Is my Girlfriend right to be furious with me becuase I never spoke out about racist p

kevkelly90

I work in the advertisement industry and last month I received a promotion which now gives me direct with the owner of the company on a weekly basis. On Friday, in what was my 4th interaction with the owner, she complained about the industry and the requests she receives. One of the examples she mentioned was when clients specifically request "no black people" and she she followed that by "it's sickening that they are blatantly racist".
Now when I told this to my GF, who is mixed race, she was furious with me for not lecturing the owner of the company by telling her she is wrong to do business with companies like this. My defence is that the owner of the company is not only aware of this but feeling some level of guilt and should I challenge her on it I am out the door. My GF says that I am complicit in racism with my silence.
This is hard for me to hear because I always speak out about any injustices, in fact it has cost me several jobs over the years. I am never one to bite my tongue. In this case I don't believe the owner is racist and I believe she was letting off steam about the industry and I don't see how me giving her a lecture over her ethics would equate to me defending racism. 
Am I wrong here?

Jim Bob Scratcher

You need to get a new GF

You're not wrong.

Time and place, work is rarely the right avenue for personal crusades.

Don't do anything. Tell gf you tore a strip off the owner. Problem solved.

Wildcard7

kevkelly90 wrote: »

One of the examples she mentioned was when clients specifically request "no black people" and she she followed that by "it's sickening that they are blatantly racist".

I don't get it. Your boss is disgusted with the blatant racism that customers display, does business with them anyway and then your girlfriend accuses you of being racist? Whaaaaaaat? Why would you lecture your boss? She already said she didn't agree with the clients.

I don't know if your business is swimming in money or only just scraping by, but if you dismiss every client who's a bit racist or sexist or a bit of a c*nt for any other reason, you probably won't stay in business for very long. Especially in a market that's fundamentally vain and superficial, like marketing.

If I'm stocking shelves in Tesco and overhear a customers racist remark, is it my duty as a non-racist to convince my supervisor to not let the customer buy anything? Should it even stop there? Should I demand the bus driver can't pick up that guy over there because I overheard him making a racist joke at the bus stop?

Maybe I'm a bit racist myself because I find that silly.

DontThankMe

Dump your gf it's not your responsibility to police the world's racist problems and fight every battle against racism.

biko

Have a threesome

Irish Praetorian

kevkelly90 wrote: »

Now when I told this to my GF

That's your problem right there, you were happily going along and then you decided to ruin things by telling her about your day. Never forget the danger's of telling people about your day.

Mr. Incognito

My GF says that I am complicit in racism with my silence.

Your girlfriend is an idiot.

Don't make other people's personal chips your crusades.

You look after your affairs let her look after hers.

If she doesn't like it. Tough.

Lt Dan

kevkelly90 wrote: »

I work in the advertisement industry and last month I received a promotion which now gives me direct with the owner of the company on a weekly basis. On Friday, in what was my 4th interaction with the owner, she complained about the industry and the requests she receives. One of the examples she mentioned was when clients specifically request "no black people" and she she followed that by "it's sickening that they are blatantly racist".
Now when I told this to my GF, who is mixed race, she was furious with me for not lecturing the owner of the company by telling her she is wrong to do business with companies like this. My defence is that the owner of the company is not only aware of this but feeling some level of guilt and should I challenge her on it I am out the door. My GF says that I am complicit in racism with my silence.
This is hard for me to hear because I always speak out about any injustices, in fact it has cost me several jobs over the years. I am never one to bite my tongue. In this case I don't believe the owner is racist and I believe she was letting off steam about the industry and I don't see how me giving her a lecture over her ethics would equate to me defending racism. 
Am I wrong here?

Lesson 1# Never ever talk to the missus or hubby about work or anything remotely interesting that happens to you. Don't buy into that new age rubbish about sharing everything. It is nonsense. Also, learn to zone out when the GF or hubby etc starts waffling on about something that is way over their heads (which is often a lot of things)

Lesson #2 Don't take that rubbish from her, this will continue in the future. As you said, your boss acknowledged that the requests were wrong, it is for your boss and the shareholders to decide who to do business with

Lesson #3: Lie to missus or hubby, you should have said that you did recommend that your boss should have acted a certain way ie telling your superior that how to do their job/run their business.

