Would you date a single parent?

Your Face

NIMAN wrote: »

Would they come with a free house?

No just a free subscription to the Daily Mail.

Stop them getting notions.

boardsuser1

NIMAN wrote: »

Would they come with a free house?

How does it work up your way compared to here?

Is it the same or managed differently?

NIMAN

Cork Truck Driver wrote: »

How does it work up your way compared to here?

Is it the same or managed differently?

Up my way? I live in Donegal.

But in 'da North', yeah single parents tend to get 1st on most lists.

I had a friend a few years back who was looking at getting his little girl into a heavily subscribed nursery school. He and his wife both worked.

When he enquired he was more or less told that his chances would be slim to none, as the unemployed and single parents get offers first, and they would probably take all the places.

You couldn't make it up.

boardsuser1

NIMAN wrote: »

Up my way? I live in Donegal.

But in 'da North', yeah single parents tend to get 1st on most lists.

I had a friend a few years back who was looking at getting his little girl into a heavily subscribed nursery school. He and his wife both worked.

When he enquired he was more or less told that his chances would be slim to none, as the unemployed and single parents get offers first, and they would probably take all the places.

You couldn't make it up.

I thought in the Cork City FC thread you said Derry :pac:

That system is totally wrong.

No incentive to do a decent day's work.

NIMAN

I'm from Derry, but live in Donegal.

boardsuser1

NIMAN wrote: »

I'm from Derry, but live in Donegal.

How are things like that run in Derry?

I've only ever been over the border twice in my life, it's like a different country.

fmpisces

philstar wrote: »

Well would you? or would the fact of a child in the mix cause complications in the relationship further down the line?

I'm contemplating asking a woman out but she's got a kid already.. so i just don't know?

I would consider it yes, I'd be a bit of a hypocrite if I said otherwise.

leggo

snowflaker wrote: »

tricky one. Was with a guy once and then he took a call from his kid. twas awkward.

This reminded me of a funny story. Took a lovely looking girl home from a club once, we were on the couch en route to the bedroom when she said, "Just have to check on my kids." Grand, whatever. She called and I could hear the other voice on the phone, it was proper deep, like she was talking to the guy who was fixing her roof. I figured "it's 3am, maybe that's their dad or a relative babysitting and they're in bed." Then she's like "...and did your sister go to sleep okay?" And so on. Nope, that deep voice was definitely her child. I got the fright of my life.

Put down the phone and I asked, as casually as I could, "Ohhh...how old are the kids then?" "Well one is 16 and the other is 8." Cue me frantically doing mental maths in my head to figure out she was, best case, 32 but more likely closer to 40. 38, I later found out, while I was around 26 at the time (and would've bet my life she was around the same).

I still did the job, mind, but a relationship was not forthcoming.

Snugglebunnies

As a single parent myself, yes I would! I've been with a fella for the past 5 years now and he doesn't seem to mind, he gets on great with my daughter. Having no ex on the scene does make things easier on him though.

boardsuser1

Snugglebunnies wrote: »

As a single parent myself, yes I would! I've been with a fella for the past 5 years now and he doesn't seem to mind, he gets on great with my daughter. Having no ex on the scene does make things easier on him though.

Is the ex not being in the picture his choice or yours?

neonsofa

Cork Truck Driver wrote: »

Is the ex not being in the picture his choice or yours?

That's not really any of your business, or relevant to the discussion.

boardsuser1

neonsofa wrote: »

That's not really any of your business, or relevant to the discussion.

If you see my own comment on my own experience that's why I'm asking.

neonsofa

Cork Truck Driver wrote: »

If you see my own comment on my own experience that's why I'm asking.

And thats your business and your choice to share. It doesn't make that posters family story your business.

And If you've an issue with what I've posted you can report the post rather than sending private messages. Thank you.

boardsuser1

neonsofa wrote: »

And thats your business and your choice to share. It doesn't make that posters family story your business.

Let the poster say that to me and not you then.

Snugglebunnies

Cork Truck Driver wrote:

Is the ex not being in the picture his choice or yours?

He's dead.

boardsuser1

Snugglebunnies wrote: »

He's dead.

MY condolences

neonsofa

Cork Truck Driver wrote: »

Let the poster say that to me and not you then.

I'm posting my own opinion CTD, just like you have been. It is my opinion that it is none of your business to ask. The poster may feel differently, and its their prerogative to do as they please. I can still think its not your business to ask.

Edit: my condolences SB

Snugglebunnies

neonsofa wrote:

I'm posting my own opinion CTD, just like you have been. It is my opinion that it is none of your business to ask. The poster may feel differently, and its their prerogative to do as they please. I can still think its not your business to ask.

