I'm being bullied

screamer

To be honest OP what you describe is mild compared to some of the stuff I've had....and the person got a verbal warning for doing much worse. What I'm trying to say is there will likely not be any slap on the wrist for this.
It's your interpretation of what she does. So she bangs presses and storms out.... Big deal....leave her on. You need to change your outlook on it cause it sounds like she's winding you up and she knows it. Not nice behaviour but not bullying imho (from the details you've shared). If I were in your position I'd choose not to let it get to me let it over your head. That's called giving her enough rope. Shell either stop when she sees that her behaviour is no longer affecting you or she'll intensify the behaviour and that's when you go to your bosses boss and report it (hopefully with a few witnesses to back it up) Other than that you could change companies.

mrcheez

Raise it either with the boss or the offender and use the term "bullied" and they will change in an instant.

I had the same issue and that word has such gravitas that people will act on it instantly.

padser

kaiser31 wrote: »

It's things like if I'm in a room and she walks in, she will storm out.

If She is in the kitchen and I go in there she's start bang presses and slamming plates whilst actually hissing at me.

She will stand talking to the person sitting beside me, with her back to me ghosting me.

If she has a question about my work she won't ask me about it, she'll go to someone else. When they direct her to me she still won't ask.

We used to engaged kinda normally before but if i asked a question she would rage at me. If my opinion differed to her, she would scream at me. So I just stopped engaging with the crazy.

There's loads more stuff that I've kinda normalised in my head at this stage but I'm so sick of it.

Is there a possibility you are somewhat overreacting to this?

She walks out of rooms when you enter, she ignores you sometimes, she "screams" at you (I put "screams" in inverted commas because tone of voice can be a matter of perception, for example what I would define as screaming, wouldn't be possible in a 12 person office without everyone hearing it - but of course other people would have different definitions).

While I obviously don't have enough info and context to know whether you are, or are not, overreacting it's certainly possible.

So, is it worth asking yourself the question, "If I ignore and spot focusing on this, might it just disappear?"?

Ash.J.Williams

Your boss is complicit by telling you to be a big girl and the company is liable for any injury. Get legal advice on how to deal with this. If you do your bit correctly and he carries on like that then hit him in the pocket.

kaiser31

Bredabe wrote: »

So often screaming Bully! is the fall back of a certain type. I cant understand what ppl get from this, but it seems to be an ok thing to do.

I really don't want to be that person who screams bully. I think it's a term that has been watered down to insignificance by people.

I need to get out of there don't I?

mrcheez

kaiser31 wrote: »

I really don't want to be that person who screams bully. I think it's a term that has been watered down to insignificance by people.

Not at all, it's a term describing something they can be held accountable for.
They take it very seriously.

Don't "scream bully", just approach the boss calmly and explain you feel you are being bullied. If they don't understand how serious that is then yeah maybe leave.

kaiser31

padser wrote: »

Is there a possibility you are somewhat overreacting to this?

She walks out of rooms when you enter, she ignores you sometimes, she "screams" at you (I put "screams" in inverted commas because tone of voice can be a matter of perception, for example what I would define as screaming, wouldn't be possible in a 12 person office without everyone hearing it - but of course other people would have different definitions).

While I obviously don't have enough info and context to know whether you are, or are not, overreacting it's certainly possible.

So, is it worth asking yourself the question, "If I ignore and spot focusing on this, might it just disappear?"?

I understand where you're coming from. But I promise I'm not a drama lama, far from it.

I'll be honest, if I was reading my post 12 months ago I would have rolled my eyes and would have told the op to cop on and grow a pair of balls.

But, it's so different when it's you in the situation. It's not right that someone can make me feel so **** about myself.

Maybe she's not bully and I'm just a delicate snowflake?

Bredabe

kaiser31 wrote: »

I really don't want to be that person who screams bully. I think it's a term that has been watered down to insignificance by people.

I need to get out of there don't I?

You are being bullied where you are, so you are not "crying wolf" like the other poster spoke about.
Obviously its your decision, but all in all, it sounds like the situation is not going to improve, so it might be your best option for your sanity and work reputation.

Katie1_14

I'm a manager in the public sector and two words that ring alarm bells are bullying and stress. Firstly, lodge a grievance officially in writing (link below is a good guide). Secondly, go to your GP and explain the situation and ask them to sign you off work due to stress. A small company will be impacted more by someone on sick leave, and if its caused by work you will force their hand to act.

https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/work/problems-at-work/dealing-with-grievances-at-work/

Irish Link:

https://thehrcompany.ie/index.php/blog/grievances-in-the-workplace/

circadian

Either leave and move elsewhere or stick it out and take a record of everything, including interactions with your boss. I worked in a place where one of he senior HR staff was an absolute weapon and stirrer. I and a few others got landed in the bad books with directors after being falsely accused of various things.

