What is wrong with me? I cant grieve

hiddenidentity

My Mum died last week and it doesn't feel real at all. She had cancer so we were prepared in a sense but since the funeral I haven't really cried or felt anything. It feels like a dream and that shes been gone for ages, more times I think oh God id love to tell her that now and it doesnt feel like shes gone for good just gone.

I am keeping myself busy with college work, but I do think of her a good bit. I had a small cry today after I looked at a recent photograph but I only cry when I really think of it all or look at pictures. Physically I feel well and i hate to say it but things feel relatively normal, overall I feel horrible because I dont know why im not more upset.. she was my best friend my world.

Will I ever feel the pain and what its like to grieve?

Ghekko

I'm still waiting nearly 2 years later. It's still very early for you and I found that mums death, funeral and few days afterwards passed in a haze - same after my dad this year. I wondered at the time if I was great for not having a total meltdown and if it would happen, but as yet it hasn't. I've looked at photos, watched video footage and just think that she has to be in a happier place. I suppose I believe that so while I miss her terribly, I don't cry too much about it and I don't think she'd want me to either. You will grieve your way and you may have siblings who appear distraught. There's no right or wrong way. Just mind yourself and let yourself cry if you feel the need but also don't feel bad for not being overly upset. Perhaps you did some of your grieving before your mum passed and you knew it was inevitable.

lazybones32

Oh, it will come....

Your body is on autopilot and your mind is deliberately supressing, in order to function. This is only the beginning. It will come.

9or10

Sorry for your loss hiddenidentity.

Don't worry or feel bad about how you feel.

Give yourself a pass.

All the best.

LynnGrace

I am so sorry for your loss. It is still very early days. Grief is different for everyone. It can sometimes be the case that the loss takes a while to feel real, to realise that the person is actually gone.

Don't be hard on yourself about how you think you should feel. As a previous poster said, there is no right or wrong way to grieve and you may well have grieved to some degree already, knowing that she was so ill. Some people find bereavement counselling helpful too in talking their feelings out.

Please take care of yourself and take things one day at a time.

BoardsMember

My Dad dies more than 2 years ago, I have given up hope of ever grieving. Maybe some people are not wired to grieve.

s7ryf3925pivug

Over a year since my father died after a horrific decline from brain cancer. Had been in a slightly detached practical mode which allowed me to try to look after him. Everyone else abandoned him because it was upsetting to see him. Stayed in that mode when he died, and am only getting my head around it now.

Started having terrible nightmares the last couple of weeks, and now am experiencing fairly typical grief. It sucks because you miss that window people give you to let you be sad or pissed off or not up for doing things when they're aware of a recent loss.

Ghekko

Odin Big Pensioner wrote: »

Started having terrible nightmares the last couple of weeks, and now am experiencing fairly typical grief. It sucks because you miss that window people give you to let you be sad or pissed off or not up for doing things when they're aware of a recent loss.

Would you consider bereavement counselling at this point? Dh went for CBT and was told to write the story out from diagnosis to death and to put in as much detail as he could recall, how others walked away from helping etc as all these things affected him directly. Sounds like you were left with most of the caring for your dad and, while you can have no regrets around this, it must have been very difficult. Counselling will give you the opportunity to go over everything again with someone neutral who will listen and not correct your version of events. It's not unusual for grief to hit long after the bereavement. Mind yourself!

witchgirl26

OP I'm so sorry for your loss. It can take time especially if you have a focus like college. My dad died 10 years ago next April and I can honestly say it took me 4 years before I think I grieved properly. I had exams that I sat 10 weeks after his death. Autopilot took over. I went on nights out and seemed completely fine.

There is no right or proper way to grieve. Allow yourself time to do it in what ever way it manifests. Sometimes I still don't fully believe my dad is gone gone. Don't force yourself to grieve in a way others are looking for.

Oh and there is nothing wrong with you at all. Don't think like that.

Goldenlady

Hi OP, I am glad you have written this. My mom passed away two months ago and I honestly thought there was something wrong with me. My mom was my best buddy, we had such a bond. She hadn't been well for years, but I certainly didn't expect her to pass away so quickly.
If I had ever thought of it happening before, I would have assumed I would have went into Meltdown and locked myself away from the world.
BUT I haven't been like that, Yes I have cried , again when I look at pictures or if something reminds me of her, but otherwise I feel like I am getting on with my life.... I just believe she is giving me the strength to continue, she wouldn't have wanted me wallowing & I will cry when I feel I need to. This is no one for all rule for Grief, we all just deal with it the best way we can. Don't beat yourself up and know you are not alone feeling like this.