I'm being bullied

Heckler

i have a manager at the moment who for some reason has taken a disliking to me. Now we rarely meet but when we do she is always critical.

The type where if she said the sky is purple and you said no its blue she'd literally shout you down into agreeing with her.

The worst type of manager I think. Shes all "what do you need to make things easier for the workers (i.e. what can we do to get more productivity out of these minimum wage workers).

ME: Oh this that and the other that you promised us 6 months ago.

HER: BALLISTIC WAWAWAWAWAA

To the point that I'm hoping to move soon and i if I do, and I'm not a bad or nasty person at all, I'm gonna call to her office and tell her what I and pretty much every worker thinks of her.

The sour friendless bitch.

santana75

I honestly dont think people really grow up. If they were bullies in school they will more than likely be bullies as adults. They just do it more covertly. Sounds like your colleague is basically a child whos trying to take her own frustrations out on the world. Do not take it personally, because its not. If you take it personally you default to victim mode and when that happens you lose power. Be overt. Dont play the covert aggressive game. Bring it out into the open. Next time shes in the kitchen slamming presses, ask her is something wrong and why are you slamming presses? Dont play the game and say nothing, you have to be direct and call it out as its happening. Bullies thrive on people introverting around them and not calling out their crap. Look her in the eye and take her on. Guaranteed she'll back down. All bullies are cowards and you have to confront them face to face. If you go running to HR she wins because she has made you into someone who doesnt fight their own battles, instead yo become someone who gets another person or dept to fight on your behalf.

storker

kaiser31 wrote: »

It's things like if I'm in a room and she walks in, she will storm out.

If She is in the kitchen and I go in there she's start bang presses and slamming plates whilst actually hissing at me.

She will stand talking to the person sitting beside me, with her back to me ghosting me.

If she has a question about my work she won't ask me about it, she'll go to someone else. When they direct her to me she still won't ask.

We used to engaged kinda normally before but if i asked a question she would rage at me. If my opinion differed to her, she would scream at me. So I just stopped engaging with the crazy.

An addition to the advice regarding visiting your GP, logging all incidents, etc, I would work hard at being the soul of consideration and rationality in any dealings with her. She's obviously a nut, give her every help to show herself up as such loud and clear for all to see.

If she's banging stuff in the kitchen, "Are you OK?" followed by "Well would you mind not making that racket?", followed by a nonchalant shrug when she doesn't comply.

If she screams at you over something, then completely disregard the subject, adopt a quizzical expression and ask "Are you OK?" followed up by "Are you sure you're OK, because I'm pretty certain this isn't what OK looks or sounds like". Ideally this would happen within earshot of others.

If she's not prepared to ask you for information about your work and you get the requests second hand, then e-mail it to her, but don't mention that it's in response to a round-the-houses request. "I thought it would be good to update you about..."

With luck, you will drive her even crazier and she'll cross a line even your jellyfish asshole of a boss...or the guards...won't be able to ignore.

What is her reputation like around the place? Does everyone apart from the boss have her mentally filed under P for psycho?

mfceiling

This one needs to be pulled quick smart. You need to get the hammer on her 1st thing on Monday morning. No more Mr Nice Guy.

She slams a door...."stop slamming those doors will you"

Raises her voice to you..."lower your voice and don't take that tone with me will you"

She needs to be taken to task immediately.

BorneTobyWilde

A hidden camera on a piece of clothing, record and construct a video of all the incidents. Can edit it all together, at least she can never say it's all in your head.

ticklebelly7

A couple of things here:

• To those who suggest this behaviour isn't bullying, it's not your perception that counts.  The OP is clearly suffering to the extent they're dreading work.  If they are this affected and they consider it bullying, then it is.  It's not anyone else's perception that counts.

• You're already recording the incidents.  Now ask your boss to convene a mediated meeting between you and the bully.  Basically, he gives each of you five minutes of uninterrupted time to state your issues with the other party.  If she has issues with you, don't attempt to answer them at this meeting - you're not there to be on the defensive.  When it's your go, read out your list of incidents, making sure to express how it feels to you to have a passive aggressive lunatic going around banging doors at you and screeching.  
• Ask your boss to set some agreed standards following the meeting, which you and the other party will be bound by, and to give these to you in writing
• Just in case your boss refuses to convene a simple quick meeting like this, you will need to find out if there is an arbitration body, (something like ACAS in the UK), and threaten him with them.  He has no right to expect you to endure behaviour which would be considered emotional abuse in any divorce court in the land.

But be aware, life isn't fair and sometimes the bullies win, so be prepared for that scenario too.  If you have to walk, do so - ultimately your health is more important.

DrPhilG

I wouldn't be recommending hidden video.

Pretty sure it's not legal so not only would it not be any use to you as evidence, you could end up going from victim to perpetrator very quickly.

philstar

santana75 wrote: »

I honestly dont think people really grow up. If they were bullies in school they will more than likely be bullies as adults. They just do it more covertly.

definitely, its in their DNA....borderline narcissistic/control freak

they thrive on other people's timidness ...they have to be confronted

kaiser31

I've cancelled the meeting. The other directors father has passed away so I think it will be in bad taste to go ahead with it. I'm going to reschedule for the end of the week.

fryup

well...any update OP ?