Breastfeeding - why bother?

LegacyUser

So I know this is controversial but having breastfed my baby for 3 months and seeing the unbelievable difference in temperament, satiety and overall happiness once switching to the bottle I wonder -why on earth would I breastfeed the next one?
My friends who bottle-fed from the beginning have happy healthy kids (not one doctor's visit apart from jabs and that's for four babies including my own) who slept most of the night and fed every 4 hours and slept for the most part in between. My breastfed baby was tetchy, always hungry and forever on the boob. I did;t sleep for more than an hour at a time for 3 months. (I was lucky in that had no issues with supply, cracked nipples, mastitis etc so that isn't a factor here).
But life was ...sooo... hard.
Yes, he has the best nutrition but he is perfectly healthy now and a normal weight etc... and bottles are so much easier, I don;t care what anyone says about instant supply and temperature with breastmilk etc. It was a pain in the behind when out in public, only because of others; prejudice not mine but still made it so uncomfortable. Add in feeds every 2 hours and my life was ruined.
I really hope someone else feels like I do but I am sure I will get some backlash. Basically I am considering bottle-feeding my next one from the start.

January

You make your decision for you, and don't worry about what anyone else says.

shesty

I actually pay no heed to statistics about doctor's visits and health when it comes to bf.I just think they create extra pressure and I have seen both sides of it in my own kids and others....you have no real control over whether a child is sick enough to visit a doctor or have antibiotics, that's just life. Bf came easy to me in that babies latched on, had no problems with sleeping etc.But the first was bottle fed after 24 hrs due to dehydration and the second I introduced a bottle round 8 weeks after the second bout of oral thrush and antibiotics, and a septic sore throat for me, resulting in exhaustion, not enough milk ....throw in a toddler and I just couldn't keep it up.

It's what worked for me and I won't apologise for it.My only feeling on it is that it's nice to have the first couple of feeds as breast fed as a bonding experience, outside of that it's entirely personal choice.

jlm29

I've three kids, all breastfed, and I wouldn't do it any other way- because it suits me and my circumstances. If you want to formula feed, because it suits you better, just do that.

I would say though, that your second baby could be totally different to your first, so don't assume they'll both be the same - mine were all so different in terms of appetite, sleep patterns, temperament, and I don't think it mattered what they ate!

PhoenixParker

I've always combination fed due to low supply. For me it was worth it for the closeness and the cuddles. Once I got past the initial phase and worked out how much to supplement I didn't find it a hassle.

The ability to soothe any minor ailment, put him straight to sleep with a boob and not having to go down for bottles in the middle of the night were also invaluable.

From a health and sickness point of view I think the colostrum in the first few days is the real key to a healthy immune system. The longer term stuff is of relatively minot importance by comparison.

khaldrogo

The pressure our midwife (home birth) put on my wife to breastfeed was unbelievable. My wife had a terrible time on No.1 with latching, cracked nipples, supply etc. She was devastated and blaming herself but she was still determined to try to breastfeed No.2.

She had all the same issues and was emotionally and mentally done but the midwife kept on pushing. I had to step in and tell the midwife to F off basically.

Do whatever works for you.

scarepanda

Look, there's no right or wrong way to feed your baby, you need to do what's best for you and no one else. Don't pay any heed to what anyone else thinks, whether they are pro breastfeeding or not.

As to whether your baby is a happy relaxed baby who sleeps through etc, they are all different. I've a 14 month old breastfed baby who's slept 11/12hrs since she was about 10 weeks old. That's pretty good for any child, let alone a breastfed baby. But IMO that's just her and nothing to do with how she's fed. Other than a few sniffles she hasn't been sick so far and we haven't had to give her calpol even for teething, again we've just been lucky.

mrsmags16

I was similar in that I breastfed for almost three months and then switched to bottle.
Pros of breastfeeding - lovely bonding especially when baby is tiny, weight came off without much effort, you do feel you've 'lined the gut' with important antibodies etc in the first few weeks
Pros of bottles - baby is definitely going longer without feeds and sleeps better, easier when out and about (had a similar experience in Nando's where I was looked at like I was stripping), that awful screaming and scrambling for the boob every couple of hours is gone . I don't actually find night feeds any worse; the bottle is by the bed and he only wants an ounce or two before he drops off on it again anyway.
I felt my baby was so BIG at three months that continuing breastfeeding seemed ridiculous. He was swinging out of me and turning to look and everything and it all got a bit 'rough' as opposed to that lovely first few weeks where he curled up on me like a little monkey. I pumped and gave breastmilk in bottles but then I had to start using formula as he was still hungry. So I really enjoyed breastfeeding but everything got much easier when we switched to bottles. I would probably feel guilty if I had another one and didn't try breastfeeding but wouldn't be devastated if we had to use a bottle, let me put it that way. So I would do the same.
There is a bit too much pressure to breastfeed, my sister in law just had a baby and she was in tears when after a week she wasn't producing enough and had to switch to bottles. She felt so guilty. Similarly a checkout girl made a comment to me about not getting Boots points on formula 'because you're supposed to breastfeed' and I felt like saying I BLOODY DID ;-)

LegacyUser

Like everything, breastfeeding does have negatives!

