Making gay friends

LegacyUser

I am a gay guy and I've been out a few years now. Lately I've been trying to embrace being gay a bit more as I feel I'm a bit isolated. You see I don't have many, gay friends, and any that I do pal around with is very occasionally.

Literally all my friends are male and straight, which is fine, but I think having a few gay friends would be good for me, especially as I am struggling on the dating scene and someone to go to gay bars with would be nice!

I'm not keen on joining any of the social groups like the gay football teams or wet and wild or whatever it's called because it's just not my thing.

My attempts at making gay friends have really only been through apps like Grindr and maybe Tinder. What I find though is that guys generally don't want to chat if they don't find you attractive! That doesn't mean I'm unattractive, but even if they say they're looking for friends on their profile, if you're not their type, I find they don't even reply! This makes it pretty difficult to make friends.

The one gay friend I have only happened because we had a one night stand and weren't interested in continuing it but kept chatting. Dating guys and it not working out seems to be the only way for friendships to happen in this gay world!

Is there anything I could be doing differently to help me socialise a bit more with some of the gay community?

baby and crumble

In all honesty OP, if you're not interested in joining groups or making those kinds of efforts to actively make gay friends, then you're going to find it hard. Grindr and Tinder are dating apps, not friendship apps.

LegacyUser

baby and crumble wrote: »

In all honesty OP, if you're not interested in joining groups or making those kinds of efforts to actively make gay friends, then you're going to find it hard. Grindr and Tinder are dating apps, not friendship apps.

It's strange that you have that attitude. I wonder how many gay guys with gay friends met them through exclusively gay groups. I doubt very many.

And to say I am not willing to make an effort is unfair. I am obviously willing to make an effort, otherwise I wouldn't have made this post. I don't like sporting activity groups in general and would not enjoy joining one at all, straight or gay.

baby and crumble

I didn't mean anything by it, OP, but you said "I'm not keen on joining any of the social groups like the gay football teams or wet and wild or whatever it's called because it's just not my thing." So I assumed you meant any social groups, not sports.

I still think trying to find friends on dating apps mightn't be the easiest, but then again I'm not a gay guy, and I'm not on dating apps. I've found my lesbian/gay friends via meetup.com and other activities.

Goodshape

Yeah, I'd echo what baby and crumble has said. I've been in a similar space as yourself and I've found meetup.com a great place to find people and make friends through shared interests and activities. It's not at all just sports. Have a look, if you haven't already, and throw in a few keywords. You might find an interesting group.

JackTaylorFan

The traveling community seems like a good place to start. Very open to gay people looking for friends.

368100

I kind of get why you're doing it OP, but i still think in this day and age selecting a friend based on orientation is bizarre, almost ticking a box. Would your straight friends not go to gay bar with you. I have to click with a person, which is rare. Orientation never comes into it, even if I am looking to do different things. Bit like saying " none of my friends can afford to go out as much as i do so i'my going to get a rich friend"

Annasopra

gaybuddy wrote: »

It's strange that you have that attitude. I wonder how many gay guys with gay friends met them through exclusively gay groups. I doubt very many.

And to say I am not willing to make an effort is unfair. I am obviously willing to make an effort, otherwise I wouldn't have made this post. I don't like sporting activity groups in general and would not enjoy joining one at all, straight or gay.

Lots of people I know have made friends through groups.

There are more than sporting groups out there as well.

Annasopra

JackTaylorFan wrote: »

The traveling community seems like a good place to start. Very open to gay people looking for friends.

dont post in this thread again

LegacyUser

I've never used meetup before. Are you saying to join ordinary non-sporting groups and find gay friends by chance, or are there dedicated gay groups that do social activities? I was only aware of sports teams and the adventure activities wet and wild group if I'm honest.

Annasopra

There are quite a few different meetup groups. Also I am not a big sporty person either but sometimes the wet and wild group does light stuff that isnt too sporty.

Here are 3 as examples but there is more. Look up gay dublin, lgbt dublin etc etc and keep searching


Check out Dublin LGBT Social Meetup http://meetu.ps/c/2NQTW/1QBdh/d on Meetup
Check out GayDublin http://meetu.ps/c/2FLdN/1QBdh/d on Meetup

Check out this Meetup with Dublin International Gay Social Group (D.I.G.S.) http://meetu.ps/e/DjRrS/1QBdh/d

Heebie

Grindr etc.. are not "dating" apps as had been suggested. They are "hookup" apps. The only point is getting laid.

If you're looking for friends, joining groups with common interests is the best way to go about it, generally.
It guarantees that you have something in common, and something to share. Having fun doing something you find fun "breaks the I've" pretty well.
But, the "he's not hot enough to be seen with" attitude does infect a lot of people. so you need to be patient... and believe in yourself. A lot of being "hot enough" is being confident enough to be yourself. If they don't like you when you're being yourself.. They don't like you at any other time, either... So just be you.

Going to The George and going outside to the smoking area (whether you're a smoker or not) tends to be a good place for actual conversation. The atmosphere is quieter than inside, and smoking automatically becomes a social activity as people as for lights and bum smokes of each other... and a fair number of those people are looking for a break from thump thump thump and having to scream to hear each other.

Volunteering for gay and gay-friendly organisations is a good way to meet people as well. You could volunteer for the Out House, or for Amnesty International, Greenpeace, or any Irish civil rights organisation etc..

Good luck!

esposito

Goodshape wrote: »

Yeah, I'd echo what baby and crumble has said. I've been in a similar space as yourself and I've found meetup.com a great place to find people and make friends through shared interests and activities. It's not at all just sports. Have a look, if you haven't already, and throw in a few keywords. You might find an interesting group.

Like the OP, I too am finding it hard to make gay friends.

I'm gonna check out meetup.com thanks!

CroFag

Meetup can be good, but there's lots of strange people there too, just like in the apps. Don't expect too much, but rather open your mind when you're around gay people...

imme

CroFag wrote: »

Meetup can be good, but there's lots of strange people there too, just like in the apps. Don't expect too much, but rather open your mind when you're around gay people...

I agree with this, particularly the gay meetup groups, you do meet a variety of different people there,

men for the most part, women don't go to these things in big numbers,

And yes you could meet some strange people but sure that's life.

As the OP was mentioning about Grindr etc, I cannot recommend them as a place to make gay friends.

Volunteering is a common place for gay people to make gay friends.