Can't go on annual Christmas trip to London, how to tell boss?

mmullen 4

I have recently started my first job out of university (only been here a month). In my first week, I had to travel to London (HQ) for 3 days for training. The annual Christmas week, also in London, is currently being planned. It involves lunches, a team-building day, party - nothing too essential.

I have a very sick family member, and really don't think I can be away from home so close to Christmas. I just don't think it's worth it should anything happen, and particularly as this trip doesn't seem essential. Although the trip in my first week was difficult, as it was arranged for the sole purpose of training me I felt I had to go.

Flights, etc. for the Christmas trip have already been booked. I have checked the cancellation policies of both the airline and hotel and the company don't stand to lose any money should I cancel. I don't want to rock the boat as a new hire and cause bad feelings.

How should I tell my boss (who I've been getting on very well with), without any major fallout/risk of losing my job?

dudara

You simply let him know that due to family commitments, you will be unable to travel, but you will continue to work as usual.

Jim2007

Two points:

- If you are responsible for caring for a sick person and can't get cover the company should understand this no problem.

- Do not underestimate the importance of this trip, team building is an important aspect of working with other people and I would not blow it off to any of your colleagues as being unimportant as it may be taken the wrong way.

traveller0101

Jim2007 wrote: »

- Do not underestimate the importance of this trip, team building is an important aspect of working with other people and I would not blow it off to any of your colleagues as being unimportant as it may be taken the wrong way.

They have a family member who is sick


OP just tell your boss your situation. I can't imagine it being an issue.

dee_mc

traveller0101 wrote:

They have a family member who is sick

The last poster made an excellent point - obviously OP feels the trip to London is inessential, but management are likely to have a different view so it's good advice to OP to bow out of the trip, but to avoid mentioning that they feel the teambuilding etc is a load of old hokey.

bucketybuck

Considering you get on well with the boss I think you might be overthinking things. Just ask for 5 minutes of his time, sit down and say exactly what you have said here, that you have a family member that is very sick and that just this one time you would really appreciate being allowed to miss the team building trip. That you are happy to work, but would like to remain close to home for those reasons.

Its not an unreasonable request so I wouldn't be too concerned about making it. The only thing I would advise is not making an issue of it if he declines, accept his decision and move on.

traveller0101

dee_mc wrote: »

The last poster made an excellent point - obviously OP feels the trip to London is inessential, but management are likely to have a different view so it's good advice to OP to bow out of the trip, but to avoid mentioning that they feel the teambuilding etc is a load of old hokey.

Any management that values an Xmas trip abroad over their employees' families are not worth working for.

Heres Johnny

Team building and all that carry on isn't important in the whole scheme of things.

GalwayGrrrrrl

Heres Johnny wrote: »

Team building and all that carry on isn't important in the whole scheme of things.

Thats what you would think. However i worked really hard for one pharma company and in my yearly review they were more impressed that I'd organised a group of staff to take part in a charity running event than all the other 12 months of work. Sometimes these things ARE seen as important by managers.
If you are genuinely needed at home for sick family member then don't go, but I would try to make it if you can. Loads of flights from London to Dublin if you need to get home in a hurry.

jimmycrackcorm

traveller0101 wrote:

Any management that values an Xmas trip abroad over their employees' families are not worth working for.

There's no suggestion that the employer is like that, but possibly some issue if the OP didn't mention a problem at the time of booking.

You should wait until closer to the trip and evaluate it. By all means explain to your boss now that you have a sick family member and that might potentially affect your ability to travel later.

amtc

Any reasonable person would understand why you can't go. However it is genuinely expected that you go. My advice is to explain to your boss that you can only take a decision at the last minute. Just be open and you'll be fine.

I covered a trip to Brussels for my then subordinate at the last minute in a similar situation ( and ensured I had a very loyal employee for years)

faceman

I was in your position once early in my career OP when my VP invited me to an offsite internal conference in an exotic location. Due to some personal commitments at the time (nothing as serious as your own situation), I would have to miss part of the conference and arrive a couple of days late.

