How much to spend on a ring

LirW

ArthurG wrote: »

I’m gobsmacked to read that anyone could possibly still consider spending several grand on a ring as important or indicative of the ‘amount of love they have for the relationship’ or however that earlier poster put it.

Just go to the wedding boards, plenty of people there that don't talk about anything else.
I recall a girl posting on there a while ago that was talking about her engagement ring long before she got in engaged in the like of: she has it designed already, she knows what it costs and shouldn't be cheaper than 5k.
Outrageous.

Permabear

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pilly

fergus1001 wrote:

So don't get married ?

Where did you get that from in my post? Did you even read the rest of it?

Permabear

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Ronin247

fergus1001 wrote: »

Am I daft in thinking an engagement ring and a wedding ring are two different things ?

There are 3 rings involved in getting married. The engagement ring
The Wedding ring and the Suffering

Lily Munster

Jeez, whatever you can afford - four figures for a finger band is madness! An absolutely beautiful ring could be bought for €200 or even less. If a guy can afford a really expensive ring, off he goes I guess (if he really wants to) but any woman who expects this - well I don't think that bodes well. I think she should buy him a gift too.

I'm not against all traditions but I think some should be turned on their head.

up for anything

fergus1001 wrote: »

Post that in after hours and the women would burn you at the steak (reason I asked here)

I think you do the women of After Hours a serious injustice and if you have that attitude towards women perhaps you shouldn't be getting married to one.

A_Sober_Paddy wrote: »

So the bride gets an expensive ring, what those the groom get? Say a man pays 3k for engagement ring so the bride go buy him something?

Titfortatery, a first cousin to whataboutery. Does everything between men and women have to be balanced equally constantly with no give and take? What happens when the bride who gets an expensive ring and doesn't get her fiancé anything ends up spending the bulk of her life pushing his wheelchair after he's taken a nasty spill off his motorbike because she loves him? Should she bail out of the relationship when he's had €3K worth of care just to equalise things?

fergus1001 wrote: »

I wouldn't have that conversation with her, we have talked about the wedding a house that we are going to build ect but I would be a tad bit old fashioned and would like it to be a suprise moment for her

Just a note to everyone she never wears rings as they make her finger feel uncomfortable what would you think of being married and she doesn't wear the ring ?

It strikes me that you don't know the woman that you've had those conversations with about weddings and houses at all. Why are you intending to ask her to marry you when you don't know what her reaction would be to the price of an engagement ring?

fergus1001 wrote: »

Ah it would be incineration , if you posted in other forums here you would be burnt alive for suggesting marriage in the first place

Jesus, you're full of shite talk! :D Is this your safe space?


If you have no idea of the character of the woman you're intending to marry, either start finding out or don't marry. Sheesh!

Noodles81

A_Sober_Paddy wrote: »

So the bride gets an expensive ring, what those the groom get? Say a man pays 3k for engagement ring so the bride go buy him something?

Yes I agree. I'm getting my fiance a watch of his choosing. I said to pick one around the cost of my engagement ring. He has his eye on a tag heure. I love the idea of us both wearing something as a symbol of our love. He'll wait to wear it on our wedding day as I'm superstitious!

SuperS54

Whole diamonds thing is BS, my wife's ring has a synthetic and no lay person would ever notice. We bought gold his and hers wedding rings and an engagement ring for well less than EU1000 in total, we also didn't get around to buying them until we were married near 2 years, simply not particularly important for us....If the rings and the cost are more important than the actual engagement an/or marriage then the relationship is questionable.

shopper2011

3.5k on engagement ring, then 1k on wedding ring. She picked out rings.
I know others that saved money on engagement rings that they picked themselves and wifes "loved" etc and then wife blew loads on wedding rings.

Buy her the best you can afford and don't try and buy ****e.
Buy cheap, buy twice!

Sit down and watch the movie blood diamond then go get a synthetic.
Synthetics are the way to go, some are totally flawless and cant be told apart from diamonds by jewellers without electronic testers......i.e even with a jewellers loupe you cannot see any difference.

