Work/Life Prospects for Extreme Gamer Addicts

GanAinm1

I am the youngest (mid-20s) of 3 in my household, my parents separated 12 years ago so we were brought up solely by my Mam. My father had no involvement whatsoever in our upbringing, despite being married to my Mam for some 17 years. About 11-12 years ago (just shortly after the time my parents separated) my brother ("R") began playing World of Warcraft ("WOW"). He was in Leaving Cert at the time and suddenly became addicted to this online game. This resulted in him doing all-nighters each night, refusing to attend school and failing his LC. My Mam was doing everything she could to beg him to go to school but considering the separation saga my Mam was going through, I suppose she had other things to worry about.


Fast forward 2 years and "R" is full-time addicted to WOW, he doesn't work, socialize or have any interest in doing anything else. He refuses to socialise and engage in family events. To make matters worse, my eldest brother "M" (who between this time gets his girlfriend pregnant when they were both 19ish) starts playing WOW, he also does not work but at this stage, it seemed as though he was merely going through a phase as he had other things going on in his life on a daily basis.

Although there were warning signs evident at this stage, my Mam believed that this was merely a phase for both R & M and she gave them the space they needed to decide what they wanted to do with their lives. Keeping in mind that my Mam was the sole supporter for our family and had 4 children between 13-22 at this stage. My Mam was a nurse and her income, without any support from my Dad, was barely getting us by.


Fast forward another 8 years - myself and my other sibling moved out of home immediately upon finishing school, attended 3rd level education, achieved undergrad & postgrad degrees whilst supporting ourselves financially through part-time work during this time and now have jobs that relate to our degrees. Both R & M are now turning 30 and are still doing the same thing - they have not worked a day in their lives and are more than ever, addicted to online games. They're Social Benefits have been cut of due to the fact that they can't even apply themselves to carry out the FAS Courses and to seek, thereafter employment. Throughout the years they have attempted to different attend IT courses but dropped out and failed at everything they started. This has resulted in my Mam working to pay of the debt they've caused as a result of their fees. My Mam is still supporting them financially, paying their rent and hoping that they will figure out what they are doing with their lives.

However, in the past two years, my Mam had some health problems and because of this, she has been advised that she should retire early. My Mam does not own her family home, she has no savings and has used almost every penny she makes for the past 10 years to help my brothers out (especially M who has a daughter who is now 10 years old) We are now at a stage where this is not financially sustainable for my Mam who now needs to put herself first and make the best choices for her. Despite this, R decides to attend another course as of this year, which is 3 years long, rather than get a job and M has made no effort to sort out his situation. M has suggested that maybe he will try to go back to college and that way, he'd be "doing something with his life" however, my opinion on this is - if he wants to go to college, get a job and save for it and that you do not need a degree to get a job in the first place.


Their lifestyle is very toxic and it is polar opposite to my morals and daily routine. Anytime I have returned to my hometown during holidays, both R and M are so addicted to their computers they won’t even have a conversation with us. They still stay up all night long and sleep during daylight hours. They will literally wake up and proceed to sitting at their computers and will not leave that spot until they go to sleep again or when they eat. They are both cut off from the world, they have lost any friends they have and the only daily communication they have is with their online "friends." M, who has a child, has no real relationship with the child's mother and does the absolute bare minimum with the child. In fact - i've noticed recently that M appears to be interested in the child (who is now 10) when he has the child play Minecraft/WOW... (this is absolutely aggravating for me!!) They both live together still and they live in poverty and have no real prospects in life, nevermind the drive or aspirations to have a better quality life. They are extremely lazy and will live in their own dirt until my Mam visits them every few months and cleans their house. They have no interest in anything else in life and often go weeks without leaving the house or seeing anybody other than themselves.