I explained to my boss who asked me to email him and he would forward it to our VP. I mulled over the email for ages. It was about half a page long. Eventually sent it to me boss.

Here’s the thing, he deleted everything from my email other than the “I can’t make the first few days of the conference due to personal commitments”

So as other posters have suggested, approach your manager (in person) and without going into too much detail let him/her know your circumstances and it won’t be feasible to attend.

Best of luck OP.

Heres Johnny wrote: »

Team building and all that carry on isn't important in the whole scheme of things.

On the contrary peer reviewed research shows that effective teamwork, bolstered by team building activities, is an essential part of effective teams and increase led productivity.

bucketybuck

Heres Johnny wrote: »

Team building and all that carry on isn't important in the whole scheme of things.

Thats far too simplistic a statement.

For example, if a company has multiple sites that interact then it is hugely beneficial to organise events that bring all those staff members together. You go from some faceless guy that you speak to on the phone from time to time, to Johnny who you have met in person and went for a drink with. Which one is more likely to help you out with a problem? Which one are you more likely to go that little bit extra for?

From the OP it sounds like there are multiple teams and sites involved, I wouldn't be surprised if the company put a lot of importance on meeting all those people and developing business relationships. And I would be even less surprised to find that it was all for the OP's own good.

Jim2007

mmullen 4 wrote: »

I have a very sick family member, and really don't think I can be away from home so close to Christmas. I just don't think it's worth it should anything happen, and particularly as this trip doesn't seem essential. Although the trip in my first week was difficult, as it was arranged for the sole purpose of training me I felt I had to go.

OP, is this going to be a recurring theme? If so and occasional travel is part of the job, then you may need to be ready to answer such a question. If it is and it will hold you back on the job, then keeping an eye out for good alternative position might be a strategy to consider.

stevenmu

traveller0101 wrote: »

Any management that values an Xmas trip abroad over their employees' families are not worth working for.

Heres Johnny wrote: »

Team building and all that carry on isn't important in the whole scheme of things.

"I know the trip is really important, but unfortunately I can't make it due to a family commitment"

is a far better thing to say than

"I can't go on the trip, sure it seems like a waste of time anyway"

traveller0101

faceman wrote: »

On the contrary peer reviewed research shows that effective teamwork, bolstered by team building activities, is an essential part of effective teams and increase led productivity.

Show me the peer reviewed research that shows that that forcing employees to go to team building exercises when they would rather be with an unwell family member leads to an increase in productivity.

davo10

traveller0101 wrote: »

Show me the peer reviewed research that shows that that forcing employees to go to team building exercises when they would rather be with an unwell family member leads to an increase in productivity.

I'd say most employees would rather not attend team building activities, but if you Google "team building research" you will find a whole lot of peer reviewed articles, they all seem to say it works.

https://hbr.org/2012/04/the-new-science-of-building-great-teams

faceman

traveller0101 wrote:

Show me the peer reviewed research that shows that that forcing employees to go to team building exercises when they would rather be with an unwell family member leads to an increase in productivity.

Show me where in my post I was recommending the OP to forego tending to an unwell family member?

Wanderer2010

Jim2007 wrote: »

Two points:

- If you are responsible for caring for a sick person and can't get cover the company should understand this no problem.

- Do not underestimate the importance of this trip, team building is an important aspect of working with other people and I would not blow it off to any of your colleagues as being unimportant as it may be taken the wrong way.

Team building trips are rarely important, they are just a box ticking exercise for HR and the majority of people endure them not enjoy them. Remember, you are hired for your work skills not your social skills.