Lesson #4 "My GF says that I am complicit in racism with my silence." What a load of bull. If you can not be charged of serious offences for failure to act in certain cases, how can you on earth can she lay that nonsense on you? It would be best she stop listening to the clowns that she listens to

Frankly, and I am not joking, she has made a serious allegation towards you, this will forever happen, you should demand that she takes that back. That shows complete disrespect and frankly, you may need to reconsider your options here. I am being serious too, and it seems to have seriously annoyed you to have posted here. I mean, girls are prone to say the daftest of stuff , but this was rather strong

"Complicit in silence" , Jesus. This will only be the start , It is stupider that society is getting, using terms that they don't understand . I am sorry if this comes out strong, really not intended.

"I am never one to bite my tongue" Next time the GF pulls that stunt, put her in her place (obviously, non violently )

No, you were not wrong. It is not your place . You also have to make money, you claimed that your mouth got you into trouble before for speaking up, you don't want to make a habit of it

Lesson #5 Demand an apology and a retraction and an acknowledgment from the gf that she was wrong (good luck with the later) . If not forthcoming, dump her. You do not need or want lectures from the GF, especially not coming from work. Pure door mat is what you may become. I can imagine now, you with the family, and a family member says something and the GF making a mountain of a moehill and putting you in an awkward position . You ain't got no time for that

There are times, when the opinion of the girl friend is neither wanted or invited. That was that time. Get rid of her before she uses crap like this against you. And yes, your girl friend is an idiot, sufficient grounds to dump her

Seth Brundle

I presume that there are often requests for no fat people or nor dark haired, etc. - does she get concerned about this?
Would she have a problem if the customer request was for a black person only?

The customer calls the shots and you do what they want (so to speak) or you leave. You generally can't do both.

Lt Dan

DontThankMe wrote: »

Dump your gf it's not your responsibility to police the world's racist problems and fight every battle against racism.

Today fighting racism on the que from the GF, tomorrow being expected to take side between her and your family or friends for any alleged issue (real or imagined) that she might have with them.

Run!

Not is not and never will be the place of the GF to give you lectures , there is a thing about boundaries and respect (it works both ways) she crossed the line

Lt Dan

kbannon wrote: »

I presume that there are often requests for no fat people or nor dark haired, etc. - does she get concerned about this?
Would she have a problem if the customer request was for a black person only?

The customer calls the shots and you do what they want (so to speak) or you leave. You generally can't do both.

Not sure it would have been wise of him to try and argue with her, he probably would have made it worse with that valid argument. I doubt she likes to be corrected or undermined.

razorblunt

Sounds like you need a gf fella.
Put an advertisement out with your company for one.

exaisle

I agree with most of the posters here.....RUN!

Except if she looks like Meghan Markle, in which case a certain amount of sh1t can be taken.

A lot, in fact... :-)

Robsweezie

Tell the missus to get a job in buzzfeed

Yamanoto

What's the context in which clients are specifying the ethnicity of those featured in their ads? Given the fact a product may be of particular appeal to a targeted demographic, it's always been the case that that's been reflected in the advertising.

Also, who calls it the 'Advertisement industry'?

I wouldn't consider it racist, necessarily. It's a tactic that is often used in advertising, especially depending on your target audience. A business knows their audience, so if they've done their research and discovered that the majority of it is white, then they wouldn't be able to connect to black people, which, you know, is the purpose of ads.

Now, if it is because they don't like black people then that's obviously racist.

pickarooney

'no black people' is clearly racist and neither the OP or his boss is disputing that.

A description of the preferred candidate, including sex, age, size, skin colour, hair is fine for this particular industry.

Assetbacked

Is your girlfriend a French, Spanish or South American nationality? Whilst difficult to get women of these nationalities to change their viewpoints, you need to just tell her she's wrong and that you need to pick your battles. Stay firm with her and it will turn her on that you are strong willed and reasoned.