My first boy ended up on a drip in hospital because of breastfeeding. I had no idea how much was being consumed, but it was not obviously not enough.
Then there is the guilt and emotional trauma involved because you have to give your baby 'demon' formula. Well I'd rather formula than death or organ failure because of under-nutrition.

I understand it works wonderfully for some people, but not everyone.

(I'm so glad you posted this)

rainbow kirby

Exclusively breastfed for the first 4 months here then combi-fed with the majority being boob until 15 months. We had an incredibly rough start - my son was readmitted to hospital at 3 days old after losing too much weight and becoming very jaundiced and was in for a few days in which time he started refusing boob. We got him back on anyway with the help of a herculean effort from a local peer supporter who came to the hospital on a Saturday afternoon and wasn't leaving until he was feeding well. My son then swung totally the other way and fed every 45 minutes during the day and every 90 minutes at night until he was 4 months old. At 20 weeks an IBCLC spotted a tongue tie which is most likely what caused the early problems, but by the time he was seen on the NHS at 24 weeks he already had teeth and was slowly growing out of his issues so it wasn't cut.

I'm 23 weeks along with #2 at the moment and haven't quite decided yet how I'll feed the new baby. I'll most likely start breastfeeding anyway because night feeds are a million times easier with boob but will stick some of the small formula bottles in my hospital bag just in case and will introduce a bottle in general at a relatively early stage. I do not want any bottle refusal shenanigans particularly if baby is anything like as much of a milk beast as their big brother! I also haven't got a bloody clue how to wean off the boob, we stopped because there literally wasn't a drop of milk left by the time I was 10 weeks pregnant this time.

michellie

Bottle fed my 1st one 9 years ago, no issues at all and it suits me, will be bottlefeeding the next one next year too.

Mango Joe

January wrote: »

You make your decision for you, and don't worry about what anyone else says.

Is this always the right answer? Do people always act in the best interests of their children because they are always sufficiently educated, informed, conscientious, motivated, inspired, and responsible enough to do this without the risk of lots of kids becoming neglected and malnourished and ignored and countless other undesirable outcomes?

Am not sure doing whatever you want always without any regard to nature or science or common sense or responsible action ever is quite ok or responsible advice....

* edit and before people start a riot - I don't mean the above comment with regard to breastfeeding - Just the blanket advice to do what you feel like if it suits you which I think is entirely feckless...... especially when society already has vasts amount of *****s doing exactly what they like while their children suffer as a result of their apathy and ignorance.

Sesame

I loved breastfeeding. It felt a little like the laziest option as no getting up at night or spending time in the kitchen.

I never knew about that benefit until I started but it definitely is the lazy man option.

If the baby squeaks during the night. Reach over, lie them beside boob and you can both drift back to sleep.
On my second, I never felt tired during the day or had a bad night. Boob solved everything.

I never had to get up out of my bed or go anywhere or pace the floors.

On my first, I didn't realise you could breast feed lying down. I used to get up and sit in a chair! Crazy now when I remember, I was clueless.

To help with this I had a pull down sleeping bra (like a crop top). I co-slept or had a little co-sleeper cot beside me.

Baby hardly cried during that first year and my husband never had to get up for night wakings, so happy house all round.

I don't think you can bottle feed and co-sleep (Although I stand corrected as I don't know anything about bottle feeding but I'd imagine it would spill)

*Obviously all babies and boobs are different, but being more knowledgeable and confident with my second definitely played a part in how relaxed he and I were.

scarepanda

To be fair mango joe, your post is quite irrelevant to the topic of this thread. I do agree with you on a broader scale, but not when it comes to how a woman should feed her baby.

She should 100% do what's right and works best for her. I'm pro breastfeeding, I'm still feeding my 14 month old. But I don't agree with the pressure that's put on new mothers as to how they choose to feed their baby. Yes breast milk is more natural, but a child is not going to miss out on nutrients by being bottle fed. The worst thing a woman can do is keep going at breastfeeding if its putting her at risk physically, emotionally or mentally or if its going to put baby at risk.