As awkward as it can be for me to explain my situation, its preferable to being lumped into the spiteful mother category by people. People just assume I'm keeping my child from her father if I mention I'm 100% on my own.

boardsuser1

neonsofa wrote: »

I'm posting my own opinion CTD, just like you have been. It is my opinion that it is none of your business to ask. The poster may feel differently, and its their prerogative to do as they please. I can still think its not your business to ask.

Edit: my condolences SB

Well let the poster decide, don't try and police it.

She answered, I offered my condolences, next discussion please!

I'm free to ask whatever I want on boards and you can't stop that.

I'm not free to receive an answer However!

neonsofa

Snugglebunnies wrote: »

As awkward as it can be for me to explain my situation, its preferable to being lumped into the spiteful mother category by people. People just assume I'm keeping my child from her father if I mention I'm 100% on my own.

I know what you mean. I'm not widowed however my circumstances were out of my control too and I know how you feel about the assumptions being made. People project their own experiences and assume when they really don't know a thing. Glad you have happiness anyway.

fryup

Snugglebunnies wrote: »

As awkward as it can be for me to explain my situation, its preferable to being lumped into the spiteful mother category by people. People just assume I'm keeping my child from her father if I mention I'm 100% on my own.

but it shouldn't be awkward for you, death of a partner is something that lots of people go through, you're not alone

pickarooney

Widdershins wrote: »

I am. His teenage daughter really likes me now. She told him I'm lovely. I don't know where she got that idea.
He is a bit constrained time-wise but so am I and I understand it. Neither of us wants to be hanging off the other 24 hours a day. I don't feel under pressure to always be available to go out and neither does he (and he works shifts too)

There's no expectation that I'll be a stand in mother or childminder..as another poster said, single parents already have it covered, the relationship is separate.

As for exes in the background, I know next to nothing about his, she doesn't worry me, and he's met mine who's also a very good dear friend of mine and they got on well before I dated him. He's fine about it and mine is an unusual situation in that I live with my former boyfriend!

I have a very similar situation developing and it's that last sentence that is really likely to make or break things. How do you manage that?

_Whimsical_

Snugglebunnies wrote: »

As awkward as it can be for me to explain my situation, its preferable to being lumped into the spiteful mother category by people. People just assume I'm keeping my child from her father if I mention I'm 100% on my own.

Im shocked people would ever make such an assumption off the bat. Talk about making things unnecessarily difficult. Of the single parents I've known who weren't coparenting none were in a position of that being their choice.
Also condolences to you and your daughter.

Widdershins

pickarooney wrote: »

I have a very similar situation developing and it's that last sentence that is really likely to make or break things. How do you manage that?

I honestly don't know, sorry. I think it was just luck that my former boyfriend bonded with my new one beforehand, but they're not friends as such so it's not like I 'went off' with his friend. What doesn't help is other peoples' ill-informed opinions, which they've caused trouble with by implying I'm making a laughing stock of former bf. So not all plain sailing but communication has fixed it. If it had been the other way around and he had a new girlfriend I would have been supportive. Obviously I don't rub his face in it at all. Most importantly he knows I'd never threaten his security and try to make him move out so someone else could live with me. We share our house.

Game Face MCGee

its a tough one, defo starting out I would have reservations, whats the kids fathers like, do I want to rear someone else child.
in an ideal world I would like to say it wouldn't bother me but in reality I think it would

c_man

Depends really. If the Dad was alive, then absolutely no way. Otherwise maybe, I wouldn't rule it out but completely anecdotal but I've seen friends do it and it does seem like a lot of extra... strain on a relationship, particularly in the early stages. Wouldn't fancy it.

Jobs OXO

I'd prefer to have a go on a vag that hasn't pushed a sprog out

Widdershins

Jobs OXO wrote: »

I'd prefer to have a go on a vag that hasn't pushed a sprog out

pretty sure they are elastic enough that once contracted after birth you wouldn't know it happened. one of those weird ideas I never understood.

pgj2015

Widdershins wrote: »

pretty sure they are elastic enough that once contracted after birth you wouldn't know it happened. one of those weird ideas I never understood.

jobs OXO has clearly never been with both women who have had kids and women who have not.

Boom_Bap

Jobs OXO wrote: »

I'd prefer to have a go on a vag that hasn't pushed a sprog out

Well see there are exercises that are done along with the natural elasticity to things back to where they were.

You'll also hear of an 'extra stitch' being put in as well after childbirth. I'll leave that to your imagination.