People were sold a lie by the de beers company over the decades and it stuck

theteal

shopper2011 wrote: »

Buy cheap, buy twice!

Ha ha, that's an expression used for actual necessary items. I wouldn't use it in reference to shiny little pieces of compressed carbon with the sole function of showing to her friends to further perpetuate the engagement ring myth that was created by a jewellery company.

Mellor

mik_da_man wrote: »

Depends on your available funds really.
The old 3 monthly salary thing was introduced by Tiffany I think, so ignore that.

Was DeBeers actually. Originally it was 1 month, then 2 months in the 80s. # months recently. Load of BS obvious. Like asking McDonalds how often you should eat fast food.

up for anything wrote: »

Does everything between men and women have to be balanced equally constantly with no give and take?

Of course not. Buy if this thread were about salaries, sudden that goes out the window and it's all about gender inequality.

What happens when the bride who gets an expensive ring and doesn't get her fiancé anything ends up spending the bulk of her life pushing his wheelchair after he's taken a nasty spill off his motorbike because she loves him? Should she bail out of the relationship when he's had €3K worth of care just to equalise things?

She might want to add the 20 years he was the sole bread winner to the total before she fecks off. :rolleyes:

shopper2011 wrote: »

Buy her the best you can afford and don't try and buy ****e.
Buy cheap, buy twice!

Does the most expensive equal the best for you?

witzky

6K engagement ring & 1k wedding ring. Both bought from our joint savings account. We were together 12 years by that point. Worked for us.

Mind boggles how couples about to get married don't talk about these things openly.

All the best op!

Wanderer78

Jesus, how materialistic have some become! Just spend as much time with your loved one as you can, expressing your love and respect for each other in whatever ways work for you. Don't mind this materialistic nonsense, I.e. making others wealthy on the back of your hard earned money

El_Duderino 09

fergus1001 wrote:

I wouldn't have that conversation with her, we have talked about the wedding a house that we are going to build ect but I would be a tad bit old fashioned and would like it to be a suprise moment for her

The that's fair enough. Could you have the conversation in a roundabout way? Like saying there was a wan in work showing us her ring... See if she tells you what she would like.

fergus1001 wrote:

Just a note to everyone she never wears rings as they make her finger feel uncomfortable what would you think of being married and she doesn't wear the ring ?

If she doesn't wear rings then she might not be as old fashioned as yourself.

You're free to pick your fashion with weddings. You can use tradition to your advantage than be a slave to it. You could end up spending a fortune on a ring which she doesn't appreciate and feels obliged to wear. Meanwhile she could prefer you put that money towards the house deposit.

There must be a way to find out her preference.

Pivot Eoin

Be reasonable about it.

If you are like most couples that age, you wont be ultra loaded, whatever you spend on a ring, will delay you in buying a house, or paying for the wedding, pumping out your first kid etc. Talk to your lady about it and make sure she knows that, and agree the kind of level spending that suits the other (Frankly far more important things) in your relationship.

A little trick with that is to Agree a level of spend, and then have about 10-20% extra put aside yourself to just deliver a ring slightly ahead of her expectations. She'll love it regardless man. Everyone's a winner and you dont go losing sleep over what you've spent.

Good luck!

Ann22

My engagement ring in 1996 was around E400 I think.. I loved it and wouldn't have been happy to spend more when we were saving hard for a house.

heroics

Got a cheap ring (like 10€) to propose then went shopping next day for a ring. Wife picked it out ~1500€ bears absolutely no relation to my salary. I would have paid more for a ring she liked. She still has the cheap ring in the jewelry box

She also bought me a Tag as well.

El_Duderino 09

shopper2011 wrote:

Buy cheap, buy twice!

I got silver which is a softer metal. The designer said that the design would wear down and would be noticeable in 10ish years. I had a think about it and decided I would either get the design redone or get a new ring. What are the chances that I would like the same pattern for the rest of my life? I really liked the look of some of the ones with gold and silver interwoven so I think I would go for one of those if I can afford it at the time.

