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How to find out if husband has fathered another child

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24

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    #32
    BoardsMember
    Registered Users Posts: 4,473 ✭✭✭BoardsMember


    jimmycrackcorm wrote: »
    That's actually an obsolete concept from the times when the man worked and the wife stayed at home. It's long gone.

    I'm married almost a couple of decades and we've always had separate finances. When we need to buy common things then we discuss about paying it but otherwise we are both free to spend our money as we wish.

    In the Ops case I don't think any good from pursuing it. If the husband has a child, he'll still have to pay out.

    Just because you don't operate like that does not make it obsolete.

    I work fill time, my wife works part time. I earn a good deal more than her, she works a good deal harder than be in the home. It's all joint money. It was joint money as soon as we bought a house together, and will continue to be so forever.


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    #33
    mel123
    Registered Users Posts: 2,200 ✭✭✭mel123


    Claw Hammer wrote: »
    If he is providing financial support to the child, he must be in contact with the mother. Monitoring his phone and computer should reveal her name pretty quickly. After that she can be traced and the child found.

    Isnt that what whatsapp is for :D


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    #34
    Goldielocks1
    Registered Users Posts: 10 ✭Goldielocks1


    NUTLEY BOY wrote: »
    That is a classic :D

    Actually that is quite funny and no I am not her friend!

    Thanks for all the replies and comments.

    Regarding their finances - in my mind (and my friends mind) it was always 'their' money. As it happens my friend is the breadwinner but that was never an issue for her.


    I've located the mums name but now need to find out the child's name which is proving difficult due to data protection laws etc.

    Any ideas on how I could find out the child's name
    would be really helpful!


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    #35
    Mrs OBumble
    Registered Users Posts: 25,891 ✭✭✭✭Mrs OBumble


    Why does it matter? If trust is gone, surely the marriage is over?


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    #36
    Goldielocks1
    Registered Users Posts: 10 ✭Goldielocks1


    Mrs OBumble wrote: »
    Why does it matter? If trust is gone, surely the marriage is over?

    Indeed the trust is gone but information is power as it allows her to plan moving forward.

    Also the reason she needs proof is because he has been lying for years so the name of the child is key.


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    #37
    Dravokivich
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Music Moderators, Politics Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 22,360 CMod ✭✭✭✭Dravokivich


    Goldielocks1 wrote: »
    Indeed the trust is gone but information is power as it allows her to plan moving forward.

    Also the reason she needs proof is because he has been lying for years so the name of the child is key.

    Your friend may go down the avenue of divorce. They don't need all the facts.


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    #38
    El Tarangu
    Registered Users Posts: 1,618 ✭✭✭El Tarangu


    Op - first of all, sorry to hear about your friend's troubles.

    If things come to the worst and the marriage finishes, I am sure that the existence of any child would come out very quickly in the divorce proceedings.

    And, if it came down to divorce, surely it would be in the husband's interest to disclose the existence of a child with another partner(?) I presume the maintenance he would have to pay would be lower if has another child to support.


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    #39
    Claw Hammer
    Registered Users Posts: 6,215 ✭✭✭Claw Hammer


    Goldielocks1 wrote: »
    Actually that is quite funny and no I am not her friend!

    Thanks for all the replies and comments.

    Regarding their finances - in my mind (and my friends mind) it was always 'their' money. As it happens my friend is the breadwinner but that was never an issue for her.


    I've located the mums name but now need to find out the child's name which is proving difficult due to data protection laws etc.

    Any ideas on how I could find out the child's name
    would be really helpful!
    Find out what age the child is. Then check the birth registers.


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    #40
    TheChizler
    Registered Users Posts: 9,451 ✭✭✭TheChizler


    Claw Hammer wrote: »
    Find out what age the child is. Then check the birth registers.
    Don't you need the name and place of birth for that?


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    #41
    Claw Hammer
    Registered Users Posts: 6,215 ✭✭✭Claw Hammer


    TheChizler wrote: »
    Don't you need the name and place of birth for that?

    He has the mothers name and the name of the suspected father. All he needs then is the county of birth. Given that he knows where they no live and have lived for the past 20 years. that shouldn't be a problem.


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    #42
    Goldielocks1
    Registered Users Posts: 10 ✭Goldielocks1


    Claw Hammer wrote: »
    He has the mothers name and the name of the suspected father. All he needs then is the county of birth. Given that he knows where they no live and have lived for the past 20 years. that shouldn't be a problem.

    Do you mean place of birth as in the country, hospital or address where the mother and child live?
    Just to confirm we have the mothers name, suspected fathers name and mothers home address. That's it.


    We don't have the child's name or birthdate.


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    #43
    Ghekko
    Closed Accounts Posts: 942 ✭✭✭Ghekko


    Claw Hammer wrote: »
    He has the mothers name and the name of the suspected father. All he needs then is the county of birth. Given that he knows where they no live and have lived for the past 20 years. that shouldn't be a problem.


    She'll need Year of birth. Ideally she'll need child's first name. If she were to go to the General Registers Office with just the mother's name and look up records, all she will see is mother's maiden name on the list of records - not the first name. So this would take considerable time and effort. Trawling through the Registers and pulling certs for every child whose mother has that surname would incur a fair cost too. It's doable but not really practical without the child's name and approximate birth date.


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    #44
    Claw Hammer
    Registered Users Posts: 6,215 ✭✭✭Claw Hammer


    Goldielocks1 wrote: »
    Do you mean place of birth as in the country, hospital or address where the mother and child live?
    Just to confirm we have the mothers name, suspected fathers name and mothers home address. That's it.


    We don't have the child's name or birthdate.

