Friday and Saturday night were tough going... waking every hour or so. As you say... like a newborn again.

shesty

Just to note Bacchus, they do sleep a bit shorter when they're not at home.I have found that wih both of mine.They wouldn't have bad naps at the minders but they would generally have longer ones at home. They do fine with them, they get used to it very quickly, so I wouldn't worry too much about it.

Bacchus

shesty wrote: »

Just to note Bacchus, they do sleep a bit shorter when they're not at home.I have found that wih both of mine.They wouldn't have bad naps at the minders but they would generally have longer ones at home. They do fine with them, they get used to it very quickly, so I wouldn't worry too much about it.

Thanks. At least we only need 3 days in creche so there's still 4 days of "home napping". Also, she sleeps great a night on the days she's been at creche (so far). Probably cause she's just so tired from it.

StarBright01

That's great Bacchus that things are looking up. Have ye decided to go with creche or childminder?

It's been sickness after sickness for us. There was a breakout of the vomiting bug in the baby room with 5 babies getting it including our little one and myself and my husband got it too as a result over the weekend.I know they'll pick up bugs and it's good to strengthen immune system but concerned that she'll (& us) will be sick every minute.

mirrorwall14

Just to give the other side of that, we had a ton of illness with the childminder from 6 months-2 years or so. Since then it has all calmed down quite a lot, even now that he's started playschool too.

Bacchus

StarBright01 wrote: »

That's great Bacchus that things are looking up. Have ye decided to go with creche or childminder?

It's been sickness after sickness for us. There was a breakout of the vomiting bug in the baby room with 5 babies getting it including our little one and myself and my husband got it too as a result over the weekend.I know they'll pick up bugs and it's good to strengthen immune system but concerned that she'll (& us) will be sick every minute.

Ah, sorry to hear about your little one. Hope ye are all feeling better.

We're giving the creche this week to see how things go (Mom starting back at work tomorrow!). We're feeling much better about the whole situation though after last week. The staff in the room are lovely, they're giving good reports back, and what is really telling is that we're picking up on things they are saying that shows us they're getting to know her personality.

We did meet with a lovely childminder down the road from us. Lovely home, very friendly, looks after 2 other kids... it's a perfect setup really. We can't shake the feeling though that down the line we just won't have the flexibility with her that we have with creche so we could be shooting ourselves in the foot if we leave the creche. So... still a bit of a frustrating position to be in but waaaay better than 2 weeks ago. Barring a disaster this week, I think we'll be sticking with the creche.

StarBright01

Bacchus wrote: »

Ah, sorry to hear about your little one. Hope ye are all feeling better.

We're giving the creche this week to see how things go (Mom starting back at work tomorrow!). We're feeling much better about the whole situation though after last week. The staff in the room are lovely, they're giving good reports back, and what is really telling is that we're picking up on things they are saying that shows us they're getting to know her personality.

We did meet with a lovely childminder down the road from us. Lovely home, very friendly, looks after 2 other kids... it's a perfect setup really. We can't shake the feeling though that down the line we just won't have the flexibility with her that we have with creche so we could be shooting ourselves in the foot if we leave the creche. So... still a bit of a frustrating position to be in but waaaay better than 2 weeks ago. Barring a disaster this week, I think we'll be sticking with the creche.

Bet ye are glad to have a decision made! Hope everything works out well for ye.

shesty

Why do you feel that Bacchus?

I'm going to stick my two cents in here and say that we have a childminder and I find her very flexible-moreso than a creche I think.She takes the kids if they're feeling a bit off or unwell, or anything and looks after them like her own, and is quite flexible around taking them a bit early or keeping them a bit later if we need it.Does school drop offs and pick ups etc.

But look, at the end of the day, it's your decision :-) obviously I'm a bit biased because ours has worked out very well.

Bacchus

shesty wrote: »

Why do you feel that Bacchus?

I'm going to stick my two cents in here and say that we have a childminder and I find her very flexible-moreso than a creche I think.She takes the kids if they're feeling a bit off or unwell, or anything and looks after them like her own, and is quite flexible around taking them a bit early or keeping them a bit later if we need it.Does school drop offs and pick ups etc.

But look, at the end of the day, it's your decision :-) obviously I'm a bit biased because ours has worked out very well.

It due to our circumstances. We have zero fallback if a childminder is sick, wants to take holidays, decides to 'quit on us', etc. We don't live near our parents so there's no grandparent-daycare if we're stuck. Also, we don't expect to leave it at one child so there's a big question mark over how loyal (for want of a better word) an independent childminder might be when she sees the clock ticking on a 3 day regular gig becoming less than that. Even a 3 day gig probably isn't that attractive if someone comes knocking looking for 4 or 5 days. We've seen people being stung by such situations (heck even one of the ladies we interviewed very openly admitted she was leaving a couple with 2 kids and had a third on the way).

We get that the risk is low, particularly with the lady we met with last week who was very up front with us and came highly recommended. Honestly, I feel we'd get a solid year from her and be happy out. After that though, the future is less certain (on her side and ours) and there is a long term flexibility with the creche that is hard to ignore (e.g. montessori and school runs taken care of, they're not going to cancel on us or shut down for a week, we can switch to just a few mornings a week if my wife goes back on maternity leave). This is nothing against childminders or the childminder we met last week. This is looking 2, 3, 4 years down the line and thinking "what option gives us long term security?" and the creche wins out.

Obviously, aside from that we're much happier with how the creche is going for our daughter (fingers crossed it stays that way) so it's not like we're unhappy with the level of care she is getting there. If there was a lingering shadow of doubt about that we'd be out of there and deal with long term childcare as it comes.