By the time we'd finished chatting about it she was interested in the idea of us both getting new rings some time in the future if we wanted them.

The ring is not the marriage. You're free to pick and choose your traditions.

fixXxer

mik_da_man wrote: »

The old 3 monthly salary thing was introduced by Tiffany I think, so ignore that.

Interesting that. Down my neck of the woods it was looked as basically its practice for saving for other things as you'll never be able to afford big things outright. A test of commitment and practicality together.

Loveinapril

El_Duderino 09 wrote: »

I got silver which is a softer metal.

My husband chose a plain silver band as he wanted it to get all battered and scratched from wear. I think it cost €30 or something and I bought it about 4 months after we married. It was his third attempt at a wedding ring because the previous two were antique ones and tarnished or turned his skin green!

My engagement ring is an antique too. I couldn't live with the idea of wearing something that cost thousands.

El_Duderino 09

Loveinapril wrote: »

My husband chose a plain silver band as he wanted it to get all battered and scratched from wear. I think it cost €30 or something and I bought it about 4 months after we married. It was his third attempt at a wedding ring because the previous two were antique ones and tarnished or turned his skin green!

My engagement ring is an antique too. I couldn't live with the idea of wearing something that cost thousands.

This is it. If you actually focus on the thing you’re buying and not traditions around it, it becomes much more interesting. I thought buying rings would be a chore but when we started liking into it we got rings that we really wanted. That’s a symbol of my marriage that I really like.

Lily Munster

up for anything wrote: »

I think you do the women of After Hours a serious injustice and if you have that attitude towards women perhaps you shouldn't be getting married to one.



Titfortatery, a first cousin to whataboutery. Does everything between men and women have to be balanced equally constantly with no give and take? What happens when the bride who gets an expensive ring and doesn't get her fiancé anything ends up spending the bulk of her life pushing his wheelchair after he's taken a nasty spill off his motorbike because she loves him? Should she bail out of the relationship when he's had €3K worth of care just to equalise things?




It strikes me that you don't know the woman that you've had those conversations with about weddings and houses at all. Why are you intending to ask her to marry you when you don't know what her reaction would be to the price of an engagement ring?



Jesus, you're full of shite talk! :D Is this your safe space?


If you have no idea of the character of the woman you're intending to marry, either start finding out or don't marry. Sheesh!

I'm very familiar with After Hours, and I agree - what Fergus says about how women would react to "Buy cheap and prioritise a house" is utterly in his head. What would actually happen (because the topic has come up there numerous times) is that most people - male and female - would agree with him, and a minority would disagree. That minority would include men. And the objectors would be concerned about what people think/not looking stingy. And as for "You'd be eaten alive in some forums for even suggesting marriage" - what?!
Which forums?! Utterly in the head! :pac:
Look at all the women here not interested in an expensive ring, except for one talking as if less than three grand is a cheap ring, and numerous people have questioned her.

At the same time though, while I don't think men and women should feel obliged to reciprocate every little gesture, I do think the woman should reciprocate when it comes to a gesture as big as an engagement ring. Makes no sense in any other context for something to be as one-sided. It's silly I think to follow a tradition to the letter just because it's the done thing. What if he doesn't have a motorbike accident?

I think you're focusing way too much on what people think, and "the done thing", Fergus - stuff like "Are an engagement ring and a wedding ring two different things?"... you really had to ask this? And when someone said not to buy a wedding ring (seeing as she doesn't like wearing rings) you said "Don't get married so?"... It's like you seem to be just doing a box-ticking exercise. Where is the love?!

Nothing wrong with traditions - I love traditions, but some deserve to be questioned. Crippling yourself financially for a good while just because of a done thing is ludicrous - and to be honest (and I hate myself for using this expression!) sheep-like. Spend only what you can afford, and work a neck chain or bracelet into your budget on which she can attach the ring if she doesn't like wearing rings. Actually a charm bracelet would be a beautiful idea in my opinion. Other symbols could be added to it over the years.