I had a hard time getting started. I had an awful dose of the baby blues while I was still in hospital and I was in agony. I still wanted to breastfeed my baby, but I came so so close to giving up in the hospital because of the pressure and attitude of the lactation consultant in the hospital and I was a mother who actively wanted to breastfeed. I'm only still feeding my LO because of the support I got off a couple of midwives, but one in particular who gave me a positive peptalk without adding any pressure to me at what was probably my lowest point. I was probably one feed away from formula at that stage.

optogirl

I found it easy in the hospital on both but a couple of days later the pain was absolutely unbearable. The relief & the knowledge that they were getting a good feed once I switched to bottles was immense

Dial Hard

Mango Joe wrote:

* edit and before people start a riot - I don't mean the above comment with regard to breastfeeding - Just the blanket advice to do what you feel like if it suits you which I think is entirely feckless...... especially when society already has vasts amount of *****s doing exactly what they like while their children suffer as a result of their apathy and ignorance.

The comment was clearly meant in the context of breast feeding, though, so I'm not really sure what your post was meant to add to the discussion?

shesty

See Sesame, I didn't have that experience.I actually had to consciously stop feeding her lying down because she would wake after an hour in agony with wind, and would puke all over the bed.Every time.It so depends on the child really.

My preference would be to combo feed....from the start to introduce a bottle maybe at bedtime or in the night, to get a stretch of sleep.I don't function well without sleep, I end up sick, and as I learned last time, I don't produce enough milk.You live and learn, OP and you are definitely less worried about the 'right' thing second time round.

As for the poster questioning the 'right thing'.....in the context of breastfeeding, in particular when it comes to second, third etc babies-yes, you do what works, and what suits you.If you have two smallies, you do whatever lets you get fed and sleep to be a good enough parent to them.With your first you are probably more concerned with what is "right' or "best' and you do have more time to put in to it.

As regards doing what suits in relation to the rest of life, no it's not that appropriate all the time, but it really depends on the context.

jlm29

Its also fierce handy in a power cut, I realised this week!

scarepanda

jlm29 wrote: »

Its also fierce handy in a power cut, I realised this week!

I was thinking the same thing the other night!

LegacyUser

EarnedDayDream wrote: »

If you find that you're next child grows up to get sick more often, perhaps you'll realise why that might be!

I'll always remember that scene from Two and a Half Men, where (after making a fool of himself) Alan Harper says "I was a bottle baby"!

If only everything in life was that black and white.

Yes, breast milk is probably best - but what if your baby ends up on a drip in hospital due to breast feeding problems?

scarepanda

Agree so much wrote: »

If only everything in life was that black and white.

Yes, breast milk is probably best - but what if your baby ends up on a drip in hospital due to breast feeding problems?

Yes there are undoubted benefits to breastfeeding, but not so much to push it that far that the baby gets sick. But it also goes to show how broken the system is that a mother can push it that far and probably feel under that much pressure to breastfeed, without anyone saying 'hey your baby is getting too dehydrated, these are your options' before the baby needs to be hospitalised. And there are always other options be it combined feed, exclusively pump, using nipple shields etc. The pressure is put on mothers to breastfeed without adequate, quality support and advice while they are in the hospital but in particular after they go home, regardless of whether they want to continue to exclusively breastfeed or find another option that works better for them. And no mother should be made feel like they are a bad mother just because they have decided to stop breastfeeding.

mrsmags16

Mango Joe wrote: »

Is this always the right answer? Do people always act in the best interests of their children because they are always sufficiently educated, informed, conscientious, motivated, inspired, and responsible enough to do this without the risk of lots of kids becoming neglected and malnourished and ignored and countless other undesirable outcomes?

Am not sure doing whatever you want always without any regard to nature or science or common sense or responsible action ever is quite ok or responsible advice....

* edit and before people start a riot - I don't mean the above comment with regard to breastfeeding - Just the blanket advice to do what you feel like if it suits you which I think is entirely feckless...... especially when society already has vasts amount of *****s doing exactly what they like while their children suffer as a result of their apathy and ignorance.

But the topic is about breastfeeding vs bottle-feeding...neither are making the child suffer nor malnourished nor neglected. We are talking about the mums' experience.

mrsmags16

scarepanda wrote: »

Yes there are undoubted benefits to breastfeeding, but not so much to push it that far that the baby gets sick. But it also goes to show how broken the system is that a mother can push it that far and probably feel under that much pressure to breastfeed, without anyone saying 'hey your baby is getting too dehydrated, these are your options' before the baby needs to be hospitalised. And there are always other options be it combined feed, exclusively pump, using nipple shields etc. The pressure is put on mothers to breastfeed without adequate, quality support and advice while they are in the hospital but in particular after they go home, regardless of whether they want to continue to exclusively breastfeed or find another option that works better for them. And no mother should be made feel like they are a bad mother just because they have decided to stop breastfeeding.