I kept a record of everything in the event that I needed to use it, or another member of staff who wasn't as fortunate to get out needed more evidence.

Regardless of staying or going record everything.

Tayschren

You need proper legal advise, and visit your GP.

ambro25

kaiser31 wrote: »

I really don't want to be that person who screams bully. I think it's a term that has been watered down to insignificance by people.

On social media perhaps, but if IE HR law and practice is anything like the UK's, then not in a professional context, believe me.

In the UK, for mid- to high-level professionals at least, an accusation of bullying in the workplace is very much "sticky mud" material, upgradeable to career-ending when upheld.

I wouldn't have bothered with appealing and then getting heavily legal in my earlier situation (as recounted above), if that wasn't the case.

It should ring exactly the same sort of alarm bells with your employer, as if he heard "constructive dismissal".

Bredabe

kaiser31 wrote: »

I understand where you're coming from. But I promise I'm not a drama lama, far from it.

I'll be honest, if I was reading my post 12 months ago I would have rolled my eyes and would have told the op to cop on and grow a pair of balls.

But, it's so different when it's you in the situation. It's not right that someone can make me feel so **** about myself.

Maybe she's not bully and I'm just a delicate snowflake?

One of my girls in an almost identical situation, her colleagues dont include her in anything at all, even material they should be passing on. Tho one of her "colleagues" uses her for security on the walk to the not at all dangerous car park when the other one cant drive her home.
Exclusion is one of the biggies they look for when looking at bulling behavior.

Just for to make you laugh, I was in a situation a bit like yours, a few months after I left and I got a settlement due to my boss acting like "rules didn't apply to her" and her line managers not managing her. She had a very public go at the very worst person in the industry that she could have picked on, it was all over the media at the time. She was demoted cause of some BS medical excuse for her behavior. Last time I saw her, she was very chastened looking indeed.

BorneTobyWilde

You're probably just too pretty. Could be as simply as that.
She thinks you are stuck up , but you're just polite and shy

Lickin2me

Find out her were she lives. Get someone to kick her butt, bullies need learned lesson. Fire with fire

Deep Thought

Record everything that is going on and include your boss, your boss has an obligation to take action.

If nothing is done by your employer and you leave as a result of the bullying and non action of your employer to protect you then go for Constructive dismissal

http://www.citizensinformation.ie/en/employment/unemployment_and_redundancy/dismissal/constructive_dismissal.html

emeldc

It's things like if I'm in a room and she walks in, she will storm out.

Call her back. Ask 'you ok hun'

If She is in the kitchen and I go in there she's start bang presses and slamming plates whilst actually hissing at me.

'WHAT'S YOUR FUGGIN' PROBLEM'

She will stand talking to the person sitting beside me, with her back to me ghosting me.

'Your back actually looks better than your front but there's still no need to be so rude'

If she has a question about my work she won't ask me about it, she'll go to someone else. When they direct her to me she still won't ask.

'Have you such a problem with me about my work that you have to ask someone else about it'.

We used to engaged kinda normally before but if i asked a question she would rage at me. If my opinion differed to her, she would scream at me.

'Calm down you absolute nut job'

OP you really need to call her out on some of these ridiculous situations. If it doesn't work you may have to engage your foot and her carpet and then look for another job.

ForstalDave

she sounds like a wagon and she will always pick on somone, if you dont want to make an official complaint for yourself think that perhaps it will help others in the future as if she stops bullying you she will bully someone else and then they will be in the same position as you are now.

bbudab

Going to your GP about stress related work is a great idea.
Is it possible for you to record her behavior on your phone?
Have any of your co workers spoken to you about this?
Would you feel comfortable enough to speak to any of them about her? Ask them what they think of her behavior? Maybe having someone on your side will make you feel better?
Bullying at work is disgusting and is done by low life scum, do not let her get away with this!

kaiser31

Thanks so much for all your posts so far, it's gladening my heart to know I'm not the only one to find themselves in this situation.

Misguided1

Send her an email.

Dear xxxxx

I wanted to bring something to your attention that you may not be aware of but is having a significant on me from a work and health perspective.