Two of my nieces boyfriends proposed with a token ring. They then chose the official ring together. However, both have more mass in the token ring and wear them all the time where the official one spends most of the time in the drawer.

fergus1001

Lily Munster wrote:

I'm very familiar with After Hours, and I agree - what Fergus says about how women would react to "Buy cheap and prioritise a house" is utterly in his head. What would actually happen (because the topic has come up there numerous times) is that most people - male and female - would agree with him, and a minority would disagree. That minority would include men. And the objectors would be concerned about what people think/not looking stingy. And as for "You'd be eaten alive in some forums for even suggesting marriage" - what?! Which forums?! Utterly in the head! Look at all the women here not interested in an expensive ring, except for one talking as if less than three grand is a cheap ring, and numerous people have questioned her.

I think humour got lost in the text !

I was looking on donedeal and seen a few nice rings that were a couple of grand when bought and being sold off for a fraction of its original cost

Would it be bad luck? Seeing as the rings must of previously been from a shot down proposal !

Rubberchikken

I like traditions as much as the next guy but rings espevially engagement rings leave me cold.
Pointless spending money on a ring when money could be needed down the road for a home.

Agreed that after hours wouldn't be so bad bout this topic


It's the wedding forum that would have a group cardiac arrest at the thought of a cheap ring

Permabear

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d31b0y

Go to a jeweller and get something custom made. You'll likely pay a fraction of the cost and it will be unique.
I did this for the wifes engagement ring and she loved the idea so much that we did the same with both wedding rings.

nikkisclearout

fergus1001 wrote: »

Post that in after hours and the women would burn you at the steak (reason I asked here)

Any woman who is bothered about the price of her engagement ring shouldn't get one!!

mcgiggles

snowflaked wrote:

A cheap ring would make you question their effort/ value on the relationship. Different story if there is basically no money for a ring , no means of saving. then the woman would be more understanding. I think saving for a ring shows a little bit more thought and love

Oh FFS
#notions

whoopsadoodles

fergus1001 wrote: »

Would it be bad luck? Seeing as the rings must of previously been from a shot down proposal !

Absolutely not. You don't even know if the ring you're buying in a jewellers that you think is "new" wasn't returned within 14 days etc because of being shot down.

I got a very cheap engagement ring, it's what we could afford and I loved it. I unfortunately lost it and was pretty cut up about it. I went without for a few years and ended up buying one myself in a jewelers that was closing down in New York when I was there for the weekend. Course I don't wear one at all now, but I certainly wouldn't believe in the good or bad luck nonsense.

If I was getting engaged again, I'm not sure I'd even wear a ring (not a big jewelry person) but if I was it would be a nice dress ring, and I certainly wouldn't expect any stupid amount of money to be spent on it. I bought a stunning ring recently for myself for €55 in a small jewellers in powerscourt centre in Dublin. It's sterling silver, the only difference is I would prefer (white) gold for everyday wear but it's absolutely beautiful. I would be delighted to wear that all the time. Here, if anyone is interested in what you can get for next to nothing.

MONEILL90

fergus1001 wrote:

Good evening gentlemen I'm wondering how much you spent on an engagement ring relative to your means

I'd say 1 to 2 months wages should do the trick. That was the rule I went by when saving. Once you start looking you'll soon realise that you can get beautiful looking engagement rings for very affordable prices. Take your time shopping.

If you do some homework and learn the basics about diamond weight, clarity, colour and cut, your opinion may change regarding the money you want to spend. You can sacrifice some elements of quality for something that looks better or vice versa. The price is largely reflected by the diamond quality.

I knew the style that my fiance liked so I was able to make compromises between what she likes and the quality of the ring. She absolutely loves it.

Permabear

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Lux23

We are looking at a budget of about €2-3k. If we find something cheaper that I like then that is great, I wouldn't spend the money just because we have it.

pilly

Permabear wrote: »

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I get what you're saying but if there is to be a guideline figure it has to be linked to what someone can afford.

