6 years old and no friends?

bubski

Hi all. I have a 6 yr old boy turning 7 in Jan. He is a quite chap a bit immature for his age.. still sleeps with teddies.
I don't know if I'm over thinking this but he literally has no friends. When he goes to school the boys say hi to him but he is just not intrested. We have told him it's rude not to say hello back etc.
What can we do to make him a bit more sociable. Will he grow out of it? We tried him with rugby but no joy. I've him.signed up to Scouts but they are booked up this year much to his disappointment as he loves nature.
Going to try football later this week, it's just I feel so sorry 4 him wandering around the playground in school when we drop him off. However it dosent seem to bother him? I guess I'm thinking if he continues like this the rest of the lads will give up on him and soon not want to invite him to parties etc.

justfillmein

hi bubski, i have a very serious nine that somehow still loves teddies lol so i wouldnt worry about that.. maybe it might help to have a chat with his teacher to see how he is interacting with the other kids in class and at yard time?
also maybe arrange some playdates in your home, where your son will be more comfortable, with some kids from his class or even any of the other classes??

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

Re - the teddies - all boys love teddies. End of story. Most of them might not like to admit it, but they do.

I think the ideas of rugby and scouts might be a bit of you trying what you think you would like at his age. Try and figure out what he genuinely likes and use that as your starting point.

I didn't have any friends for most of primary school. I also got heavily bullied for most of it. You said the other boys say hello to him but he ignores them. Some kids at that age have a great talent for appearring like total angels when there are adults around and turn into complete pr1cks when an adults back is turned. Is it possible he is being bullied? That said, maybe he's just not very social and is happy as he is.

I joined the cubs when I was 8 and enjoyed it but didn't have any friends in that either.

Incidentally I was still sleeping with a teddy at 14, and said teddy lives on the shelf above my bed in my parents house. I actually think its quite cruel of you to allude to your son being immature because he sleeps with a teddy - at 6 years old.

the_syco

bubski wrote: »

I don't know if I'm over thinking this but he literally has no friends. When he goes to school the boys say hi to him but he is just not intrested. We have told him it's rude not to say hello back etc.

Do you say it within earshot of the kids? Maybe consider that they're saying "hello" to your kid just so that he gets a telling off. And as said above, kids can be cruel, so perhaps he's ignoring them for a reason. And thus, because of this, random playdates with other boys may stress him the fcuk out, so would advise against this.

Does he have friends that live nearby his house?

BrianBoru00

Deleted User wrote: »

I didn't have any friends for most of primary school. I also got heavily bullied for most of it. You said the other boys say hello to him but he ignores them. Some kids at that age have a great talent for appearring like total angels when there are adults around and turn into complete pr1cks when an adults back is turned. Is it possible he is being bullied? That said, maybe he's just not very social and is happy as he is.

I joined the cubs when I was 8 and enjoyed it but didn't have any friends in that either.

Incidentally I was still sleeping with a teddy at 14, and said teddy lives on the shelf above my bed in my parents house. I actually think its quite cruel of you to allude to your son being immature because he sleeps with a teddy - at 6 years old.

Its nothing of the sort.

And in any case that was to illustrate the point - not the only reason the OP has said so. Best advice is to speak to teacher and see what they think and recommend and take it from there.
Team sports are great but if he doesn't take to it it can have the opposite effect where he feels left out if hes not as sporty as the others.

pwurple

Sleeping with a teddy is perfectly normal for that age. My 6 year old does that, as do her older cousins.

On not being sociable, maybe that's just who he is. My eldest is a total social butterfly, would talk to the leg of a table, knows every child in her school and most of their parents by name as well. My younger child is the complete opposite, keeps to herself. Very quiet, self-sufficient in terms of keeping herself entertained, doesn't really take to people easily.

I don't think it needs correction, it's just who they are.

seamus

As others say, some kids just aren't hugely social and are slow to make friends. But that doesn't necessarily bother them. You're kind of projecting your own feelings onto him; i.e. you would be lonely in his circumstances. But it only matters if he is lonely. Is it something that seems to bother him?

Kids can also change totally when their parents disappear. You say you're worried the invites to parties will dry up - implying that he currently does get invited? And the other kids say Hi to him in the morning, so there is interaction and friendliness going on which you're not witnessing.

I agree that having a chat to the teacher is worthwhile - s/he will witness a side to your child that you don't and may see him chatting and engaging with other kids all the time.

I have no friends from primary or secondary school. But I was certainly friendly with them all. I went to birthday parties, every now and again I went to someone's house after school for a play. But that was that. The only friend I have from primary school was already my best mate from two doors down. Did scouts for years, knew loads of great people, haven't seen any of them in over a decade.

I'm pretty much the same now in work as an adult. I get on with co-workers, I'm friendly, I'll go out for drinks after work. But I've no friends from work. When I leave a workplace, I never see any of those people again.

Your son may just be like that. The only thing which he may need help with is confidence building. This doesn't mean he will make more friends, but he'll have more confidence about speaking up and being himself. Speech & Drama classes are good for this.

Romantic Rose

Aw this post could have been written about me when I was younger. I don't think I was quiet but I was painfully shy. One thing I wish I had was someone who would have pushed me more socially or maybe had more initiatives like the friends for life or the kindness committee/buddy system at school which is run more nowadays. One problem was none of my class in primary school clicked but then I don't think the teachers pushed this enough.

It's great to be self sufficient but you just cannot survive on your own all the time and you do need people. It's great to have good friends.

Is it a confidence issue? I know it was with me.

