Father doesn't want access with son

Smythz

Sorry if this is a long post but I am really struggling to understand why my son's father doesn't want any additional access with his 10 year old son. I don't know how to manage this and can't really protect from this and while he is says he doesn't care i know that this can't be easy for him.

We are separated about 7 years. Up until a year ago access had always been one overnight mid week and every second weekend and four weeks holiday access annually. With no notice a year ago he cut the mid week access and cut the holiday access from 4 weeks to 1 week a year.

As our son is now older he has his own things going on at the weekends like scouts weekends away etc that clash with his fathers access. I have offered alternative weekends when this happens as it means he doesn't see his dad for a month at a time and reminded him that access is open to him.

Because his dad point blank refuses to see him or do anything for him outside of the set weekends our son is now not bothered to go to him at all and hasn't gone to him since end of August and won't answer his calls or texts. He was due to spend weekend of 7 Oct with his dad. I will be away this weekend so he said to his dad he will be staying the sunday night also with him and needs to be dropped to school. His told him no he can't its up to his mother to sort childcare - is this reasonable behaviour towards his son? Our son was not happy at all with this response and told his dad he not now going to him at all that weekend.

I think that his dad his so angry and bitter that he can't separate our son from me. He is trying to hurt me and instead is hurting our son and is using our son and access as a means of controlling my life. He has no regard for his feelings or the damage he is doing to their relationship. In over 12 months he not once done any single thing for our son outside of every second weekend and didn't see him for Christmas, easter midterm etc.

How do I handle this? How do I help my son deal with this? I was looking through his school work recently and in his english copy in one of the sentences from english lessons he has written that I hate my dad. When i mentioned it to him he said I do he does nothing for me. He doesn't seem angry about any of this just matter of fact - does this mean he is okay. Any help or advice is appreciated.

Another day

That's very sad for your son and frustrating for you. Try and not be negative about his dad to him, hard I know! Would you contact his dad and ask him to try mediation to sort something out?

Has something changed in the last year? Has either of you entered a new relationship? Very often that changes the whole dynamic of a parent and child's relationship.