Your behaviour towards me makes me very uncomfortable and you seem to treat me very differently to others.
At times I find your behaviour aggressive, rude, isolating, etc. etc.
I appreciate that my email is out of the blue but I don't feel comfortable discussing this with you in person.
My intention in sending the email is to try to resolve the situation so that I am treated the same as others.

I feel that I have no choice to address it in this way as it needs to stop.

The email shows your desire to resolve the issue. It allows her the opportunity to say that she was not aware of her behaviour and things might change (unlikely by the sounds of things but it happens).

It creates a paper trail that you can then send to your boss and ask for his/her intervention if the situation continues.

From a legal perspective, it will should that you have made reasonable attempts to resolve the situation through the proper channels.
If your boss does not respond appropriately, these steps will strengthen any case for constructive dismissal if things get so bad that you feel you have no choice but to leave. You need to get your service over the 12 months if that is a route you would consider.

Sunny Disposition

I do think you should confront this woman OP, very calmly though. Like if she is slamming doors of presses say to her, Is there something the matter? If she is screaming at you at some point tell her she needs to calm down and raising her voice is not acceptable. Don't let her get a rise out of you.
If things don't pick up then go to the boss again. Present him with your log of incidents and tell him you expect it to be dealt with, that advising you to be a big girl is not acceptable. Don't go easy on him.
It's very likely that he knows this one is a cnut but is reluctant to take her on. Very few people like conflict, some are so weak they will even try to find a way of avoiding it even though they know about bullying right under their noses.

valoren

Misguided1 wrote: »

Send her an email.

Dear xxxxx

I wanted to bring something to your attention that you may not be aware of but is having a significant on me from a work and health perspective.

Your behaviour towards me makes me very uncomfortable and you seem to treat me very differently to others.
At times I find your behaviour aggressive, rude, isolating, etc. etc.
I appreciate that my email is out of the blue but I don't feel comfortable discussing this with you in person.
My intention in sending the email is to try to resolve the situation so that I am treated the same as others.

I feel that I have no choice to address it in this way as it needs to stop.

The email shows your desire to resolve the issue. It allows her the opportunity to say that she was not aware of her behaviour and things might change (unlikely by the sounds of things but it happens).

It creates a paper trail that you can then send to your boss and ask for his/her intervention if the situation continues.

From a legal perspective, it will should that you have made reasonable attempts to resolve the situation through the proper channels.
If your boss does not respond appropriately, these steps will strengthen any case for constructive dismissal if things get so bad that you feel you have no choice but to leave. You need to get your service over the 12 months if that is a route you would consider.

If you choose to do this, then she may well confront you covertly, out of sight from others and give you verbal abuse. If she does make a mental note of what she says and send a follow up reply to your initial email stating everything she says to you and cc your manager on the email.

"Hi XXX,
Just in relation to our discussion in the corridor, following on from my initial email, I'd like to note for reference the following where you stated "you cheeky f'in bitch' and "I'll get you.....etc etc ..."

kaiser31

I'm meeting the boss on Monday, I'll let you know how I get on. Thanks again for all your advice.

fryup

some might dismiss this carry on as trivial,

but all it takes is one bastard/bitch to make your life a misery, don't stand for it OP make sure its sorted out.. once and for all

R.D. aka MR.D

I think that people have different perspectives on things like this.

What you describe, I wouldn't consider bullying. She seems like a very odd person. She is acting inappropriately.

Would it be an option to approach it with your MD that way? Because if he was of a similar mindset to me, then he would think you are over-reacting.

As a manager myself, I would go along and investigate what you were saying anyway but he might not be willing to do that if he feels it isn't bullying. (He should though to cover his own behind!)


I would ask your MD what steps you two can take together to resolve her inappropriate behaviour in the workplace. You shouldn't have to work with some one who is carrying on like this. Show him the examples you have. Let him know that you will not be tolerating her behaviour any more and would like to know which actions he is willing to sanction you to take.

I just personally think this is a better approach than 'I'm being bullied' which for a lot of people will elicit an internal eye roll.

fryup

^^^^^^^^^^^

well i think if the person is feeling emotionally upset by it no matter how trivial it may seem to others then... it is bullying

...at the end of the day if someone is feeling uncomfortable in the workplace they should report it before it affects their mental health.. and it will in time if not addressed

moneymad

Punch her in the mouth. End of bullying.

Cheerful Spring

I know it's extreme, but i would record her. In the event you had to quit the job, and filed a complaint, having her on tape bullying you may help proceedings?

Heckler

Like someone said create a paper trail.

Go straight to HR and tell them you're considering outside legal action if it doesn't stop.

I guarantee you it will stop within a week.