Lux23

I never dated anyone with kids, but if I was to find myself single in my mid-30s somehow, I doubt I would automatically discount single fathers from the dating pool. It would be shallow enough as it is.

retro:electro

Jobs OXO wrote: »

I'd prefer to have a go on a vag that hasn't pushed a sprog out

And they say romance is dead.

AidanadiA

As a single mother, I wouldn't date someone with a kid.
I also don't date for the same reason in reverse.

I put my daughter first, always, when I am in a relationship I want to be able to put that person first and be put first by them. Also, I messed up bad a good few years ago when I figured I could do it all, have the kid and the relationship. It didn't work. He was never my first thought ever. I always considered my daughter's needs and wants were before even thinking about him. It wasn't fair to him and as things progressed it became more obvious that he wasn't happy playing second to anyone.

It's different if you have a kid together because both of your priorities change, you both put your child first.

So I'm happy being a mum and focusing on raising my kid. When I've done that then I can look to finding someone to date but not before then.

retro:electro

If I really liked him, the fact he had a child/children wouldn't put me off. Obviously the circumstances of the break up would be none of my business but it would be important to be to see he still had an active part in his child's life. If he was a flaky dad that would be a turn off for me.
Sometimes life isn't perfect and things don't work out as people had planned. I see no reason why they don't deserve a second chance at happiness.

OldNotWIse

To each their own. I think as we get older the chances of meeting someone close in age who doesn't have children from a past relationship or whatever become smaller. That's life. I certainly wouldn't like someone to make a judgment call on whether or not I was worth seeing solely on the basis of having a kid, and with zero regard to anything else about me. Having a kid is tough and doing it alone is tougher - for me it would tell me only good things about the other person that they can actually do this sh*t alone! :P In my experience, dating a man who has two kids from a previous marriage, he is super kind, patient, understanding, mature etc. - and I think a lot of that comes from him being a dad. Of course you don't have to have kids to have these qualities, but I think with him it really made him who he was, and I found it a great attraction to see how devoted he was to them. Plus if you are thinking of having kids yourself, it is a real insight into the kind of parent they would be!

_Whimsical_

tupenny wrote: »

Single parent here, no i wouldn't date 1
I've had relationships since my childs dad and I broke up and its just messy, although maybe now child is older it wouldn't be so much..
Both guys who i was with long enough to meet my kid (over a year) ended up liking and having fun with her, which obviously was great at the time, but when things ended they missed her, even though disliked me (i assume) . She quickly forgot them , kids adapt better than we do! But even still years after i get texts asking how she is.
I think I'd end up liking a child once they weren't a little **** lol , so seeing other ppls reactions to relationship with me has me certain i wouldnt even date a single parent

Being on the other side of that equation would be something that would scare me off. I could only countenance the idea of dating someone who would be really good to his children. If I met the child or was part of their lives in a long term thing I don't think I could hold back giving a hundred percent effort to them either. Breaking up with someone after years is always awful but the idea of breaking up with two people you saw as being part of your future must be pretty awful.

wakka12

That is one very close poll!

Joe Duffy.

My ma always says a man should never have anything to do with a single mother because she would be no good to him in bed

blue note

An advantage of dating a single parent is if you want to break up and are worried about it you can just get the kids to dislike you. No parent is going to continue to date someone if the kids don't like them.

clairewithani

Joe Duffy. wrote: »

My ma always says a man should never have anything to do with a single mother because she would be no good to him in bed

And she knows this how?

razorblunt

Just voted on the poll, that's a lot closer than I expected it to be.

Personally I wouldn't have any issue, though I'd probably draw the line on kids with multiple fathers, again though, depends on circumstances.

fryup

at the weekend the poll was 50 - 50

now the yays are pulling ahead, why is that i wonder?

Gael23

it would depend on how involved the bio dad is. If he was in regular contact then no.

leggo

Gael23 wrote: »

it would depend on how involved the bio dad is. If he was in regular contact then no.

Find that an odd stance. In practise that means there's a lot more expected of you since the kid is more in need of a father figure, and also your opportunities for time out and nights alone will be limited. Like unless the kids are grown up she'll rarely if ever be able (or want) to stay in your place, for example. And all because, what, would dealing with her ex make you insecure or something?

Not judging just genuinely curious.

fryup

OP, in situations like these you have to think with your brain not your groin

Romantic Rose

You have to look at other things too. I have a child from a previous relationship and a child with my now husband. My husband's family do not see my eldest child as an equal to their biological nephew. It actually breaks my heart to see it and why I spend minimal time with them. I know they don't have to bond with her but it would be great if they did. Exclusion is not a nice thing to see.

I do see advantages like you're more settled, you're as tough as old boots as you're used to being independent.