0ph0rce0

She's not even full black she only has a tan. Get out now while you can.

pickarooney

Assetbacked wrote: »

Is your girlfriend a French, Spanish or South American nationality? Whilst difficult to get women of these nationalities to change their viewpoints, you need to just tell her she's wrong and that you need to pick your battles. Stay firm with her and it will turn her on that you are strong willed and reasoned.

Yeah, tell her exactly this and she'll be in doubt about whether or not you have a tendency to negatively generalise about huge numbers of people.

jca

Time to fire up the ole tinder me thinks.

maryishere

Get a more reasonable gf. Should not be difficult.

Hector Bellend

Your clients pay yur wages

Your gf doesn't.

A Little Pony

Tell her to grow up and get into the real world.

Hector Bellend

maryishere wrote: »

Get a more reasonable gf. Should not be difficult.

Harder than you think

jca

Hector Bellend wrote: »

Harder than you think

Only if you're a Bellend....

sabat

Maybe the company was Ambre Solaire or the Acme Confederate Flag Co?

StinkyMunkey

Run while you still can, that or prepare for a life of abject misery.

Your boss confided in you that she was disgusted by racism. Your GF is either intellectually challenged or jumping on any and every chance to be offended by her heritage.

I've dealt in the past with people who try the racism card, my normal response is "no matter your race, creed or colour your still a twat".

goose2005

Yamanoto wrote: »

What's the context in which clients are specifying the ethnicity of those featured in their ads? Given the fact a product may be of particular appeal to a targeted demographic, it's always been the case that that's been reflected in the advertising.

More likely that the ads are being shown in eastern Europe / Asia / the Arab world, where customers don't want to see black people

Advertisement industry... this is stupid. If your company decides no children for commercials, then that's fine. You're targeting an older market. No old people? You're targeting a younger market. No black people? you're targeting a different racial color (not necessarily white, could easily be an Asian market).

This PC rubbish should be hauled back a few notches.

AlekSmart

Jim Bob Scratcher wrote: »

You need to get a new GF

Or,engage the services of a good prenup adviser,along the lines of the late John B Keane...this GF of your's has a very good chance of morphing into something a lot less desirable with the passage of time....:(

Cee-Jay-Cee

No your girlfriend has no right to be furious with you. This is not your fight, you are an employee and duty bound to carry out your job according to your bosses wishes.

In fact your girlfriend sounds like s right cow and you need to co sunder your future with her, do you want to be stuck with someone who feels the need to jump on every crusade and expect you to join her? She obviously has no respect for you and would happily let you lose your job so long as you argue her ideals/views to others.

It doesn’t bode well for the future for you both. Dump her.

Cee-Jay-Cee

Cee-Jay-Cee wrote: »

It doesn’t bode well for the future for you both. Dump her.

I wouldn't say to dump her because she could easily be just going through the motions. But I would test her reactions to a number of questions, and my own answers to see if she gets "triggered". TBH she could easily be overreacting as a test for you. Some women can't resist elaborate or dramatic displays as a test to see how you will behave.

Personally, I prefer being dumped than dumping. That way it's her being unreasonable, unwilling to make an effort for the relationship. Not you

Ken.

Whatever you do don't bring the GF to the company Christmas party.

lazybones32

Yeah right...your outspoken integrity has cost you several jobs? GTFO of here with that!
Tell your gf to stfu or go and complain herself. Black people don't need whitey to stand up for them and women don't need men to stand up for them. Unless of course, your gf is imaginary/ your tanned right hand?

diomed

You are seeing her good side. It will get worse.
If you have a pair of Asics put them on and run.

m5ex9oqjawdg2i

Assetbacked wrote: »

Is your girlfriend a French, Spanish or South American nationality? Whilst difficult to get women of these nationalities to change their viewpoints, you need to just tell her she's wrong and that you need to pick your battles. Stay firm with her and it will turn her on that you are strong willed and reasoned.

What exactly is your thought process when coming up with this sort of stuff? Is there any thought process at all?

There's only about 530,000,000 people living in those countries like.

arayess

pickarooney wrote: »

'no black people' is clearly racist and neither the OP or his boss is disputing that.