Anyway, we're giving it this week to see how things go (Mom is back in the office today for the first time in nearly a year!).

shesty

Poor woman! good luck to her today!

I've actually had the opposite experience myself, looking for a minder for five days a week for one, never mind two, kids was impossible.Much easier to find minders for shorter weeks, which was surprising.Currently expecting no.3 and waiting to see how it will all pan out.

There's no easy way, unfortunately.

StarBright01

Bacchus wrote: »

It due to our circumstances. We have zero fallback if a childminder is sick, wants to take holidays, decides to 'quit on us', etc. We don't live near our parents so there's no grandparent-daycare if we're stuck. Also, we don't expect to leave it at one child so there's a big question mark over how loyal (for want of a better word) an independent childminder might be when she sees the clock ticking on a 3 day regular gig becoming less than that. Even a 3 day gig probably isn't that attractive if someone comes knocking looking for 4 or 5 days. We've seen people being stung by such situations (heck even one of the ladies we interviewed very openly admitted she was leaving a couple with 2 kids and had a third on the way).

We get that the risk is low, particularly with the lady we met with last week who was very up front with us and came highly recommended. Honestly, I feel we'd get a solid year from her and be happy out. After that though, the future is less certain (on her side and ours) and there is a long term flexibility with the creche that is hard to ignore (e.g. montessori and school runs taken care of, they're not going to cancel on us or shut down for a week, we can switch to just a few mornings a week if my wife goes back on maternity leave). This is nothing against childminders or the childminder we met last week. This is looking 2, 3, 4 years down the line and thinking "what option gives us long term security?" and the creche wins out.

Obviously, aside from that we're much happier with how the creche is going for our daughter (fingers crossed it stays that way) so it's not like we're unhappy with the level of care she is getting there. If there was a lingering shadow of doubt about that we'd be out of there and deal with long term childcare as it comes.

Anyway, we're giving it this week to see how things go (Mom is back in the office today for the first time in nearly a year!).

Completely agree Bacchus with you as we are in the same situation as you with no other family around to help out so creche for us is more reliable. Hope it's going okay this week! My little one is eating less than what she would for me which is a concern. She was sick a few days ago so hoping it's still down to that & settling. Will have to keep an eye. Best of luck!

Babooshka

StarBright01 wrote: »

Completely agree Bacchus with you as we are in the same situation as you with no other family around to help out so creche for us is more reliable. Hope it's going okay this week! My little one is eating less than what she would for me which is a concern. She was sick a few days ago so hoping it's still down to that & settling. Will have to keep an eye. Best of luck!

Poor little thing....I hear you. I have an 18 month old full time in crèche. They don't eat what they normally will for a good while, maybe 6 to 10 weeks before she did for the crèche she's at. They told me to expect it and to give it about 10 weeks for her to adjust, they're so little, they are thrown into this new place and it takes them all a different length of time to adjust.

My little one got ill a good bit, and my crèche call at the first sign of a temp raising, which stresses us both out no end as we also have only each other and no family nearby to help out, so it's very stressful when she's ill. She's been at crèche since April now, and the last 10 or 11 weeks have been relatively illness free apart from the constant crèche runny nose they all seem to get, and a chesty cough she can't seem to shake god love her, she never had it before crèche so it's definitely down to her immune system being weak and until it strengthens she'll probably be like this. I hate seeing her like this but what can you do.

I think in all it took my little one about 3 months before she was fully smiling and happy going in, she only has us at home and she wasn't used to other babies crying and that particularly would upset her, still does, when new babies come in and are upset she gets upset with them, it's like dominoes! Some days I just want to cry and run off with her and not go to work because I want to be there for her, not have others look after her. It's a curse and a blessing as by the time they go to school their immune system will be so much stronger than the kids who never went, but at the time, they're so little, and as Mums we're wired to protect them, cue lots of snots and tears...and that's just me most days!! Hope baby settles soon for you, just wanted to let you know my recent experience...best of luck

StarBright01

Babooshka wrote: »

Poor little thing....I hear you. I have an 18 month old full time in crèche. They don't eat what they normally will for a good while, maybe 6 to 10 weeks before she did for the crèche she's at. They told me to expect it and to give it about 10 weeks for her to adjust, they're so little, they are thrown into this new place and it takes them all a different length of time to adjust.

My little one got ill a good bit, and my crèche call at the first sign of a temp raising, which stresses us both out no end as we also have only each other and no family nearby to help out, so it's very stressful when she's ill. She's been at crèche since April now, and the last 10 or 11 weeks have been relatively illness free apart from the constant crèche runny nose they all seem to get, and a chesty cough she can't seem to shake god love her, she never had it before crèche so it's definitely down to her immune system being weak and until it strengthens she'll probably be like this. I hate seeing her like this but what can you do.

I think in all it took my little one about 3 months before she was fully smiling and happy going in, she only has us at home and she wasn't used to other babies crying and that particularly would upset her, still does, when new babies come in and are upset she gets upset with them, it's like dominoes! Some days I just want to cry and run off with her and not go to work because I want to be there for her, not have others look after her. It's a curse and a blessing as by the time they go to school their immune system will be so much stronger than the kids who never went, but at the time, they're so little, and as Mums we're wired to protect them, cue lots of snots and tears...and that's just me most days!! Hope baby settles soon for you, just wanted to let you know my recent experience...best of luck

Thanks Babooshka for your lovely post it brought a tear to my eye reading it as I can so closely relate to all of what you said.

There is a little boy in the baby room that cries when anybody enters or leaves the room the poor fella & he's always watching the door and when he starts crying they all start crying too. It would break your heart. I've had that thought too of running off with her and not wanting anybody else to look after her but unfortunately we've no other option money wise at the moment. Fingers crossed it'll get easier.