Let's say someone decided the average to spend was 5k, that might be huge money for one person and pocket change to another.

Do you know what I mean?

Not that I think there should be an average but jaysus some lads need some kind of guide what to save up.

El_Duderino 09

pilly wrote: »

I get what you're saying but if there is to be a guideline figure it has to be linked to what someone can afford.

Let's say someone decided the average to spend was 5k, that might be huge money for one person and pocket change to another.

Do you know what I mean?

Not that I think there should be an average but jaysus some lads need some kind of guide what to save up.

Depends how the couple use their money. In our situation we both save as much as we can towards a house deposit. So our money is effectively pooled even though we keep our money in our own accounts. So any money that either if is spends is taking from the house deposit.

The ‘guide’ in our case was worked out between us on how much we wanted to spend on the wedding and how much of that budget was for rings.

I might be in the minority but I think it’s madness to spend so much money on someone without asking them what they actually want.

pilly

El_Duderino 09 wrote: »

Depends how the couple use their money. In our situation we both save as much as we can towards a house deposit. So our money is effectively pooled even though we keep our money in our own accounts. So any money that either if is spends is taking from the house deposit.

The ‘guide’ in our case was worked out between us on how much we wanted to spend on the wedding and how much of that budget was for rings.

I might be in the minority but I think it’s madness to spend so much money on someone without asking them what they actually want.

No I totally agree, I would be gutted if someone spent a fortune on a ring for me that I didn't like. You've to look at it for the rest of your life (with any luck), it's a very important decision.

Permabear

Permabear wrote: »

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In fairness, anything you buy at all that's more expensive than a bag of chips is very likely going to get graded in this fashion?

Icepick

As little as possible

Permabear

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Permabear

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fergus1001

I think I'm going to set a budget of 800 to 1000 euro so I'm not accused of being tight and not enough that my girlfriend would feel uncomfortable with it !

I'm glad I sparked a good debate, it is good to have it in the confines of the gentleman's lounge so we get a different perspective from what you would normally get elsewhere

retro:electro

fergus1001 wrote: »

I think I'm going to set a budget of 800 to 1000 euro so I'm not accused of being tight and not enough that my girlfriend would feel uncomfortable with it !

I'm glad I sparked a good debate, it is good to have it in the confines of the gentleman's lounge so we get a different perspective from what you would normally get elsewhere

Best of luck! I'm sure you'll get something lovely.

utyh2ikcq9z76b

Permabear wrote: »

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Why a ring at all? It all just stems from a DeBeers diamond cartel marketing campaign


https://youtu.be/N5kWu1ifBGU

BorneTobyWilde

Marriage should be a running contract with a view to renewing it after 3 years.

fergus1001

BorneTobyWilde wrote:

Marriage should be a running contract with a view to renewing it after 3 years.

How about we get HR to conduct an annual appraisal

anewme

I think buy what you can afford at whatever stage of life you are at. And whether your partner likes jewellery or not.

I see nothing wrong with spending 100, 500, 1,000 on a ring and likewise I see nothing wrong with spending 10k on a ring if you can afford it and that's what you are into.

Just because something is expensive (again depends on your definition of expensive) does not mean it would be "flashy". Again, is individual perceptions of what is "flashy"

I also don't think the man should stump up either, if a couple come to a joint decision, the ring should come out of joint finances.

I don't think anyone should be judged on what is their personal choice, once they can afford it.

For example, I'd rather spend my money on ring or a watch or holiday than ever spend big money on a wedding, but other people would do it the other way round and there's nothing wrong with either.

if you can afford to and want to eat at a local pizza restaurant and that makes you comfortable, then do so, but if you can afford to and enjoy eating out in a Michelin Starred restaurant, then do so as well.not everyone who buys "nice" things does so to flash the cash or on credit.

I know a guy who spent a lot of money on flying lessons (always mad into flying and planes) and some of his friends were saying it was a waste of money, he worked hard, so why not enjoy it.

Permabear

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