I agree re: support- I nearly gave up on day 3 when my milk came in. I didn't realise the pain and engorgement would go after a day or so. I would have stopped only I Googled it... luckily I had a section and was still in hospital and the midwife was super supportive once I raised it with her. But they could have bloody told me in advance!

scarepanda

mrsmags16 wrote: »

I agree re: support- I nearly gave up on day 3 when my milk came in. I didn't realise the pain and engorgement would go after a day or so. I would have stopped only I Googled it... luckily I had a section and was still in hospital and the midwife was super supportive once I raised it with her. But they could have bloody told me in advance!

I was in a similar situation, mine started to come in on day 4, but not properly till day 5 or even 6 if i remember correctly. I had a section as well, first baby and i lost 3 or 4 times more blood than they would normally expect. All of this contributed to my supply being slow coming in, which contributed to sore nipples and made the baby blues worse. But not one word if this was mentioned to me, even by the lactation consultant, until day 3 or 4 (when I got that lovely midwife). If I had been given all of that info in the beginning i don't believe that the first few days would have been as hard to deal with because i would have expected it. It really annoys me how they sell the fairytale of breastfeeding, but never mention the practical stuff.

blackbird86

Different babies have different temperaments, just because your first was unsettled on the boob it doesn't mean all breastfed babies are like that or that your next will be.

Why bother breastfeeding? Because it's giving a baby a live substance full of antibodies, that changes feed to feed to give them exactly what they need.

Because it has numerous health benefits for both baby and mother.

Because of the comfort and security it gives them.

Because it's the biological norm.

I don't care btw how someone else feeds their baby, it's up to each person and I don't think anyone should be forced into it. But I hate when people try to claim that there's no difference between breast milk and formula, there's a massive difference between the two and always will be.

meeeeh

There is no denying that breastfeeding can be challenging especially at the beginning. And sometimes persevering with breastfeeding can be more damaging than bottle feeding. But judging by breastfeeding rates in other countries most women are perfectly capable to breastfed.

Loveinapril

I am not familiar with all the pressure people are mentioning here either. I am nearly 9 months pregnant and I have never once felt pressured to feed my baby in a particular way. Breastfeeding was mentioned at my booking appointment, I was told I could go to a free breastfeeding class in the hospital if I wanted, and the antenatal class focused on both breast and bottle feeding. I have lots of friends and colleagues with young children/ babies and they all fed differently. The only time I heard anyone mention feeling pressured was a friend who recently had a baby and planned to exclusively breastfeed but the midwives were encouraging a formula top up in the hospital.

Breastfed both mine. The two experiences couldn’t have been more different! No1 not a bother. 5 minuets a side every 3 hours on the button.
No2 half an hour every 2 hours left us both exhausted and miserable. Changed to bottle at 6 weeks and never looked back.
Whatever works for you is the way to go. Good Luck and enjoy your baby.

AttentionBebe

Loveinapril wrote: »

I am not familiar with all the pressure people are mentioning here either. I am nearly 9 months pregnant and I have never once felt pressured to feed my baby in a particular way. Breastfeeding was mentioned at my booking appointment, I was told I could go to a free breastfeeding class in the hospital if I wanted, and the antenatal class focused on both breast and bottle feeding. I have lots of friends and colleagues with young children/ babies and they all fed differently. The only time I heard anyone mention feeling pressured was a friend who recently had a baby and planned to exclusively breastfeed but the midwives were encouraging a formula top up in the hospital.

In fairness you haven't experienced it because you haven't had the baby yet!

Personally I combo fed before and I'd do the same again. Best of both worlds for me, all the joy of easy night feeds and instant comforting but also gives a break when needed.

catrionanic

Such a huge part of misconceptions about BFing vs bottle-feeding, and such a big cause of why the dropout from BFing in the early weeks is so high, is due to education and support. There just isn’t enough of either. Pressuring a woman to breastfeed will only cause stress and anxiety and all sorts of issues - what she needs is to be given support to find breastfeeding solutions to breastfeeding problems.

The vast majority of reasons people had bad experiences with BFing could have been sorted out if the woman was given sufficient support from the right health professionals. But the support isn’t always there - and so the women, and sometimes the babies, suffer.

Nobody can be faulted for trying it and moving onto bottles because it wasn’t right for them - you have to do what’s right for your family. But it is wrong to demonise breastfeeding and to blame BFing for many of the problems that can arise - because there are almost always solutions, but we often don’t have enough experience, knowledge and support to work through them.

Sinead Mc1

I know exactly what you mean. I breast fed for 3 months with my first and combined from day one on my second. The change when you switch is unreal. The temperament completely changed. I defo think (for some mammies) there's the general pressure, that is defo there, and then they get attached to it themselves. Due in April and don't know if I'll bother!