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Is there a blame policy as regards separation and custody

  • 07-11-2017 6:36pm
    #1
    Goat the dote
    Registered Users Posts: 726 ✭✭✭


    Hi,
    Im just wondering is there a “blame” policy when it comes to separation and custody of a child?
    I’m my child’s main carer (asd and other issues) and am in receipt of carers benefit and DCA for the child.
    I cheated on my husband. I am considering leaving him as he is emotionally abusive to me and has threatened physical abuse.
    He found out about the cheating and we were trying to work through it but I think it’s unworkable.

    He thinks he will get custody because I cheated.
    He has little patience when it comes to the child’s asd related behaviour s and habits.
    He plans to get himself sacked from his job and claim the dole (and work on the sly with his mother minding the child).
    I have depression issues but they have never affected my child’s wellbeing or safety.

    What chance do I have of retaining custody given the above?


Comments

  • #2
    Ken.
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,898 ✭✭✭✭Ken.


    Ireland operates a no blame divorce policy. The judge will weight everything up fairly. You might want to go to your local flac centre or go to a solicitor.

    https://www.flac.ie/help/centres/ Pick your county from the drop down menu.


  • #3
    vectorvictor
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 745 ✭✭✭vectorvictor


    You need to remember these are two separate matters. Separation and Custody. You cheating will have no relevance in a custody matter, likewise your views of his parenting skills are unlikely to get a hearing. The court likely will look at the childs current routine and select an option which will disrupt that to a minimum i.e. school, supports, doctors etc..

    From personal experience a court won't care that he is getting himself sacked or any other claims you have to make about him and will apply the same to his views of your moral compass. This falls into their nonsense category.

    Unless the court has concerns about the welfare of the child whilst in your care then the Dad is as likely to turn into your dream man as he is to get sole custody. Joint custody would be quite a likely outcome however in reality this is dressed up access.

    A medical note from your doctor or preferably community mental health to confirm your depression is under control would be good to good to have in your back pocket if any attempts are made to suggest it is likely to have an affect on your child.

    Good luck with whatever happens. Separating is a highly emotional time and make sure you use whatever supports are there for you to recognise the signs and manage your depression during this time. As for custody, remember that the challenge is to find the best outcome to give them a loving mam and dad and isn't an opportunity to punish each other.


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