A description of the preferred candidate, including sex, age, size, skin colour, hair is fine for this particular industry.

does he even know what the clients asked for, as in the precise detail??

from the OP - it seems like the boss was condensing a number of client requests into a single turn of phrase.


I think OP your gf needs to apologise to you or you need to consider your relationship.
Those "cause" types are usually quite intolerant and it'll only get worse for you

maryishere

Give her the welly OP.

Donald Trump

Jim Bob Scratcher wrote: »

You need to get a new GF

Not a fan of the ould miscegenation then?

:P

No harm injecting a few new genes into the gene pool if you ask me!


Or in the case of Offaly people, they should at least make a start by going wild and branching out to second cousins.

Dohnjoe

kevkelly90 wrote: »

I work in the advertisement industry and last month I received a promotion which now gives me direct with the owner of the company on a weekly basis. On Friday, in what was my 4th interaction with the owner, she complained about the industry and the requests she receives. One of the examples she mentioned was when clients specifically request "no black people" and she she followed that by "it's sickening that they are blatantly racist".
Now when I told this to my GF, who is mixed race, she was furious with me for not lecturing the owner of the company by telling her she is wrong to do business with companies like this. My defence is that the owner of the company is not only aware of this but feeling some level of guilt and should I challenge her on it I am out the door. My GF says that I am complicit in racism with my silence.
This is hard for me to hear because I always speak out about any injustices, in fact it has cost me several jobs over the years. I am never one to bite my tongue. In this case I don't believe the owner is racist and I believe she was letting off steam about the industry and I don't see how me giving her a lecture over her ethics would equate to me defending racism. 
Am I wrong here?

If you know your GF is sensitive on this issue, then don't bring up issues like the above - you could have kept it to yourself

It's not about "hiding" the issue, it's about avoiding unnecessary conflict with common sense.

wakka12

'complicit in racism'
Your gf sounds like a right tool sorry. The only people who should feel guilty about being racist are the people being racist. Im not going to lose any of business either just so I can win a little moral battle, theyll just get the business from somebody else who accepts their racism

Snotty

This is complete BS, you dont work in advertising at all. I dont either but I do some support and their project top sheets always have targets that have to be ticked, "blacks, gays, Asians etc" and if you are referring to models for advertising material, then it's completely normal to say no blacks, no fat people, no one too ugly or too good looking etc etc.
One of the groups I work with is Retirement and they have absolutely absurd targets like gay men 30 to 35 with income 100k+

scoey

This topic seems to come up often here.
"Am i in the wrong?" Followed by a tale of an unhinged and judgemental girlfriend where nobody could say anything other than "she is nuts, get rid".

Can we get some more originality in our fake threads guys?

elperello

scoey wrote: »

This topic seems to come up often here.
"Am i in the wrong?" Followed by a tale of an unhinged and judgemental girlfriend where nobody could say anything other than "she is nuts, get rid".

Can we get some more originality in our fake threads guys?

Yeah and less racism against Offaly people!

I love Sean nos

kevkelly90 wrote: »

This is hard for me to hear because I always speak out about any injustices, in fact it has cost me several jobs over the years.

Details?

Lt Dan

elperello wrote: »

Yeah and less racism against Offaly people!

Bull, there can never be enough of that

sbsquarepants

kevkelly90 wrote: »

.
This is hard for me to hear because I always speak out about any injustices, in fact it has cost me several jobs over the years. I am never one to bite my tongue. In this case I don't believe the owner is racist and I believe she was letting off steam about the industry and I don't see how me giving her a lecture over her ethics would equate to me defending racism.
Am I wrong here?

2 things.

1 - Your girlfriend is a clown. It's not up to you to right all the worlds wrongs - it's not like your boss keeps slaves and asked you to whip them for her. If the client wants all men, women, white, black, skinny, fat whatever that's down to them. You give them what they want or you go out of business. Plain and simple.

2 - If something you're doing is costing you job after job, stop doing it!

maryishere wrote: »

Give her the welly OP.

You spelled willy wrong Mary.

OP, give your clown girlfriend some willy - she'll probably be in a better mood afterwards:D

maryishere

Give her the welly as in "give her the boot"