At this stage, neither my other sibling or I have any relationship with R or M, I don't even know what to say to them anymore. I am beyond embarrassed and sickened to have two older brothers who have fallen into this horrible lifestyle. Both my other sibling and I have worked so hard to achieve what we can and to do well in life. My Mam is absolutely heartbroken over all of this, she has tried everything throughout the years. I think at this stage, she is almost ready to give up. To make matters worse though my Mam has such a big heart and will never cut them off. Any time we've tried to deal with this issue as a family, it ended in an argument which resulted in my Mam taking their side just to simply end the discussion. We've tried absolutely everything and I am now at a stage where I don't even know what to do anymore and in the past few years, my family now just doesn't talk about this (because this is the easiest, but also worst in a sense, option) despite the very evident problem. Throughout this whole time, neither R/M ever wanted to work nor did they even try to apply for jobs.


I understand that R/M may have used WOW as an escapism from my parent's divorce but has now turned in to a significant problem. That neither my other or I really understood the extent of this problem until we moved out of home and attended university, and in doing so, we became very focused studying/working and as a result, we didn't have much time to deal with this. It is only now that I am fully finished my studies that I understand that both R/M need some sort of help or advice to help them move forward with their lives instead of wasting another decade or more with these games. I appreciate my Mam's position also but I know that something needs to change quick before this problem gets any worse.

My main question is - how can you force someone to work if they do not want to???? Like I said above, my Mam has nothing more than her monthly income and should she drop dead tomorrow (which is possible due to her illness) they would have nobody to support them, the Social Welfare has cut them off a long time ago and how could they pay their rent? How could they even get jobs when they have no experience and have 10 year gaps on their CVs?


I would appreciate anybody who has taken the time to read this post to perhaps suggest any advice or possible solutions/steps to take.

Thank you for your time.

GanAinm1

P.S. apologies in advance for the longest boards post of all time!!

Purple Mountain

It's very simple OP and apologies if this is blunt.
They're both grown men.
They both had the same ****/upbringing/opportunities you had.
It's not your problem and it will drain your energy and spirit thinking about them or trying to intervene (interfere might be a harsh word here).
Light a candle for them if you're spiritual and say a prayer but move on with your own life and focus on your future.

job seeker

Op,

I feel the same way that PM Does. Now, from what you've said, it appears that you have nearly adopted the "mothering" role. This isn't your issue at all. If your brothers don't wish to work, you can't really force them IMHO..

davo10

Who is paying for their broadband?

Diziet

What you re describing is a psychiatric condition, and your brothers should seek assistance through their GP and possibly through a referral to addiction services. In the meantime, your Mam should stop enabling them and certainly stop paying for the broadband. It is very hard for your family.

Smegging hell

OP, the Japanese have a term for this - the hikikomori. Anecdotally it's become more common in the west also - there have been several posts like yours in the personal issues forum of boards over the years, frustrated siblings complaining about brothers who have become isolated, playing video games and staying unemployed for years. Ultimately, the posters above me are right - the fact that they are being equipped financially by your mother is a key problem here, and you can't solve their problems for them. There are practical things they can do - volunteering could boost their CV, GP referral could help with any underlining issues, education could increase their prospects - although your skepticism on the last point is understandable given how they've squandered past opportunities. But ultimately, they need to commit to these things themselves - and in their eyes, they likely don't have a reason to change while they're being equipped in this way.

NotInventedHere

3DataModem

Perhaps they could turn their play into a living, and stream on twitch or something?

Wesser

Thats a very sad story.

Well done to You for coping with that.

You said your mother visits them every few months to clean up.their house.
This indicates that they do not live with your mother?
Who is Paying their rent? Your mother? Who is paying their broadband fee?
No you cannot force anyone to work, but if these supports were withdrawn you could push them into a tight corner to make them.do so.
I actually think it it your mother who needs support.... she needs to realise that the best way to get them to work.is to stop supporting them . I would actually focus on getting your mother the support she needs.

Good luck .

traveller0101

3DataModem wrote: »

Perhaps they could turn their play into a living, and stream on twitch or something?

Agree that this might be an idea.


The problem is most likely addiction/depression and if it wasn't gaming it could be something else. I don't think any jokes should be tolerated here because they wouldn't be tolerated for other addictions.

Smegging hell

NotInventedHere wrote: »

Life imitating art: http://www.bbc.com/news/av/business-42027956/why-singapore-is-training-professional-gamers?intlink_from_url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.bbc.com%2Fnews%2Ftopics%2Fc008ql15vdxt%2Fgaming&link_location=live-reporting-map