I definitively second chatting to his teacher to see how he is in the classroom/yard and if there are other issues going on there.

The clubs idea is great as others have said, what is of genuine interest to him will boost him too.

In secondary school I had a b*tch who caused me so much upset and anxiety but to everyone else, she was the class clown who everyone thought was great craic. Even now, I see her on social media licking people's backsides and I think to myself, why don't you reveal your other horrible side to people. Would drive you mad if you thought about it enough but I block it out now.

I know I'm determined not to let my children be the person I was at school but none of us are islands and it will take other people to help build the bridge to help your child too.

Romantic Rose

pwurple wrote: »

Sleeping with a teddy is perfectly normal for that age. My 6 year old does that, as do her older cousins.

On not being sociable, maybe that's just who he is. My eldest is a total social butterfly, would talk to the leg of a table, knows every child in her school and most of their parents by name as well. My younger child is the complete opposite, keeps to herself. Very quiet, self-sufficient in terms of keeping herself entertained, doesn't really take to people easily.

I don't think it needs correction, it's just who they are.

Can I just say to this, this was me growing up. My next sister up is very bubbly and sociable. Probably the most outgoing person who I know. I would be more reserved but only slightly but one thing that happened growing up, was that my sister dominated and was allowed to dominate every social situation I was in with her. I never got a look in and it was almost encouraged as she would take over instantly and she lapped up the attention. She was always spoken about in such a positive way- like was she a tonic to be around, great craic, bubbly etc but I was the quiet timid mouse.

All I'm saying is be careful about having one more dominant sibling as it can really affect the others self esteem.

I find that people nearly dismiss your opinion if they think you're quiet.

When I went to college, I was the person I was truely meant to be because I felt like I wasn't in someone else shadow all the time.

Sorry I hope not coming across as patronising but I just wanted to give my experience.

I just hate when people label others as shy/quiet. Like what the flip does quiet mean. Mute?

I truely don't know anyone who is quiet quiet but maybe underconfident.

I had parents come up to me in the supermarket to thank me for boosting their child's self esteem. That to me is better than every child in my class scoring a STEN of 10.

bubski

Thanks everyone for replying.

Will organise a talk with the teacher and see what she says.

He has spoken about kids doing stuff to him in the playground. Basically they were putting grass from what I could gather on him... he didn't explain it well. Anyway he wouldnt say either way if he asked them to stop or have the courage to walk away. That's what I worry about.

I don't mind the teddies in fact I relish the fact he still loves them and I find it adorable.

What I don't want is him on his own and I know some ppl like their own company and that's 100% fine if it's what you want but I know my little man would love to have a mate too.

I am going to book him into drama. It may help it may not I don't know but we have to try. He just needs a bit of encouragement too.

Thanks

Vel

My son was like this and eventually found his feet and has a great set of friends now. He is very settled. I learnt that my constant questioning him was making him feel even more anxious so I stopped asking if he had played with anyone that day etc. and left him to it.

I also found that arranging a couple of one on one playdates with some of his classmates helped him to get to know them a bit better. And I raised some of my concerns with his teacher who was kind enough to keep an eye out for him in the yard.

justfillmein

also just want to add that my little man kept telling my in jnr infants that nobody would play with him in yard. it broke my heart and i had a word with teacher who said he was fine and he had actually got plenty of friends who played with him. it was only later at a parent coffee morning, the kids went out to yard and i was able to see him interacting. he had lots of kids playing with him, but whenever a child ran off, like what four year olds do, he didnt chase after them. he just moved on to the next child. it wasnt easy for me to see how he kind of ends up leaving himself alone, but he was always smiling and he was never alone for more than 30seconds. he is still like that now, if his friends all run off, he doesnt run with the pack, so its just his way. point is, after having a chat with teacher hopefully you will find out that he does do fine in class/yard

pwurple

Romantic Rose wrote: »

Can I just say to this, this was me growing up. My next sister up is very bubbly and sociable. Probably the most outgoing person who I know. I would be more reserved but only slightly but one thing that happened growing up, was that my sister dominated and was allowed to dominate every social situation I was in with her. I never got a look in and it was almost encouraged as she would take over instantly and she lapped up the attention. She was always spoken about in such a positive way- like was she a tonic to be around, great craic, bubbly etc but I was the quiet timid mouse.

All I'm saying is be careful about having one more dominant sibling as it can really affect the others self esteem.

I find that people nearly dismiss your opinion if they think you're quiet.

When I went to college, I was the person I was truely meant to be because I felt like I wasn't in someone else shadow all the time.

Sorry I hope not coming across as patronising but I just wanted to give my experience.

I just hate when people label others as shy/quiet. Like what the flip does quiet mean. Mute?

I truely don't know anyone who is quiet quiet but maybe underconfident.

I had parents come up to me in the supermarket to thank me for boosting their child's self esteem. That to me is better than every child in my class scoring a STEN of 10.

That's interesting, but I hope it's not the case with my two. The younger one isn't under confident, she is well able to speak her mind and get what she wants, and when she is with her friends/family, there is no shutting her up. She is just more picky with who she befriends and takes her time about it. Quiet in public. Discerning maybe? or what used it be called... street angel, house devil?

She definitely doesn't suffer from lack of attention. in fact that is probably where some of the stranger reticence is coming from. She is at a cute age, and has a massive head of blonde curls. Strangers sometimes approach us to compliment her and she is uncomfortable with that.

BeardySi

I've had a few 14 year old scouts unashamedly bring teddies to every camp. Each to their own. At 6 I'd have though it was practically mandatory!