Wanderer2010

davo10 wrote: »

I'd say most employees would rather not attend team building activities, but if you Google "team building research" you will find a whole lot of peer reviewed articles, they all seem to say it works.

https://hbr.org/2012/04/the-new-science-of-building-great-teams

Like forcing your workers to go on 4 different team building trips a year, eh Dav010. But hey, I'm sure they all like it because you say so right?:rolleyes:

davo10

Wanderer2010 wrote: »

Like forcing your workers to go on 4 different team building trips a year, eh Dav010. But hey, I'm sure they all like it because you say so right?:rolleyes:

Studies seem to show it works (there's a heck of a lot of them by the way), my own experience seems to show it works, might not work for everyone but hey different strokes for different folks. No complaints so far. ðŸ‘

Wanderer2010

davo10 wrote: »

Studies seem to show it works (there's a heck of a lot of them by the way), my own experience seems to show it works, might not work for everyone but hey different strokes for different folks. No complaints so far. ðŸ‘

If they did complain would you listen to them? Or would it not cross your mind that they might not want to complain to the boss?
Link to these studies please..

traveller0101

faceman wrote: »

Show me where in my post I was recommending the OP to forego tending to an unwell family member?

I assumed your post was on topic

davo10

Wanderer2010 wrote: »

If they did complain would you listen to them? Or would it not cross your mind that they might not want to complain to the boss?
Link to these studies please..

I already linked to a study carried out in Harvard, but as in my earlier post, Google is your friend, just type "team building research", there are loads.

I suspect you want to start an argument with me because it works for my business and no, I have not had any complaints. I would listen to them, if the outings were of no benefit, then what would be the point?

razorblunt

I wouldn't worry about cancellation costs for the company either, it's Corporate accounts, a drop in the ocean for them, even if it there are any costs.

Wanderer2010

davo10 wrote: »

I already linked to a study carried out in Harvard, but as in my earlier post, Google is your friend, just type "team building research", there are loads.

I suspect you want to start an argument with me because it works for my business and no, I have not had any complaints. I would listen to them, if the outings were of no benefit, then what would be the point?

You are picking me up wrong, I don't think you understand an employees viewpoint. I presume you weren't always a manager right? If you were told and not asked to go to that team building exercise several times a year would you not resent that? Id hate to work for someone who put social skills over competency.

davo10

Wanderer2010 wrote: »

You are picking me up wrong, I don't think you understand an employees viewpoint. I presume you weren't always a manager right? If you were told and not asked to go to that team building exercise several times a year would you not resent that? Id hate to work for someone who put social skills over competency.

My understanding is that the op cannot go due to an ill family member.

Wanderer2010

davo10 wrote: »

My understanding is that the op cannot go due to an ill family member.

Yes but all the emphasis on how "important" team building is can be downright misleading.

jon1981

What a p*xy time of the year for an annual team thing... as if christmas isn't busy enough. I travel regularly enough with work and I don't see the why this sort of event needs to be had so close to christmas?!

JustAThought

jon1981 wrote: »

What a p*xy time of the year for an annual team thing... as if christmas isn't busy enough. I travel regularly enough with work and I don't see the why this sort of event needs to be had so close to christmas?!

Y - I tend to find.jolly teambuilding events the hardest work I do and absolutely tedious and painful - but managers & HR put a lot of effort into them and like it or not combining a Christmas party with one is just a cost saving exercise. Likely nobody will want to go but saying so far in advance that you cant will look as if you (naturally) just want to not go (same as everyone else). The OP may feel secure in his excuse but what if they ask him if he is the sole carer? or how serious the illness is and can they expect further unavilibility for team events or important company events. That is likely to.be an outcome and althlough HR will pretend to care and be supportive you can sure a whole.lot of scrutiny will be put on him after this and it will.follow him. NOBODY wants to.go.away with work or to spend a.few days at christmas time away but unless it is a spouse on deaths door in hospital (God forbid) or a very serious illness where you are the only living relation that can help their specilised.medical care and they cannot be admitted.to.hospital I would be saying nothing and getting my wheelie suitecase and work-holiday valium ready.

Alf Veedersane

No one suggested that team building was more important than a sick family member.

Merely that the OP not publicly state to colleagues that it wasn't important.