    Do you know what age the child is. If you have the mothers address you should just get chatting to a neighbour about her. Thdere is bound to be some nosy-parker gossip who will tell you the names and ages of all her children.


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    #45
    Ghekko
    Closed Accounts Posts: 942 ✭✭✭Ghekko


    Goldielocks1 wrote: »
    Do you mean place of birth as in the country, hospital or address where the mother and child live?
    Just to confirm we have the mothers name, suspected fathers name and mothers home address. That's it.


    We don't have the child's name or birthdate.

    Is the mother's home address far from ye? A trip there and casually asking in a local shop might get you the child's name. Is she on Facebook? A bit of investigation will be required to take it further so it's up to your friend how far she is willing to take it.


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    #46
    fxotoole
    Registered Users Posts: 1,661 ✭✭✭fxotoole


    Goldielocks1 wrote: »
    Actually that is quite funny and no I am not her friend!

    Thanks for all the replies and comments.

    Regarding their finances - in my mind (and my friends mind) it was always 'their' money. As it happens my friend is the breadwinner but that was never an issue for her.


    I've located the mums name but now need to find out the child's name which is proving difficult due to data protection laws etc.

    Any ideas on how I could find out the child's name
    would be really helpful!

    Your publicly asking people to help you "get around" Data Protection laws?


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    #47
    pilly
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 9,005 ✭✭✭pilly


    A private investigator would do this job an awful lot quicker than you can OP.


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    #48
    Ghekko
    Closed Accounts Posts: 942 ✭✭✭Ghekko


    Hardly a data protection issue when anyone on the street can ask what someone's name is.


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    #49
    .......
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,057 ✭✭✭.......


    This post has been deleted.


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    #50
    minikin
    Registered Users Posts: 2,980 ✭✭✭minikin


    buy a phone, send him a message while you're at home with him so you can see reaction - "Hi 'Frank' had to get a new phone, we need to talk about your child"


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    #51
    hullaballoo
    Administrators, Entertainment Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 18,724 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭hullaballoo


    fxotoole wrote: »
    Your publicly asking people to help you "get around" Data Protection laws?

    The Data Protection Acts don't have any bearing whatsoever on this thread.


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    #52
    jimmycrackcorm
    Registered Users Posts: 14,336 ✭✭✭✭jimmycrackcorm


    Goldielocks1 wrote:
    I've located the mums name but now need to find out the child's name which is proving difficult due to data protection laws etc.

    Have you tried the obvious which is looking her up on Facebook.?

    Surprising how many people don't have any of their posts locked down.


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    #53
    Goldielocks1
    Registered Users Posts: 10 ✭Goldielocks1


    jimmycrackcorm wrote: »
    Have you tried the obvious which is looking her up on Facebook.?

    Surprising how many people don't have any of their posts locked down.

    It's all secured can't get into anything. She may know the importance of not listing her boys name for this very reason. I'll keep thinking though.


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    #54
    0ph0rce0
    Registered Users Posts: 3,944 ✭✭✭0ph0rce0


    Is it even his child?

    What happens if it's not, what then?


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    #55
    Sheeple34
    Registered Users Posts: 8 ✭Sheeple34


    Goldielocks1 wrote: »
    It's all secured can't get into anything. She may know the importance of not listing her boys name for this very reason. I'll keep thinking though.

    Make a fake facebook profile, maybe with same surname as her and try adding her as a friend? She might possibly accept.


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    #56
    bertsmom
    Registered Users Posts: 539 ✭✭✭bertsmom


    Honestly this all sounds very intrusive into a mother and her child's Life! Maby they quite frankly don't want the hassle of all this and want to be left alone. I would think your friend should sort this matter out with her husband and not be involving friends into trying to obtain information on these people through deception. They do have a right to be left alone and privacy


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    #57
    uck51js9zml2yt
    Closed Accounts Posts: 18,268 ✭✭✭✭uck51js9zml2yt


    No one seems to see the obvious. He may not be down on the cert as the father!


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    #58
    Claw Hammer
    Registered Users Posts: 6,215 ✭✭✭Claw Hammer


    bertsmom wrote: »
    Honestly this all sounds very intrusive into a mother and her child's Life! Maby they quite frankly don't want the hassle of all this and want to be left alone. I would think your friend should sort this matter out with her husband and not be involving friends into trying to obtain information on these people through deception. They do have a right to be left alone and privacy

    If this womans husband fathered that child, she has a right to know, especially if she is effectively supporting the child.


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    #59
    bertsmom
    Registered Users Posts: 539 ✭✭✭bertsmom


    Perhaps she feels she has a right to know but that is a matter to be sorted out with her husband surely. This woman and her kids right to privacy is no less than her right to know. Her husband is the person who needs to answer some questions not this other person who has no obligation to the wife


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    #60
    Tigger
    Closed Accounts Posts: 16,705 ✭✭✭✭Tigger


    minikin wrote: »
    buy a phone, send him a message while you're at home with him so you can see reaction - "Hi 'Frank' had to get a new phone, we need to talk about your child"

    thats brillian but you dont need a phone just a sim


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    #61
    Claw Hammer
    Registered Users Posts: 6,215 ✭✭✭Claw Hammer


    bertsmom wrote: »
    Perhaps she feels she has a right to know but that is a matter to be sorted out with her husband surely. This woman and her kids right to privacy is no less than her right to know. Her husband is the person who needs to answer some questions not this other person who has no obligation to the wife
    This woman is not being asked any questions. All that is being investigated if she is a mother and if the father of the child is this woman's husband. If she is not a mother or the man is not the father, then it is end of story. If he is the father, it will be dealt with between husband and wife. No big deal for her.


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